“Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?” You cried when she started shouting at you because she couldn’t hear you on the call. Or, when she made a little too much fun of you for not knowing what a word meant. Or, even if she just doesn’t reciprocate the affection you seem to be showering her with.
In any case, when you feel like the person you love the most is constantly rude to you, you’re bound to be looking for answers. Thoughts like, “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”, might sit at the back of your mind, causing the resentment to grow with each passing day.
What’s the reason behind her indifference and hostility? Is she even being hostile, or is it just the way she is? How can you get rid of the “my girlfriend is so mean to me all the time” thoughts that never stop? Let’s find out.
Is Your Girlfriend Mean To You? 9 Probable Reasons
When she shuts the door of your car a little too hard while getting off, or if she straight up tells you that she’s annoyed at you, you might shrug your shoulders and wonder, “But, what did I even do?”
It’s not uncommon to land yourself in that situation where it feels like you’re trapped in a loop of hostility that feeds itself. If you ask your partner why they’re upset, you’re going to be hit back with, “Why do you not know? Do I have to spell everything out for you?”
If you try to slide this one under the rug and forget about it, be prepared for her to say, “Oh, so this is how you deal with problems? By never bringing them up?” You’re stuck in the middle, and questions like, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”, keep bothering you. Try not to worry, it’s not necessarily a sign that your relationship is over.
Let’s take a look at the possible reasons why she gives you the cold shoulder but seems to be her lovely and charming self with everyone else:
Related Reading: How To Control Anger In A Relationship – 12 Ways To Tame The Temper
1. You did something to upset her
One of the most obvious reasons why she’s pretending like you don’t exist while you’re next to her is because you screwed up, somewhere, somehow. You may not be able to understand right away exactly what you did but her best friend definitely knows the intricacies of what went down.
So, if you’re sitting there anxiously asking Google, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”, you need to introspect a little on how you’ve been these past few days. Did you tell her you’d do something but never got around to it? Did you forget an important date? Worse yet, did you forget to unload the dishwasher?!
2. There’s resentment in the air
“My girlfriend’s so mean to me lately and I can’t even trace it back to a particular incident. It’s like I’ve been walking on eggshells around her this past month, and everything I say ticks her off,” said Micah, about his girlfriend Tessa.
In some situations, where it seems like there isn’t one single distinguishable moment that led to the hostility you’re experiencing, perhaps it’s a case of resentment in the relationship that keeps growing.
Tessa tells us what went wrong in their relationship. “As ours isn’t a new relationship anymore and we’re now more settled in as a couple, it’s as though he’s completely stopped doing every cute thing he used to do to make me happy. Were those nice gestures just around for the first three months of the relationship?”
She feels Micah’s been taking her for granted, and she’s been harboring some anger toward him for quite some time. As a result, he’s left asking, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me all the time?”
3. She’s not actually upset, it’s just how she is
“Every time I’m at her place, she stops cuddling and moves away from me. She says it’s because she needs her own space, and I can’t help but feel like she’s being incredibly rude. Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?” A reader wrote to us.
If you’re expecting to be joined at the hip with your partner all the time, it’s understandable if she gets a bit upset and demands her own space. Have you ever considered that that might just be what she’s like as a person and that she wants more personal space than you do?
So before you go ahead and complain to your friends, “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return! Why does she hate me so much?”, maybe try to consider how cuddling all the time just isn’t her vibe. Or, the way she talks is just how she talks, and she’s not even trying to be mean.
4. You two aren’t compatible
According to studies, incompatibility is one of the biggest reasons why people get divorced. It’s understandable that if you two don’t see the world from similar lenses, there are bound to be a few differences.
If you’re a hard-core meat eater and your partner is a serious vegan, it’s clear to see how you might not agree with each other’s values. As a result of your vastly different worldviews, resentment in your relationship may take hold.
5. You’re in a one-sided dynamic
When your partner doesn’t care for you much, doesn’t want a future with you and is considering a breakup, it’s pretty apparent how they’re not going to be too mindful of the tone they use when talking to you.
A one-sided relationship doesn’t feature much love, care or affection. When the partner who’s not as invested gets upset, they’re not going to care too much about what they’re saying and how they’re saying it.
Especially if you catch yourself thinking something like, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me but nice to everyone else?”, you might be in a situation where she’s making it painfully obvious that she doesn’t care about you.
Related Reading: 21 Toxic Girlfriend Signs Not Easy To Spot – It’s Her, Not You
6. “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?” Perhaps she’s stressed out
Picture this: You’ve just come back from a long day at work where two of your colleagues sent you not-so-nicely worded emails, and you got stuck in what seemed like the world’s longest traffic jam on your way back.
Once you’re home, you learn that the report you handed over needs to be rectified, like, ASAP. If in the middle of all that, your partner comes in for a hug and starts bombarding you with kisses, you’re not going to be in the jolliest mood, are you?
Similarly, your girlfriend might just be stressed out about a few things happening in her life too. Instead of asking yourself, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”, ask yourself if she’s been particularly stressed recently. In such cases, what she needs is support in the relationship, not an accusation of being mean.
7. You don’t communicate well
When you’re upset with your partner, do you talk to them about it or do you spread ketchup all over their fries instead of the mustard they wanted, hoping they’ll get the hint? The point is, that passive-aggressive behavior in relationships can often make it seem like you two hate each other.
Such passive hostility arises from a lack of communication, which arises from a fear of confrontation. Big words, but all we’re trying to say is: you don’t know how to talk to each other.
“Why is my girlfriend so mean to me lately?” “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me but nice to everyone else?” Have you been battling questions of the sort? Try to think about how you air out your differences, or if you do at all.
8. She has a hard time controlling her anger
If waking up to an eggless fridge sets her off enough to lash out at you, it’s a clear sign that she’s not the most efficient at keeping her anger in check. It could be because she’s immature or because you’ve tolerated her disgruntled behavior in the past, just for the sake of being done with it. Nonetheless, understanding how to deal with your partner’s anger issues is what you need to do.
9. She may be on her period
Studies suggest that women who are PMSing have higher anger and lower anger control levels. While science backs you up on this one, make sure you don’t respond to her angry/irritable mood with, “Oh, are you PMSing?”
It doesn’t feel nice to hear something like that, and it might make her more upset. “I wouldn’t say she’s always mean to me on her period but she definitely gets annoyed more easily during that time. The fact that she’s aware of that is enough for me, and I don’t bring it up,” Alex told us.
5 Things You Can Do If Your Girlfriend Is Mean To You
If thoughts like, “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return”, plague your mind, ask yourself if you’re actually doing the right things. Are you trying to hug and cuddle away her anger when she just wants some space? Or did you assume she needed space when all she wanted was for you to physically be there for her?
Much of what you can do if your girlfriend is being mean to you revolves around knowing exactly what she wants. If she’s stressed out and needs space in the relationship, space will help (duh!). If there’s resentment, you need to iron out the kinks. If she’s done with the yoru bond, a “We need to talk” conversation must be initiated.
If you’re struggling with, “My girlfriend is mean to me all the time, what can I do?”, we’ve got a few ideas to help you get started:
1. Give her space, or ask for some
When it seems like every conversation you have with your partner turns into a raging argument, a bit of personal space in a relationship can do wonders for you. Not every issue needs to be resolved immediately, and taking some time off to collect your thoughts means you can come back with lowered voices and a more respectful tone. If you think you need some space, ask for it and tell your partner why you need it.
Related Reading: How To Keep Calm When Your Girlfriend Talks To Other Guys
2. Some self-reflection may be in order
Even if you’re convinced you never did anything to anger her, try to approach the question with an objective mind. Perhaps she expected a few things out of you that you failed to deliver or you said something crass that she has hung on to.
Think about what might have gone wrong, and how you can rectify it. Keep in mind, the only way you’ll ever get to the bottom of any animosity is through a heaping serving of empathy toward your partner. Once you put yourself in your partner’s shoes, you’ll understand what upsets them and why.
3. Communicate the right way
Sure, the key to a healthy relationship is communication. But if you’re shouting at your partner, giving them a piece of your mind for that thing they said, communication isn’t really getting you two anywhere.
Instead, make sure you do it the right way. Instead of accusing your partner of something and using the words “always” or “never”, try to use “I” statements and calmly talk about the problems.
For example, “I feel like you’ve been mean to me these past few days, and I don’t know where it’s coming from. Can we sort this out?” or “I want us to be close to each other, but I feel disrespected.”
So, instead of asking for relationship advice from single people and exclaiming, “Why is my girlfriend so mean to me?”, make sure you talk to your partner about it.
4. Try to cheer her up
In situations where she’s rude to the people around her because she’s been stressed out, perhaps you can come to her aid and cheer up your girlfriend (isn’t that what being in a relationship is all about?).
However, as we mentioned, it’s pertinent that you figure out exactly what’s going to help her. Instead of assuming that a massage is going to make her feel better, you can always ask your partner what you can do for them. It’d save you the embarrassment when you send the masseuse back home because your partner said, “When have I ever asked for a massage?”
5. Don’t tolerate disrespect, but don’t be quick to act on impulse
After a point, you need to draw the line somewhere and take a stand. If you’re being disrespected, it’s important to understand that fanning that behavior is only going to set you up for more disappointment in the future.
If you think the relationship features disrespect toward you that you’re not willing to accept, make sure you let your feelings be known. However, doing so in an enraged manner is only going to make things worse.
When such a situation arises where you find yourself saying things like, “She’s mean to me on her period,” or “Why is she always so rude?”. assessing the situation and figuring out your next steps is the only way forward.
Hopefully, we’ve been able to steer you away from the spiral of thoughts like, “I do everything for my girlfriend and get nothing in return!” and have encouraged you to try out a few things. If things go well, pretty soon you’ll be back to days of surprise hugs and lingering cuddles.