Anger is one emotion that has the potential to cause the maximum damage to any relationship because when we’re angry, the blood supply to the thinking center of our brains literally shuts down and we really don’t have any awareness of what we say or do. And by the time we realize the things you should never say, it’s usually too late and you’ve already made some troubling remarks. Especially in a romantic relationship, where the bond is so delicate, these angry outbursts are nothing short of a ticking time bomb.
So, to make sure you don’t cause unintentional damage, Prachi Vaish has written down a list of things you should NEVER say when you’re in the throes of anger. Prachi is a licensed clinical psychologist, psychotherapist, and a certified clinical trauma professional with an M.Phil. in Clinical Psychology approved by the Rehabilitation Council of India. She has been working in the field of mental health for over 17 years, is the founder of The Emotional Wellness Initiatives, and started India’s first online psychological therapy portal Hopenetwork.in in 2009.
10 Hurtful Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner
We know that when you’re angry and annoyed, you aren’t really thinking about the first thing that rolls off your tongue. All you’re doing is finding a way to vent the frustration that has pent up inside you. But when you’re in a relationship, anger management is key to building a happy, stable bond.
We’re not saying that couples should not fight or that expressing anger and frustration is some kind of a vice. In fact, in some cases, fighting is indeed a good thing for your relationship. But knowing where to draw the line is important. You cannot hit them below the belt and use your bad mood as an excuse to hurt their feelings. There are many things you should never say to your boyfriend or other things a husband should never say to his wife or vice-versa in a fit of rage. Here are a few of them:
1. I wish I had never met you
This one sentence negates all the beautiful moments you spent with your partner in a flash. Suddenly, your partner will start wondering if all the times you spent together were meaningless, and believe us, that’s not a nice place to be in!
Related Reading: 10 Reasons Why Indian Couples Fight
2. I hate you
“Hate” is a very very strong word and when you’re in love with someone, you cannot hate them, and that’s a fact. Using such strong words is only going to weaken your relationship and make your partner feel sad and insecure. When your spouse says hurtful things, it is possible that you will remember it for a long time and this is just not one of the phrases you ever want to recall.
Yes, you may be upset with them, you may dislike something they have done, but you don’t hate them as a person. Would you ever want to think that your wife or husband hates you? A better thing to say would be “I hate how such-and-such thing made me feel.”
3. I’ll never trust you again
You mean everything to your partner because they know you have faith in them and when you say you will not trust them again, the will to stay in the relationship gets shaken. Don’t express your trust issues so blatantly to them. Tell them you have a hard time shaking off some feelings but don’t say it in such a brutal manner.
4. I wish I was with him/her instead of you
This is definitely one of the things not to say to your girlfriend or boyfriend or spouse. This can make your partner feel that you chose them as some kind of compromise and that you still wish you were with someone else. This can make them feel inadequate, unloved and can give rise to bitterness and resentment.
Related Reading: 11 Signs Your Man Has Anger Issues
5. You’ve never made me happy
Come on, even you know that is absolutely not true! So all those times when you smiled at their little gestures and laughed at their jokes were a farce? No, you say? Well, that’s not what they’ll hear when you tell them they never made you happy.
6. I can’t stand it when you touch me!
Once these words are out of your mouth, after that (much after the storm is over) every time you two kiss or move to make love, it will raise a barrier in your partner’s mind. They will not be able to help but wonder if you really meant it. This is one of the things you should never say or it will make your partner conscious of themselves for a really long time and can even leave them grappling with low self-esteem. Not to mention the toll it can take on intimacy between you both.
7. I can’t stand looking at you!
Certainly, one of the things you should never say to your spouse, this will leave an indelible mark on them. You’ll invariably hurt your partner by conveying to them that their face reminds you of all the bad things between you two. They’ll wonder if when you smile at them, it’s fake.
8. I lied to you when…
It’s a natural instinct to want to say the meanest things when you’re angry at your partner because that’s also the time you’re hurting and you want to give it back. So sometimes you dredge up deceptions from the past just to throw it at them. But remember; once this mean confession is out of your mouth, you’ll NEVER be able to take it back.
Related Reading: How To Deal With A Lying Husband?
9. Any kind of abusive words
Using abusive language just drags you down to a very low level and doesn’t really accomplish anything except little darts of pain to the person in front of you. Try punching a pillow instead and add this to the list of things a husband should never say to his wife or anyone should say to their partner in a relationship.
10. Comments on physical attributes
That would really be a new low and you should definitely steer clear of such comments for these are things not to say to your girlfriend or boyfriend. Everyone has something about their body that makes them self-conscious. Since you two share an intimate connection, chances are you know each other’s Achilles’ heel. But using it as a weapon of hurt when you’re angry will only cause lifelong scars on the other’s psyche because they always thought you loved them despite those shortcomings. And the scars from such hurtful words rarely heal.
Remember, when you feel compelled to hurt in anger, it’s your mind playing tricks on you and you’re not yourself. This incites you to cross a boundary and say things you should never say. Later, no matter how much you say you didn’t mean it, it won’t matter, because it will sound like a cover-up. So, the better idea is to stew silently when you’re in a fit of rage and speak up only once the tide is low!
Using abusive language, commenting on their physical appearance, or telling them you hate them or regret being them are some things you should never say to your boyfriend or girlfriend. No matter how much restlessness or anxiety a situation has caused you, it is not an excuse to give your partner lifelong scars.
While honesty and openness in a relationship are admirable traits, there are some things you should never say to your spouse or your partner that could leave them feeling hurt and disheartened. For example, do not tell them you hate them or that you hate the sight of them. Be conscious of your words when fighting.