We don’t mean to play the devil’s advocate here, but if you’re wondering, “Should I break up with my girlfriend?”, deep down you probably already know the answer. You’ve come to us for a reason. You are only pondering this sixty-four-thousand-dollar question, because the signs that we are going to talk about, have probably crossed your mind already.
Together, we’ll dive deeper into those latent feelings that are perhaps niggling at your heart, telling you something’s not quite right with your relationship. Whether you’re asking, “Should I break up with my girlfriend if she cheated on me?” or wrestling with the “I want to break up with my girlfriend but I feel bad” dilemma, we’re here to tell you that it’s all right to put yourself first. Ending a relationship for self-preservation does not make you selfish or self-serving. If anything, this seemingly tough decision will serve both you and your girlfriend well in the long run.
Not all relationships are meant to last. Some take a different trajectory from the fairytale endings we all hope for. And even if she gives you butterflies in your stomach, it does not mean that she’s the one for you. A new love interest comes with a fog that renders us unable to look at the flaws in the relationship. It is only later that we begin to notice the cracks in the relationship widening. So instead of ignoring these signs and wallowing in denial, it’s time to face the fact head-on and take the necessary changes.
12 Signs You Should Break Up With Your Girlfriend
You might have loved her so much you even adopted a dog with her. Or perhaps you two know each other’s shopping habits so well, you are great at buying things for each other. Maybe she’s perfected the complicated art of making your morning protein pancakes and you know exactly what gifts she hates getting on her birthday.
Despite all these perfect little things on the surface, the feelings of, “Should I break up with my girlfriend?” might still creep in. But now that doubts about the future of your relationship have surfaced in your mind, it’s imperative that you take note of and get to the root of the underlying reasons that are making you rethink this relationship.
There’s something much deeper going on here and you know it. Think of this article as a mirror, because we are going to give you the truth. We’ll list the different possibilities that may have triggered the “I want to break up with my girlfriend but I feel bad” thoughts in your mind. If you’re constantly grappling with the question, “How do I know if I should break up with my girlfriend?”, these scenarios might offer you some clarity:
Related Reading: 21 Dos And Don’ts Of Breaking Up With Your Girlfriend
1. You just can’t accept her past?
If you cannot make peace with it and accept her for who she is, maybe you should. By breaking up with her, you’re actually doing her a favor. Maybe you disagreed with who she was in the past or can’t come around to the fact that she still hangs out with her exes. If it’s bothering you that much, it’s probably something you can’t repair.
If her past relationships and past experiences are making you have second thoughts, just do yourself a favor and cut the cord. If it has been over six months and you cannot accept her for who she is, then do not waste your time, because you probably will never learn to love her for the same. It’s better to let go of a relationship and reclaim your peace of mind than agonize over thoughts like “My girlfriend is stuck in the past and I cannot deal with it” or “My girlfriend’s past makes me sick”.
As hurtful as it sounds, ending the relationship is a far more respectful thing to do than fixating on “I can’t stop thinking about my girlfriend’s past” and pretending all is well. Nigel broke up with Beatrice for the same reason. He said to her, “I love you Beatrice and I do believe that you’re clean now and don’t abuse drugs like you used to. But I’m always afraid of who you used to be and it’s leading me to develop trust issues with you. I just don’t think you can handle my apprehensions and you really don’t deserve to be in a relationship where you’re constantly viewed from the lens of your past.”
2. Should I break up with my girlfriend because of her family?
When venturing into the deeper trenches of a serious relationship, you might be able to put up with all your girlfriend’s annoying habits, but getting along with her family is another ballpark. If you think you two will eventually live together, get married or want to be life partners, considering her family dynamics is just as important as knowing her political inclinations.
If she comes from a dysfunctional family, it’s only a matter of time before the drama engulfs you too. Not to mention the enormous emotional baggage and trauma she carries on account of being raised in a toxic, abusive or emotionally distant household. If that’s the case, don’t beat yourself up for asking, “Should I break up with my girlfriend because of her family?” You may not have the emotional bandwidth to deal with something so all-consuming, and that’s okay. Being honest with her is what’s more important.
It’s not always serious issues like toxicity or dysfunctional family dynamics that leave you wondering, “Should I break up with my girlfriend because of her family?” Maybe her father disrespects you at all family events or maybe you and her sister just never get along. These scenarios could also have you asking yourself, “Should I break up with my girlfriend even though I love her?” I wish we could tell you that love is all it took for a relationship to run smoothly. These problems might seem like little creases that can be ironed away instantly, but if they keep recurring, they will adversely impact your relationship in the long run.
3. Should I leave the relationship because there is no more intimacy?
You don’t have to be a sex craving maniac to make a relationship work, but neither can you be a sex-starved celibate, because that sure is to make your connection go downhill. If you used to have mind-blowing sex before and the sexless relationship you find yourself in is only a recent development, think long and hard because there could be other, bigger issues at play here.
For instance, if your find yourself thinking, “I can’t stop thinking about my girlfriend’s past”, then the lack of sex and intimacy could just be a symptom whereas the real problem is that you’ve not been able to make peace with her past. And we’ve already discussed why a breakup may be your best recourse in such a situation. Or perhaps, you suspect her of cheating, there is insecurity in the relationship or you struggle to trust each other. When a relationship is riddled with such chronic issues, intimacy is often the first to go out the window.
If you ask your friends, “Should I break up with my girlfriend because we don’t have sex anymore?”, a few of them might call you shallow for raising a question like this. But we get you because this lack of intimacy signifies that you and your partner are drifting apart and you’re not shallow to be concerned about that. Not having good sex could also be an indication of waning attraction or a case of flatlining sexual tensions. If all the sex toys, sex therapy and lube in the world haven’t helped revive intimacy in your relationship, we don’t know what will it take to save your relationship.
4. Should I break up with my girlfriend even though I love her but my friends don’t like her?
Not all the relationship advice from your family and friends have to be treated like the Oracle, but pay a little closer attention if they have something serious to say about your relationship. Don’t ignore that friend’s advice who has always been looking out for you and who you really trust. 11 out of 10 people say that they should have just listened to their friends in the first place.
Sometimes love blinds you and makes you unable to see the things that a third person can point out instantly. Brad, a software engineer, had been going out with his coworker – Jeanine. All of Brad’s other work friends told him that this office romance was going to take a hit because Jeanine just wasn’t the girl for him.
Consumed by all the naughty office sex and the late-night dates, Brad couldn’t see that his friends were right about her. Two months later, Brad lost interest in Jeanine because once the sex started getting old, he realizing he didn’t find her that interesting at all. There was no clear reason for him to get over it but he just did. If you end up with the wrong girl and your friends tell you so over and over again, perhaps it’s worth considering breaking up before you both are in too deep.
Related Reading: 9 Reasons Your Girlfriend Is Mean To You And 5 Things You Can Do
5. Break up with her if she has twisted intentions
“How do I know if I should break up with my girlfriend?” If she’s happier to see your credit card than your smile, it’s a glaring sign you should have called it quits long ago. Or if she zips up and walks out the moment you two are done doing the deed, are you sure she likes you the way you think she does?
If she just wants your money or only treats you like a rebound relationship and leaves you with a sinking feeling stemming from thoughts like “I think my girlfriend is stuck in the past and isn’t emotionally invested in me”, then we don’t care how pretty or smart she is. It’s time to cut her loose and you know that you agree with us.
It’s important to know what the other person is really in for before you start getting too serious about them. Perhaps this is the right time to think, “Should I break up with my girlfriend?” Figure out what’s going on inside her heart before you give her your debit card pin. And find someone who wants you more!
6. Are you asking yourself, “Should I break up with my girlfriend for another girl?”
Because if you are, then you don’t even need to read the rest of this post. We highly recommend you head over to her house and come clean with her about what’s really happening in your heart. If you are ever thinking of leaving her for another woman or are suffering any pangs of cheating guilt, this story has already come to an end.
You can think, “I want to break up with my girlfriend but I feel bad” all you want but the fact that you have feelings for someone else (irrespective of whether you’ve acted on those feelings) means that you’re going to cause her hurt no matter how much you detest the idea. It’s best to rip off the band-aid sooner rather than later.
The fact that you are in love with someone else and that you allowed yourself to get swept up in these feelings means that your first relationship is already over. You’re too scared to leave her because she’s too perfect and now you don’t want to hurt her feelings. Don’t try to be a savior, because it’s too late now. Your heart has already leaped into another territory. It’s best to break things off before they get too messy.
Related Reading: Seeing My First Love Years Later
7. Should I break up with her if our future goals do not align?
Should I break up with my girlfriend because of her past? Maybe. Should I break up with my girlfriend because of our different visions for our futures? Definitely. If this is a casual relationship that is only meant to last as long as the thrill of most short-lived romances does, then, by all means, have the time of your life. But if you’re looking for a longer commitment or a wife or even the mother of your children, then it’s time to really think things through.
At this point, it does not matter that you two are obsessed with the MCU, finish each other’s leftovers or are so in love that you can’t see anyone else. If she wants to move to Italy to get another degree and you just can’t wait to be a househusband in a female led-relationship, that recipe is just not going to work out well.
Whatever the variables may be, intelligence lies in knowing when a relationship is not going to work out the way that you need it to. The whole point of being with someone is about creating a sustainable lifestyle that makes you happy. If her foreign degree doesn’t gel with your dreams, your “Should I break up with my girlfriend?” question is completely valid.
8. Should I break up with my girlfriend because she abuses me?
There’s enough data on the web about toxic relationships that will tell you to answer yourself a big, fat “yes!” when you ask yourself this burning question. Physical abuse is awful, no second thoughts about it. But not all abusive relationships result in scarred faces and a black eye.
Sometimes, abuse in a relationship can be more of a subtle undercurrent that defines your entire dynamic with your partner. This undercurrent is often that of emotional abuse that manifests in the form of blackmailing, manipulation, gaslighting, stonewalling or verbal abuse. If your girlfriend is showing the classic signs of being a toxic and abusive partner, leaving this relationship may well be in your best interest.
If you want to give it a last shot, perhaps going into therapy can help save your relationship. But if that doesn’t work out, then there’s literally no good reason for you to continue being with her. Consider this article your sign from the universe and run from this sordid excuse of a relationship.
Related Reading: 21 Toxic Girlfriend Signs Not Easy To Spot – It’s Her, Not You
9. Her mental health issues are invading your personal life
This may seem like a cruel reason at first glance, but we have a point so continue reading. As much as you should push her to go to therapy and get better if you cannot hold her hand through it, don’t force yourself to. If someone has debilitating mental health issues, the last thing they want to feel is that someone is in a relationship with them out of pity.
Besides, dealing with a partner who has mental health issues can take a toll on your own mental health and well-being. So, you need to think pragmatically here and assess whether the depth of your relationship and feelings warrant you putting yourself through that for the sake of being with this person, and not because you are caught in the “I want to break up with my girlfriend but I feel bad” limbo.
If not, respect them enough to walk out, and love yourself enough to know that this is never going to be good for you. But if her breakdowns and issues seem to be putting a pin in your own plans and goals for happiness, it might be time to consider doing the more rational thing here. Be as kind and receptive as you can – not to be a good boyfriend, but just to be a decent human.
10. Should I break up with my girlfriend because she smokes?
“Should I break up with my girlfriend because she smokes?” This is not a question that we can answer for you. This is something you need to think more deeply about on your own. How much does it matter to you that she can inhale a pack a day? Does it bother you often or will you be able to get used to it in the long run?
A lot of men who are anti-smoking consider this a relationship deal-breaker. And it’s up to you to decide whether you share that sentiment or not. Craig dumped Shauna because they were living together and he just couldn’t stand her always smoking around the house.
“Yes, I decided to break up with my girlfriend because she smokes. I told her that she should only smoke outdoors but my apartment always smelt like it was burning. This is just something that irks me on a fundamental level. My friends told me it was a silly reason to leave her, but I just could not stand it anymore. If she truly loved me, she would have stopped,” he said about their breakup.
11. Should I walk out of a relationship because she does not value my opinions?
If she makes you order Chinese food every weekend for dinner despite knowing that you hate wontons, then the answer to, “Should I break up with my girlfriend?”, may well have to be “yes”. It might seem like a frivolous reason on the surface, but dig deeper and you’ll find you have yourself an ignorant and self-absorbed girlfriend.
Chances are that she won’t just stop at deciding what you two eat every weekend. From that to whether your living room rug should match the drapes or the walls all the way to whether you want to have kids and when, every little decision in your life will be solely governed by her likes, dislikes and opinion. Now, that doesn’t sound like a very healthy relationship to be in, does it?
It’s time to cut your losses and find a girl who at least wants to hear you out. If she repeatedly walks all over you and makes all your decisions for you, it’s time you stand up for yourself and break up with her. This is one of the relationship red flags you just cannot condone.
12. Should I break up with my girlfriend if she cheated on me?
Perhaps the best reason to leave any relationship is if they cheated on you. If putting up with being disrespected like that is something you can’t do, then it’s really not worth putting yourself through it. Some overcome infidelity and some people think of it as the irrevocable finishing line.
The answer to “Should I break up with my girlfriend if she cheated on me?”, lies in how much strength you can muster to be in a relationship like this. If you are unable to get over this or find yourself losing sleep over thoughts like, “I think my girlfriend is going to break up with me for another man”, it might be time to walk away from this painful experience and move toward something else.
“Should I break up with my girlfriend if she cheated on me?” This is a valid question when you’re struggling with the aftermath of being cheated on and it’s in no way a sloppy reason to end a relationship because you deserve better than someone who cannot be faithful to you. She’s a keeper only if she makes your life brighter and not sadder.
This long list might have had some reality checks served alongside hard truths, but this is what you needed to read ever since you started asking yourself more and more, “Should I break up with my girlfriend even though I love her?” We do want to cheer on a good relationship, but we can’t see you putting yourself through one that is not meant for you. Don’t be disheartened. The right woman is just around the corner. Until then, do right by your girlfriend and for yourself if you think that things are just not going to work out. You’ll be much better off that way.