We don’t mean to play the devil’s advocate here, but if you’re wondering, “Should I break up with my girlfriend?”, deep down you probably already know the answer. You are only pondering this sixty-four-thousand-dollar question because the signs that we are going to talk about have probably crossed your mind already.
So, together, we’ll dive deeper into those latent feelings that are perhaps niggling at your heart, telling you something’s not quite right with your relationship. Whether you’re asking, “What are the signs I should break up with my girlfriend?” or wrestling with the “I want to break up with my girlfriend but I feel bad” dilemma, we’re here to tell you that it’s all right to put yourself first.
The heady rush of a new romance often brings with it a fog that renders us incapable of looking at the red flags in a relationship. It is only later that we begin to notice the cracks, which, by then, may already have grown into wide chasms. When that happens, instead of ignoring these signs and wallowing in denial, it’s time to face the facts head-on and make the necessary changes.
12 Signs You Should Break Up With Your Girlfriend
You might have loved her so much that you even adopted a dog with her. Or perhaps you two know each other’s shopping habits so well, you are great at buying things for each other. Despite all these perfect little things on the surface, is the dilemma of, “Should I end things with my girlfriend?” creeping up on you?
Once these doubts about the future of your apparently healthy relationship begin to weigh on your mind, it’s imperative to take note and get to the root of the reasons that are making you re-evaluate your choice of partner. We’re here to help you in this journey of introspection by exploring the different possibilities that may have triggered the breakup thoughts in your mind. If you’re constantly grappling with the question, “When should I break up with my girlfriend?”, these scenarios might offer you some clarity:
1. You just can’t accept her past
Maybe you disagree with your girlfriend’s past choices or can’t come to terms with the fact that she still hangs out with her exes. If it’s bothering you that much, it’s probably something you can’t repair and that could be triggering thoughts about breaking up with her. Don’t beat yourself up though. You are not the first person to be bothered by your partner’s past relationships and experiences. Research shows previous cohabitating relationships often cast a negative impact on present married or cohabitating relationships.
If that’s the case, have a conversation with her about your intentions to end the relationship before it’s too late. This way at least you won’t have to pretend every day that all is well while still agonizing over thoughts like, “She is stuck in the past and I can’t deal with it. Are these signs I should break up with my girlfriend?”
Related Reading: 21 Dos And Don’ts Of Breaking Up With Your Girlfriend
2. Should I part ways with my girlfriend because of her family?
When venturing into the deeper trenches of a serious relationship, you might be able to put up with all your girlfriend’s annoying habits, but getting along with her family is another ballgame altogether. If you think you two will eventually live together and get married, considering her family dynamics is just as important as knowing her political inclinations.
Let us paint a few scenarios that might adversely impact your relationship in the long run, making you question, “Should I end things with my girlfriend even though I love her?”
- Growing up in an apathetic environment, she may have difficulty communicating her thoughts and expectations, which, in turn, may brew up some complications in your relationship
- The enormous emotional baggage and trauma she carries on account of being raised in a toxic, abusive, or emotionally distant household can be overwhelming for you
- It’s not always serious issues like toxicity or dysfunctional family dynamics. Maybe her father disrespects you at all family events or perhaps you and her sister just never get along
You may not have the emotional bandwidth to deal with something so all-consuming, and that’s okay. Just remember at this point that being honest is what’s more important even if that leads you to break up with someone.
3. Break up with her if she has twisted intentions
How to know when should I break up with my girlfriend, you ask? If your credit card brings her more joy than your smile, it’s a glaring sign you should have ended it long ago. Or if she zips up and walks out the moment you two are done doing the deed, are you sure she is as emotionally invested in you as you think?
Before you get too cozy with a romantic partner, you must try to understand what they are really in for and whether you both are on the same page about your relationship needs, expectations, and goals. If she just wants your money or only treats you like a rebound relationship, it doesn’t matter how pretty or smart she is. It’s time to sever ties with her and you know that’s the best thing for your emotional and mental health.
4. Should I break up even though I love her but my friends don’t like her?
Not all the relationship advice from your family and friends has to be treated like the Oracle. But sometimes love blinds you and renders you unable to see the things that a third person with relevant experience can point out instantly. If you end up with the wrong girl and your friends tell you so over and over again, perhaps that’s your first clue to figuring out when to break up with someone. Here’s what you can do if you find yourself in a similar situation:
- Don’t ignore that friend’s advice who has always looked looking out for you and who you really trust
- Since Adam, it has been human nature to do exactly what one is told not to do. So, try to keep an open mind this time
- Don’t take a side based on an impulse without reflecting on all aspects of the situation
- Make sure your partner and friends are not disrespectful to each other
5. Should I leave the relationship because there is no more intimacy?
Sure, sex isn’t the only thing that keeps a relationship going. But if you’re living like a sex-starved celibate because there is just no chemistry, attraction, or desire that sure is a sign of your connection going downhill. If the sexless relationship you find yourself in is only a recent development, think long and hard because there could be other, bigger issues at play here.
For instance, perhaps, you suspect her of cheating, there is insecurity in the relationship or you struggle to trust each other. Or, it bothers you how she uses sex as a tool for emotional manipulation to get her way. When a relationship is riddled with such chronic issues, intimacy is often the first thing to go out the window. And, not wanting to sign up for a lifetime of average sex and dissatisfaction is a perfectly valid reason to end a relationship.
Related Reading: 9 Reasons Your Girlfriend Is Mean To You And 5 Things You Can Do
6. Should I break up with my girlfriend for another girl?
Yes. You can think, “I want to break up with my girlfriend but I feel bad”, all you want but the fact that you have feelings for someone else or you find another person attractive (irrespective of whether you’ve acted on those feelings or not) means that you’re going to hurt her no matter how much you detest the idea. It’s best to rip off the band-aid sooner rather than later. If the question, “Should I break up with my girlfriend for another girl?” is already on your mind, here’s your next order of business:
- If you are still in two minds about the new girl and your relationship with your girlfriend is one of a kind, you may want to reconsider the whole breaking up thing
- If you are already suffering pangs of cheating guilt, open up to her about what’s on your mind
- It’s best to be honest with her and leave with dignity in case you aren’t interested in mending the relationship
7. Our future goals do not align – to leave or not to leave?
While you may still be able to make peace with your girlfriend’s complicated past, different visions for your future can definitely be a deal-breaker. If she wants to move to Italy and your job requires you to stay in your current location for the foreseeable future, you have quite the stumbling block staring you in the face. Here are some things to consider to arrive at a decision that will hold you in good stead even if it feels too hard to go through with it right now:
- In case this is a casual relationship that is only meant to last as long as it works out for the both of you, it makes little sense to base important life decisions on it. It’s better to part ways
- But if you’re in a committed relationship, then it’s time to think this through. Don’t make any hasty decisions
- Whatever the variables may be, everything should be laid on the table for both partners to discuss and agree on
8. What if she is abusive?
“Should I call it quits with my girlfriend because she abuses me?” This question in itself is a huge red flag, and the answer is a resounding yes. If you find yourself in a toxic relationship that is taking a toll on your mental health and emotional well-being, there is just no point in staying and trying to make it work. Be mindful that not all abusive relationships result in scarred faces and a black eye.
Sometimes, abuse in a relationship can be more of a subtle undercurrent that manifests in the form of manipulation, blackmailing, gaslighting, stonewalling, or verbal abuse. If your girlfriend is showing clear signs of being a toxic and abusive partner, consider this article a sign from the universe and run from this sordid excuse of a relationship.
Related Reading: 21 Toxic Girlfriend Signs Not Easy To Spot – It’s Her, Not You
9. Her mental health issues are impacting you
This may seem like a cruel reason at first glance, but we have a point, hear us out. If someone has debilitating mental health issues, the last thing they want to feel is that someone is in a relationship with them out of pity. If you’re with her just because you’re caught in the “I want to break up with my girlfriend but I feel bad” limbo, pulling the plug will serve both you and her well in the long run. After all, there is no point in carrying on a dead-end relationship. Parting ways can also be an act of self-care, if:
- As much as you try to push her to go to therapy and get better, she is in denial about her mental health
- Dealing with a partner who has mental health issues is taking a toll on your own mental health
- Her breakdowns and issues seem to be putting a pin in your own plans and goals for happiness
- Some of her symptoms such as midnight anxiety attacks, mood swings, or violent tendencies, are affecting your day-to-day life
10. Should I break up because my girlfriend smokes?
This is not a question that we can answer for you. Neither can we label it as one of the signs you should not break up. It is something you need to think more deeply about on your own. How much does it matter to you that she can inhale a pack a day? Does it bother you often or will you be able to get used to it in the long run?
If you are living together and you are coughing constantly from the smoke all around the house, the relationship undoubtedly poses a health risk, and it’s absolutely justifiable if you choose to walk out. A lot of people, who are anti-smoking, consider this a relationship deal-breaker. So, we leave it up to you to decide whether you feel strongly about it enough to give up on the person you love.
11. Should I walk out of a relationship because she does not value my opinions?
If she makes you order Chinese food every weekend for dinner despite knowing that you hate wontons, then your frustration isn’t really an overreaction. It might seem like a frivolous reason to end a relationship but dig deeper and you’ll find that this is just a reflection of how inconsiderate and self-absorbed your girlfriend is. Here is how you can approach this situation:
- If every little decision in your life, from the color of your living room drapes to how many kids you will have, is solely governed by her, talk to her about how it makes you feel
- Calmly discuss the relationship issue at hand, without indulging in blame-games or shouting matches, and be more vocal about your likes, dislikes, and opinion
- If despite it, she repeatedly walks all over you and makes all the decisions for you, it’s time you stand up for yourself and cut your losses because this is one of the relationship red flags that just cannot be condoned
12. She had a fling. Should I leave my girlfriend?
“Should I end things with my girlfriend if she cheated on me?” Well, infidelity can be a huge deal-breaker for many people. Perhaps, this is the most legitimate reason to leave a relationship. If you just can’t put up with the humiliation and disrespect she’s shown you by betraying your trust, then it’s really not worth dragging the relationship along only to lose your self-esteem in the process.
If nightmarish thoughts like, “Would she break up with me for that other man?”, are hammering in your head every night, chances are, you won’t be able to restore your faith in her. So, why put yourself through this hell of a painful experience for one person when you can actually move forward to a more fulfilling relationship?
Take this Should I break up with my girlfriend quiz
Are you muddled with such worries as, “My girlfriend lied to me. Should I break up with her?” or “My current relationship feels like a trap. How to end this relationship?” Sometimes we sense there’s something wrong between us and our partners for a long time. And yet we can’t seem to act on our apprehension because a lot of other factors often cloud our judgment.
For instance – the fear of not making the right decision, of being a heartbreaker, criticism from friends and family, and so on. Most people turn a blind eye to the obvious signs that they should split up with their partner and learn to live in an unhappy relationship. If that sounds familiar, it’s time to put an end to your dubiety. Find the answer you seek with this should I break up with my girlfriend quiz:
- Does your girlfriend support your dreams and aspirations? Yes/No
- Does she take initiative in planning date nights or spending quality time together? Yes/No
- Do you feel your values and morals are aligned with that of your girlfriend? Yes/No
- Does she appreciate all the effort you put into making this relationship work? Yes/No
- Is she supportive of other important relationships in your life? Yes/No
- Do you think she keeps you in the loop about her plans and whereabouts and always tells the truth? Yes/No
- Is your relationship free from all kinds of verbal and physical abuse? Is it a healthy one? Yes/No
- Do you feel safe and secure around her and not walking on eggshells? Yes/No
- Does the physical intimacy between you and your girlfriend happen to be fulfilling? Yes/No
- Do you honestly see a future with her? Is she the one? Yes/No
These are important questions for understanding your dynamic with your girl – whether it’s a one-sided relationship or not, whether there is honesty and appreciation, and whether you are living with a toxic, abusive partner. Now, if you have answered ‘yes’ to at least five or more of these, we see trouble in your paradise. You should probably break it off before the relationship sucks the life out of you.
Related Reading: 8 Ways You Can Help Your Partner Get Over Drug Addiction
How should i break up with my girlfriend?
Still reading? I guess, it’s because you’re now sure that breaking up is the right thing to do. Now that your dilemma has been addressed and you know the answer to when to break up with someone, it’s time to put the final nail in the coffin. How should I break up with my girlfriend, you ask? Well, unless the situation has deteriorated to the point of name-calling, blackmailing, or romantic manipulation, you should do your bit to make the breakup as amicable as possible.
Here’s how you can pull off the breakup so you can both go your respective ways like two mature adults who happened to be incompatible with each other:
- The first step toward a clean break is always picking the time and place for the conversation wisely
- Do it in person only if you think she is capable of handling your decision without any drama, threats, or possibility of harm – to you or herself
- Don’t choose a crowded place or a fancy cafe if you are expecting some meltdown that will only draw public attention
- If you’re living together, you should have a ‘moving out’ plan handy
- Everybody deserves closure. So, the most gentlemanly way to split up with a romantic partner is to offer them one
- Skip the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ monologue and be upfront about your feelings
- Avoid being too harsh on them. Breakups are heart-rending as it is
- Set some ground rules about your post-breakup association. Are you leaving things on friendly terms? Or this is for sure the last time you are seeing each other’s faces? Clear that up to steer clear of the tricky territory of an on-again, off-again relationship
- Lastly, let this decision sink in before having a conversation with your partner so you can stand by your resolution and not be swayed by her sad eyes
- If you can’t accept her past or her family dynamics seem to bother you a lot, ending things won’t be so terrible
- In case, the girl is using you for money or sex, with no emotional connection whatsoever, don’t think twice before walking out of that relationship
- If she is so self-absorbed that she always neglects your opinion, constantly criticizes you, or becomes the reason for your mental breakdowns in some other ways, break it off
- When your girlfriend’s chronic unhealthy habits like smoking affect your well-being on a regular basis, you should rethink the whole situation
- Infidelity is a deal breaker for many. You have to decide whether you want to start afresh even after she brought a third person into your equation
This long list might have had some reality checks served alongside hard truths, but this is what you needed since you’ve been wrestling with questions like, “My girlfriend lied to me. Should I break up with her?” Don’t be disheartened. The right woman is just around the corner. Until then, do right by your girlfriend and yourself.
This article has been updated in Feb, 2023.