Break-up & Loss

Do we always need closure?

Priya Chaphekar asks on Bonobology’s community forum how important face-to-face closure is in an age when people are breaking up on social networking sites.
Woman Crying

My BFF’s girlfriend abruptly broke up with him after two years of togetherness, and he sees her at social gatherings every other day. “I can’t get over this breakup,” he confesses. “Maybe because you didn’t have relationship closure,” I guessed. “You are right,” he sighed, and said, “How can I heal when I see her all the time, and more so when we didn’t even say a proper goodbye to each other?” Priya Chaphekar discusses this on the Bonobology community: In an age when people are breaking up on social networking sites, how important is face-to-face closure? Do we always need it?

Therapists and psychologists believe that the absence of closure in a relationship can lead to feelings of pain and rejection.

Closure is important after every breakup and healthy closure requires physical and emotional distance. You cannot heal and move on if you are still seeing the ex or are still physically and emotionally involved with them.

You need to heal your own self and find closure, even if you don’t have a formal goodbye after a relationship ends.Shehnaz says, “Closure need not come from a face-to-face meeting. It is more a state of mind.” “In the end, one needs to let go with or without the answers,” Priya agrees.

Breakups do suck, there is no denying that – especially if your relationship was with someone whom you loved a lot or with someone with whom you were with for a very long time.

Related reading: 10 things only single people will relate to!

‘it is important’ Image Source

The healing process for such breakups can take a longer while, and that is absolutely expected, since it isn’t easy to turn the one who was your world or centre of everything, into a virtual stranger. Closure helps you become at ease and makes you come to terms with the fact that things are over. “When closure equals an acknowledgement of what was important while saying a graceful goodbye, it is always great,” feels Renica Rego.

Related reading: Can we be Friends with our Exes?

Closure helps you to move on in life after your breakup without making you walk in circles. It helps you by giving you a chance to heal yourself from the wounds your past relationship might have caused. Is there anything worse than sitting lonely on your bed wondering, “What if?” You surely deserve to know why your relationship ended. You deserve your peace of mind, and you surely deserve closure.

breakup and loss

The process of finding closure isn’t always easy, and it does take a while for many. There definitely does not exist one easy way to find closure, since every individual’s scenario is different. Some people find closure by asking their ex the questions that they feel the need to ask, while some people find closure just through themselves. Ankita Dutta feels, “face-to-face closure is much better than a phone call.”

So go for the closure you feel like and stay happy – you really deserve it. Our life is too short to repent and dwell on what we have lost, while there is so much out there to be gained and cherished. So find your closure, say goodbye and make room in your heart, life and mind. Move on and walk away to something more inspiring and invigorating in your life, to the new love awaiting you!


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