How many times have you heard yourself thinking, “My husband is a great man, I just wish he could control his anger.”? It is not unusual to be married to a guy who is always angry, but it is problematic when his anger begins to take a toll on you, leading to stress, anxiety, and intense frustration. If not checked on time, it could lead your relationship being detrimental.
10 Skilful Ways To Deal With An Angry Husband
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If you genuinely care about your husband’s well-being, you would find ways to skilfully deal with his anger. Anger is also an emotion, albeit an devastating one. And if your husband is someone who cannot control his anger and it causes fights, then you sure need to think through what best you can do. Arm yourself with a mind set by reading these tips to deal with an angry husband, and save your relationship.
1. Have patience and compassion
It is undeniably difficult to control your emotions when your partner is lashing out at you for the 4th time in 3 days, but try and stay calm in the process. Display of anger is generally a call for help. If you are in an otherwise loving relationship chances are your husband is suffering because of some sort of distress. In such cases, avoid a verbal onslaught as a response to their anger.
Practice patience and compassion. The key to dealing with your husband’s anger skilfully is by staying calm. Pacify the situation. Partners admittedly tend to finish their outburst sooner if their significant other does not scream back at them. A survey of angry partners claimed that they prefer if their wives do not point at their arguments and aggravate the situation further.
2. Communicate constructively
Your spouse is perpetually angry and you are getting tired of it, which is understandable. However, pause to think how you can deal with the stress of an angry husband in a way that doesn’t aggravate the matter further. If you’re a part of a household that is full of tension, it becomes difficult to differentiate between communication around the problem and pointing fingers.
Address your husband’s anger in a respectful, constructive manner. Maturity and understanding is the foundation of successful marriage. Validate your husband’s feelings by delving deeper into their needs and experiences. Recognise your partner’s thoughts, and counter them in a reflective manner. You might also need to ponder on your own behaviour, for there will be times when your actions could be the reason for his anger, but you would not know about it.
Be brutally honest with yourself as well as with your husband, but deal with it in a constructive manner with understanding instead of pointing fingers and paving way for negative criticism.
Related reading: How to let go of resentment and anger in a relationship
3. Avoid mind-reading
You could be a few months into the marriage or you could be a few years into the marriage. Whatever the case be, do not assume the reason for your husband’s anger, even if you know your spouse inside out. Ask sensible questions and understand the distress of your significant other. Mind-reading will only make matters worse, for you would never come to a common ground, leaving your husband to be angry perpetually.
Keep all your inhibitions aside and put a stop to those presumptuous thoughts. Ask. Communicate. Understand.
4. Assure emotional safety
More often than not, the reason for your husband’s anger is psychological distress. Anger is a very general response to anxiety. He does not need his wife to throw fuel into the fire when he is already stressed about several other factors. If distress is the cause of your husband’s anger, you need to be more skilful in your approach.
Reassure him that you are with him rock solid, no matter what happens. An emotionally available wife will allow him to be vulnerable in front of her and he will gradually learn to deal with his emotions in a better manner.
5. Catch the anger early
It is understandable if your husband gets angry once in a while. This is normal. It is not normal if your husband is always angry. Eventually, your husband’s anger will become a pattern that you will find difficult to break. Once a couple gets into the habit of anger and resentment, there is little or no turning back. It is advisable if you catch your husband’s anger early on. Recognise the pattern and note the factors that lead to his outburst.
Address those factors and move on. Delaying it would lead to shaking the foundations of your marriage.
Related reading: 10 things never to say in anger
6. Pick your battles
It is pointless to waste your time and energy to battles that you cannot win. In a marriage, one can find a thousand topics to lash out on. You need to select the ones that are worth fighting for. You and your husband are going to have several differences, but it is not practical or mature to fight about each one of those differences. Take your time and understand the discrepancies that are worth fighting for.
7. Establish boundaries
There will be times when your husband might get verbally or physically abusive and it is absolutely not imperative for you to tolerate that. Decide on how much anger are you willing to tolerate. It is of utmost importance to establish boundaries. You cannot be a punching toy for every time your husband gets angry. A relationship demands mutual respect in order to grow. Therefore, you need to decide on the tolerance of your husband’s anger and act accordingly.
8. Practice relaxing activities
Couples that do activities together, stay together. Since your husband is always angry, you could practice certain activities that would release some stress off both of your shoulders and also give you some extra relaxing time to spend together. Register for weekly or bi-weekly massage sessions for couples, or enrol in meditation or yoga classes. Find activities that would be beneficial to both of you, while helping your husband control his fury.
Related reading: 10 ways marriage counselling can solve your issues
9. Get professional help
Blame games, guilt, pointing fingers and general outbursts might lead to overwhelming stress and helplessness. In such cases talk to your partner about getting professional help. Seek a marriage counsellor and book an appointment. When things get worse, it becomes difficult to observe a situation with clarity. An expert third person might provide you with an objective viewpoint that would assist you in rebuilding the strength of your marriage.
If you think a therapist might help you deal with your husband’s anger, get one with your husband, or recommend your husband to go to one. If your husband is ready to address the problem, the situation can be mended. By the way, there are some couple therapy sessions you can try at home as well.
10. Walk away if need be
You could be the most caring, loving, understanding wife. However, no matter what you do, your husband’s anger seems to know no bounds. Things could get as bad as domestic abuse. For someone who is always angry, there is often no way out. In such cases, walk away. Do not encourage such behaviour out of concern or helplessness. If none of your approaches are helping in creating a healthy relationship, take matters in your hand and leave. Do not sacrifice your self-respect for love.
You will find your husband’s energies transforming majorly if you actively follow these advices. Treat your partner with all your love and you will be astonished at how close it will bring you.