“Love cannot be forced, love cannot be coaxed and teased. It comes out of heaven, unasked and unsought,” said Nobel Prize-winning author Pearl S. Buck. Perhaps the idea of love stated in this quote is a bit dated, as we all know that even the most loving relationship needs genuine effort from both the partners. And if you’re the only one making all the effort and your partner just gets by doing the bare minimum (or not even that), it’s time to open your eyes to the signs he is forcing himself to love you.
Well, love isn’t a cake walk for any of us, but it’s hard to ignore the signs of fake love from a guy. Moreover, such one-sided relationships can ruin your self-esteem in the long run and damage your mental health too. So, do you often wonder, “Is he in love with me?” What can you do to address such a lack of love? Wondering why men fake relationships? Why do they lead you on when they don’t love you? Let’s delve deeper into this issue and find out the signs of fake love and a few tips to handle this situation.
11 Signs He Pretends To Love You – He’s Forcing Himself To Stay In The Relationship
So, what are the signs of fake love from a guy? Well, do you find yourself walking on eggshells to please him? In such cases, you may try to seek validation from your man by appeasing him. But he may reject all such efforts and seem offended nonetheless. He may also be irritated by your constant efforts to connect with him.
If you feel you are begging for love or trying your best not to offend him when you’re together, chances are the love between you two isn’t real. He is most likely forcing himself to love you. Let’s look at a few more signs he is forcing himself to love you.
1. You find yourself initiating everything
One of the glaring signs he is forcing himself to love you is when you have to initiate everything. Most often, you’ll find him making excuses to be absent from important events of your life and avoiding making any effort. He may also cancel plans at the last moment. In such cases, you’ll find yourself messaging first always, you’ll be the one who’s always planning dates, and you’ll end up initiating physical intimacy too. This is a major hint that he is just pretending to love you.
Related Reading: 6 Signs He Is Losing Interest In You
2. He tries to change you
When men aren’t dating someone they love, they often try and change their partners to suit their needs. So, if you find your husband or boyfriend trying to change your personality or choices, it’s one of the major signs he is lying about loving you. In such cases, you may find him:
- Criticizing your looks or dress sense
- Asking you to get a hair cut of his choice
- Telling you that your career doesn’t suit you
3. He zones out often
When men fake relationships, they often don’t pay attention to what their wife or girlfriend is saying. Has your man started getting absent-minded too frequently these days? This could be one of the signs he pretends to love you. In such cases, he might:
- Zone out in the middle of conversations with you
- Keep his answers short, such as “Yeah” or “You’re right.”
Related Reading: How To Get Him Interested Again Fast – 18 Surefire Ways
4. He avoids planning for the future
A sign of a healthy relationship is a sound future plan, where you two chart out the progress you want in terms of kids, careers, and material dreams, such as a house or a car. If you find any future planning absent from your relationship, it could be one of the major signs he is lying about loving you. It shows he isn’t fully invested in the connection.
5. He compares you to his past lovers
Often, when men force themselves to be in relationships just for the sex or for social acceptance, they can’t forget what real love feels like. And in such cases, they may compare you with their exes whom they once loved truly. This is because they aren’t emotionally invested in the relationship with you.
6. He flirts around with other women
You’ll often find yourself asking yourself, “Is he in love with me?” when your man flirts around often. A roving eye often shows that your partner or husband is not really in love with you. In such cases, there could be underlying issues too, such as lack of intimacy. But mostly, when a man flirts around with other women, especially in your presence, it’s a clear sign he’s feigning love. He might even do this with renewed vigor when he notices signs you
are begging for love.
Related Reading: 8 Reasons Why A Man Loses Interest In A Woman
7. He asks you if you need some space
Many men may be in the relationship even if it has turned into a boring and uninspiring one, only to make sure they don’t hurt you. In such cases, they may not speak up or state that they need a break. But they may ask you if you need a break from the relationship.
8. He doesn’t involve his parents
Traditionally, it is believed that if he is truly interested, he would want you to meet his family. But if you have been together for a considerable amount of time and he still avoids introducing you to his family, or keeps you away from his parents even on special occasions, such as his birthday, chances are, he is pretending to love you.
Related Reading: 45 Questions To Ask Your Husband For A Heart-To-Heart Conversation
9. He avoids difficult conversations
A sign of a healthy relationship is the ability and willingness to have open communication with your partner, no matter how difficult the topic may be. If you find he is shying away from discussing matters such as your sexual incompatibility, the lack of quality time, or the presence of a third person in your relationship, he could be faking his feelings.
10. Your connection is superficial
So, you’ve been dating your SO for over 6 months now, but the conversations don’t go beyond his favorite Netflix show. You also hardly see him apart from dinner dates, and even then, you two mostly talk about the quality of the food. Well, it seems like your connection hasn’t gone beyond the superficial level, and this is one of the glaring signs he faked it throughout.
Related Reading: 35 Serious Relationship Questions To Know Where You Stand
11. He’s always fighting
This one is a sure-shot giveaway. He is always in a bad mood, even when you two are traveling to exotic locales or going on expensive dates. A friend of mine, Casie, once told me how she was taken aback when her then-husband got into a bitter fight with her while traveling to the Taj Mahal, over the fact that she loved posing for photos. Imagine fighting at the place that’s known to be the very symbol of love. Casie and her husband divorced after a month. Men in such situations don’t mellow down even if they see signs you are begging for love.
Why Would Someone Pretend To Love You? 5 Possible Reasons
So, in this era of social media relationships and dating and marriage apps, the burning question is, “Why would someone pretend to love you?” Well, faking love isn’t just something a Casanova would do. Even nice guys fake love at times. And it’s not just because of sinister intentions. There could be many underlying causes. Let’s unravel some of the
reasons behind a guy pretending to love you:
1. Social expectations
Society has made being with a girl a sign of bravado for men. And social expectations often make men pretend to love women just to have someone by their side. Here are a few instances:
● You are a trophy to him: Often, men treat women as an ego-booster, and showing off a woman (or multiple women) that they have scored becomes a man’s way of climbing up the ladder of social acceptance or pumping up his self-esteem. Such men treat women as conquests and have zero intention to love them
● They appear responsible: It is generally believed that being in a relationship or marriage makes a man more responsible. No matter the fallacies with this assumption, men live up to this false benchmark of responsibility
● They are eligible for certain roles/benefits: In many cases, married men get certain benefits at their workplaces or other places. They leverage their relationships to bargain for a better salary or better job role, saying they now have a lot more on their plate
2. You are his ‘sugar momma’
In some cases, men pretend to love women when the relationship is financially beneficial to them. And if sugar daddies exist, so do sugar mommas. Men, especially if they’re younger than their female partners, expect them to be their providers, be it something as simple as paying on a date, taking them out on expensive vacations, or showering them with pricey gifts. And some men may stick to a relationship just for the monetary benefits. So, when you find yourself footing the bill always, take it as one of the signs he is trying to trap you financially.
3. To get over an ex or get back at her
Men hate being losers. Especially if they’ve been dumped by a woman they really valued and loved. If a man is pretending to love you, he could well be:
- Trying to make an ex jealous
- Trying to make himself feel better or cope with his break-up
Related Reading: 10 Signs He Is Still In Love With Your Ex And Misses Her
4. To achieve a certain status
Women aren’t the only ones looking for social status when they get into a long-term relationship or get married. In these days of feminism and gender equality, men too are increasingly looking for women who can either match up to their status in society or can help them achieve a certain status. Don’t be surprised if a man fakes his love just to get attached to your family name and the benefits that come with it.
5. He’s not sure
Men may also pretend to love you if they aren’t sure of themselves yet but need a relationship to fill a void in their lives. Here are a few instances:
- He is yet to zero in on a preferred career choice and wants to fill that void with a relationship
- He is unsure of the kind of woman he wants and tries his luck with every girl
- He is not sure if he wishes to commit but wants to keep you hanging because he wants sex
What To Do If He Is Forcing Himself To Love You — 5 Tips
What do you do when a relationship feels forced? Well, it’s never easy to accept the fact that your partner isn’t being true to you and is faking his love and care. You may be in denial for days, and when you eventually realize the truth, you may have lost precious years of your life trying to make things work or may have unknowingly harmed your health and emotional well-being, worrying about the relationship. But how can you better manage such a situation? Here are 5 tips to help you deal with a man when you spot the signs he is forcing himself to love you:
Whenever you see signs he never loved you, communicate. Remember, the first step, though not the easiest, is to find out the whys behind his pretense. In order to address an issue, you need to be sure that it exists in the first place. And there’s no alternative to an open and honest communication in such cases. Here are some tips for communicating with him:
- Choose a place where you’re both comfortable and relaxed. It could be your home or a cafe
- Ask him what’s bothering him and whether he is serious about you two
- Make sure you maintain eye-contact and an even tone
- Maintain positive body language while communicating
If he’s just bored with the relationship, you may find out why and then try to address the shortcomings. But if he feels the relationship may not work out at all, do some soul-searching and decide whether quitting is a better choice.
Related Reading: How To Fix Lack Of Communication In A Relationship – 15 Expert Tips
2. Stop forcing the bond
If you realize that you’re forcing a relationship, the choice is yours to stop pushing him to make things work. A Reddit user too agrees. She stresses on the importance of looking at the actions of your SO and spotting the red flags. In such cases:
- Stop forcing love or waiting for him to accept you
- Don’t blame, shame, or become abusive
- Don’t go guilt-tripping in the relationship to have him back
- Let go of things that aren’t in your control
- Maintain mutual respect
A great way to deal with a man who’s forcing himself to be with you is to detach temporarily. If he’s unsure now, he may realize later that he misses you and has true feelings for you and then be willing to work on himself. If he doesn’t care, you’ll know it’s time to end the relationship.
Related Reading: Why Has My Husband Lost Interest In Me Sexually?
4. Focus on yourself
Stop forcing a relationship and making your man the focus of your existence. Make the relationship a value addition. Focus on yourself by:
- Taking day-offs for a spa day
- Going on a solo trip
- Focusing on activities you love, such as reading, painting, or pottery
- Spending time with your trusted friends
5. Talk to a counselor
If you find yourself being deeply affected by the fact that your boyfriend or husband is just pretending to love you, speak to a relationship counselor. After all, nobody can help you better in such cases than a professional. In case you wish to consult a mental health professional, Bonobology’s panel of expert counselors are here for you.
- The signs your man isn’t invested in the relationship and that he is forcing himself to
love you may include him trying to change you, you initiating everything, him
avoiding difficult conversations, him not planning the future and zoning out often
- There can be many reasons behind fake love of a man, such as social expectations,
financial issues, an aspiration for a higher status, or getting over an ex
- You can address signs he never loved you by communicating openly, not forcing the
connection, detaching, focusing on yourself, and consulting a counselor
We hope you’re no longer wondering whether your SO is forcing himself to love you. And we also hope you aren’t still googling “Is he in love with me?” or are lost trying to find out the ways to manage such a situation. Remember, nobody’s perfect, and that includes your man. So, if you see clear signs he pretends to love you, instead of blaming him for cheating, not respecting your genuine feelings, or not committing to you, try focusing on the deeper issues that may be causing him to fake his love. But above all, be true to yourself. Do you really want to be a partner who’s forcing love? Do you wish to spend time wondering if the wrong person loves you or not? Or do you wish to focus on a mutually rewarding and healthy relationship with a man who shows interest and genuinely loves you? The choice is yours!