Feeling a cold vibe in your marriage, as if you and your husband have drifted so far apart that your bond now hangs by a thread and you feel emotionally neglected and uncared for? When your husband ignores you, these unsettling feelings are bound to crop up, and of course, are one of the glaring red flags that suggest that all may not be well in your marital paradise.
Now before we get to why that may be or what to do if your husband ignores you, it’s pertinent to mention that your response must be governed by the severity of the situation. It’s not unusual for partners to distance themselves from one another after a big fight or argument. And unless this is done as a passive-aggressive way of seeking control over the narrative and manipulating you into toeing the line, some distance when the emotions are running high can, in fact, be healthy.
On the other hand, if you’re wrestling with realizations such as “My husband ignores me unless he wants something”, “My husband doesn’t respond when I talk to him”, or “My husband ignores me when I’m upset”, it could point to some issues in your relationship. If not tackled immediately and well, these issues can snowball into bigger problems in the future. We’re here to help you figure out the reasons why husbands ignore their wives and how best you can deal with this situation.
8 Reasons Why A Husband Ignores His Wife
When your husband is not paying attention, chances are he’d be oblivious to your needs, and act aloof and uninterested. Naturally, you may find yourself constantly wondering what to do if your husband ignores you. As with any other problem – be it in life or relationships – the first step toward remedying a problem is to get to its root cause.
If you’re currently wrestling with thoughts like, “My husband hardly talks to me” or “I feel left alone by my husband”, it’s time to ask yourself why. The answer to that question may give you some insight into how best to address this issue. For example,
- If your grouse is, “My husband ignores my family”, take a look at the kind of relationship he has with your family. Are there any underlying issues there that may make your husband want to keep his distance from your family?
- If you find yourself lamenting, “My husband is mad at me and won’t talk to me”, then you have to ask yourself if there is anything you may have done to hurt his feelings
- Or if you feel, “My husband is not interested in me physically”, introspect and assess if this attitude could be a result of feeling rejected by you
This is not to say that if your husband ignores you, the fault lies with you or that you’re somehow responsible for it. However, underlying relationship issues (to which you may have contributed, even if unwittingly) often play a role in making spouses emotionally distant. To help make this process easier for you, let’s take a look at the common reasons why a husband ignores his wife:
1. He feels you have a tendency to nag
“Why does my husband ignore me?” If that question has been on your mind a lot, pay attention to how you behave around him. Could it be that he feels that you’re transforming into the quintessential nagging wife? If you’re always after him to do the chores and get upset if things don’t go your way, it’s possible that ignoring you is his coping mechanism. Because when your spouse ignores you, it could be his passive-aggressive way of pointing out that he is upset.
2. He’s wedded to his work
If your predicament is more along the lines of, “My husband hardly talks to me and is always preoccupied”, his professional commitments and ambition could be the reason. Perhaps, your husband is stressed because of the pressures of his professional life or the zeal to excel has become an all-consuming focus for him. If your husband is a workaholic, his life would revolve around the workplace. As a result, there may just be no time for you to connect with him let alone have a healthy conversation where you can address the issues bothering you.
3. Lack of intellectual intimacy
Of the different types of intimacy in a relationship, intellectual intimacy is often among the most underrated. However, if you have not grown together intellectually, the marriage can become rife with the risk of spouses growing out of sync with each other. If you’re struggling with thoughts like, “My husband goes out without me all the time, he is just not interested in me” or “He’d much rather spend time with his friends and peers than stay home and some time with me”, it could well be because he finds it hard to converse with you because you are not interested in the things that excite him
4. Boredom in the relationship
Boredom creeps into a long-term relationship more often than not. If both of you are not working to keep the spark alive, that boredom can continue to mount, turning into a wall of ice that keeps you apart. One of the reasons why husbands ignore their wives is that they are plain bored. So, if you find yourself in a “my husband is always on his phone and ignores me” kind of situation, it is possible that it’s a learned behavior he resorts to, to deal with the feelings of stagnation and boredom.
5. Family interference is among the reasons why a husband ignores his wife
Yes, family is an important part of life and can be a great source of support during difficult times. However, once you’re married, it’s important to realize that you have your own life, separate from your parents or siblings. Being too attached to your family or encouraging their interference in your married life can also push your husband away. Perhaps, he loathes it, and it could be one of the reasons your husband ignores and emotionally neglects you.
6. Financial conflict can drive a wedge in relationships
As we said before, your husband ignoring you is often a manifestation of underlying issues at play. One such issue could be financial stress in your marriage. Money can become a seriously contentious issue if both partners are not on the same page about spending and saving habits. If you are a spendthrift and always talking about shopping, renovating, and buying new things, and he wants to save for a secure future, then these divergent views could cause a rift, leading to husband and wife not talking for months.
7. Infidelity could be the reason behind his lack of interest
“My husband would rather watch TV than spend time with me, why?” One of the possible explanations behind this cold and distant behavior could be that he is having an affair. Perhaps, the guilt of cheating gets in the way of him engaging with you emotionally. Or maybe he has fallen in love with the other woman and is staying in the marriage owing to compulsions such as children or societal pressure.
If he seems detached and picks on you to an extent that you feel, “My husband is mean to me and nice to everyone else” or “My husband finds fault with everything I do”, the possibility of a third person having infiltrated your equation cannot be ruled out.
Related Reading: 18 Top Unhappy Marriage Signs You Need To Know
8. He could be a manipulative husband
When your husband doesn’t give you attention, it could be because he’s used to using stonewalling as a way to deal with differences and arguments. Perhaps, this is a learned behavior that goes as far back as his childhood and he doesn’t know how to resolve conflicts healthily. He may not even realize it, but it’s an indicator that your husband is manipulative and uses neglect as a way to assert his control over you.
13 Things To Do When Your Husband Ignores You
What to do if your husband ignores you? How to attract a husband who ignores you? How to make your husband want you all the time? If you have been agonizing over these questions, your marriage certainly isn’t in the best of health. Your husband’s cold and hot behavior could be causing you a lot of distress.
We hope the reasons your husband is ignoring you, listed above, have offered you some insight into where this behavior is stemming from. That understanding can go a long way in helping you figure out how to deal with your husband not wanting you. As always, we’re here to help along the way, with these 13 things to do when your husband ignores you:
1. Talk to him
When your spouse ignores you, you too can feel the urge to give him the silent treatment. However, trying to figure out how to ignore the husband who ignores you isn’t the best approach. The better question to ask would be, “How to attract a husband who ignores you?” If he is ignoring you, you need to be the one to take the first step forward. Letting your guard down and talking about the issues in the marriage will help you both to face the problem and come up with a solution together.
Communication is the key when it comes to addressing unresolved issues in a relationship or marriage. If you want to build a healthy relationship, you need to tell your husband that his behavior is distressing you and causing a strain on your bond but do so without making him feel cornered or resorting to the blame game. Here are a few tips to keep in mind when you broach this topic with your husband:
- Pick a place and time that is conducive to a healthy conversation
- Talk to him when you’re both at ease rather than when you’re emotionally triggered
- Use ‘I’ statements so that your concerns don’t sound like accusations
- Steer clear of sweeping generalizations like “you always” or “you never”
Related Reading: 11 Ways To Improve Communication In Relationships
2. Be kind to your husband when he ignores you
“My husband treats me like I don’t matter, what should I do?” Your conundrum is legitimate but the anger and hurt his behavior evokes may tempt you to pay him back in his own coin. How to ignore the husband who ignores you, you might ask. We strongly advise against it. So, what should you do to deal with this hard time? Instead of thinking of ways to get back at him, be kind to him and show him that you care for him. You can do so by,
- Showing that you remember the little things
- Appreciate whatever contributions he makes to your marriage, home, and family
- Express your gratitude
- Use words of affirmation and displays of affections
It can be hard, especially if you’re at a point where you can’t shake off the feeling, “My husband never does anything special for me.” But make a conscious effort and don’t give up if your husband doesn’t reciprocate right from the get-go. It might take him some time but he will slowly begin to warm up to you again.
3. If your husband ignores you, give him some time
Sometimes husband ignoring wife may have nothing to do with the state of the relationship and may be brought on by external factors such as work or other personal matters that he may not be comfortable discussing at that moment. You might feel like a stranger to him at the moment but you need to be patient.
When your husband stops caring (or at least, that’s what it feels like to you), give him the benefit of the doubt and allow him time and space to bounce back from whatever it is that he is dealing with. Your husband will eventually come around and share his feelings with you. Knowing when to engage and when to give time and space is perhaps the most important communication skill in relationships.
Related Reading: How To Fix Lack Of Communication In A Relationship – 15 Expert Tips
4. Don’t fight with him
We know what you’re thinking: I feel left alone by my husband and you want me to stay calm and not fight. What? Well, the anger and frustration you experience when your husband ignores your feelings are both justified and understandable. However, lashing out, may make him recede deeper into his shell, and you’d once again be left lamenting, “My husband hardly talks to me.”
Instead of getting into a war of words, where you say hurtful things and risk damaging your bond further, you can reflect on,
- Whether unresolved issues are making your husband so distant
- If your husband is in the frame of mind for a serious conversation
- If your own emotional state allows for a productive discussion on the matter
Based on the answers, decide your approach. If you’re both in the right headspace, perhaps you can initiate a discussion. If not, it’s best to let it slide and revisit the issue another time.
5. Analyze the situation
No one just wakes up one day and decides to ignore the person they chose to spend the rest of their life with. If your husband has been neglecting you and your needs, chances are something must have brought it on. And the correct resolution is contingent on the situation you’re dealing with. For example,
- When your husband ignores you sexually, you need to focus on reigniting the spark and reviving physical intimacy
- But if you’re wondering what to do when your husband ignores your calls and texts, it points to general apathy and you may need to find and fix the cracks in the foundation of your relationship
- On the other hand, if your concern is what to do when your husband ignores you after a fight, working toward healthier conflict resolution may be more appropriate
A better understanding of the situation at hand will help you tackle it better. The faster you identify the cause of his behavior, the faster you can come up with a concrete plan for dealing with the niggling “husband not interested in me” feeling.
6. Try to reconnect with him
Once you’ve where the silent treatment is stemming from, try to reconnect with your husband and get him to talk to you. Sometimes, simple actions such as holding his hand and telling him that you are there for him can do wonders. Finding ways to reignite the spark in your relationship and taking him on a trip down memory lane to remind him how great things were when you first got together can be a great way to win back his attention. There can be many answers to how to attract a husband who ignores you, you need to find out which ones work best for you.
7. Keep a positive outlook
When your husband ignores you, the situation may seem bleak. Distance between a couple can be a breeding ground for trust issues, which can trigger a spiral of negative thoughts, such as,
- He is cheating on me
- My husband hates me, that’s why he is so aloof and detached
- He has fallen out of love with me
- My husband has no respect for me or my feelings
- He feels stuck in the marriage
The fact of the matter is, you never know what might be the actual cause of his behavior unless he tells you. And if your husband is going through some bad times, then you’ll need to be strong enough to help him through the phase. But all these negative thoughts can get in the way and make a bad situation worse. That’s why, it’s important for you to try and stay positive so that you have a fighting chance at saving your marriage and being there for the man you love.
8. Plan surprises for him
Sometimes, the connection and communication between spouses tend to take a hit after a few years of marriage because the spark wears off and both partners stop making the required effort in a relationship. This can eventually drive a couple apart. Take a moment to think, could this be the reason why you feel ignored and neglected?
If so, it’s time to do your bit to let him know how much he and your marriage mean to you. You need to figure out how to please your husband. Here are some things you can try:
- Try new fun ways to surprise him
- Take the lead in the bedroom and initiate intimacy
- Plan regular date nights
- Every now and then, buy him small, thoughtful gifts just to let him know he was on your mind
When he sees you putting in the effort to salvage your bond, he too will reciprocate.
9. Pay attention to his behavior
To be able to deal with your partner’s disconnect, you need to start paying attention to detail. Does your husband ignore you and act distant at all times? Or only in certain situations? If his attitude changes so much that you can’t help but think, “My husband ignores me unless he wants something”, it’s a good idea to start looking for triggers.
- Does he ignore you when you bring up certain topics of conversation?
- Does he act distant because you keep having the same fights over and over again?
- Does he stay aloof after he’s had a long day at work or ahead of an important meeting/presentation?
- Does he withdraw into a shell when certain family issues come up?
If his behavior is situational, you needn’t fret over thoughts like “My husband doesn’t like me.” Once you see a pattern, you can start working on resolving the root cause and take the first crucial step toward rebuilding your relationship.
Related Reading: 10 Skillful Ways To Deal With An Angry Husband
10. Don’t discuss your issues with others
It can be extremely frustrating when your husband is not paying attention to you. Even so, resist the urge to discuss your relationship woes with your friends because,
- They may lack the skill to help you figure out a solution
- The emotional dumping may get tiresome for them as well
- Their perspective on the issue may be biased
Taking other people’s opinions can do more harm than good. Instead, trust your own judgment about the situation. Or even better, make an effort to communicate with your husband. If you feel that you need outside help to save your relationship, seeking marriage counseling is always a far more reliable option than turning to friends and family for an intervention.
11. Bring back the spark
When your husband ignores you sexually or the distance between you has grown so much that he looks for excuses to be away from you, leaving you ruing, “My husband is never home”, it could mean that you’ve drifted apart. And that can be a dangerous place to be in. It’s time to pull out the big guns and make an effort to bring back the spark lest the complacency in the relationship takes its toll. Try flirting with your spouse, reconnect with him sexually, and date your spouse to bring freshness to your bond. That’s the secret to how to attract a husband who ignores you.
Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship
12. Build a life outside of your marriage
If your husband is not paying attention to you, perhaps a little space could do you both some good. Now, this may sound counter-productive at first. After all, you’re trying to figure out a way to bridge the distance in your marriage and we’re asking you to give him more space. But it can be the perfect antidote if you’ve fallen into the pattern of centering your entire existence on your marriage, as a result of which your husband may be taking you for granted.
So, quit sulking over “my husband does nothing special for me”, and take charge of your own happiness.
- Focus more on your career
- Reconnect with your friends and carve out some time for girls’ night outs
- Take some time for self-care
- Spend time with your loved ones
In any case, you cannot hold someone responsible for your happiness – that onus lies with you. And once you become more content and at peace with yourself as an individual, you will be able to let go of any resentment you have toward your husband for ignoring your needs. This can make it easier for you to reconnect and rebuild your relationship.
13. Seek counseling
If despite all your efforts, your husband is still ignoring you, it’s time to seek professional help. Going into couples counseling can help you get to the root of your issues, identify unhealthy patterns, and figure out the best way to work through them. Counselors are trained to equip you with the necessary tools to deal with your issues in the healthiest manner possible. If you’re looking for help, skilled and licensed counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
- Dealing with a husband who ignores you can be extremely distressing and frustrating
- From boredom to lack of compatibility, work pressures, and third-party interference, there can be a wide range of reasons why your husband seems distant and aloof
- Patiently trying to get to the root of the issue and working through it is the best approach to deal with this situation
- Communication, kindness, gratitude, flirting, reconnecting, and seeking professional help are some things you can try to tackle this issue
Restoring the health of your marriage can be a difficult task, especially when your spouse is ignoring you. However, if you handle the situation with the maturity and sensitivity it warrants, you can find a way out.
This article has been updated in April 2023.