Heartbreak is perhaps the most intimate of all human experiences. There is a different resonance, intensity, and depth with every heartbreak. Sometimes the deafening silence is so shattering, your entire world seems to be totally wrecked. In such a state, it’s easy to let grief consume you. This is why figuring out how to get over a heartbreak without sacrificing your individuality is important.
We see it all the time in the movies; the protagonist goes through a failed relationship and indulges themselves in vices they’d previously avoided. Alcohol dependency, a victim mentality, an unwillingness to change, can all end up eating away at you.
To make sure you don’t let grief take over your life, learning how to deal with the heartbreak and use it as a springboard for the ascension of your soul is paramount. Let’s talk about what you need to do, and how I navigated the failed relationships that life threw at me.
How I Was Dealing With Heartbreak
I had my first heartbreak at 21 and my world fell apart like a pack of cards. I went about my life soaking in all the pain and felt a kind of preciousness as I held on to the sorrow as a treasure as if it was mine and mine alone. That it was a special gift from above for falling in love.
I displayed and glorified it to myself and to my family and friends as if I had been given something they were denied. Silent tears, listening to love-ridden songs, wallowing in self-pity…I was in a ‘celebration of pain’ mode which lasted for many months and took me to the verge of depression.
But my real heartbreak came at 37. And I knew this one was not an illusion. I felt as though my soul was being ripped away from me and an excruciating physical pain swallowed my body and howled as I had never howled before. I cried till I could cry no more. My eyes were swollen, my heart empty, and my mind numb.
There were a few more heartbreaks, each with a distinct tone and tenor – a distinct weft and weave which ‘unlocked’ a new part of me in a more empowering way each time it happened. Here are a few pointers I’ve learned from my own experience with heartbreak.
Related Reading: How she healed from the pain of heartbreak
Tips To Survive Heartbreak And Heal A Broken Heart
Dealing with heartbreak, especially on your own, seems to be a challenge you can’t even bother thinking about. Instead of trying to get better, you might end up giving in and surrendering yourself to whatever the sadness commands you to do. Your focus shifts from trying to get better, to trying to survive each day.
However, you know you can’t spend the rest of your days succumbing to grief. You can drive around alone listening to sad songs all you want. Eventually, you’ll want to listen to peppy songs, socialize, and learn to love again. To help you get there faster and by figuring out how to get over a broken heart, I’ve accumulated the following tips that should set you on your way:
1. Acknowledge that you are hurt and wounded
Men, I’m looking at you. In the days immediately after a breakup, men tend to downplay the entire dynamic they shared with their partner, thinking it didn’t phase them. Regardless of your gender, acknowledge that you’ve lost a significant part of your life and allow yourself to feel all the sorrow you can.
Cry your heart out, scream your lungs out, do whatever you need to, just don’t disregard the pain. You’d only be delaying the consequences. The first step toward getting over a heartbreak is admitting that it left an indelible mark on you.
2. Find support, share your sorrow
In the midst of sadness, you might end up rejecting help from loved ones. Try to make sure you always accept their calls, talk to people who care about you, don’t cut them out. Healing from heartbreak all alone will only prolong the journey, take all the help you can get.
Write a letter to the one who has hurt you, pouring out exactly how you feel, and then, burn it. This is a very powerful psychic ritual to disconnect from the pain and it offers immense relief.
3. Spend time alone
Spend time alone. Go for a retreat, if possible for a few days. Solitude strengthens the soul. Take a friend along if you dread being alone but spend a lot of time being with yourself. Don’t flaunt your pain, go silent. Feel the pain; the more you display it, the less you will feel it. You must feel the pain, for it to heal.
4. Don’t rush into another relationship
Rushing headfirst into a rebound relationship is not healthy and it will be merely a stopgap arrangement to not feel your pain. It’ll end up being another illusion you’ll just distract yourself with. Getting over a broken heart doesn’t mean you must immediately find solace in the arms of another. How you react to this dilemma will make you get to know yourself better, which in turn will make sure you pick the right partner next time.
5. Don’t develop unhealthy coping mechanisms
Don’t replace pain with alcohol, sex, smoking, or bingeing on food or drugs. Finding your answers at the end of a bottle may seem like the more “Hollywood” approach to your heartbreak, but it’s just going to result in a mean hangover and a bunch of regrets the next day.
Related Reading: How To Get Over A Breakup Fast? – 8 Tips To Bounce Back Quickly
6. Don’t let the humor disappear
Granted, things may not seem to be very jolly for you currently. But forcing yourself to feel a certain emotion because that’s what you’re supposed to be doing is inherently damaging. Watch a comedy special, go out with friends, share a laugh, hell, make fun of your ex. Who said you’re not allowed to laugh when figuring out how to heal a broken heart?
7. Hit the gym
Studies have shown that exercise coupled with therapy can curb signs of depression amongst people. Once you make a habit out of pumping some iron at the gym, you’ll go from cursing in between every set to feeling a sort of validation and joy that’s hard to find elsewhere. Plus, you’ll also be getting in shape so you can attract the best possible partner for you.
8. Practice mindfulness and meditation
“How is closing my eyes and pretending to not be thinking about anything going to solve anything?” Trust us, meditation, even in small doses can do a lot for you. Through mindfulness, you can find yourself being a lot more engaged in your activities than usual. Recovering from heartbreak can introduce you to healthy habits like meditation, don’t be afraid to give them a go.
9. Analyze yourself
Now that you have more time on your hands, get to the bottom of why you went through a failed relationship. Do you project your insecurities in a relationship? For example, does your insecurity lead you to be possessive? Or does your need to be liked lead you to talk too much about your problems? Analyze why you took the decisions you did, and what you need to work on.
10. Try to get back out there
No, this doesn’t mean you need to download a dating app the next day after your breakup. Give it some time, figure out how to survive heartbreak, and then try to get back out there.
11. Seek professional help
When figuring out how to get over heartbreak on your own gets too overwhelming, there’s no shame in contacting a professional to help you figure it out. By taking this step, you’ll pretty much be ensuring that a path to growth and self-discovery is lined up for you, all you have to do is make sure you walk on it.
If you’d like to start getting over heartbreak with the help of a professional, Bonobology has a multitude of experienced therapists willing to help you get through this difficult time in your life.
Related Reading: 10 ways to deal with heartbreak
Time heals everything, but if we take things in our hands and practice self-love first, heartbreaks can teach us some precious lessons about ourselves and our life’s journey. Through the 11 points, I hope you now have a better idea of how to get over a broken heart. Use heartbreak to develop soul stamina and to understand the intricacies and depths of human nature and relationships.
I realized that every time my heart broke, a new me emerged, and today, I stand tall because of that. For me, heartbreaks have been a blessing and I thank everyone who facilitated them.
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The road to recovery after dealing with a harsh breakup depends from person to person. To put yourself in the best possible scenario, seek professional help and try to share your grief with friends. Analyze your dating patterns and strive to better yourself.
Acknowledge that the relationship is over and that you must move on. Seek help from friends and/or professionals, since this realization is often one you’ll want to run away from.
Though talking to other people and socializing will help you deal with a breakup more efficiently, dealing with it alone is still possible. Rediscover your hobbies, analyze yourself and work on becoming the best version of yourself.