I Am Desperate For Sex But I Don’t Want To Do It Without Love

My Questions and Answers | | Expert Author , Professional Coach
Updated On: April 17, 2024
Sad man

I am a 28-year-old man from Madhya Pradesh. As a child, I used to be a boy of serious and religious nature. But now sex is what is on my mind all the time.

Related Reading: My Husband Was A Sex Addict And Kept Me Locked Up In The Bedroom

I Always Stayed Away From Women

During my college life, I changed a lot. My mind deviated towards what we call our natural desires but I never went beyond my boundaries. Because of my spiritual nature, I always tried to avoid sex or friendship with the opposite sex in my college days.

Related Reading: My Wife Is a Sex Addict and it Has Ruined Our Relationship

My friends went to sex workers

Most of my classmates have their girlfriends and those who don’t even hire prostitutes for their physical needs but I never did so. My friends encouraged me to take services of a prostitute but I always said no. I wanted to make out with someone I am emotionally connected with. 

Related Reading: 10 Creative Ways To Tell Your Woman You Want Sex

Girls were interested in me

In school and college life two girls were impressed with me and they were interested in having a good relationship with me but I ignored them. What a fool I was. I just can’t imagine I did something like that. 

I miss intimacy and love

Later, after college got over, I felt that I’m missing something in my life that my friends have already experienced. For the last 2-3 years after I turned 25 I am unable to control my feelings and desires that’s why nowadays I feel sad and a little depressed. Now, I understand how I was wrong by going against nature. I think love, relationship and intimacy are natural desires of every creature.

Related Reading: How I Found Out My Boyfriend Was A Virgin

I am still a virgin

In the last year, I decided to find my love but unfortunately, I am still waiting to find her. Now, one question is continuously running in my mind and somehow it’s ruining my life and that is, “When will I lose my virginity and feel the divinity of love and intimacy?” 

Related Reading: A girl who lost her virginity to a married man shares her experience

Only I know how much I crave love and sex. Without love and sex, my life has become miserable and incomplete.

Once upon a time, I was a winner over my desires but slowly I have completely surrendered myself to my emotional and sexual desires. Every day I have to masturbate to fulfill my sexual desires. Yet, I miss love and a real intimate experience.

Related Reading: I had Guilt Sex with My Cousin and Now We Can’t Stop

I can’t concentrate on work

Most of the time I think about love and sex or you can say more about sex because I missed it since my puberty. Because of my unfulfilled desires, I am unable to focus on my work properly. I know that I need someone in my life who can make me feel happy but unfortunately, I don’t have such a partner.

Related Reading: How porn saved my marriage when anger threatened it

Sometimes I think I have gone mad because of my deprived or unfulfilled sexual desires

Will I need medicines?

Please tell me, is it normal to have such feelings or have I turned into a sexoholic man? How can I focus on my work? How can I control or satisfy or ignore my sexual desires so I can focus on my work? Let me know, do I need any medical support or medicines? What should I do?

Worried man
Sexoholic Man

Dear 28-year-old man

You are in pain for you are confused. Let’s streamline your issues and let’s see what we have on our plate.

Focus on gratitude

I understand that right now your mind is focused on what you don’t have. However true happiness can never be achieved if you focus on what you don’t have versus what you have. Gratitude is an attitude and I suggest you begin adopting this.

Related Reading: Karna’s Love Letter To Draupadi: It Is You Who Defines Me The Most

Write down in a paper whatever you are thankful to have – and since spirituality is something you indulge in, send thanks to God for all that you already have.

The heart doesn’t follow rules

Love doesn’t happen when you want it to, the heart follows no rules. Don’t force yourself to love. Also, romantic love is not the only kind of love. Are you ignoring all the other loves in your life as you focus on this? Do you cherish the love of your family? Of your friends? When you focus on these, you will hardly have time to repent what you don’t have.

Related Reading: Confession Story: We Disciplined Love And Finally Got What We Wanted

Take help to get married

If you want to get married, please enroll yourself in some matrimonial site or ask your parents to help you. Since arranged marriage is a tradition that’s embedded in our culture, please leverage this. However, I hope you have focused yourself on becoming financially secure before you embark on this journey where eventually you will reach a moment where you will have to father a child.

Related Reading: Mine was an arranged marriage based on the man’s job rather than the man

Make a bucket list

Lastly, it’s only you who can make yourself happy. So have you made a bucket list for yourself – 10 things to do before I die? Learn how to play an instrument, see the Himalayas, help another person? Things such as these can be in the list. Do it and start working towards achieving them one by one. I hope you will be happy soon.

Love and light,
Joie Bose

Ask Our Expert