Are you in a relationship with an emotionally immature woman? This can be a tricky question to answer because emotional maturity or lack thereof can seem like an intangible concept to most. However, it isn’t really. In the world of psychology, emotional immaturity is clearly defined. In fact, the American Psychological Association defines emotional immaturity as “a tendency to express emotions without restraint or disproportionately to the situation”. Handling emotional immaturity in any situation is tough, but becomes doubly difficult if you’re in a relationship with an emotionally immature partner.
Difficulty in communicating, expressing emotions, and handling social situations are just a few of the issues you’ll face when in an emotionally immature relationship. Emotionally immature women tend to struggle with forming healthy relationships – the same is true of emotionally immature men as well, but since the manifestations can be different, in this article we’ll focus solely on what a relationship with a woman who lacks emotional maturity can feel like. Without further ado, here we present to you the 17 signs you’re with an emotionally immature woman and how to deal with this situation.
17 Signs You’re With An Emotionally Immature Woman
Before we get into signs of emotional immaturity, let’s take a look at signs of emotional maturity. An emotionally mature person is able to:
• Show vulnerability
• Be empathetic
• Own up to their mistakes
• Set healthy boundaries
A person who isn’t fully evolved emotionally struggles with each one of these things. While research isn’t clear on what is the exact cause of emotional immaturity, the one factor common across all cases is being mistreated or abused as a child. A study says child abuse and neglect affect social cognition in children and inhibit social adjustment. This renders a child unable to regulate their emotions, causing them to grow into emotionally immature adults. They have no clue what a mature relationship looks like.
If you’re trying to identify whether your partner is an emotionally immature woman, here are some behavioral traits that might make it clearer:
• She tends to blame others for things going wrong
• She tends to lie to get out of uncomfortable situations or conversations
• She is reckless and unable to control her impulses
• She tends to bully others to get what she wants
• She cries easily, gets angry quickly, and throws temper tantrums when she doesn’t get her way
• Her self-worth is tied to the relationship
If these behavioral traits are characteristics of your girlfriend/wife at all times, you need to pay attention to the warning signs before things get too out of control for you to handle. To that end, here are 17 most telling signs you’re with an emotionally immature woman:
1. She is unable to discuss uncomfortable things
One of the most obvious signs of emotional immaturity is the inability to discuss uncomfortable feelings. Emotional immaturity can cause people to be out of touch with their feelings and emotions. Being unable to process or explain complicated emotions is a huge warning sign your partner is emotionally immature. This lack of ability to communicate her emotions properly can lead to bad communication in the relationship, which can manifest in several ways:
• She is unable to converse about feelings without getting defensive
• She is unable to express her emotions in words
• She chooses to act out in destructive ways
If there is a way to avoid talking about her feelings, you best believe that she will find it. This inability to discuss uncomfortable things will severely stunt the growth of your relationship.
Related Reading: Communication Problems In Relationships – 11 Ways To Overcome
2. It’s like she never left high school
All of us know at least one person who never grew up. And if you’re with an emotionally immature woman, it can feel like high school never ended. Her behavior makes it obvious she never matured beyond her high-school years. She still cannot stop thinking or talking about her past hookups or is still obsessed with “being cool”.
If she still acts like she’s trying to be cooler than others and taking mean digs at everyone she has deemed a ‘nerd,’ you can bet every dime you have that she’s heading toward a trainwreck.
3. She’s extremely impulsive
People who are not emotionally immature tend to be extremely impulsive. This trait is often exhibited by children as well since they are yet to learn how to regulate their emotions. There is an obvious need to get emotional validation in all relationships.
• Speaking out of turn
• Touching things that need to be left alone
• Saying stuff without thinking of its effect on others
While most children learn how to stop doing these things over time, some grow into emotionally immature adults who never managed to learn how to curb their impulses. If you’re with an emotionally immature woman, this is an important warning sign. She’ll tend to act in unpredictable or anti-social ways, which may even land you in some serious trouble.
4. Only her needs matter
Emotionally immature people can be very self-absorbed and tend to think just about themselves. They never learned that they cannot get everything they want in the world and this shows up in their behavior. Your emotionally immature partner will not care about anything except her needs being met.
If you think she is selfish and self-absorbed to the extent that she finds it difficult to comprehend how the world works, it’s a major red flag. Life with such a partner can feel like a constant ‘my way or the highway’ situation. Lying, blame-shifting, temper tantrums – there are no holds barred until her needs are met.
5. She’d rather run than handle stress
Emotional immaturity also takes the form of avoidance – running away from stressful situations rather than facing them head-on. She would much rather break up than figure out how to make up. God forbid if a little complication arises, she’ll be out before you can even say relationship! This can leave you two trapped in a vicious on-again-off-again relationship.
It can be easy to make judgments in this case, but this behavior points more toward her coping skills than anything else. She might not have enough ways of coping with stress or has probably faced many stressful situations in her life without the appropriate coping mechanisms. That’s probably also why she displays clear commitment issues. Here, patience and communication are the key to preventing the slightest of problems from snowballing out of control.
Related Reading: 20 Best Relaxation Gifts For Her To Relieve Stress
6. Passive aggressiveness is the only language she speaks
Another thing you’ll notice in an emotionally immature woman is her tendency of showing her feelings rather than talk about them. Nobody likes having to decode cryptic words, but that is exactly what you’ll find yourself doing if you’re in a relationship with an emotionally immature woman.
She only ever learned how to communicate in passive-aggressive ways, such as:
• Slamming doors
• Giving you the silent treatment
• Glaring at you for no reason
• Sighing heavily until you ask her the problem instead of communicating directly
So if your girlfriend only behaves passive-aggressively during times of conflict, it’s a major red flag.
7. She demands constant attention
Just like children get bored when people stop paying attention to them, so do immature adults. If you’re with an emotionally immature woman, she will do everything to draw the focus back to herself, which includes acting out in negative ways.
• She might interject herself into conversations she shouldn’t be a part of
• Crack inappropriate jokes to draw attention to herself.
Her self-worth will be attached to the amount of attention in the relationship she receives and so she will try everything in her power to keep the spotlight on herself. She seems to have sworn she will not be ignored no matter what. It’s one of the several warning signs that her emotions are always in overdrive and she is yet to learn how to control them.
8. You notice signs of narcissism
Maturity requires an ability to think about others as well. But immature people find it hard to put other people’s needs above their own and only care about themselves. That’s why these people tend to be extremely self-centred.
If you’re dating an emotionally immature woman, she might display traits of narcissism which should be one of the major warning signs for you. She will never be able to take your likes, dislikes, and preferences into account and will always try to have her way. And the minute she’s happy, she will forget all about you.
9. She expects you to take care of her full-time
An emotionally immature woman relationship feels like constantly trying to put out a fire. You may notice she’s codependent rather than interdependent. Since her self-worth and self-confidence are tied to the relationship, she learns to develop unhealthy bonds without leaving space for communication or boundaries.
As a result, she will expect you to fulfill all her emotional needs and take care of her full-time. She doesn’t seem to understand you have your own life and responsibilities. Since she has enough maturity to understand you’re the mature one in the relationship, she will leave everything to you and you find yourself in the role of the caretaker.
Related Reading: 10 Indisputable Signs Of A Codependent Relationship
10. Her emotions are always in overdrive
Emotionally immature women also tend to be overly emotional and react in childish ways when triggered. Since emotionally immature adults are unable to manage their emotions and get angry easily and quickly, their emotions always seem to be in overdrive. If she’s uncomfortable, everyone around her will know about it.
Let’s take a situation here. She wanted a chocolate gelato cone but the only shop she wants it from is out of chocolate flavor. Instead of choosing some other flavor, she chooses to yell at the server about why they are out of her favorite flavor. Sounds familiar? You are always walking on eggshells around her and spend your time worried about what’s going to set her off next.
11. She knows how to push all your buttons
Everyone has something that will always set them off, no matter what. And it may feel like she purposely tries to push your buttons to provoke you. She likes to do this to make you angry since she is unable to confront her feelings about something that you handled maturely.
Whether it’s subtle or outright manipulation in the relationship, it can very well be considered abuse. Either way, this is a major red flag that should not be ignored and a major warning sign that this relationship is far from healthy and perhaps not worth pursuing.
12. You don’t feel an emotional connection with her
One of the most frustrating signs you’re with an emotionally immature woman is that you won’t feel any deep connection with her. Since emotionally immature women struggle with their own emotions, they also find it hard to form deep, meaningful connections with others. You will also pick up signs of commitment issues in her behavior. It will feel like she’s always holding something back or she’s choosing not to be emotionally intimate with you. This emotional distance will make it hard for you both to have a successful relationship.
If you notice this sign, you’re going to be wondering how to succeed in a relationship with an emotionally immature woman. One option is to try couples counseling but it will only prove effective if she is willing to work on herself. One thing is for sure though, this emotional distance will make you feel disconnected, disillusioned, and a little lonely in your relationship.
13. She never admits her fault
Emotional maturity is when people can own up to their mistakes. But if you’re dealing with an emotionally immature woman, you’ll notice she never actually owns up to or admits her fault. She is never wrong, well, at least not according to her.
She has a hard time admitting she made a mistake and finds it impossible to apologize for it. And if you, somehow, manage to wrangle an apology out of her, it will be meaningless and insincere. She’d sooner shut down or explode than admit she made a mistake. And forget about her making amends for her mistakes – you can wait until you’re old and gray, but that apology and those amends will never come!
Related Reading: When Acceptance, Love And Respect Is Lost In A Relationship
14. Everything is a big deal
Emotionally immature women tend to think everything revolves around them. And they end up taking every little thing personally. Everything will be a big deal to her and small things will be enough to make her erupt like a volcano.
You might think forgetting to call her one night is not a big deal. But she will take it personally and make a huge stink out of it instead of understanding people make mistakes. She will overreact to everything and navigating the ups and downs of her feelings will be very exhausting for you. And breaking up with an emotionally immature woman can be even harder for this very reason.
15. She’s too clingy
There is a fine line between wanting to feel loved and being unnecessarily clingy or needy. And if you feel your partner has crossed it, it can be very problematic for the relationship. If you feel your partner needs reassurance for no reason or demands every single second of your time, it can quickly become suffocating. Here are some tell-tale signs that your partner is clingy in a relationship:
• She gets jealous easily
• She constantly needs reassurance that you love her and are not going to leave her
• She always wants to know where you are and what you’re doing
• She cancels her plans just to spend more time with you
All these behaviors might seem cute in the beginning but can quickly become suffocating. The reason your woman displays these is that she might have low self-confidence or self-esteem issues. But regardless of whether she has self-confidence or not, this behavior gets in the way of your ability to build a healthy relationship with her. After all, successful relationships are built on the foundation of trust, respect, and space for each partner’s individuality to thrive.
16. The word compromise doesn’t exist for her
If you feel like you’re the one making all the compromises in the relationship, it is a bad sign. An emotionally immature woman will never compromise, it’s like the word compromise doesn’t even exist in her dictionary! And the concept of putting herself into others’ shoes seems alien to her. Her sense of entitlement doesn’t let her see that for the relationship to work out, she needs to start meeting you halfway, at least on some things.
Romantic relationships require a healthy balance, which includes compromising on things from time to time. But if you get this “my way or the highway” attitude from her on everything, it is a red flag that will come back to haunt you. This behavior has ended several successful relationships and will ruin yours as well.
Related Reading: 9 Signs Of Unhealthy Compromise In A Relationship
17. She comes with a history of high-drama relationships
Emotionally immature people tend to come with a volatile history, be it in their romantic relationships to platonic ones. If you are looking for signs of emotional immaturity, you need to find out if she comes with a history of high-drama relationships.
If her familial relationships and friendship full of conflict, it’s likely because she never learned to manage conflict or communicate calmly. Every story she tells you clearly shows evidence of emotional immaturity. Her inability to address her feelings results in her leaving behind a plethora of high-drama relationships. This is a red flag you really should not ignore.
How To Deal With An Emotionally Immature Woman
Knowing your partner is emotionally immature can be of little comfort since the level of effort in a relationship you need to maintain this relationship might cause you to burn out. If you think you’re dating an emotionally immature woman, consider the degree of impact and whether she’s actually aware of her behavior and willing to work on it. If both conditions are not appropriately satisfied, you should evaluate all your options and make an informed decision about walking away. Use this list of immature woman signs to do it.
If you’re in a relationship with an emotionally immature woman who is willing to work on herself and evolve, there is hope for you to get out of this pit you seem to have dug yourself into. To help you on this journey, we’re here to give you some pointers on how to succeed in a relationship with an emotionally immature woman.
1. Initiate a conversation
Sit down with your partner and clearly communicate to her how her behavior is damaging your relationship and the adverse effect it has on you. Keep the focus on yourself as opposed to her negative behavior so she doesn’t feel like you’re attacking her. Healthy romantic relationships require clear communication and if you cannot be mature enough to communicate your needs clearly, you cannot expect her to reciprocate.
2. Try couples counseling
You might hold the opinion that it’s her problem primarily, but it’s not – it is a relationship problem. One will end up damaging your connection if it is left to fester. Taking responsibility is imperative and if she is not mature enough to handle it, you need to step up. Head out to a couples counseling session and try to work it out. Show up ready to work and you might just learn a thing or two about yourself in the process.
Related Reading: How Much Is Couples Therapy?
3. Take a step back if need be
There is a time for fighting and there is a time to accept you need to give in. No one will blame you if you want to take a step back from this high-maintenance girl and breathe. Understand that stepping back means you’re looking out for yourself. So if you feel like you’ve exhausted every possible option and things still aren’t working out, it might be time to cut the cord. It is not a crime to pack your bags and walk away if the relationship starts to feel like a war zone. Keep a hold on your mental and physical health and step away from the battlefield.
- Emotional immaturity is defined as “a tendency to express emotions without restraint or disproportionately to the situation”
- How to know if a woman is emotionally immature can be hard if you don’t spot the signs early on
- If you’re dealing with an emotionally immature woman, her behavior will be out of control or inappropriate to the situation
- Dealing with an emotionally immature woman is hard, but don’t forget, emotionally immature people don’t really have it easy. If it is possible, try to convince her to talk to a professional
- If you’re breaking up with an emotionally immature woman, do it gently. Try to have a professional available to help her regulate her negative feelings
Emotional immaturity is a hard thing to deal with, especially when it is a trait your partner is exhibiting. Everyone prioritizes healthy relationships rather than having to deal with an emotionally immature partner. And if you’re with an emotionally immature woman, it can be even harder to deal with the behavior. This blog detailed 17 signs you’re with an emotionally immature woman. If you’re the emotionally immature woman in the relationship, try to reach out for help so you can make things easier for both of you. And if you’re here because you’re dealing with or trying to find out the right way of breaking up with an emotionally immature man, this blog will help. Try to figure out the signs and deal with them in time to prevent things from escalating.
Emotionally immature people find it hard to handle negative emotions or make sense of bad situations. In relationships, emotional immaturity can show up as an inability to talk about their feelings. If you’re with an immature person, they will have different emotional reactions than an adult would exhibit. They can be self-centered and selfish which can hamper the growth of the relationship as communication will become difficult.
There will be several warning signs that will help you identify emotionally immature women. She will struggle to open up about her emotions, she might be a crybaby, or even self-centered. She might find it easier to run away when a relationship problem arises rather than facing it with you as equals. She will display immature behavior like believing that the world revolves around her.