(As told to Joyeeta Talukdar)
We never consummated our marriage in six years
We got married six years ago, but I haven’t slept with her ever.
Being from an orthodox Rajasthani family where marrying at the right time is important, under immense family pressure I married Avni. She wanted me and I wanted her too. But, every time I went near her, flashbacks left me mentally tortured. I’d be filled with guilt.
Avni at first hesitated, but as time passed and I still resisted, she started asking questions I couldn’t answer.
“Did you marry me under family pressure? Are you impotent or gay?”
Childhood sexual abuse left me with shame. Until love and acceptance freed me.
This was a piece which somehow touched on reality. Is the person completely fine now? Would like to know how the journey ahead has been.
Very well that you spoke about it!! You never did wrong. You should not feel bad.
But to anyone with whom such thing has happened, please do not spare them.
Talking out your fears or the worst that has happened to you is essential to live your life ahead lighter. Avni was a really good and understanding partner , who did not misunderstand and take for granted why his behavior was so. Instead she was patient enough to give him time and let it out. I feel, unless we have someone who we can trust to a very high level, we cannot really open up about such things…
Sexual assault can happen to anyone, no matter your age, your sexual orientation, or your gender identity. But you need to talk it out with someone who is your close friend or any family member. Keeping to yourself will not do anything g better. Don’t be shy, it can happen to anyone but speak up!