17 Surefire Ways To Get Your Ex-girlfriend Back

Love and Romance | |
Updated On: May 6, 2024
how to woo an ex-girlfriend
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How to get your ex-girlfriend back is a tricky subject. At some point, all human beings have been deceived by the promises of ‘forever’ and ‘happily ever after.’ One moment you think that everything is going well in your love life, and the next, you’re nursing a broken heart at a bar surrounded by attractive women but unable to forget the one you actually want. Today, we’ll give you tips on how to impress an ex-girlfriend again in order to make her run right back to you.

We know you’ve been spending long waking hours scrolling through your old WhatsApp and Messenger chats. You have formed, broken, and rebuilt endless theories on what went wrong in your relationship, and if at all you could change anything to get her back in your life again. But how can you make your ex-girlfriend want you back when she doesn’t talk to you anymore? How to get her back when she has moved on? These questions may be on your mind a lot. Thankfully, we have the answer.

How To Get Your Ex-girlfriend Back Even If It Seems Impossible

Some may say that getting back into a relationship with an ex is a bad call, but that may not always be true. It’s possible that you rushed the breakup or misunderstood things back then, but you have clarity now. A major reason you consider it impossible to get back with the ex-girlfriend who dumped you is because you either had an extremely messy breakup or because of logistics. For example, both of you have different life goals or have moved to different locations, and neither of you is willing to go the long-distance route.

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We can’t do anything about the logistical reasons, but if you want to win her back after hurting her, then you need to do some heavy lifting, and we can help you with that.

1. Introspect on the relationship 

Andy, a freelancer from New Jersey, told us, “When my ex-girlfriend broke up with me, all I could think about was how to get her back. I would have done anything to make her take me back. But then my friends told me that if I needed to emotionally manipulate her into a romantic relationship, then something was wrong with how I approached abandonment.” If you recently broke off, take some time off to think about the relationship, what went wrong, what could have been done, and were you even happy?

  • Think of everything that made the relationship go downhill. This could be anything from her late working hours to her antagonizing friends. Identify the core issues of your previous relationship and what you could have done to take care of it
  • Ask yourself what you want from a partner and if you were getting it from your ex. Ask yourself what qualities you look for in a future partner. Did your ex even fit this role?
  • Think about all the emotions you’re going through. Is it anger, abandonment, jealousy, or resentment? Ask yourself why you want to get back together with your ex. Is it because it was easy or you felt it was socially acceptable to be with her? If the reason is anything other than love, then perhaps you need to reconsider the whole venture

2. Do not let go of the no-contact rule

A breakup leaves certain negative feelings and memories in the mind. You and your girlfriend both need some time and space to deal with them. Relationship coach Chris Seiter suggests following the no-contact rule and states that it can actually go a long way in wooing the ex, even though it may seem counterintuitive to what you are trying to achieve.

  • The no-contact rule is basically a period where you agree to take space from each other so you can have some mental space after the breakup. Chris recommends a duration of 21–45 days depending on the length of the relationship, according to an interview
  • Try to follow the no-contact rule to the letter. Remove all signs of her from your contact list to curb the urge to call her or her friends/family. Do not answer her if she contacts you. It’ll be good to block each other on social media to avoid distractions or drunk DMs
  • This gives her time to reflect on the relationship as well. She may or may not choose to get into a rebound relationship with other guys during this time, but it’s important to give your ex space and keep away
  • Do not drunk dial her or badmouth her on Insta live. There’s no way to win her back after hurting her publicly. Take notes from The Social Network. The protagonist did come up with an iconic idea and became a billionaire after calling his ex-girlfriend names on a blog post, but they never got back together after that

Related Reading: How Often Should You Text A Girl To Keep Her Interested?

3. Work on your issues to make your ex-girlfriend fall in love with you again

You really want to be irresistible to your ex-girlfriend? Well, then, to get an ex-girlfriend attracted to you again, you must invest the time spent apart on yourself.

  • If she has explicitly highlighted any red flags in your behavior, like anger issues or passive-aggressive conversations, then you must work on that
  • While identifying the key areas that need work, remember to be kind to yourself, just the way you would be to a friend. Often, our unattractive traits are sold to us as flaws that must be changed. For example, if your ex has an issue with you making less money than her, then this girl is not worth the effort
  • When reconnecting with an ex, she should be able to see you in a new light otherwise, she may not be interested in going down the same path again. How do you do that before you start talking, though? A good idea would be to use social media or, if you have them, empathetic mutual friends

4. Initiate contact gradually

If you want to impress ex-girlfriend again, know that it is not going to happen overnight. Charming her with a boombox, only for her to run out of her door and hug you, can only happen to you if you’re in a movie. After a breakup, things change. Once you reconnect with your ex, take it slow and steady.

  • Before you ask her to hang out face-to-face, try building a solid romantic friendship through texting. Weed out the relationship issues that were there earlier. Keep her attracted and hooked on to you until the right time
  • To get an ex-girlfriend attracted to you again, learn to make a girl laugh. Try to think of funny things to say to your ex-girlfriend to get her back such as cracking a joke about your breakup, but nothing offensive. You have an advantage here of already knowing her likes and dislikes, so that makes your job much easier
Ways To Get Your Ex-girlfriend Back
Initiate contact gradually

5. Look for signs before you suggest dating each other again

Before we move to the next stage to reconnect with your ex-girlfriend, it’s important to do a recce. Just because you regret breaking up doesn’t mean she does too. It is always better to test where you stand through a text message. Does she miss you as much as you do? Does she hate you? Has she moved on and doesn’t want to speak with you?

  • It is always better to gauge the answers to these questions from the way she responds to your text messages. Don’t dive in headfirst without knowing what you are getting yourself into
  • When you feel that she trusts you and likes you enough to accept a hangout offer, do it. It’s a simple and easy test. If she is serious about her current boyfriend, she would never agree to hang out with you. But if it’s a rebound, she would

Related Reading: 15 Tips To Forget Your Ex-Girlfriend Completely

6. How to win your ex-girlfriend back? — Take a deep breath and apologize

By the time you seek a connection with your ex, both of you will have pondered over your mistakes long and hard. So the best way to have your girlfriend back in your life would be to not repeat those mistakes.

  • Reconnecting with an ex is not just a matter of apologizing without sincerity. That’s not how you impress an ex-girlfriend. You must feel the impact of your actions, be truly sorry
  • Unless you are ready to head into this new relationship as a stronger person without any baggage from the previous problems, do not consider trying to woo her back. For example, you had commitment issues, show her that you’re ready to take the long-term route. These are serious issues and must not be trifled over

How To Get Your Ex-girlfriend Back When She Has Moved On

A girl would move on when that girl stops feeling attracted to her ex or feels that she deserved a better relationship than the one she is in. However, if you both shared something real and meaningful, then she is going to remember it for a long time. True love doesn’t fade away in a matter of months. If you are indeed confident that what you two shared was real, then all you have to do is remind her how she used to feel with you. And you have to do this sensibly.

If you want to be irresistible to your ex-girlfriend and make her absolutely forget the present guy that she is with, here’s the game plan:

Related Reading: How To Know When A Relationship Is Over? 25 Signs That Indicate So

1. Focus on your own life for some time 

A person is likely to move on from a committed relationship when they don’t feel the connection anymore, are no longer attracted to their partner, or believe that they deserve someone better. In the last case, which happens often, you need to understand what went wrong with your relationship and work on fixing it. This step is more important than any other because it will make sure that she wants to come back.

  • However self-assured a person may be, everyone feels extremely low after a messy breakup. Their self-confidence plummets, they lose focus, and they may also face existential crisis. At this point, it is important to rein yourself in. Focus on your career, health, personal growth, or any other area that you’ve been ignoring. Cultivate your social life. This is a time for self-reflection and self-improvement. Strive to become a better version of yourself
  • Ask friends and family for their honest opinions about you and your relationship if you’re unsure about what, or if, to change. An objective view can help in this greatly
  • Most guys believe that they must look jaw-dropping to get their ex’s attention. It’s not for naught that we have the concept of revenge body, but women are less likely to feel attracted to someone with a lazy mind and six-pack abs than someone who is intelligent and confident

2. To get her back as your partner, keep it casual

To get her back as your partner
To get her back as your partner

One of the common mistakes people make after the no-contact period is to badger their exes to meet. Keep away from such desperate behavior or any funny tricks after a breakup to get your ex-girlfriend’s attention. Instead, act casually. Don’t make a big deal out of meeting her again. 

It’s always a bit awkward meeting your ex unless you’ve ended things amicably. Ask her out as friends. If you think spending time after the breakup might get awkward, then invite her in a public setting where you can do group activities.

  • You may think that you can simply ask her to change her mind and get her back. An ex-girlfriend who dumped you because of your red flags needs more evidence than just a simple statement. So, it would be better to show her that you have changed while you hang out casually
  • If possible, you should try casually dating too. Seeing other women will help you identify how far you’ve come. Not only does it take your mind off things and help you discover new experiences, it also makes you feel less insecure about not being with your ex

3. Get help from mutual friends and family

If you have any mutual friends or family members of your ex whom you’re still in touch with or share a great repertoire with, then this may be a good time to ask for their help.

  • Ask your friends for their opinion on your ex’s new boyfriend. Do they think that it might be serious, or is it just a casual relationship? Do they think the new boyfriend is good for her? Do they think that she is happy?
  • Be mindful that you can’t expect her friends and family to change her mind and get her back to you. At most, your mutual friends can be catalysts in a relationship. But it will not work out unless you work on your issues

Related Reading: How To Apologize For Cheating – 11 Expert Tips

4. To impress an ex-girlfriend, rekindle that connection

Breakups happen, but the connection, if magical, cannot be forgotten. That’s precisely why so many couples are able to rekindle their romance even when men come back months later. When you find your best friend in your partner, you can rarely let go of them, even after a breakup.

  • A study suggests that humor can be extremely important to make one feel attraction. Tap into what you know about her to find some funny things to say to your ex-girlfriend to get her back
  • This will be helpful when she wants to be friends, but doesn’t want to get back into a relationship. You can take her out to the same places or do the same things she enjoyed to remind her how great you two were
  • Do not downplay the new guy she’s dating, it will only make you come across as jealous. Have some self-respect. Focus on being your best, rather than competing with him

5. Don’t expect things to be the same way as before

A unique thing about getting back in a relationship with an ex is that you start to think that you’ve hit ‘unpause’ on an existing relationship. This can cause people to relapse into the same patterns as well as ignore the needs of the new version of their partner. Never forget the time you spent apart before you move on to the next date as a reunited couple.

  • Even though it appears that you’re dating the same girl, do remember that people change all the time. Therefore, you must keep in mind the partner you have instead of the partner you thought you had
  • We’re always more considerate of the people we meet for the first time. There is always a tendency to appear as an impressive or attractive man/woman. But this is rarely the case in an old relationship. Treat the 2.0 version of your dynamic like a new one if you really want to make the relationship work the second time

Related Reading: Looking Up Your Exes On Social Media? Is There A Point?

How To Get Your Ex-girlfriend Back After No Contact

Understandably, you’d want to get your ex-girlfriend back fast if you’re still in love and regret your huge mistake of breaking up. Even so, taking some time off to process what went wrong between you both is recommended. After you’ve followed the no-contact rule for about 30 days, you can plan to re-enter her life. On the no-contact rule, male psychology considers it a punishment; rather, it is a win-win situation. If both of you want to get back together, you would have realized that by now. If not, then you’re free from a weighted relationship.

What you do next determines whether or not she’d want to get back together with you and how soon. So, you must plan your moves cautiously. Here’s how men can get their ex-girlfriends after no-contact:

1. Keep your distance even after the no-contact rule

As mentioned earlier, the no-contact rule is meant for both of you to reflect on your relationship and life. It is meant to give you time to rediscover yourself and understand the value of relationships. You may find that you still have feelings for your ex, but if you start begging her to take you back at the very end of your no-contact period, you are not sending a very positive message.

  • Use this period to analyze your feelings instead of obsessing about being lonely and thinking about whom she might be with
  • If you realize you still have feelings for her, instead of contacting her outright and asking her out, check her social media or with her friends first. It’s possible that she may not want to get back or needs more time

2.  Take her feelings in consideration when she wants to be friends

It’s possible that your ex may suggest that she needs more space, that she wants to be just friends with you, or that she wants to move on forever. This may be heartbreaking, but you must be the better person and respect her wishes. Moreover, if you are great friends with your ex, then this could be a good sign instead of a mark of being in the dreaded friend zone.

  • It can be painful to be friends with an ex if you still have unresolved feelings for her, so always ask yourself if it’s going to be enough for you or hinder you from enjoying your life with someone else. If being just friends with your ex is a deal-breaker, then better move on
  • Always establish boundaries. Be firm on how much emotional support you can give to each other without making it complicated
  • It’s said that nice guys finish last, but it’s all hogwash. It’s the toxic guys who finish last. Therefore, respect each other’s privacy and NEVER bring up the past at this point if you decide to become friends
stories about breakup and loss

3. Find cute things to say to your ex-girlfriend

Given that things didn’t pan out well between you both the first time around, it’s only natural that there is emotional baggage and perhaps unresolved anger in the equation. Finding the right ice-breaker can be the perfect antidote to this unpleasantness.

  • For instance, you can crack a joke, and when she laughs, say, “I missed watching your nose scrunch up when you laugh.” Or “Can we share a pizza? It’s not the same unless we’re arguing over who gets the last slice.”
  • If you want to be direct and say something heartfelt, you could take a trip down memory lane as old friends and recount a cute story. Then, when you’re both reveling in the nostalgia, say, “I’ve missed you.” That should help you emotionally connect with your ex-girlfriend again

4. Make your ex-girlfriend want you back by being honest about your feelings

Rebuilding a relationship entails a lot more than just knowing how to get your ex-girlfriend’s attention. Piper, a nurse from Nebraska, told us, “I just wanted to get my ex-girlfriend to talk to me once we’d broken up. We always mended things every time we broke off. But the conflicts keep on piling up, and this time she was clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. I want another chance, I’d rather we forget it all and move on.” However, this is not how it works. You have to be honest, not just about how you feel for her but also about how the breakup made you feel.

  • It’s important to be a good listener, but it’s also important to clearly articulate your feelings. The best approach to get your ex-girlfriend back fast is to make sure that she knows your feelings and intent clearly. You want to cultivate a romantic partnership with genuine friendship in it and not just be her friend
  • No matter how badly you want to get back with your ex-girlfriend, don’t make a fresh start without addressing and sorting out your old issues. Whether it was her being a clingy girlfriend or you being jealous about her past relationships, talk about things that led to fighting and arguments between you two

5. Mind games are always a bad idea

Internet is full of tips and tricks that feed on the insecurities of a person and proclaim to be able to generate a ‘desire’ for them. However, these tricks rarely work in real life as they focus on extremely short-term results. Love that lasts years comes from working on issues while being together. Mind games must never be an option, in spite of what these flashy web pages say.

  • To get your ex-girlfriend’s attention, make a thoughtful gesture. Pay her a sincere compliment. Tell her what you miss about her. Offer a heartfelt apology for your role in the breakup. Help her with an errand. She is much more likely to appreciate you remembering her favorite coffee shop rather than expensive gifts or fancy dates
  • Don’t flaunt your rebound or go out with other girls just to make her jealous. It looks immature. Besides, it just reflects your low self-esteem and you risk putting her off even more

6. Take responsibility to heal the broken relationship

When relationships do not end on a good note, there are often unresolved issues on both sides. Focus on acknowledging your mistakes in the first place. Take responsibility. This could be anything from offering emotional support to being more empathic with her family. This is how you can ensure that things work out this time.

  • Lack of communication is the root cause of most bad relationships. Once you’ve started dating again, do periodic checks with your girlfriend. Ask her about her physical and mental well-being. Offer help wherever you can. Share the load
  • Moving forward, if your girlfriend mentions things that bother her, then be courteous instead of dismissive. Try to look things from her perspective and come up with a solution that is favorable to both of you

Key Pointers

  • To re-attract an ex, focus on what went wrong and how to fix it. Respect the no-contact rule and try to get back in their lives in a way they’re comfortable with
  • Instead of focusing on mind games, focus on ways to emotionally connect with your ex-girlfriend
  • How to win your ex-girlfriend back without getting into the toxic loop of on-again-off-again relationship? By being empathetic and taking responsibility for your actions
  • Do not dawdle once you’ve decided. If you want to get back with her, then you must work out the issues in your relationship first

Getting your ex-partner back isn’t just a mere game or a hunt. You need to be sure of what you want, and not play around with her feelings just because you are feeling a little lonely. And if you do want your girl in your life, then you should work to make it a forever one. You can’t just woo her back and then not put in more effort. The second time you date, you truly have to give it your all! After all, life is not a video game where you can have as many chances as you need.


1. Is it possible to win an ex-girlfriend back?

Yes, it is possible if there are residual feelings on both sides and the reasons for your breakup are not rooted in toxic relationship tendencies or fundamental differences.

2. How long does it take to get your ex-girlfriend back?

How to get her back in 31 days? — Such tall claims are too common on the internet. However, there is no set time frame for how long it takes to get a partner back. It all depends on your circumstances, the reasons that the relationship ended, when you started to lose attraction to each other, and her readiness to start over. That said, it is always advisable to take some time off and process the breakup before you try to get back with your ex-girlfriend.

3. How do you make your ex-girlfriend fall in love with you again?

To make her fall in love with you again, you have to make sure she sees you in a new light. So work on yourself and rein in any personality traits that may have been responsible for your lost attraction. It is also equally important that you don’t pressurize her in any way, just to win her over. Don’t do desperate things where you post pictures with new women on Instagram to win her over.

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