“My husband does nothing around the house” – we are sure the majority of our married women readers would jump in chorus now, “Mine too!!!” Wow, who thought you could bond over lazy husband stories someday! No matter how we hate to say this, laziness is a luxury that most husbands enjoy. Gender inequality in terms of household chores is related to the patriarchal upbringing of men, even in modern times.
Surprisingly, even educated mothers tend to ignore this lackadaisical approach their boys have toward their domestic responsibilities. You often hear relatives saying “Get the boy married and his wife will bring him on the right track”. Ultimately, the wife becomes the rehab center for her husband’s lazy, selfish, unmotivated, idle life. Studies show that average men have to be 70% more active in housework to be as productive as average women.
If your husband sits around all day without bothering to offer you a helping hand, it’s justified why you are asking Google ‘how to motivate a lazy husband?’. The good news is that you don’t have to put up with these man child signs, even if society has shown you it’s the norm. There are ways to shake up the status quo and get him actively involved in running the household, and we are here to tell you just how to do that.
What Are The Signs Of A Lazy Husband?
After working long hours, wanting to spend time doing nothing concrete doesn’t make your husband a lazy man. It just means he needs a break for a day and that’s normal. However, prolonged unwillingness to work and lying idle for days together can leave you thinking, “My husband is lazy and irresponsible”.
He may even come across as a selfish husband who displays a blatant disregard for your needs and expectations. And if you do think you have a lazy husband ruining marriage, then you’ve come to the right place today. There is a thin line between being laid back and being lazy. If that line is blurred to the extent of being non-existent in your husband’s approach to life in general and his role in the household in particular, the perception that “My husband is lazy and unmotivated” isn’t off the mark at all.
For more clarity on which side of the laid-back and lazy divide he falls, pay attention to these tell-tale signs of a lazy husband:
Related Reading: The 10 Different Types Of Husbands
1. He never runs out of excuses
“Could you dust the living room?” – “I think my allergies are acting up.” “Will you drop Brian school tomorrow?” – “I have an early presentation.” Yes, this is what living with an unhelpful husband looks like. He would lie around all day like a couch potato and watch TV while you juggle several balls at the same time to keep the household functional and running. The worst part is you will always find him with a ready excuse the minute you ask him to do something, like picking up the dry cleaning or just looking after the kids. And we don’t need to convince you of how lame these excuses are!
2. He needs everything handed to him, 24×7
And here comes the infamous man child signs. The classic embodiment of this lazy husband syndrome would be Howard Wolowitz from Big Bang Theory. Remember how he just assumed his partner to do his laundry on the very first day he moved in with her? We have all felt the frustration Bernadette has to go through over the years for his lousiness. If you too feel like your husband is as demanding as your kids and needs constant attention from the minute he wakes up till when he is served dinner, you have a man-child for a husband.
3. He leaves a trail of mess everywhere
Clumsiness is among the telling signs of a lazy husband whose favorite sport is procrastination. Plus, he would barely finish a task he started. Naturally, his clumsiness is reflected in everything, right from his messy work desk to the way he arranges his closet and even his personal hygiene at times. If you often find yourself whining about “My husband is lazy and irresponsible and I regret every time we try to share household chores“, you’ve got yourself a super lazy one who knows how to camouflage his laziness by being clumsy.
4. He is least bothered about your needs
You know it’s always a one-way road with lazy husbands. Despite both of you having demanding jobs, you are the one who ends up taking care of him. When it comes to reciprocation, does he even put in half the effort or at least show enough gratitude? Hell no! In the mind of an idle, selfish husband, he is entitled to this kind of treatment from his wife while doing the bare minimum for you seems too much for him. He is oblivious to your needs let alone going that extra mile to make you feel special once in a while. No wonder you are so aggravated to think, “I hate my lazy husband!”
Related Reading: How To Deal With A Lying Husband?
5. It’s always his work vs. your work
If you find your husband playing this particular male card every time you ask him to help you in the kitchen, it’s one of the symptoms of a lazy husband. By some inexplicable logic, his job, his deadlines, his promotions are all significant, and somehow yours is nothing but a hobby. Almost as if you are ignoring your wife duties to take a full-time job so the unsaid rule is you have to tackle both. And he has the audacity to expect that you would do all the cleaning and cooking after both of you had a long, toilsome day at work!
12 Clever Ways To Deal With A Lazy Husband
The active wife–passive husband equation is rocking the marital boat of several couples today. When your husband ignores you every time you ask him to pitch in, you’re bound to wonder things such as, “Should I leave my lazy husband?” Trust us, you can’t build a healthy marriage with so much discontentment kept inside unless you figure out ‘how to deal with a lazy partner’ real soon.
Most men would go to great lengths to make sure that they don’t lose out on the royal treatment they receive at home. So, as a wife you have to take the first step to redefine the gender roles in household duties to make your married life more sustainable. Before you take a drastic step such as to pack your bags and leave, let’s make an attempt to inculcate a sense of responsibility and accountability in him. Here’s what you can do to turn things around and do away with the annoying symptoms of a lazy husband:
1. Reason it out with him
A few days back my friend Jennifer and I were talking about lazy husbands and she said, “My husband is lazy and selfish and just so unmotivated that I absolutely can’t deal with it anymore.” I tried my best to calm her down, “Only open communication can save your marriage at this juncture. Have a one-on-one rational conversation, tell him how you feel, and lay out your expectations as clearly as possible.” This might make your husband angry but you have to reason things out with him to give any real shot at making things better.
Point out all the practical inconveniences caused to you and the kids as a direct result of his laziness. Tell him how your toddler almost choked on his dirty socks that lay on the floor. How you almost burnt yourself trying to multitask in the kitchen, even when he was around. If you are absolutely disgusted by the fact that “My husband expects me to serve him”, you have to convey your frustrations. Just make sure you set realistic expectations and don’t sound too harsh, nagging, or sarcastic while talking to him.
2. Make him your hero to help him shed his lazy husband syndrome
“My unmotivated husband has no drive in life and doesn’t lift a finger to help around the house”, “I hate my lazy husband and I am this close to leaving him”, “My husband is a lazy parent. I can’t even trust the kids to be safe with him.” If you relate to this series of conundrums, then think about trying this interesting and unique way. You can try reverse psychology techniques to motivate him.
- Let him know that there are some things which only he can do for you
- Ask him for help by handing over your superhero cape to him
- Let him feel needed (even if you don’t actually need him)
- Make him aware of all the positive changes that only he can make by simply helping a little
To decode how to deal with a lazy spouse, you just have to come up with a few clever tricks that trigger his hero instinct, and the rest will fall into place eventually. Once he experiences how happy he can make you and the kids by doing a little more around the house, he will be tempted to keep his superhero image forever. And who knows? This just might make him want to help you a lot more.
Related Reading: Dealing With A Cranky Husband -13 Tips That Work
3. Appreciation – always, all the time
Recognition and gratitude can do wonders in your mission of getting your husband to help you out more at home. Constantly complaining about “My husband is lazy and doesn’t work” won’t bring any changes in your family dynamics. Whereas appreciating your husband‘s efforts might work like a driving force for him. If by using a bit of praise you can work things out with your lazy partner then we don’t see why you shouldn’t try fixing it sooner rather than later.
- Start by getting him involved in small tasks at first
- Once he finishes, thank him for his effort or let him know that you appreciate him lending a hand
- You can also implement positive reinforcement by awarding him with a treat of his choice such as his favorite meal or agreeing to watch a movie he really wants
4. Set realistic expectations
As annoying as it is, this could be one way of tackling your lazy husband ruining marriage. For a better understanding of how to deal with a lazy husband effectively, you may have to introspect a little. Do you think he will agree to do grocery shopping, laundry, and making breakfast all on day one? Do you expect him to do this your way? Do you re-do what he’s done because it wasn’t to your liking? Well, it may be time to lower your standards and expectations of him and start slow.
This may be a little tough for you initially but if you wait it out you will get your work done exactly how you want it. You just have to accept the inefficient work done by your husband in the early stages so that he learns and eventually completes tasks well. Once he realizes that he can’t get away with it, he will do a better job the next time. You just need to have loads of patience. That’s not just the secret to getting these lazy husbands involved in household chores, but also the mantra for a successful marriage.
5. Avoid threatening your lazy husband
You shouldn’t have to threaten a grown man into performing his basic responsibilities as a husband, heck as a human at least. Yet here we are today. However, no matter how much your husband challenges your patience level, try not to resort to intimidation or deadlines to get a chore done. It will only repulse him further away.
- Give him ample chances and time to do the job his way
- Once he is convinced that no matter how long it takes you are ready to wait for it to be done, he will do it
- He might even surprise you by doing it even better than you expected him to
- Try using a more positive approach to push him to be more hands-on in the house
Yes, I understand the instinct to lash out when your husband sits around all day and doesn’t contribute in any way. But you will have to learn to rein in those instincts for a while. We hope he doesn’t give you another chance of bellyaching about “My husband is lazy and selfish.”
Related Reading: 20 Qualities To Look For In A Husband
6. Be feisty and firm
“Should I leave my lazy husband?”, if it has indeed come to this, then it’s about time to stop relenting and be firm in your approach. You cannot be a pushover anymore. Don’t threaten a divorce so quickly but do show him that you might just walk out if he does not mend his ways soon. Whether you have a “My husband is messy and lazy” kind of situation or an even bigger stumbling block of “My husband is a lazy parent”, put your foot down without screaming and yelling and you will have your way.
- Be tough and assertive wherever needed, without changing your tone
- Don’t make the mistake of applying the same strategy of raising your voice to discipline your kids to your husband as well
- In reality, it doesn’t work that well with kids and certainly not with your husband
- So just be firm and let him know that there is no way out of the task assigned, period
7. Work on bonding
We know the last thing you want to do right now is bond with this lazy man-child when you are furious in your head that “My husband does nothing around the house.” But do hear us out once. Turning this whole journey into a bonding experience will shift his focus from how much work he is doing to looking forward to having this opportunity to spend time with you. It can be a great way to prevent his laziness from turning into a persistent bone of contention in the relationship. So,
- Try doing things together like cleaning the house or cooking
- As you have fun conversations and some meaningful discussions about your feelings and life experiences, it will develop emotional intimacy in your marriage
- When you team up, chances are that he will be more forthcoming in taking on domestic responsibilities
- You, too, can go from struggling with “My husband is lazy and unmotivated” to a happier realization of “My husband may be lazy but he is learning to help”
8. Be flexible and open to new ways
You may have your way of doing certain things, which may even be the best, but once you assign a task to your husband, do not interfere in his work. Be flexible and accept his way of doing it. If you interfere, you might end up doing it yourself after all. And we are afraid bossing him around might lead him to develop bitter feelings toward you.
Sometimes women become control freaks and want a certain thing done their way only. Ditch that notion and just relax. His way of doing things may be different but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Bill Gates once said, “‘I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” So, if you are patient and keep an open mind, your husband might surprise you by getting actively involved in shouldering your burdens.
9. Avoid redoing anything that he has done
No matter how bad or messy the job done by your husband is, do not redo it immediately or in the presence of your husband. This is a sure-shot way to prevent him from doing that particular task in the future. Then next time you complain, “My husband is lazy and doesn’t work”; he’ll have the perfect comeback, “What’s the point? When you’ll do it all over again anyway.”
He will always have a feeling that no matter what, he will not be able to meet your level of expectations. So it is best to stop trying altogether. The next day you will find your sloth husband back on the couch again. We must say you are not being very clever this way. Just believe he would improve, that’s all.
Related Reading: 12 Smart And Easy Ways To Deal With A Nagging Wife
10. Be considerate while dealing with your lazy husband
Consider the urgency and priority of the job that you have assigned to your husband and try to see his point of view too. You can’t shift blame to your husband for being lazy if you yourself have OCD tendencies. Just because you have the habit of immediately washing a coffee mug right after you finish doesn’t mean your husband has to do the same.
- The key to dealing with a lazy husband is learning how to delegate work
- Once you’ve asked him to do something, keep reminding yourself that it is no longer your responsibility
- Leave it to him to handle it, the way he sees fit
11. Go on a holiday (without him)
Feeling clueless about how to deal with a lazy husband? Well, you could leave home for a few days. This is a drastic step but don’t make it sound so drastic. Tell him you are dying to go to that girl gang vacation or visit your aunt in the hills. If you suspect that your husband will strongly resist the idea, break the news to him after you’ve already done the trip planning and preparation.
He won’t be able to discourage you from going considering that you have already put in so much effort (and money) into the trip. Let him know that you are trusting him with the kids and the homely duties and see if he can hold the fort without you for a while. We are sure when you are back you will see how much of a difference 7 days without you made in his life. He could just rustle up a fancy meal to celebrate your arrival.
12. Divide all the work
We can’t stress this enough! This is something you absolutely need to practice from day one. In fact, have a conversation about this before marriage to make sure you are on the same page. He should not expect that you would manage the home entirely on your own because he is working outside. No matter whether you are a career woman or a stay-at-home wife, the chores should be divided equally. There are a few things you can do to streamline the process in daily life:
- Laying down the duties and pinning them to the refrigerator could be a great idea
- You could get a few magnetic to-do list pads to stick on your refrigerator, and write down the division of household chores and errands on it every day
- If the daily writing and erasing feels like too much work, consider getting a weekly planner instead
- You can sit with your husband over the weekends to discuss what needs to be done during the next week and divide duties in consultation with him
- To get a lazy husband back on track, you need to communicate the inconveniences he is causing you
- You may try to play with his hero instinct and apply certain positive reinforcement techniques to get your way
- But be realistic with your expectations and start with one task at a time
- Be firm in your approach so he knows there is no escape route
- You can try turning it into a bonding experience and avoid bossing him around
Getting your husband to take on more is sometimes as good as taming a wild stud; you should know just when and how much he needs to be stroked and scratched before you handle the reins. That’s a clever way of dealing with a lazy husband. All kidding aside, we think you should be concerned as the very early signs of a lazy man kick in and not spoil him with love because it will come back and bite you in the back.
We are certain that with open communication, positive reinforcement, and a little team effort, you will come out with flying colors of this marital hitch. If you still think that things are not getting better and you might need expert advice to show you the way, you must consider availing the benefits of couples counseling. Lucky for you, Bonobology has a fantastic panel of counselors that are only a click away.
Not traditionally but we can see how having a lazy spouse can make things incredibly difficult in any marriage. Being a little laid-back is one thing. But if you are convinced that your spouse just does not care about you, is not even trying to help you, and shows no signs of changing, we can see why you might consider divorcing them.
The first thing you can try is to talk to him. If you two often have good and clear communication in your relationship, this should not be a problem at all. If he doesn’t listen or understand, then you need to start being more firm with him about your expectations.