10 Effective Strategies For Finding Love Again

Suffering and Healing | |
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Finding love again can be tough, especially when you feel as if you’ve already experienced that one real love. I know I felt that way after a long-term relationship ended. I took time to get over the breakup because, quite honestly, I was afraid. I was afraid to fall in love again because I felt that my life partner had walked out of my life. I was also afraid of meeting someone new after a long relationship.

The thought of building new bonds and starting a new relationship was exhausting. Would I know how to love again? I wasn’t even sure I could handle a first date and all the insecurities that come with dating. Despite the trepidation, it took a chance and it was well worth it.

It got me thinking about how many people struggle with how to find love again after letting go of a past relationship, due to a breakup, losing a spouse, or divorce. If that’s where you find yourself, this guide on finding love again, complete with actionable strategies, might just be what you need to take that leap of faith.  

Is It Possible To Find Love Again?

There are many reasons why you may find yourself alone after having been in a loving, stable relationship. It could be that your marriage ended for some reason or your long-term relationship didn’t work out quite as you had hoped. Death may have robbed you of a partner, or infidelity could be the culprit.

When you’re in the throes of heartbreak, it may not feel like you will love again. But keep these things in mind whenever you think love is no longer for you:

  • Only people who shut their hearts to love, change, and vulnerability are at the risk of not experiencing love again
  • After heartbreak, it’s normal to wonder, “Will I ever find love again?” Be patient and give yourself time to accept and process these emotions before letting a person go
  • Remember that you have the ability and strength to love deeply. That capacity isn’t attached to another person, it’s within you
  • Just because something did not work out the first time does not mean it won’t the next time
  • Relationships end. If you understand that as a fact, you’ll experience true love again
  • A study says that in the years after losing your partner, you develop the ability to make independent decisions and are more resilient.

According to a study, it takes most people about 11 weeks to see their previous relationship in a new light and start to move on. So, allow yourself as much time as you need to heal and give yourself the best chance of finding love again with the right person.

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10 Strategies For Finding Love Again After Heartbreak

Letting go of a past relationship is not easy. Dealing with the heartbreak of separation from your ex-husband/ex-wife, or losing the one you thought was the perfect person for you is tough. This is especially true if you were in a long-term relationship and knew what true love felt like. 

Such a loss can truly feel like rock bottom, from which, it may feel like there is no coming back. But with the right strategies for moving on after a divorce or a relationship, you can experience love again after a heartbreak.

Related Reading: 11 Easy And Effective Tips To Survive Heartbreak Without Breaking Yourself

1. Invest time in self-growth and discovery first

I looked at my past relationship as a lesson in love. I acknowledged there were things I could have done better. That’s not to say my ex was a perfect person. But what made us fall in love in the first place were shared core values. Somewhere along, we forgot what brought us together.

To fall in love again requires learning lessons of love. Only then can you experience self-growth and discovery. Be selfish, it’s all about you and you should never feel the need to apologize to anyone for it. Here’s what I did:

  • I took up activities that made me feel good about myself. These included plenty of self-care activities, exercising, and even trying new hobbies
  • I started chanting positive affirmations to myself, emphasizing self-acceptance and gratitude for where I was in life
  • I channeled my desire to the universe for a  healthy relationship once I met a compatible partner
  • In order to love after a breakup, I knew healing was necessary. So, I sought professional help to work through my underlying issues and explore my true feelings

A Quora user shares how you often find someone when you least expect it. After her breakup with her partner, she took time to heal. She started working on her physical and mental health and pursuing her passion. Eventually, she found love from a guy she had never expected. It seems that there are good chances of finding love again once you love yourself first.

2. Use past experiences as a teaching tool for the next relationship

From my experience, how to fall in love again requires taking ownership of the failure of the past relationship so they don’t affect the next one. I had to face the fact that I had a huge role to play in the breakup. Like any other human being, I have my fallibilities, and couldn’t have been perfect. So do the following:

meeting someone new after long relationship
Leave the past where it is and get ready to find new love
  • Assess how your behavior may have impacted the relationship and resolve to break unhealthy patterns
  • Identify specific areas where you may have contributed to the issues leading to the breakup
  • Be mindful of what you learned from your past relationship so that you avoid making the same mistakes in your future one

From these reflections stem valuable lessons that will help you love after a breakup, divorce, or losing a partner you loved dearly.

3. Let go of the past and embrace the future

If you don’t let go of the past relationship, you are putting a major stumbling block to meeting someone new after a long relationship.  True, rekindling a former romance can sometimes be enticing. In times of weakness or loneliness, reconnecting with an ex may be more appealing than it should be. You may find yourself grappling with the question, “Should I text my ex or perhaps even call?” 

If you want to meet people and perhaps find someone new, let go of your ex. Be willing and open to embrace a new future full of possibilities. Most of all, be patient and let things develop naturally. 

Related Reading: How To Let Go Of An Ex Who Has Moved On For Good

4. Avoid contact until you heal

For a long time, the running theme in my head was “Will I ever find love again? The fear of not knowing had me itching to contact my ex. According to Lisa Marie Bobby, Ph.D., LMFT, dating coach, founder, and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching, any contact with your ex reinforces and strengthens your attachment and impedes your recovery.

“Removing your ex from your physical and digital worlds is an important step in healing,” she says. If you want to start getting over a breakup, try to establish the no-contact rule for at least 30 days. However, the timeline isn’t set in stone. If 30 days don’t seem enough, take 40 or 50 or as long as you need to stop pining for your ex.

5. Be open-minded

love after breakup
Be open to new experiences and you will find love again

Cupid operates in the most interesting ways. You can never tell when that arrow will be headed in your direction. But for it to work its magic, you have to be open-minded about falling in love again. And that includes:

  • Being open to meeting new people
  • Allowing yourself room to explore different relationships. Don’t rush the process, instead, take time to enjoy what the dating pool has on offer
  • Expand your search for love on some of the best dating sites for serious relationships
  • Embrace diversity by not limiting your dating to what you typically like. The right person could be from a different religion, cultural background, etc
  • Embrace change and be flexible enough to even change boundaries to truly enjoy the new experiences 

When you open your mind to possibilities, the chances of finding love are endless. A Reddit user says, “Friends introduced me to a guy. We chatted, and I didn’t think much of it. He asked me out on a date and damn my world was rocked. I always say I knew from our first date he was completely different. It changed my entire mind about being with someone again. I realized I had been thinking about compatibility in all the wrong ways. Neither of us, or our relationship, is perfect, but we have a lovely life together and every day feels like fun.”

Related Reading: 11 Ways To Remain Sane During a Divorce

6. Look after your body and mind

The foremost thing you need to do after heartbreak is to take care of yourself. This is essentially emotional triage, people. Dekeyser, relationship manager at Grote Ondernemingen, recommends getting a massage — and not just because they feel great.

“The human brain cannot distinguish between physical and emotional pain,” she says, “If you want to get rid of emotional pain, get that deep-tissue massage to trick your brain into producing positive and healing endorphins. It’s fantastic!”

Also, use this time to focus on your fitness like this Reddit user did. “Two years ago, my love left me after discovering I suffered from PTSD even though I supported him with his mental health. I gained a lot of weight from being abandoned without a word. I decided to turn my life around. I’ve now lost 11 kg (24 lbs) in 4–5 months and trying to find love again,” they say.

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Is it possible to get over someone you loved deeply?

7. Take advantage of your independence

Want to know how to fall in love again? Take advantage of your independence. Do things that you skipped because your partner didn’t like or enjoy those activities. Now is the time to reclaim everything you have given up in the past.

  • Nothing beats the anxiety after a breakup like an endorphin rush. Now is the time to go back to your spin class, aerial yoga, pole dancing, or aqua Zumba 
  • Perhaps what you require is a change of scenery. Now is the ideal time to grab your passport and a backpack and set out for that solo trip of your dreams into the vast unknown
  • Have you ever wanted to learn to play the guitar, sing, or even spin records? But never had that time when you were in a relationship? With some lessons and plenty of practice, you can discover just how much of a rockstar you truly are

8. Let your loved ones help you find love

Give love a chance to find you by putting yourself out there. When you meet people, especially new ones, there’s a chance of meeting your compatible partner. My friends and siblings tried to hook me up on a couple of dates. My best friend even went ahead to make profiles for me on dating apps and sites. I must admit, online dating was quite interesting. By leaning on family and friends, I

  • Could explore how to fall in love again in a safe, judgment-free environment
  • Get the relevant support to deal with the breakup while looking forward to finding someone new
  • Could learn how to love again by experiencing love from people I cared about
  • Indulge in self-care with people I love by planning outings and other fun activities

Related Reading: 9 Reasons You Miss Your Ex And 5 Things You Can Do About It

9. Consider what you truly desire in a partner

Now that you’re single, enjoy the process of finding love again. Think about what you want in a partner. After you’ve done that, turn the tables on yourself and ask yourself if you’re happy with where you’re at in life.

  • Many resources are available if you need help with finding love again. Take the time to listen to those you consider wise and who know you best
  • There are many dos and don’ts after a breakup. One of the dos is that if you are still hurting, make sure you give yourself some healthy time to grieve and care for yourself
  • Begin your search for what you want in a relationship by asserting your expectations with yourself, within your inner circle, and at work
  • List the values you must have in a partner. See if your own personality aligns with those values as well
More on finding love again

10. Trust your instincts

Trusting your instincts is a fantastic first step if you want to find love again. As you meet new partners, listen to what your gut tells you about them. If it sends warning signals about a particular person, don’t ignore it. They could be sending out red flags that, at a conscious level, you don’t see. But your gut feeling will send plenty of warning that you need to put on your running shoes and run as far away as you can.

Key Pointers

  • How to love again requires that you reflect on the lessons that you have learned from your recent heartbreak
  • If you want to find love again, make the well-being of your body and mind your topmost priority
  • Make the most of your free time doing the things you always wanted to do
  • Spend time with friends and family to allow you to process your true feelings in a safe environment
  • Finding love again means thinking about what type of a partner you would like to have and if your values align with the ones you’re seeking in someone

If you find yourself single after a short or long-term relationship, don’t be scared to start dating again. The chance of finding new love which could be the true love you deserve can be so exciting. Will it be easy? Perhaps not, as you must go through the process of healing and finding yourself again. But your patience and resilience will eventually lead you to finding love.

You will find someone who will invest as willingly and deeply as you do. It may seem like a long wait, with disappointment along the way, but have faith that what is meant for you will come into your life at the perfect time. Allow someone to love the unique person you are. Fall in love again when the time comes, and be your own anchor until then.

FAQs

1. How long does it take to find love again?

Finding someone to date is relatively simple today due to online dating. But finding someone with whom to connect and have a fulfilling relationship is entirely different. Stable long-term relationships require two people with similar values. They require couples to agree on how they feel and what they want from the relationship, how they communicate, perceive each other, invest in each other, view the world, and what they believe in. But enough of that. You’ve come here because you’re wondering, “Will I ever find love again?” The answer is YES you will. Just give it time, however long it takes.

2. What are the chances of finding love again?

It is difficult to quantify finding love again because it is a process with no defined parameters, making it difficult to pinpoint the time it takes to find someone new after a divorce, breakup, or death of a partner. But, falling in love is a real possibility once you learn to love yourself. 

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