11 Signs You Are The Pillow Princess In A Relationship

Great Sex | | , Content Creator
You are the pillow princess in a relationship
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Are you the star of a one-person show in your romantic escapades, wondering “Am I a pillow princess?” Welcome to the intriguing world of being a ‘pillow princess’, a slang that’s stirring up conversations in bed and beyond. In this deep dive, we’re peeling back the layers of being a pillow princess. Is it just about lying back and basking in the glow of receiving oral sex, or is there more to this story?

From the whispered corners of intimate encounters to the bold declarations in the light of day, we’re exploring the signs that specifically crown you as the reigning pillow princess in your relationship.

What Is A Pillow Princess?

A pillow princess, a phrase within the femme spectrum, not just referring to women, describes someone who typically enjoys receiving sexual pleasure, especially oral sex, without reciprocating. This pillow princess sex preference goes beyond traditional gender and sexual orientation and is not exclusive to women.

The term pillow princess, from the LGBTQIA+ community, helps identify a pillow prince (who can be a woman too), wanting to satisfy a pillow princess, whether a gay guy, a lesbian pillow princess, a bisexual woman, or a queer woman.
Some prefer to only please a pillow princess through oral sex, though the slang negatively labels someone as lazy for only wanting to receive oral sex. Here are some more demarcations:

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  • Pillow princesses vs submissives: Pillow princesses focus on receiving, while submissives follow their sexual partner’s lead
  • Pillow princesses vs sexual bottoms: Sexual bottoms might enjoy pleasing their partners via oral sex but prefer being ‘on the bottom’ during sexual acts

Pillow princess sex can be enjoyed by anyone, and the term isn’t just limited to queer women, gay men, or lesbians. Straight men or their girlfriends can also embody this role.

being a pillow  princess
If you are more inclined to receive sexual pleasure than to reciprocate, you are a pillow princess

What Does It Mean To Be A Pillow Princess?

If you’re wondering, “Am I a pillow princess?,” know that it’s not just about a physical preference, or about being a girl or being lazy. it can be deeply rooted in how one, particularly someone identifying as femme, experiences intimacy and vulnerability.

For some, this role can be a form of self-expression: a way to experience physical intimacy without the pressures of performance or reciprocation. It can be about feeling cherished and adored, and being the center of attention in a safe and consensual manner and not just specifically being ‘lazy.’

Are You A Pillow Princess In Your Relationship? Find Out

Does comfort reign supreme in your sexual encounters? If your idea of a wild night includes the perfect balance of being pampered and pleased, while your partner does all the work, you might already know the answer to the question “Am I a pillow princess?”

Let’s explore the 11 signs that might indicate you are a pillow princess, offering a deeper understanding of your role in intimacy:

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1. You have a me-first manifesto

In the realm of romance and risqué rendezvous, you observe that your focus is always on receiving pleasure. Steamy content? You’re absolutely uninterested in scenes where your on-screen alter ego is the giver. You only reach an orgasm while receiving pleasure.

2. Your presence is the present

Why work hard when your existence is enough to turn up the heat? You believe that consenting to sex is cute enough. You might also believe your partner is lucky to please a pillow princess. Satisfying a woman in bed is totally up his alley and you don’t need to do any work at all. It can be an assumption, or your partner might have communicated this.

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3. You’re not mentally or emotionally involved

There’s a buffet of reasons why you might feel more like a spectator than a star player in your romantic encounters. A lack of emotional connection leaves you feeling mentally distant during these encounters. You might be as passive in your encounters as you are when you watch TV.

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4. The passive pattern

Your romantic résumé might reveal a trend: you’ve often been the passive partner. This could be due to a history of partners who were just fine taking the lead, being in control, and doing all the work. Over time, this can shape how you describe intimacy. You’ve heard that being passive is not just normal, but possibly even something that’s appreciated or expected in your relationships.

5. You’re learning the ropes of it

If leading the way in bed feels like uncharted territory, it’s natural to let your partner navigate while you just lie. But remember, every expert was once a beginner. A little heart-to-heart with your partner about likes and dislikes can be a game-changer.

6. You’re too tired to tango

You might be forever physically, mentally, or emotionally exhausted while engaging in sexual encounters. In these moments, there’s a good chance that you’d only like to receive sexual stimulation, wherein you kick back, relax, and enjoy the ride without the drive.

7. The ‘mind over mattress’ muddle

Dealing with performance anxiety in bed can be a real challenge. It’s often a mix of past feedback or personal insecurities that makes you hesitant to take the lead. When your partner steps in, it eases that pressure.

The key is to remember that intimacy is about connection and comfort, not perfection. Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial. It helps build confidence and understanding, allowing you to gradually overcome these anxieties.

8. The shadow of shame between the sheets

Old shadows of shame about sex can sneak in even if you think those stereotypical ideologies are wrong. Whether it’s about taking charge or just openly craving sexual pleasure, these remnants of reluctance can make you become shy and passive, which might be more common in a woman or a girl, due to social constraints and patriarchal views.

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9. The comfort zone conundrum

Venturing into new territories can sometimes feel intimidating. The idea of experimenting outside your favorite positions, can bring a sense of apprehension. So, you’re probably inclined to hit the pause button at the first twinge of strain or soreness, preferring the familiar comfort of well-known paths.

10. You’re all about the horizontal hustle

You describe your favorite positions as the ones that keep you grounded. Missionary, spooning, or any position you get to lie in – as long as it involves lying down, you’re game.

how to please a pillow princess
A pillow princess’ favorite positions always involve lying down in their comfort zone

11. The toy story of solo play

In your solo escapades, you’re often lazy and it makes sense to you to opt for the shortcut of satisfaction — intimate gadgets over manual methods. It’s about maximizing pleasure with minimal effort, aligning perfectly with the pillow princess philosophy.

Remember, there’s no single ‘right’ way to navigate the waters of desire. What matters most is finding what brings you excitement and comfort in your own skin.

Related Reading: 7 Reasons Showering Together Is Great For Intimacy And How To Do It Right

Is It Bad To Be A Pillow Princess?

If your goal is to be less of a pillow princess, hold on! The concept is often shrouded in stigma and misconceptions, primarily due to traditional views on sexual reciprocity. However, the world of sexual stimulation is as varied as the colors of the rainbow, and being a pillow princess is just one hue in that spectrum.

It’s essential that both you and your partner are on the same page. If your partner revels in giving and you in receiving, it’s a match made for your kingdom! Remember, the slang ‘pillow princess’ was literally coined for those seeking to please a pillow princess.

How To Stop Being A Pillow Princess

If you want to be less of a pillow princess, consider starting with communicating with your partner. It’s about taking gradual steps to experiment with a more active role.

Gigi Engle, a sex & dating writer and a pillow princess advises “Get your dirty talk on point! Tell your boo how hot it makes you to see them being so dominant. Tell them how much you like whatever it is they’re doing to your body. Make it exciting!”

What Gigi Engle is implying is that it should be as much about them as it is about you (even though it’s really about you). Well, so how do you go about it? We’ll give you some tips:

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  • Exploration expedition: To be less of a pillow princess is not about entirely giving up on your own pleasure. Embark on a tantalizing treasure hunt of your desires that include active play. It’s time to swap the royal pillows for a captain’s hat
  • Sensual scholar: Books, spicy blogs, or even ancient text can prove to be a great sex educator in times of need. Knowledge is power, and pleasure too
  • Words in the boudoir: Turn pillow talk into strategy sessions. Communicate with your partner as if you’re talking to a friend. What better than erotic talk that also makes your sex life better?
  • Mindful mischief: Be present in your passionate pursuits. It’s about tuning into every touch and every sigh
  • The advice of a sex educator: Sometimes, a little expertise can go a long way. A sex therapist or counselor can be a game changer for your intimate life

Exploring new dynamics in your sexual relationship can be a journey filled with discovery and growth in any sexual orientation. To be less of a pillow princess can be super fun too! It’s an opportunity to deepen your connection with your partner and explore new facets of your sexuality. Remember, change should always be approached with care, respect for boundaries, and an open mind.


1.  Do men like pillow princesses?

The preference for a pillow princess among men can be influenced by various factors, including personal sexual style, desire for control, and enjoyment derived from their partner’s pleasure. Some men may find the role of a pillow princess appealing, as it allows them to take a more dominant or active role in sexual encounters. On the other hand, some men may prefer a more balanced approach, where both partners actively participate and reciprocate. In some cultures, traditional gender roles might influence men to take on a more active role in sexual encounters, thereby potentially aligning with the pillow princess dynamic.

2. What is the male version of a pillow princess?

In sexual dynamics, the male equivalent of a pillow princess would be a man who predominantly enjoys receiving sexual pleasure, particularly oral sex, without a significant focus on reciprocating. This preference in men challenges traditional expectations of male sexuality, which often emphasize a more active or dominant role. It’s important to recognize that men, just like women, can have a wide range of sexual preferences and comfort levels, including a preference for a more passive or receptive role in sexual encounters. This understanding is crucial for acknowledging the diversity and complexity of human sexuality beyond traditional gender roles.

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