Arguments and fights are part of every relationship. What matters is how you and your partner make effort toward reconnecting after a big fight. If you let the resentment and anger brew inside for too long, it can cause irreparable harm to your bond. On the other hand, making efforts to reconnect after a big fight and working to resolve the primary issue, can help strengthen the relationship for a long time. However, that is easier said than done.
When egos are at play and you do not want to be the first one to reach out, reconciling after a fight is not something that will come easy to you. That’s why having a few effective tips up your sleeve to reconnect after a big fight can help restore harmony in your relationship and set you on the path to a happier, healthier relationship.
While it is important to give someone space after a fight, it is also important to have healing conversations to fix the relationship after a huge, tense argument. It is important to find creative ways to make up after a fight. But in the throes of a heated argument, all you want to do is give your partner a piece of your mind, and thoughts on ‘How to reconnect after a fight?’ are barely on your mind at that point. But if you want to seriously save the relationship, you must try harder and have those necessary conversations. Let’s take a look at how those healing conversations can come about.
Why Reconnect After A Big Fight?
“I knew Natasha and I were madly in love with each other, and I really liked her the way she was. But when she started leaving the house after a fight, after being extremely disrespectful throughout the entire episode, it became difficult to try and sustain any bond we had,” Jeyena tells us.
“Though I know giving space in a relationship after a fight is important, her ‘space’ felt more like she was stonewalling me leaving ‘reconnecting after a big fight’ not even an option. All of this after calling me disrespectful names that attacked my insecurities and blatantly abused me, just because she was in a bad mood. It’s a shame because I really thought the passionate feelings we shared for each other would count for something. Our inability to get our relationship back on track after a fight ruined things for us,” he adds.
An awful feeling engulfs a relationship after a couple gets into a fight. If your relationship is going through a rough patch, then the equilibrium of dynamics as partners get affected by frequent fights. You feel overwhelmed by feelings of betrayal, anger, sadness, and hopelessness.
In such times, it is vital to remember what makes your significant other the love of your life. In those distressing times when one fight leads to another, culminating in a nasty, big fight that makes you feel like there is no hope of repairing the damage, figuring out ways and means to bring romance back in your life should be of utmost importance.
The importance of repairing relationships
Residual anger and unresolved issues can cause damage to the foundation of your relationship, causing you and your partner to drift apart. With every small and big fight, this distance grows a little bit more, wedging a gap so wide that it is hard to plug. So whether it is reconciling with a family member after a fight or making it up to your boyfriend after he stormed out of your room, repairing relationships is not something one should take lightly.
Plus, a relationship feels weird after an argument. After a night of screaming at each other, if you decide to sweep things under the rug without addressing them, it’s going to lead to fake politeness and walking on eggshells to avoid another fight. Being unable to find compromises and common ground eventually catches up with you, often without even making the damage apparent until it’s too late.
It is important to address your issues and work on reconnecting after a big fight to be able to truly move on, leaving all the grudges and resentment behind. Let’s take a look at how exactly you can do that.
Related Reading: The First Fight In A Relationship – What To Expect
How To Resolve A Big Fight?
How to reconnect after a fight? The first step toward the resolution of conflict is the acceptance of the fact that fights and arguments are a part of every relationship. With arguments, you tell each other what’s a deal-breaker for you and what isn’t, and putting your foot down basically means that you’re demanding an equal amount of respect in the relationship, ensuring no one walks over anybody.
This will help ensure that you never allow a big fight to derail your relationship in any way. However, it’s also important to remember that bad fights in a relationship can wreck it completely in the long run. Especially when you’re not sure about how to fix a relationship after a huge fight, the lingering animosity can cause trouble in paradise.
Yes, it takes time to recover from a heated argument, especially if the issue at hand is of a serious nature. Being in the right state of mind to reconnect with your partner can literally make the difference. You should not give up trying, even if it seems like all your partner wants to do is continue to be nasty with their sarcastic remarks. Here are some ways to resolve a fight and further strengthen your bond with each other.
1. Resolve a big fight by giving space
The delicate balance between space and togetherness is essential for building a wholesome relationship. This becomes even more imperative after a fight. So give each other some space and time, so that you can both calm down. In fact, you can ask your partner to give you some space to settle down and organize your thoughts.
Think of it this way, when an assignment at work continues to sit on your desk for the longest time, to the point where you’re unable to productively tackle it, isn’t taking a break from it the only thing that helps? You come back refreshed, not completely hating the assignment and you’re better able to deal with its nuances. Similarly, to reconnect with your partner after a fight, you must give each other some space to calm down. But the following question that may pop up in your head from this is, “How long should I give her space after a fight?”. Well, the answer to that is, as long as you both need. There is no time frame for you to take time off. You should only get back to one another when you are sure that you are ready to make amends, apologize and work towards a solution.
When you take time off to make sure you get some space, use this time apart to think rationally about the issue at hand as well as your relationship. Chances are, some careful introspection will help you get over the anger. It will also put things into perspective. Maybe they really didn’t mean what they said, maybe it genuinely came out the wrong way. Once you’re capable of seeing the bigger picture, understanding how to fix a relationship after a huge fight gets easier.
2. Engage in a healthy conversation
How to fix an argument is not about blame-shifting or making one person take responsibility for everything. It is a collaborative effort toward understanding one another. Once you have calmed down, try to engage in a healthy conversation with your significant other with the objective of mending your injured relationship. However, you must understand how long to wait after an argument before you initiate a conversation again. Too soon, and the animosity may cause another fight. Too late, and the silence may be presumed as a lack of effort, causing another fight.
Find the sweet spot in the middle, and make sure you have a healthy conversation with your partner. Steer clear of restarting arguments or shifting blame at this point. Remember you’re both on the same side here and do not want to hurt one another. A healing conversation after a fight is essential to fixing a relationship.
3. Get relationship back on track after a fight by apologizing
A sincere, heartfelt apology is one of the simplest things you can do to resolve a fight and goes a long way in repairing relationships. Yet, with egos at play, it often becomes the hardest. You know it in your gut when you’re in the wrong and it’s a sign of courage, not weakness, to own up to one’s mistakes.
Moreover, when you’re waiting for your partner to apologize first, it signifies that you care more about being right than wanting reconciliation. To reconnect with your partner after a fight, you must disregard your ego and apologize as and when need be. The minute you do, you’ll see the tense situation diffusing itself.
So, admit your mistake and let your partner know you’re sorry. If saying it in as many words is hard, you can explore some cute little ways to say sorry and make your loved one smile. When the equation is reversed, your partner too will feel encouraged to follow suit.
4. Make sure they see that you care to start reconnecting after a big fight
Fights can instill doubts about one’s decision to be with their partner. When you’re both exchanging sarcastic and hurtful comments, it’s easy to believe that your partner doesn’t care about you. The only way to reinforce the belief that you both belong together, and a fight – no matter how big or nasty – is a mere bump in the road, is to shower them with love by using any of the many ways of showing affection.
This is especially important when you are reconnecting after a big fight in a long-distance relationship. Since you’re not with each other, it’s possible that reconciliation might be a little harder, and they may convince themselves that you don’t care.
These expressions of love can either be verbal or reflected through gestures such as hugging, kissing, planning a surprise date or even a romantic getaway. After an argument, how long should you wait to resolve it? Our advice would be to do it when the time feels right and not wait too long. Festering and sulking after a fight is a strict no-no.
5. How to reconnect after a fight? Prioritize your relationship over everything else
Prioritizing your relationship and partner is one of the best ways to repair the damage caused by a big fight. Let your partner know you cannot stand the idea of being apart from them and make them believe that they’re most important to you. For example, instead of leaving the house after a fight and going to the bar with your friends, you must make it apparent that you care about reconciliation enough to not avoid it. Don’t make it seem like you’d rather be doing anything else, that’s not going to bode well in the long run.
Neglecting your loved one after a fight will only make things worse. That’s why stonewalling in your relationship after a fight can have adverse effects on the relationship. Even if you are reconciling with a family member after a fight, you must make sure that you show them that this relationship means everything to you and that you will go to any length to fix things with them.
10 Ways To Reconnect After A Big Fight
A nasty fight has the potential to destabilize your relationship because when tempers run high, people tend to say hurtful things to each other. When too many nasty remarks damage the bond you have established, you can end up drifting apart, without even knowing that you’re doing so. You turn into strangers living under the same roof especially when you don’t try to reconnect after big fights. When all you’re doing is trying to avoid talking about the recurring fights, you’re just making sure that they’ll continue to bother you in the future.
Your priority should be to resolve your differences and reconcile. However, that may not be easiest when you’re dealing with a major issue. These 10 ways to reconnect after a big fight can help. So then, what to do after a fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Here are a few things you should try.
Related Reading: How Do You Apologize To Someone You Love – So They Know You Mean It
1. Communicate sincerely
Communication is the key to a healthy and happy relationship. It also proves to be a vital tool in helping couples reconnect after a big fight. So, make the effort to initiate open, honest conversation after the fight has been resolved.
While we can tell you that communicating is important, how you go about it is equally, if not more important. Tell your partner what hurt you the most and keep an open mind when they tell you the same. This helps in weeding out any latent, residual issues that can keep piling up, setting in motion a vicious circle of fights.
Don’t approach the situation with a hostile or accusatory tone. Don’t generalize and say, “You never do this, you’re always trying to hurt me,” try to stay away from words like “always” and “never.” Instead, stick with, “I don’t think we’re treating each other very well and it hurt me when you said that to me.”
When a relationship feels weird after arguments, the only way to get it back on track is through honest and open communication. Make sure you tell your partner how you felt and, on the same note, you should make them feel validated when they tell you how they felt.
2. What to do after a fight? Avoid giving the cold shoulder to your partner
It is natural to need some time to calm down after a fight. It helps you gather your thoughts and understand the situation at hand. However, once you’ve resolved the fight, avoid giving the cold shoulder to your partner or resorting to the silent treatment, even if you’re feeling some residual anger. This will only alienate your partner and further complicate the dynamics of your relationship. If you cannot bring yourself to be your usual self around your partner, tell them that you need more time to get back to normal.
Feeling upset and emotionally vulnerable after a big fight is understandable. Even as you work toward processing these negative emotions, be mindful of the fact that prolonging a fight can do more harm than good. Make an earnest effort to get a grip on your emotions and try to break the ice by indulging in an activity that you and your partner enjoy doing together. This will give you an opportunity to bond, and counter the distance and negativity in the relationship.
4. Thinking about the good times can help in repairing relationships
How to fix an argument? Remind yourself why you’re in this relationship with this person in the first place. And that can happen if you try to reminisce. One of the time-tested ways to reconnect after a big fight is to think about the good times you’ve had together. This will also serve as a reminder of why you and your partner fell in love with each other. Going over your old pictures or reminiscing about a romantic trip you took together can help end this spell of anger and bickering.
In its place, you will feel a sense of warmth and affection, which will positively help you reconnect with your significant other again. Sure, it won’t necessarily tell you how to fix a relationship after a huge fight, but at least it will put you in a better state of mind. Plus, you’ll be reminded of the fact that you both really, really care for each other.
5. See things from their point of view
A difference in opinions is the underlying cause of most fights. Your divergent views on an issue can lead to misunderstandings, conflict, and a lack of communication. It is only natural that you and your partner will not agree on everything.
The mature way of handling such differences is to appreciate the other person’s perspective rather than dismiss it. When you walk a mile in their shoes, you’ll see the reasons behind their reactions and why they said the things they did. Perhaps they’re not as sinister as you thought, and they just let their emotions get the better of them.
When you’re giving space in a relationship after a fight, take a moment to think about what your partner has been going through and why they might have acted the way they did. This will help you nurture your relationship into a sanctuary that allows you both to thrive as individuals and a couple.
Related Reading: The Top 3 Reasons Why A Couple Fights About The Same Things
6. Don’t rush into things for reconnecting after a big fight
Recovery and healing in a relationship after a fight take time. You may have resolved the dispute but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have bounced back from the setback fully. So, don’t rush to reconnect after a big fight.
So then, how to fix an argument that had gone too far? Take the time you need to be at peace with the fact that something unpleasant and nasty has transpired between you both before you try to go back to your happy space. During this time, avoid being clingy in your relationship or nagging your partner. If you’re wondering how long to wait after an argument before trying to make amends, the answer is: until you are in a state of mind that allows you to initiate reconciliation.
7. Acknowledge your part in the fight
What to do after a fight is not to demand an apology from your partner. It’s about owning up to your own mistakes and doing your part in fixing things. This is the most difficult but also one of the most essential aspects of strengthening your bond after it has taken a hit due to fighting. It always takes two to tango. Even if in your mind, the fight was your partner’s fault, you must have played a role in it.
Perhaps, you said or did things that further aggravated a potentially volatile situation. Acknowledge your part and own up to your actions in front of your partner. This will go a long way in letting them know that you truly want to put this unpleasant occurrence in your past and reconnect to build a stronger bond.
Related Reading: 6 Reasons A Guy Ignores You After A Fight And 5 Things You Can Do
8. What to do after a fight with your boyfriend? Don’t overthink it and stick to your rituals
Every couple has certain rituals they follow religiously. You know the small acts of togetherness like having meals together, doing grocery shopping together, planning a date night every week and so on, that really define your relationship. Once you have resolved a fight and want to reconnect with your partner, make sure you get these rituals back on track. Don’t wait for your partner to take initiative, don’t overthink how they’ll react. Just do it. Find creative ways to make up after a fight and you two will have made up in no time.
9. Tell them you appreciate them
Now that a lot of negative things have been said already, it is necessary that you two wipe the slate clean and say something kind to each other for once. When fights turn ugly, one may say things they do not mean and might not even remember later on. But the impact of it stays in the relationship. To be able to effectively overcome the hurdles posed by those hurtful words, one should try to say kinder things to their partner to reaffirm their love for them. Here are a few things that you can say.
“I’m sorry for whatever happened today but I want you to know that there’s not a day that goes by when I’m not grateful for you in my life.”
“I love you and all the happiness you bring to me. We had a rough patch but because of you, I am stronger today and I will be stronger for you tomorrow.”
“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am so sorry to disappoint you.”
10. Don’t bombard them
The thing with reconnecting after a big fight is that it is meant to happen at its own pace and is not something that you can force. So forcing your partner for answers, responses or reactions might frankly irritate them and do more harm than good to your relationship. Even though it’s annoying, you might just have to give some time off to your partner before things will really become all well after that massive relationship argument.
So if you’re asking, “How long should I give her space after a fight?”, tell them that they can take all the time and the space that they need. To really reconnect, you need to allow each other to think individually and take your time to process things.
No relationship is immune to storms and upheavals. The wise thing to do is brace yourself to face those storms and work on building a relationship strong even to survive the worst setbacks. If you’re struggling with constant arguments and never-ending fights, Bonobology’s panel of experienced therapists can help you move closer toward reconciliation.
Yes, it is possible. It depends entirely on how you acknowledge your role in the fight and try to resolve the issues that triggered it. Most couples go back to normal after a fight, but it all depends on the issue you are fighting about. If it’s a serious issue then it might take time for normalcy to return.
A day or two is fine, but if it gets prolonged after that then he is giving you the silent treatment, which is not the right thing to do. In that case, it becomes emotional abuse.
A fight should get resolved as quickly as possible. The longer it prolongs it creates resentment, bitterness, and frustration. The common saying is you should resolve a fight before you go to bed.