Let’s admit it, husbands often have annoying traits ranging from something as banal as refusing to take directions to something serious like being sarcastic and belittling. But one of the most unbearable of the lot is being stuck with the realization that ‘my husband thinks he does nothing wrong’.
Think that is not such a big deal? Ask a woman who has to bear the brunt of the fat male ego that triggers the strong belief that they are always right and can do nothing wrong! He might cut you off, not entertain a counter opinion, always dominate the conversation, and refuse to hear you.
Initially, it might not rankle but when he does this EVERY single time you have a chat, a tiny question will pop up in your head – ‘Why Does My Husband Think He Does Nothing Wrong?’
What Makes A Man Think He Does Nothing Wrong?
If you’re struggling with the realization ‘my husband thinks he does nothing wrong’, then it’s only natural that you’re desperate for a solution to this issue that may likely have resulted in a skewed relationship dynamic. The solution often lies in getting to the root cause of the problem. Learning how to deal with a husband who is always right is no different. Let’s take a look at what makes a man think he does nothing wrong:
- Perfectionist: The never-wrong personality can often stem from a need to always be perfect. If your husband is a perfectionist, he may find it hard to admit that he is wrong because that would be akin to admitting shortcomings, which would mean he is not perfect. For someone whose entire self-esteem is based on how flawless they are, this can be unfathomable
- Narcissist: If you have a narcissistic husband, the answer to what makes him think he does nothing wrong is closely tied to his personality. In this case, he may actually firmly believe that he does no wrong, and that may leave you feeling ‘my husband misinterprets everything I say’
- Defense mechanism: When your husband never admits he’s wrong, it could also be a way for him to hide his own insecurities and vulnerabilities. It is simply a defense mechanism he uses to hide what he perceives to be his shortcoming
- Low self-esteem: A man who struggles with low self-esteem could also develop the never-wrong personality trait. He fears being seen as weak or flawed if he admits to being wrong
- Childhood issues: If you’re having to deal with a husband who is always right, the culprit could be unresolved childhood issues. Perhaps, he was unloved as a child or didn’t get praise or recognition during his formative years. He has learned to tell himself he’s never wrong to compensate for these inadequacies
Related Reading: 12 Clever Ways To Deal With A Lazy Husband
How To Deal With A Husband Who Thinks He Does Nothing Wrong?
As you’ve seen, the reasons for this know-it-all attitude can be many, but what’s more important is to figure out what it does to you eventually. Being always right means he talks down to you. It shows certain insecurity, an inability to accommodate differing views, and sometimes, even a temper problem. We all know what these attributes can do to a marriage. Still, think it’s not a big deal?
To live with a husband who thinks he is god’s gift to marriage requires a special skill that may include showing him his place subtly, placing evidence that he can’t be right about everything, and most importantly, not letting him get away with being the victim.
If you are a woman who has to deal with the constant realization ‘my husband thinks he does nothing wrong’, you’re likely to encounter myriad problems. What we have below are specific issues faced by women in unequal marriages and tricks to handle such characters:
1. My husband turns everything around on me
Your bratty 8-year-old not scoring well in school? It’s because you can’t devote time to him. The front lawn has not been mowed? It’s because you can’t get any work done. You are having trouble with late nights at work? It’s because you can’t manage your time.
Every problem begins and ends with you, right? If you try to explain yourself, it turns every reasoning on its head, leaving you feeling ‘my husband misinterprets everything I say’. Do you know why he is this disrespectful? It’s because there is toxicity in your relationship that you probably refused to acknowledge in the beginning. He knows that he can get away with blaming you for everything.
Did you secretly enable this behavior by not correcting him from day one? Introspect a little about your husband’s tendency to turn everything around on you. You’d probably realize the behavior started way before you even began taking note of his penchant to put everything around on you.
2. I do everything for my husband and he does nothing for me
It’s but natural for you to feel slighted because you are a giver and he’s a taker. People who have this tendency to think they can do nothing wrong have a sense of entitlement that comes naturally to them and they are lazy too. He naturally expects you to be at his beck and call.
Rachel, who has been married to her high school sweetheart, is beginning to realize that her husband behaves like an entitled man-child. From finding his socks in the morning to putting food on the table for him at night, she caters to his every need while also managing a full-time job and kids. The realization only hit her when she came down with bad flu a couple of years ago.
Her husband simply refused to look after her or even pitch in with household chores even then. “More than the fever and the chills, I was hurting over the fact that I do everything for my husband and he does nothing for me,” she says.
That’s typically how this unequal dynamic functions. You keep catering to your husband’s demands, without realizing that you’re getting the short end of the stick. Somewhere you start expecting the same things in return. That’s when you realize how short-changed you have been in this unfair relationship.
Here’s a trick: Each time you go out of your way to do something for him, make a note. At the end of the month, compare what he has done for you. Is there an imbalance? That will be reflective of your marriage too. It can prompt you to take corrective measures.
3. In every argument, I feel attacked
Well, it’s natural because he is a narcissist who wants to dominate the conversation and make it all about himself. The feeling of ‘my husband treats me like I don’t matter’ isn’t a figment of your imagination, as your husband will have you believe.
You have to learn to focus on your feelings after a fight. You will feel hurt but ask yourself – is it your ego that’s in charge or your heart? If it’s your ego, you will get sucked into the argument and be combative, which further fuels the feeling of being wounded or attacked. If it’s your heart, you’ll be in control of your behavior.
Find out if you even care about his seemingly hurtful words. If you do not care and you are still getting sucked into the heat of the moment, it means you are not in control. If you don’t care, it should not matter to you. Withdraw from the race then.
Related Reading: Top 15 Signs Of A Selfish Husband And Why Is He Like That?
4. Is it okay to make your husband realize he is wrong?
Erm… yes! But please do so with a sense of awareness. Understand that if your husband acts cranky, crabby, misunderstood, and argumentative, he is trying to prove his self-worth and importance by being stubborn. It stems from his need to have the last word because yes, this ‘my husband thinks he does nothing wrong’ you have in your gut is on-point.
Here’s what you can do, according to life coach Susan Riley, “You just listen. Or you can say, ‘Can you explain that again because I want to hear more about it?’ This validates their opinion because that’s what they seek. It’s a brilliant way of giving them the talk.”
By first listening to him, you have your chance to tell him your side of the story. Whether he chooses to listen or walk away is his choice and you have to make your peace with it. Nonetheless, it is perfectly okay to make your husband realize he is wrong by giving him the ‘calm treatment’.
5. How do I make my husband realize my value?
The simple answer is you can’t. Which brings us to a second, more important question: why should you? A husband who thinks he does nothing wrong does not always consider you to be inferior to him. It’s just that he thinks of himself to be superior to everyone else – you, him, his boss, his siblings.
That’s the reason he acts the way he does. The behavior stems from a fear of being disrespected and undervalued. The key is to NOT take this personally. It isn’t about you. It shows their need to act as if they have come down from the heavens to grace your life.
The problem is such people are so full of the need to be proven right that they would not realize your worth even if proven wrong. Your effort should be toward maintaining control when he is losing his. Value yourself.
6. How do I calm myself when he refuses to listen?
Mel Robbins, a confidence coach, has a useful tip to deal with a person who is always angry, trying to put the blame on you and prove that he does nothing wrong. “While they are going hyper, picture them throwing up. It’s like garbage that you shouldn’t allow to reach you.”
So instead of getting drawn into the madness, step aside and then calmly ask ‘Anything else?’ They will spew more venom. Give them more opportunities. Once they are done, they might listen to you. And when you speak, the energy will shift to you. At this point, you can take charge of the narrative.
The tactic essentially is to let them finish and then repeat some points they have said in their diatribe. Pick out something that has made zero sense and break apart their argument with facts. Thereafter, it’s up to them to accept it or not (most likely they won’t). This is one of the most effective ways to deal with a husband who is always right.
Related Reading: 8 Reasons Husbands Lose Interest In Their Wives
7. How do I cope when he constantly says he is right?
My husband treats me like I don’t matter, what do I do? Do not expect any fair play, mutual acknowledgment or the decency to accept mistakes in such a relationship. Their need for validation feeds their fragile ego so you might not be able to get through to a husband who thinks he does nothing wrong.
It is a difficult relationship to maintain but you can certainly try by, first and foremost, not depending on him for your self-worth. Secondly, have some other outlets of expression – a good job, friends, meditation, developing a journal, being physically active, talking to your priest or a professional counselor.
The idea is to have so much self-love that your husband’s need to be always right and dominant should not affect you. Once you stop caring, the impact of his words will not only not fade but it’ll also give you an objective ability to see through the façade.
8. If I don’t care, will I make him worry about losing me?
Yes, it can be frustrating when your husband never admits he’s wrong. But being cold, distant or withdrawn probably won’t have the desired effect on him. If you show that his acts do not impact you, then it will definitely trigger him. But for the worse. This may or may not send him in an introspective mood but it is unlikely to make him worry about losing you.
The problem is, even if he does worry, the blame will be on you because he is so defensive. You will once again be caught in the loop of ‘my husband misinterprets everything I say’. He might even use this as an opportunity to belittle you to prove that he is right. One way to avoid it is to use the question form.
When you want to point out his mistake and how that’s affecting you, instead of saying ‘What you said was inappropriate and disrespectful,’ say, ‘Do you think you have said something offensive?’ By making him ponder, you are putting the ball back in his court.
Related Reading: 13 Things To Do When Your Husband Ignores You
9. How do I create boundaries in my marriage?
Kudos! The shift from ‘my husband thinks he does nothing wrong’ to the realization that ‘I need to create boundaries’ stems from the fact that you know you have allowed your husband to dominate you.
As with all bad behavior, the onus of deciding your threshold is on you. When your husband is proved wrong, would you want him to apologize? Or would you want him to behave normally while not repeating the exercise, thus avoiding awkward conversations?
Ask yourself to what extent you are willing to go to maintain harmony in relationships because there is no limit to where your egoistic spouse can go to make himself superior. And in his head, strong, superior people are always right!
The problem in dealing with argumentative people is that their need for approval is so high that they often don’t bother with facts and evidence. Even if they do, they try to twist it to suit their agenda. Having a husband who thinks he can do nothing wrong is surely a challenge but once you define what you are okay with and whatnot, it would be easier to find the balance.