Breaking up from a relationship is an event that comes without knocking but hits many of us harder than usual. No two individuals are the same, especially when it comes to handling emotions. Some may find it easy to overcome the turmoil and move on, whereas others may find their life stuck on a dead halt. So why do some people take breakups harder than others?
It is quite fair to say that breakups affect different people in different ways, and some breakups hurt harder. We all have different ways of coping and some of us take time. There are many reasons behind someone struggling with the end of a relationship. Let’s delve deeper.
Why Are Breakups Harder For Some People?
Breakups are painful, and they are meant to be that way. Some people are able to cope with the loss of a relationship reasonably well, while others struggle to even get back to their day-to-day life. People such as these tend to suffer more from romantic loss, and their emotions often lead them into depression, neglect and disconnect.
Research suggests that some people take all the losses in life as a blow to themselves because they were deeply attached. When a romantic alliance ends, some people carry the painful burden of rejection for many, many years. Impulsive breakups can be especially hard to cope with.
When we suffer a breakup, our insecurities mount up and while some are well-rooted within themselves to deal with it, others are not. Post-breakup pain is felt and processed differently by everyone. Certain individuals just need a little more help getting back on track.
If you are the one who ended the relationship, you might be affected less than your partner, because you were mentally and emotionally prepared to take the decisive step. But if you are at the receiving end, it will be much harder for you to cope with the situation. Unless you saw the breakup coming, it will hit you like a bolt from the blue.
You will keep asking yourself, what did I do wrong? What could I have said or done differently, so that the relationship would not have ended? There is no hard and fast psychology behind breakups. You will just start blaming yourself for the irreversible void in your emotional life.
But why does that happen? Why are some breakups more painful? Why is it so hard to get over someone? Let us analyze the potential reasons that leave many youngsters vulnerable while handling a breakup.
Related Reading: How to get over a breakup fast?
1. Sensitive souls feel the breakup pain more
Highly sensitive individuals are more invested in a relationship and get more affected by breakups than practical men and women. It is harder for them to deal with the breakup recovery stages. Practical individuals can rationalize the breakup even if they’re hurting, whereas sensitive souls struggle to recalibrate.
Since they are easily and more deeply affected by emotional upheavals, breakups are particularly hard on them. They tend to paint life in broad strokes, so it might seem to them that a breakup is the end of the world. They cannot see beyond their immediate pain and experience a loss of hope.
Learning how to cope with a breakup might lead them to ask, “Why is it so hard to get over someone?” They aren’t very well equipped to deal with post-breakup pain. Such people have a harder time coping with breakups because they feel that their world has turned upside down.
2. Seeing one’s self in low light
Being in love elevates our self-worth. As a couple’s relationship grows in life, we as humans feel valued and accepted in life. Instead of ‘me’ or ‘you’, the relationship blurs the boundaries and turns them into ‘we’. A couple is a team, or a partnership, ready to take on the world together.
A breakup tears that companionship apart and exposes you to the ruthless side of being ‘alone’. If dumped, you may feel disoriented, distressed and depressed. You might start questioning your role in a relationship or see yourself in low light. These questioning phases tend to escalate quickly.
From ‘why me’ to ‘something must be wrong with me’, you start blaming yourself for the failure of a romantic relationship. This may make you more confused about the relationship’s identity and you may be inclined toward depression. Indeed, some days are harder than others after a breakup.
Related Reading: How to get over the depression of breakup?
3. Experience disturbance in biological rhythms
Why are some breakups more painful, you ask? It’s because we become habituated with our partners. Romance is an addiction that fosters attachment and belongingness between couples. Slowly, a partner’s thoughts, values, opinions and feelings start having a powerful influence on your life. They calm you down when impulsive, drive you to your goals and support you in everyday life.
Their physical presence may also have a positive impact on your health and well-being. Needless to say, you become addicted and deeply accustomed to your partner, physically and psychologically. When that equation falters in the form of a breakup, your whole life and its functions turn upside down. Heartbreak causes real pain, not just on the soul, but over the complete body. An impulsive breakup can have varied effects on your well-being.
Scientifically, heartbreak brings physical agitation, insomnia, lack of appetite, elevated heart rate, blood pressure problems, depression and withdrawal symptoms. If you both lived together, it is likely that you’ll have a harder time during the breakup.
4. Highly committed relationship breakups bring torment
Breakups in a committed relationship are the invitation to the cycle of doom. Life satisfaction declines if you are being dumped in a relationship. Your faith in relationships receives a sudden jolt and you either go on a rebound spree or hook-ups or avoid being in a relationship or marriage altogether.
You may stop believing in love and lose interest in prospective dates as well. Getting dumped can be a possible explanation for why some breakups hurt harder. Due to a lack of acceptance, you may end up in a cycle of torment and self-destructive behavior. People tend to take extreme steps after a breakup.
Did you know women take more time to overcome breakups than men? They find it harder to come to terms with the end of a relationship. Wonder why? Let us explore this dynamic below.
Related Reading: Expert Advice On Coping With Feeling Empty After A Breakup
Why Do Women Take Breakups Harder Than Men?
There is an inherent difference between men and women after a breakup. Men are generally less invested emotionally in a casual relationship. Their minds are also less complex. Therefore, most men find it relatively easy to deal with a breakup. Not that they don’t feel pain, just that they overcome it faster.
Most men build their lives around strong friendships with other men. This group of ‘buddies’ is a ready source of support and companionship while dealing with a breakup. They can do a few group activities like watching a game on TV or going out drinking to feel better.
The female psychology after a breakup is far more complicated and layered. Women tend to form emotional attachments quicker than men. It is not uncommon for a woman to become deeply attached to her partner after just a couple of weeks of knowing him.
Women also tend to invest emotionally in a purely sexual relationship. If the attachment is one-sided, it spells trouble. So it becomes harder for them to cope with a breakup. But, there are certain ways with which individuals can overcome the hardships of a breakup.
If you have broken up but still love your ex, it’s going to be exceptionally tough for you to deal with the situation. Perhaps you had fallen in love with your partner but not told him/her. Now you have broken up and it’s too late for a confession. Maybe you’re wondering – does the person who breaks up hurt?
Dealing with your unrequited love and the pain of rejection together is difficult. Hence, some breakups hurt harder. But there are ways to lessen your pain. Let’s explore how to cope with a particularly painful breakup.
How To Cope With A Hard Breakup?
Don’t feel weak if you feel that you are finding it difficult to overcome a hard breakup. Don’t just enter into a series of blame games and a self-destructive phase and make things harder for yourself. Instead, follow some of the effective coping tips to deal with a hard breakup and emerge stronger than ever.
1. Accept your emotions
Breakups make us more emotional than ever. In one moment, you may feel like crying or angry, and in the next, you may feel a pressing impulse to burn your ex-partner’s photos or souvenirs. But worry not! An unwanted breakup may lead to such unwanted energies and emotions. Some days are harder than others after a breakup.
There is no need to feel shame in it, as the behavior shows how invested you were in a relationship. So, accept and allow your emotions instead of sobbing within the sheets ‘alone’. Talk to your support system, including siblings or friends, about the painful situation.
Embrace your post-breakup pain. Denial just makes the individual have a harder time during breakups. You may end up blaming your ex. Just let the negative rueful emotions drain out of your system and see how it helps you heal over the course of time. Purge yourself of all negativity!
Related Reading: 12 Ways To Find Happiness After Breakup And Heal Completely
2. Undergo the 7-phases of relationship breakup
As a breakup targets you in phases, the best way to deal with it is to go through the 7 phases. Initially, you may need time to overcome the ‘shock’ of a breakup. Then the ‘denial’ of it may make you overlook the reality of the breakup. You may even try to negotiate with your ex over calls and texts to reconcile and reconsider the decision.
When that doesn’t happen, you may isolate yourself or feel suicidal. Anger may cloud your sensibilities and you may feel derailed after the nasty split. But after you accept your emotions, you may feel the difference.
Acknowledging this breakup dilemma could be empowering for many tormented souls. This is the actual beginning of a post-split recovery. As the age-old wise saying goes, “It hurts the most before it heals.”
3. Avoid your ex-partner at all costs
Ever felt you could be friends with your ex? If yes, then this is a doomed recipe for disastrous ex-complications. Accept the reality that you can’t be friends with your ex-partner. Monitoring their social media posts, that is, cyberstalking them, is a toxic tactic that can make overcoming your breakup even harder.
Impulsive breakups usually result in partners trying to grab their ex’s attention. You may be tempted to find out if the person who breaks up hurts, but please steer clear. Our Bonobology relationship consultants always recommend those going through a breakup to avoid any form of contact with the ex-partner. Burning bridges after a breakup is crucial.
Free your soul from the ex-mania and try to reconnect with your long-lost passions instead. This deviation may do wonders for your soul and within a few months, you will definitely overcome this nasty breakup. Obsessing over a person is always unhealthy.
4. Find hope in moving on eventually
Over the course of the next few weeks, you might find yourself asking, “Why is getting over someone so hard?” But breakups are never a permanent scar on your life. When you give yourself ample time, you will feel that the stress is fading away, sooner or later. Post-breakup pain does disappear after a while.
Take the help of your support system, find solace in social volunteering, or find an outlet for expression in a new office project. Throw the thoughts of a breakup out of your system and rediscover who you are. In the process, your ex will definitely become a matter of the past, and the hardships of a breakup will end soon.
And although some days are harder than others after a breakup, there are many ways to move on and lead a healthy, happy life. Our Bonobology relationship counselors agree that your breakup recovery may be difficult, but not impossible.
If you are finding it challenging to overcome the torment, then wise relationship help is available 24×7. Just relate your personal breakup case story, and let our panel of relationship experts guide you personally and help resolve your miseries.