A breakup, a breach of trust, deceit, or discovering that your partner is toxic, manipulative, or abusive – heartbreak can take different forms. When the one person you loved and trusted with everything you’ve got breaks your heart, it can leave you questioning your self-worth and dent your self-esteem. Learning how to love yourself again, as you pick up the pieces and rebuild your identity, can be an onerous task.
Whatever it is that you are going through right now, know that, with enough time, you can get over your pain and learn to love and accept yourself as you are. How do I know that? Because I have been where you are right now. My journey has taught me that there are no shortcuts to healing. You have to practice self-love and self-acceptance, and then, slowly you will be able to find happiness again.
To help you along the path, we bring you 17 tips on finding self-love. These tips come from my own experience of healing and learning to love myself again and can help you cope with whatever is hurting you at the moment. So, take a deep breath, and let’s embark on this journey of healing together.
How To Love Yourself Again After Getting Your Heart Skinned – 17 Tips
When your heart is skinned, it’s very easy to fall into patterns of self-loathing and start blaming yourself for all things that have gone wrong. In moments like this, it helps to remember focusing on why things went wrong will do you no good, love. Why not channel your energies into figuring out how to find yourself again?
Practicing self-love is easier said than done when you are recovering from a heartbreak, dealing with a toxic relationship, or coming to terms with the fact that your partner has hurt you badly. But it’s important, and you don’t need to make big, life-changing decisions to learn to like yourself.
It can start with something as small as watching a movie to help you cope with your emotions, or going out and having a good time with the people you love. Every person has a different way of coping with emotional turmoil, but it’s crucial to get out of your head for the sake of your mental health. And that’s exactly what we will learn to do with these 17 tips on how to love yourself again after getting your heart skinned:
Related Reading: How To Find Yourself Again In A Relationship When Feeling Lost
1. Take your time
Even though Kurt Cobain said, “Take your time, hurry up.” You don’t have to. It’s important to understand that all your feelings won’t just blow over in a day or even a week. You need to allow yourself the time to grieve your loss. It is human nature to either fall into patterns of self-harm to cope with the pain of heartbreak or throw oneself into work to forget about it.
Both these processes have their limitations because they are centered on the approach of ignoring the problem. But as you well know, ignoring the elephant in the room won’t make it go away. Allowing yourself to grieve is a healthy way to process your emotions and get over them once and for all. Self-care and self-love are what you need at this time so that when the time is right, you’d know how to open yourself up to love again.
2. But keep a check on your physical health
When you are grieving, one of the first things you lose track of is your physical health. It may start with you letting go of your exercise routine or not getting enough sleep, or just eating your feelings (and overeating in the process). These actions affect your health, so it’s important to be mindful of your habits. Perhaps, you can try to mix things up a little,
- If you don’t feel like working out, maybe substitute that with some other type of activity
- Similarly, you don’t have to stop yourself from eating what you want, but a little restraint goes a long way
When you are vulnerable, your mental health is in a precarious place, and that could give rise to body issues. So, keep a check on your health to ensure that unhealthy patterns that feel comforting in the moment don’t spiral out of control. Loving yourself starts with loving your body and taking care of it.
3. Slowly let go of the pain
The best way to do this is by focusing on yourself rather than the pain. It takes a considerable bit of time and conscious effort to actually get the hang of this. However, there are things that you must make yourself understand, especially if you are trying to figure out how to love yourself again after a toxic relationship. Mistakes were made, and that’s okay. You don’t have to carry the burden all by yourself. You can find peace despite the toxic experience.
Maybe that person has hurt you very badly, or they might have misused your trust, but the important thing is, you are out of it now. Today you can be and feel just 1% better because you are no longer in a situation where you are in pain. Today you can look at yourself and be proud that you overcame such a difficult time and work on how to love yourself again. And when you practice self-compassion and self-love, you can slowly let go of the pain.
4. Don’t blame yourself
Remember what I said earlier? When a relationship you’ve invested so much into doesn’t pan out the way you had hoped, it’s easy to fall into the loop of self-blame and loathing. But you can’t blame yourself for someone else’s choices, and there is no point in agonizing over “what if” and “if only”.
Instead, cultivate some self-compassion and work on removing self-doubt. Yes, many things could have happened or should have happened, but they didn’t, did they? So, let’s keep the imaginary scenarios at bay, and work on getting out of this tangle.
Not having closure or not understanding why your relationship went south can be painful, but it is what it is. Sometimes it takes a lot of time to find closure and understand why things panned out the way they did. But, from my experience, I will tell you, whatever obscure reason you might find out later, the real reason, in most cases, is because it was not meant to be.
5. Change your surroundings a little bit
Change can be good when you’re trying to clear up your headspace. Whether you’re trying to figure out how to learn to love yourself again after a toxic relationship or after a breakup, a fresh start can go a long way in helping you turn over a new leaf.
Now, I’m not suggesting the full-blown rom-com routine of uprooting your life and starting afresh. But you can make some small changes around where you live. It may be something as small as getting rid of old things or making some additions to your living space. This process of letting go of the reminders of your past can be an important step toward healing from a bad relationship that has left you with a crushed heart.
Related Reading: 9 Expert Tips To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself After Breakup
6. Process your anger calmly
This one is tricky; I always say this: sadness and anger are just two sides of a coin. One usually follows the other. As you process the emotional trauma that has been inflicted on you, you will, at some point, start fixating on all the ways your partner hurt you. This is bound to lead to anger – after all, anger is one of the inevitable stages of the grief cycle.
While your anger may be justified, this emotion is known to trigger negative thoughts, of which no good comes out. Now, I’m not asking you to repress your anger. Please remember this is also a part of your coping process, and you need to allow it to surface and feel the full extent of it. All I’m asking of you is to not let this – or any emotion – hold sway over your actions.
7. Remember to take some space for yourself
Space is important to let yourself heal. You have to take some time and be away from the source of your hurt – both in real life and virtually. One of the most effective ways to love yourself after an emotional setback is to prioritize yourself, and taking the space you need is an important part of that process.
Don’t shy away from accepting and saying, “I need space.” It needn’t be a permanent change. Depending on your circumstances, maybe the space you need is only a walk around the block or a day off social media. But this small act can do a world of good for your mental health.
Related Reading: Divorce Counseling: Benefits Of Pre- And Post-Divorce Therapy
8. Try therapy if you feel you need it
Going through a traumatic breakup or recovering from a toxic relationship can take a toll on your mental and physical health. Often, when you’re in the thick of a situation, it can be difficult to look at it objectively, this, in turn, can hinder the process of healing from a bad relationship.
In times like these, seeking help from a mental health professional can help you make sense of your situation and, yes, even find closure in the present moment. They can also help you gain more insight into what you are going through and figure out the best way to work through the pain and become a better version of yourself in the process.
Now, you might be wondering, how do you know if you need to go into therapy or not? Well, that’s something you need to decide for yourself. A good indicator can be when you think you just cannot go on by yourself. If you’re considering seeking professional help, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
9. Practice self-love
Self-love is key to healing your skinned heart. How can I start loving myself, you ask? Well, there is no tried-and-tested recipe for self-love, but here are a few things you can try:
- Start with something small like taking a relaxing shower or going on a trip
- You can try meditation and yoga to center yourself
- Or you can just rock out to your favorite tunes
- You can take yourself out on a date
It’s up to you to decide what works best for you. Whatever you choose, the practice of prioritizing yourself can affirm the belief that you deserve respect and all the love and care in the world. When practiced consistently, self-love will help you connect with your true self and put you on the path to self-acceptance.
10. Spend time with yourself doing things you love
How to learn to love yourself? Make the time to reconnect with your comfort zone/safe space. Doing the things your love will bring you joy, which can prove to be an antidote to all the pain and sadness you’re carrying within. If you don’t feel like returning to things you love, maybe you can take up a new hobby. Here are some activities you can explore for spending some quality time with yourself:
- Volunteering for a cause you believe in
- Taking up a sport
Related Reading: How To Find Yourself Again In A Relationship When Feeling Lost
11. Reach out to your friends and loved ones
You are not alone. Don’t forget that. While you may need some alone time to work through your grief, at some point, you need to come out of your cocoon and lean on your loved ones for support. When you are going through something difficult and trying to figure out how to find yourself again, these people can be your biggest pillars of support. So, be grateful for the wholesome, healthy relationships you have in your life and seek them out in moments of vulnerability.
12. Don’t go looking for revenge
Revenge is a dish best not served at all. Stooping down to your partner’s level and giving them a taste of their own medicine can seem enticing, but in the end, it doesn’t achieve anything. Being the bigger person and walking away with your dignity is a much better payback than going out of your way to exact revenge on them.
Also, life is fleeting, why waste even a moment of it wondering how to egg someone’s house or slash tires? These negative emotions can become all-consuming if you don’t learn to process them the right way. Being able to curb this temptation is a vital first step toward building healthy habits after a toxic relationship.
13. Go on a trip instead
Yup, why go on a revenge spree when you can go on a trip instead? So, instead of thinking of ways to get back at your ex or the partner who hurt you, focus on getting yourself a change of pace. It can do you a world of good when you’re down in the dumps and it feels like there is just no light at the end of this dark tunnel your partner has plunged you into.
A new place can help you open yourself up to new possibilities, take your mind off your problems and everyday life, and let off some steam. If you’re wondering how to find yourself or how to feel like yourself again, a trip – be it a weekend getaway, camping, or a month-long European sojourn – can be a great starting point.
Related Reading: Ways To Move On And Find Happiness All Over Again
14. Take lessons from your suffering
Taking lessons means focusing on what you’ve learned from this whole ordeal. Maybe your partner cheated on you, or they were really not who they claimed to be. As you work your way through this setback, it’s important to introspect and learn from your heartbreak for your future self. It will help you not repeat past mistakes, make better choices, identify relationship red flags, and set boundaries.
15. Try journaling
Once the initial shock and wave of emotions have settled down, try channeling the angst and pain into words. Journaling can be an immensely cathartic process that can help you in your healing journey. Writing down your emotions and feelings makes them more tangible, offers them a semblance of structure, thus making them less daunting, and helps you tackle them more effectively. The exercise can also help you gain closure, which often holds the answer to: how do you begin to love yourself after having your heart crushed?
Related Reading: How to Fall In Love Again – This Time In The Small Things Of Life
16. Find love in little things
If you are wondering how to open yourself up to love again, start small.
- Be kind to a stranger
- Water a plant
- Explore your city like a tourist
- Gaze at a beautiful sunset with child-like wonderment
These seemingly small acts will help you learn to be grateful for all the good things in life and infuse positive energy into your daily life. This will also help you get rid of the inner critic that constantly tries to pull you down. Similarly, you can also find love in the literal sense if you feel like your newfound clarity requires you to move on from where you are in your life right now. Don’t let low self-esteem pull you down. This is one of the keys to learning how to love yourself again while in a relationship.
17. Learn the art of forgiveness
This is the last step of healing. Please do remember forgiveness is not for the benefit of the person who has hurt you but for yourself. You cannot move on and build a happy, fulfilling life for yourself unless you find it in your heart to forgive your partner for hurting you.
The resentment, the anger, the pain will keep you chained to the past even if you have moved on from the relationship. Forgiveness, on the other hand, will bring you closure and set you free. Always remember, forgiveness does not mean letting the person in your life again or giving them a free pass to repeat the actions that hurt you.
- Take time with your feelings and let your grief pass slowly
- Take care of your health and well-being meanwhile
- Don’t blame yourself for all that happened
- Practice self-care
- Be open to love again from your surroundings
There you have it – the 17 tips on how to love yourself again after getting your heart skinned. You can also use them as a general guide to self-love. As I mentioned before, all of these tips have helped me get over a bad breakup. I hope they serve you well too, whether you’re trying to figure out how to love yourself again while in a relationship or how to let go of someone toxic without losing a part of yourself.