Do you feel that your partner has been a little off lately? Are they showing signs of losing interest in the relationship? Is that low-key giving you nightmares? If your partner has been acting strangely and pulling themselves away from you, there’s a high chance that your concerns about them not being invested in the relationship are not unfounded.
To decide how best to handle this situation, you first need to be sure whether this perceived lack of interest is for real or just something you’ve built up in your mind. Knowing how to identify the signs of losing interest in a relationship can give you the clarity you need. But let’s also get to the root cause of why this happens in the first place.
What Causes Loss Of Interest In A Relationship?
The spark is gone. Why? It could be lack of communication or changing priorities. People also lose interest because of different values or goals, hence, incompatibility. Check out the reasons below to find out why your partner is no more interested in making the relationship work:
1. Mistaking infatuation for love
Psychologist Nandita Rambhia says, “Infatuation occurs when a person feels intense attraction, admiration, or sexual passion toward someone else. You will notice physical symptoms of it such as butterflies in your stomach, being sweaty, and a rise in your heart rate in their presence. Our brains release a whole mix of chemicals and hormones that cause all these feelings surrounding infatuation. It also leaves us incapable of thinking clearly.”
People lose interest after this initial rush passes by and so, they move on to someone else. Realizing that they’re not in love, they feel the need to flee and find somebody new. They develop strong feelings for someone else. But by doing that, they can get infatuated again and again. They move from one infatuation relationship to another, always losing feelings in relationships.
2. They found someone else
According to a study, extramarital affairs and infidelity account for 37% of divorces in the US. So, people lose interest also because someone else catches their attention. One of the reasons they cheat is that they are just too scared to break up so they end up doing things that would force their partner to call it quits.
Subconsciously, they fear rejection and hence push their partner away. Moreover, they have a deep fear that their independence might get compromised in a committed relationship. So, to still feel free enough, they resort to self-destructive behaviors like infidelity.
3. Wrong timing
Sometimes, the reasons for losing interest in a relationship are just tragic, in a Hollywood movie sort of way. To elaborate, here are some classic examples of ‘right person wrong time’ :
- “I love you but I need to focus on my exams right now”
- “I wish we were in the same city. It’s difficult to make this work”
- “I like you too much but I am not ready for serious commitment”
- “My family is putting pressure on me to marry someone else”
Another sad reason for losing interest is just the passage of time and a gradual change of feelings. It’s scary but it does happen. This is why it’s important to keep nourishing your romance and partnership. Now let’s find out: What are the signs your partner is losing interest in the relationship?
15 Warning Signs Your Partner Is Losing Interest In The Relationship
Once the honeymoon period wears off, relationships don’t feel like the exciting rollercoaster ride they were before. The spark may begin to fizzle out, and before you know it, one of you starts to lose interest. Your partner may make you feel that you have ended up in a one-sided relationship.
While there is not much you can do when someone has checked out of a relationship emotionally, clarity on the matter can help you turn a new leaf in your life. To gain the right perspective on the situation, pay attention to these 15 signs your partner is losing interest.
1. Disinterest in making plans with you
When two people are dating or in a committed relationship, they look forward to spending quality time together. That’s why couples in healthy relationships proactively make plans to be with each other. After all the stress of work, there is nothing more rejuvenating than a date night with your partner.
Spending time with each other is supposed to relieve stress for you both. Does your partner, who once jumped at the prospect of seeing you, not seem interested in any plans? Are they aloof even when you plan date nights? Do they cancel on you at the last minute?
Handy Tip: Try discarding the same old date ideas, and go for uncommon romantic gestures and plans. Change tacks to keep the spark alive when you see them showing signs of losing interest.
2. No proper response to your texts
One of the signs of losing interest is when your partner becomes very lax about maintaining communication. During the initial phases of your relationship, you both would text and call each other several times a day. It would be hard to get them to hang up and it seemed like you’d never run out of things to talk about.
Does your SO’s behavior seem a bit cold now? Do they dodge your calls and texts and rarely call back? It’s like they’re avoiding you and you can’t even pinpoint why. The communication problems seem to be mounting and there’s no way out. At times, even their phone takes a priority over you. (That’s called phubbing in a relationship, by the way.)
Handy Tip: Communication problems are best addressed with an open conversation. When you spot the signs your significant other is losing interest, sit down with them and hash it out once and for all.
Related Reading: 6 Steps To Take If You Are Feeling Trapped In A Relationship
3. One of the signs of losing interest in a relationship is when the emotional intimacy is gone
In a relationship, being emotionally intimate is as important as being physically intimate because it helps you connect with your partner on a deeper level. A reader from Kansas wrote, “I could see my husband’s emotional distance grow day by day. And I had no idea what to do … I mean, what to do when your husband loses interest in you? He was physically present in a room but I knew he had checked out mentally. That’s when I knew we won’t make it.”
Is your partner becoming more of a stranger to you? They do not initiate conversations and your attempts to get through to them are met with monosyllabic responses. It’s a clear indicator that something is amiss; the meaningful relationship that you two had is now gone. Keeping up appearances is not sustainable and you know that relationship has reached its shelf life.
Handy Tip: Many couples have tackled emotional intimacy issues with professional help and emerged stronger. We, at Bonobology, provide relationship counseling to help you navigate such rough patches. Healing is a click away.
4. Your partner doesn’t pay attention to you anymore
The absence of communication is a harbinger of doom. A couple that talks well, walks the road of love well. And for how long can this silence last? This lack of attention is one of the signs of losing interest in a relationship. Imagine trying to have a conversation with your partner where you are the only one talking:
- You ask questions and they give vague answers
- They convey their lack of interest in engaging with you
- It literally feels like you’re talking to a wall
- They remain glued to their phone, busy texting, or checking their social media
Active listening and making your partner feel valued are must-have qualities for a good and healthy relationship. But your partner constantly makes you feel unheard and disregarded. It leaves you feeling like they’re prioritizing other things over you.
Handy Tip: Communication exercises can be helpful when one partner seems to be unavailable. Start with the little things. You could try a ‘no-phones’ hour where you talk about your day to one another.
Related Reading: 8 Ways Social Media And Divorce Are Interconnected
5. They now get frustrated easily
Does your partner get angry and frustrated easily? Your normally calm partner always seems frustrated nowadays. When you ask them the reason, they don’t give you a concrete answer. All you get are negative vibes and reactions. And you can’t, for the life of you, begin to fathom the reason behind this sudden shift in their personality and attitude.
Maybe your wife snaps at the tiniest things you do. She’s constantly irritated or short on patience. You’ve been wondering what’s wrong without realizing that these are signs your wife is losing interest in the marriage.
Anger management in relationships has become alien to them. The unpleasant truth is this behavior may be a manifestation of the fact that your partner is frustrated with the way things are. Them getting worked up on small things is just an outlet for this frustration. If this has become a pattern, then you’re staring at the signs of losing interest in a relationship.
Handy Tip: Living in close quarters 24/7 could be aggravating their mood. Both of you can take some space and time off.
6. You’re not able to rely on them now
How to tell if your partner is losing interest, you ask? When any trouble befalls you, you call your partner for help. You turn to them for support during the tough times. But these are the new patterns of your partner now when you ask for help:
- Your partner tries to avoid you
- The person you thought you could rely on isn’t there for you in your hard times anymore
- They continuously let you down and make you feel as if you’re the only one putting in efforts to make this relationship work
This is one of the clearest signs of losing interest in a relationship. It means that your partner has already decided that the relationship is over. They’re waiting for the right time to break this news to you. Do you want to continue being in this one-sided relationship? Is this relationship even worth saving?
Handy Tip: Sit with yourself and do some serious thinking. If your partner is not dependable, then where do you see things going?
7. What are the signs of losing interest? Your partner is changing priorities
No matter how busy you are, you need to dedicate some part of your day to your partner. Spending quality time is one of the building blocks of a relationship that helps sustain romance, intimacy, and a meaningful connection between partners. When your time together slips on their priority list, you can certainly consider this as a relationship red flag.
Speaking about the signs of wife losing interest in husband, an Instagram user confessed, “I gave up toward the end of my marriage. My husband tried to hold on as tightly as he could. I just wasn’t ready to invest more of my time in a marriage I knew wouldn’t last. I feel quite awful about my behavior when I look back. But I had my reasons then.”
Handy Tip: Forcing time together is very unwise. Come to a final decision about whether you both want to part ways. A straightforward conversation is the need of the hour.
Related Reading: 6 Relationship Problems Millennials Bring Up The Most In Therapy
8. They treat you like an outsider
If you’ve suddenly started feeling like a stranger in your partner’s life, consider it among the unmistakable signs of losing interest in a relationship. Let’s say, they’re dealing with some problems at work and instead of confiding in you, they turn to a friend for counsel. When you do learn about their troubles, they shut you out by saying that it doesn’t concern you.
For instance, consider this: He comes back home and you can see he’s had a long day. You try asking what happened in one way or another. For the longest time, there’s no proper response, and finally, he says he’s tired and going to bed. He’ll talk to you in the morning. This constant tendency to shut you out is among the tell-tale signs your husband is losing interest in the relationship.
Your partner practically treats you like an acquaintance and you don’t feel like you are in a relationship anymore. There could be other plausible reasons behind keeping things bottled up or maintaining confidentiality, but this too can be conveyed to you. Tell your partner what Jim Rohn wrote, “The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keep out the joy.”
Handy Tip: Build friendship in the relationship. Perhaps the lack of a friendship in marriage or relationship is causing the strain. Your partner might feel more comfortable about opening up if you befriend them in a space of no judgment.
9. It’s more about the sex
How can you tell your partner is losing interest romantically?
- If you both no longer have those pillow talks or intimate conversations like you used to, it’s definitely a tell-tale sign
- Nowadays, your relationship is just about sex (instead of heart-warming physical affection)
- You have been reduced to a booty call, and the only time you have your partner’s interest and attention is when they’re looking to get some action
- Have you noticed them get dressed afterward and leave on some pretext or the other?
- Does the physical intimacy between you two no longer feel like lovemaking but a means to satisfy carnal needs? You slowly realize that your partner has sex with you, but doesn’t love you anymore
Maybe your partner is still in the relationship only because of their sexual appetite and nothing more. A business-like approach in bed is also one of the signs of wife losing interest in husband. Men, are you listening?
Handy Tip: Hold off on the sex for a while and work on your emotional issues which are the root cause of all. Temporary celibacy might help you focus on what actually matters.
10. Your partner has a lot on their plate
Another tell-tale sign that there is trouble brewing in your romantic paradise is that your partner will suddenly have a lot on their plate. From too many late nights at work to friends in need and coworkers in a medical emergency, they will keep coming up with reasons they can’t be with you.
Most of the time, these excuses are half-baked and barely convincing. Well, if you look objectively, it’ll become clear as day that these are just lame excuses to get away with not being around enough. When has lying not been a surefire indicator of doom? The need to conceal things means that there are trust issues in the picture. As a matter of fact, this is one of the biggest signs your husband is about to lose interest or that your partner no longer feels the way about you.
Handy Tip: Rebuild trust in the relationship or marriage by exercising gratitude and kindness toward your partner. Share your own life and fears with them which might help them be open about theirs.
Related Reading: 15 Subtle Yet Strong Signs Your Marriage Will End In Divorce
11. If your partner has stopped asking questions, it’s a sign of losing interest in the relationship
That right there is the answer to how to tell if your partner has lost interest. Think back to a time when your partner had this insatiable curiosity about you. They’d ask you questions about your day, your childhood, past relationships, friends, school days, family, and everything else in between. Sure enough, as you get to know each other better, the scope of such conversations becomes limited. Even so, no one can know the other person 100%.
That’s why a sense of curiosity and a tendency to keep exploring new sides to each other is integral to a healthy relationship. Couples ask each other questions for a better love life and deeper connection. So how can you tell your partner has lost interest? If you can’t remember the last time your partner asked you how your day was or sought updates about what you did at work, it’s because they may not care about these things anymore.
Handy Tip: What to do when your husband loses interest in you, you ask? Try this exercise if you BOTH want to rebuild your love. At the end of the day, both of you should ask each other 5 questions. These could be about anything, but hitting the count of 5 is a must.
12. Your partner doesn’t notice you much anymore
At the beginning of your relationship, your partner would keep complimenting you on your looks and would even tell you which color or dress suits you best. Now you may as well go get your lip pierced or color your hair red and they’ll hardly even notice it. If your partner doesn’t make those dreamy eyes at you anymore, they may be falling out of love.
Are these signs your significant other has lost interest? Well, let’s look at their behavior:
- You’re almost invisible to them, and their comments to you are very formal or utility-based
- This could mean they’re taking you for granted because they have gotten used to your presence
- It could also mean that they’re done with the relationship
Handy Tip: Bond over shared activities like working out, cooking, taking a class, etc. You’ll spend time together as a couple and it can be a new bonding ritual during the day.
13. You’re no longer the plus-one
My friend, Serena, was overstaying in a relationship, even though she could notice the warning signs that her partner was no longer interested. Tress, her partner, would often make promises but never made good on them. She would say things like, “I didn’t mean to cancel but I have so much on my plate. I will make it up to you.” And she would, by using love bombing tactics. And then cancel the next plan. It was a loop.
So what are the signs your partner is growing without you? This kind of indifference and neglect in a relationship definitely make the cut. You are no longer accommodated in their weekly schedule (you’re not even their plus-one at a party anymore). As a result, they say things like:
- “Oh, I know we decided to watch this series together, but my friend came over and I watched a season with them”
- “I really wanted to take you to my family event, but I think I should go alone this time”
- “I assumed you would not want to join me on this shopping spree, so I took my brother”
Handy Tip: Work on improving the lack of communication. Clearly ask him why he is no more interested in making plans with you. Maybe they have a valid reason but if keeps happening again and again, it’s time to rethink if this relationship is even worth it.
14. The discussion of future plans has dropped
Maybe you both were planning to move in together. Or eventually buy a dog. Or even get married in the long run. But if your partner has stopped talking about these plans, there is a good chance that the spark is gone. Living in the moment is fine but showing commitment is also equally important. Maybe they have commitment issues.
Psychologist Kranti Momin says, “Commitment phobia doesn’t allow a person to invest in the future. They will not make plans or take decisive action with their partner. Their focus will lie on the here and now. Questions like “where is this going” or “how do you see the future” will be avoided at all costs.”
Handy Tip: Set emotional boundaries clearly and ask your partner their reasons for losing interest in the relationship. Is it because you both have different values or goals? Honest communication goes a long way. There is no point of a relationship wherein only one partner envisions a future. You don’t have to plan a wedding, but you can take baby steps like planning a weekend getaway together.
15. They don’t want to hang out with your close ones
If your partner has distanced themselves from your friends/family, it’s a clear sign that they have lost interest. Similarly, if they hesitate to introduce you to their close ones and avoid putting your pictures on social media even after you’ve been committed for a long time (and they are posting pics with others), something is definitely wrong.
Handy Tip: Give them concrete examples instead of sounding abstract about your unmet needs. For example, “Hey, I loved it when we used to hang out with your brother” or “Hey, occasional PDA (Public Displays of Affection) on social media would mean a lot to me. What are your thoughts on that?”.
If you can relate to a majority of these signs of losing interest in a relationship, you need to have an honest conversation with your partner. Tell them, “I see signs you’re tired of your relationship with me” and be prepared to take the tough decision of letting them go.
What To Do When Your Partner Loses Interest In A Relationship?
If you’re wondering, “Can you lose feelings for someone you love?”, the answer is yes. In fact, it is quite a common occurrence. Even though it is unfair to the partner who is still in love. People grow and evolve differently, so the person you fell in love with is not the same two years or five years later. Hence, partners do grow apart with time. In such cases, you can resort to the following methods:
- Try doing activities that you both used to indulge in as a new couple
- Try to understand why the disconnect is happening and what there exact needs are
- Communicate how you’re feeling (from a place of deep compassion and understanding)
- Maybe they’re struggling with something that has nothing to do with you, help them get the required professional intervention
- Provide them with a safe space, where they can be vulnerable without feeling any hesitation/discomfort
However, if nothing seems to work, then in the long run, it is beneficial for both partners to get out of this relationship sooner than later. Losing feelings for someone usually arises out of things like incompatibility or lack of connection. If these issues are not addressed and identified in the initial stages of a relationship, they almost always snowball into something bigger.
Losing feelings can be our brain’s process of elimination and it does not have to be a bad thing. Look at it as a stepping stone in the process of finding someone better suited to your needs. Leaving them will eventually help you feel optimistic about finding love in your life.
- If your gut feeling says something is off, it’s a definite sign that there has been a major change in your dynamic
- If your partner has stopped taking care of you like they used to, it is one of the signs your partner is growing without you
- If you both are having sex on auto-pilot mode without any emotional intimacy, it’s another sign
- Another sign of loss of interest is if your partner asks you routinel questions, or not even those, instead of actually being interested in your life
If you can clearly see all the signs that your partner has lost interest in the relationship, it’s just a matter of time before they break it off and move on. Don’t let yourself go through that. Make yourself strong and gather the courage to choose yourself over the relationship.
This article has been updated in March 2023.
Yes, it is completely normal to lose feelings in a relationship. Partners may grow differently with time, unforeseen problems might crop up, or their situations may result in a fallout.
Well, that depends on your personal circumstances. For instance, if your partner’s loss of interest in the relationship is coupled with a newfound interest in someone else, there is little hope of reviving the connection you once shared. On the other hand, relationship counseling and hard work can reignite the spark.
Yes, the no-contact rule can make him miss you and realize how much he values you. However, the real purpose of this technique is to gain perspective about your relationship and allow yourself the time to heal from the setback of a broken relationship. Using no-contact to win your partner back defeats its purpose.
The only way of finding out is to have an honest conversation with him. Clear and honest communication are must-haves when your partner is exhibiting signs of losing interest in a relationship.