Losing love can be an excruciatingly painful experience. When the hurt feels as real a part of you being ripped apart, you may find yourself wondering how to get over someone fast. After all, the sooner you do, the sooner the pain will end.
Yet, people find themselves stuck in the abyss of heartbreak for weeks, sometimes months, on end. According to experts, coming to terms with a relationship having ended could take at least 11 weeks. In case of long-term relationships or a divorce, getting over an ex can take up to 18 months.
That’s an awfully long time to nurse a broken heart. What if we told you it was possible to speed along the process of moving on from your ex and reclaim your life? Intrigued? Read on to understand how.
The Psychology Of Getting Over Someone Fast
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Moving on from your ex quickly requires a mind over matter approach. For that, you need to familiarize yourself with the psychology of getting over someone you love. There are a host of exercises you can use to achieve this goal. By far, one of the most effective is what psychologists refer to as classical conditioning.
Humans typically create mental bonds between different experiences, linking one to the other. For instance, the smell of cinnamon and vanilla coming from an oven may remind you of Christmas, taking you on a trip down nostalgia lane.
When you take in these aromas, you’re reminded of your childhood memories. This particular smell becomes associated with warmth, security and happiness.
The same is true of your relationships. Let’s say you and your ex first met at your workplace. Now, every corner in that office brings back a deluge of memories. When you shared a meal at their desk or how you flirted in those initial days. The way you snuck out for coffee breaks or made out in that conference room down the hall.
Now let’s say, you channelize all your energy into excelling at work rather than wallowing in the misery of reliving those old memories over and over. You work hard at an important presentation and nail it. Your boss and all your co-workers are standing around the same conference room, applauding you for your work.
Now, when you see that conference room you will be reminded of the applause and the appreciation and not the hot, passionate make-out session.
By creating such positive experiences, you can break the old associations, create new ones and free your mind from the grips of the past. This is a tried-and-true way to get your mind to move on fast from an ex.
Related Reading: How To Get Through A Breakup Alone?
11 Practical And Doable Tips To Get Over Someone Fast
Whether you’re struggling to come to terms with the end of a long-term relationship, a fleeting fling, an intense crush or a love that you never had, the transition is rarely is easy. While everyone process heartbreak differently, the bottom line is that the experience is a struggle.
Even though you cannot escape this pain completely, you can surely shorten its run by learning how to heal a broken heart and fully get over someone swiftly. These 11 practical and actionable tips will help you do just that:
1. Grieve to get over someone fast
One of the common mistakes in the aftermath of a breakup or end a love story is bottling up the pain. The idea that by not accepting how broken and shattered you are you can somehow wish away these feelings is in itself warped.
Instead, allow yourself to feel the full extent of your pain and be in touch with your feelings. Take the time to face this grief or rejection. By talking about and expressing your grief, you can prepare yourself for moving on from the love of your life or that someone special you had to let go. Even if it was a crush or someone you never really dated, you’ll need to sit with the pain before you can get over someone who hurt you.
Related Reading: 7 Things No One Tells You About A Breakup
2. Create a support system to heal a broken heart
When you’re in a relationship, your partner becomes the center of your universe. They were once the first person you shared every detail of your life with. Now that they’re gone, there is a big void. Every time you have something to share, their absence can hit you like a lightning bolt.
Creating an alternative support system comprising your parents, siblings or best friend can help you get over someone you love so much. As these people become a reassuring presence in your life, the loneliness begins to recede. Soon, you won’t be pining for that ex or former love as much. This is an important step to fully get over someone.
3. Focus on feeling better
Whether you want to get over a crush or someone you have been in a relationship with, reclaiming your mind space is crucial to the process. It doesn’t matter how much that person meant to you at one point.
The fact is that they’re gone now. Keep reminding yourself that you’re too precious to cry over someone who chose to not be with you. Instead, resolve to focus on feeling better. Make it your goal to start going back to your normal way of life, and work at it every day.
You will begin to see progress, one day at a time. Slowly but surely, you will move on from the man/woman who hurt you, and heal your broken heart.
Related Reading: The 7 Stages of a Breakup That Everyone Goes Through
4. Don’t lose sight of what went wrong
Relationships don’t end for no reason. There are always relationship problems at play. When you were together, these issues began to dominate your relationship. But now that you’re out of it, your nostalgia-riddled mind may just focus on all that was once good about it.
If you’re trying to get over a boy who hurt you or a girl who trampled your heart, don’t lose sight of what went wrong in your relationship. Make a mental list of all your problems or your ex’s flaws to stop sulking over losing them.
This will also save you from falling into the trap of trying to get back together with an ex you weren’t compatible with. Remind yourself that they weren’t perfect, that there were solid reasons why it didn’t work out. This helps you to move on faster, and eventually forget the ex who hurt you.
5. Talk to someone about it
Often, we fail to view our personal situations objectively. Or even when we know that something isn’t right for us, we keep pursuing it despite ourselves. In such a situation, it helps to have another person as your sounding board.
To move on fast from your ex, discuss all that was amiss in your relationship with a friend or someone you trust. They will help you gain perspective over why this was the right move for you. Even if it feels hard at that moment, you will gain acceptance that the end of the relationship is in your best interest.
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6. Focus on self-improvement to heal a broken heart
An important aspect of moving on from your ex is to take your focus off the rearview mirror and look ahead. Focusing on self-improvement will allow you to do just that. Take stock of what went wrong in the relationship and your part in it.
Then, use this time that you have to yourself to fix your flaws and shortcomings. But not to get back together with your ex. Do it for your own sake. For the sake of building a better, more wholesome relationship in the future. Most of all, do it to become a better version of yourself. This is self-growth, and is one of the most significant factors in getting over a fling or relationship that left you with a hole in your heart.
Related Reading: How To End A Relationship On Good Terms
7. Accept that the person is now your past
This acceptance is often our biggest hurdle when it comes to get over or forget a person you love so much. It is also the hardest thing to achieve. Accepting that you’ll never have them wake you up in the morning again. Or their name will never flash on your phone again.
That you can no longer just bury your face in their chest after a long, hard day. The fact that these privileges will be claimed by another person in their life at some point. This realization can sting every time you think about it.
So, you must play out these scenarios in your head over and over again until you can come to terms with the reality of a breakup.
8. Follow the No Contact Rule
Want to get over a crush fast? Or a long-term partner? The No Contact Rule is an effective approach for snapping the chord. This means stopping all communication with the person at least for a period 30 days but you can extend it for as long as it takes for you to heal a broken heart.
By doing this, you allow yourself the time to heal, introspect and decide what you want for the future. You know that the No Contact Rule is working when you can stop obsessing about the other person and start focusing on yourself.
9. Don’t look for closure
The one thing that keeps us hung up on our exes or lost loves is our quest for closure. Why did they do what they did? Why couldn’t they love you? Did they ever mean it when they said ‘I love you’? How could they have fallen out of love so easily?
This need for closure becomes even more pressing if you’ve been cheated on or your trust has been betrayed. Whether you want to get over someone fast that you never dated or were madly in love with, you have to stop seeking closure.
If the other person has hurt you or was playing you all along, the chances of them ever coming clean with you are slim.
Related Reading: 5 Steps To Ensure Closure After A Breakup
10. Get rid of things that remind you of them
If you want to get over or forget a person you love so much, you have to brace yourself for letting go of anything that reminds you of them. Pictures on social media, gifts, their personal belongings in your house.
You must undertake a deep-cleaning of sorts to eliminate any reminders of their presence in your life. This allows you to break the pattern of associations. However, don’t act rashly on this or you may regret erasing all memories of an important relationship later on. Put of this task until you have grieved your loss and made some progress toward reclaiming your life. Then, lose what you don’t need and put away anything that you may want to keep so that you don’t have to look at them every day.
11. Tread carefully on rebounds
Often, people follow the ‘get over someone fast by getting under someone else’ advice too literally and seriously. But rebound relationships aren’t essentially a good thing. Especially, if you’re not ready to handle a romantic association, even if it’s no-strings-attached. Besides, you risk hurting the other person in the bargain for no fault of theirs.
On the other hand, if both parties are clear about a short, no-strings-attached fling, a rebound can also help you move on fast from your ex and get back on the dating scene. Whether or not to get into a rebound relationship is your choice. But you must weigh the pros and cons carefully before taking the plunge.
Remember, not every story gets its happily-ever-after. Some are just fleeting encounters that run their course. When you get over someone fast, you not only save yourself from a world of heartache but also prevent your self-worth from taking a hit. Moving on from the love of your life is no picnic. But we hope, if you’re nursing a broken heart, following these tips will help you turn over a new leaf and rebuild your life.