Do you always feel frustrated because your husband is in a bad mood and you do not know what to do about it? Well, we all know that marriage is not a bed of roses and coming back home to an irritated spouse can make it even more difficult. Having a cranky husband can be a tough job, but you cannot always change your spouse. So it is important to know how to deal with a cranky husband instead of jeopardising your marriage. It is important that you understand the cause of this problem first and then address it with a composed mind.
What Makes Husbands Cranky?
There are a number of reasons why your husband might have become bad-tempered. The patriarchal society that we live in, forces its males to behave in a certain manner. A cranky husband can be a reflection of how he has been raised. He might be trying to live up to a masculine ideal set by someone and constantly failing to do so or he might be going through emotional trauma or his suppressed feelings might be coming out.
13 Ways To Deal With A Cranky Husband
It is important today that we understand that patriarchy has been unkind to men as well. Although it is not your fault, unfortunately, you become the witness and the victim to his anger and it has an adverse effect on you and the marriage.
1. Hear him out
It is important that you first and foremost, listen to what he says before falling into the trap of making a judgment. He might be annoyed because of a genuine reason. He can show his anger nowhere but in front of you and if you create a wall as well, he might have nowhere to go. So it is important that you let him complain as much as he can and hear him out patiently to find out what’s wrong.
After all, if as husband and wife we won’t be there for each other, who will be?
It might not be your fault at all but as Shah Rukh Khan once said, “Maafi maangne se koi chhota nahi ho jata aur jo maaf kar de uska dil bahot bada hota hai.” It is okay to apologize at times if that’s what it takes to make him feel better because chances are that as soon as you apologize he will realize what it is that was making him angry and will admit it as well.
Related Reading: 10 Skilful Ways To Deal With An Angry Husband
Apologizing is a tool that never fails to work in any relationship. It will calm him down and he will be able to think clearly. He will also respect you for actually apologising to make him feel calm when it wasn’t even your fault. It is what you do to stop people from being angry.
3. Don’t feel offended
While it is okay to feel bad about what he said to you when he was angry, it is important to know that he did not mean it and to never get offended by that. Remember, he is cranky – complaining and cribbing over something. Saying hurtful things in a relationship surely harms it, but it will be sometime before he can actually weigh out what he is saying. You will have to let go such things and understand that he is going through something crucial that is leading to his snappy behavior. It is easier said than done but try as much as you can, to not take his words personally.
You have to remind yourself time and again that he would have never said those things in his right mind.
4. Understand the cause of his behavior
It is imperative to understand what is causing him to behave this way. There has to be a reason behind his cranky behavior. It could be his boss at work, his suppressed feelings coming out or a major life crisis that he is keeping to himself. You will have to sit him down and talk to him and help him get through it.
Effective communication has the power to solve even the biggest of the crisis.
Related Reading: 11 Ways To Improve Communication In Relationships
5. Give him space
Space is often underrated. In a relationship, giving your parthner some personal space helps them sort out their issues, deal with their insecurities and think through their problems independently. It helps nurture a relationship and allows it to grow and flourish.
Your husband might be facing something huge in his life and there might be a reason as to why he did not share it with you. It might be evident in his behavior that he is bothered by something but he wouldn’t want to admit it and you, as a supporting spouse, must give him his space until he is ready to share. It is not right to pounce on him and ask him to blurt out if he is not ready.
6. Treat him with care and affection
When a man is going through something, he secretly desires love. He will never say it because, in our society, men are brought up in a certain way. They are taught to throw tantrums. As a wife, it might get hard for you to deal with such a person but it is important to deal with him affectionately. Sometimes, love can be the best sword to win battles. When he is upset, you can go to him, kiss him on the forehead and reassure him that it is all going to be okay soon and that will just do the trick.
And you do not really need to prod over knowing the reason why your husband is upset- you just need to tell him you are there for him.
7. Use sense of humor appropriately
If that doesn’t work, then sense of humor surely will, provided you use it appropriately. Remember, it is a double-edged sword. It can either make him burst into laughter and forget what was bothering him or offend him even further. When he is angry, a light joke about something may lighten the mood as long as it is not offensive in any manner.
Play it safe though.
8. Agree with him for the time being
You may not want to because you are just not that kind of a person, but when he is boiling in rage, it is best for you to agree with him at the moment instead of provoking him even further. That doesn’t mean he is right and you are wrong. It just means that you value the relationship and his mental health much more than you value winning an argument. Be the mature one and simply nod your head. You can always go back to him when he has calmed down and he will be able understand your point of view.
9. Keep reminding him that he is important to you
A person who is tired of dealing with something all by himself is definitely going to find faults with everything that comes in his way. He is going to be snappy all the time. But it is important that you put yourself in his shoes and give him the love he craves for, from within. Keep telling him from time to time, that no matter what, he has always been and will always be the most important person in your life. Keep reminding him that and he will gradually stop directing his anger towards you.
Reassure, show love and be kind at all times.
10. Don’t make his grumpiness a cause for argument
Generally, when people get angry at their own family members, it is because they cannot get angry on anyone else. They become frustrated and start shouting at everyone and everything mindlessly. It is true that you might be frustrated as well and at the end of the day, coming home to a grumpy husband is not what anyone dreams of. But try not to turn back and shout.
Try to not make his behavior a cause for your next argument otherwise, both of you will get stuck in the trap of being disappointed for the rest of your lives, Sometimes, to save a marriage, you have to remain calm even if that is not the first thing that comes to your mind.
11. Reflect on his complaints
He might be complaining all day about everything and most of them might just seem stupid but don’t throw them all in the bin. Try to reflect on some of them because some of them might be about you and might even be worth thinking about. Take them as a means to improve yourself as a human being. You don’t have to do that in front of him but when you are alone, think about these things and accept if you are wrong.
Related Reading: Top 15 Signs Of A Selfish Husband
12. Tell him when he is right
If you think that some of the things said by him are right, acknowledge that. Nothing will boost his confidence more than that. Whether we like it or not, most men have a life-sized egos. And although it isn’t right to boost that, when your husband is going through a difficult phase in his life, it could help to tell him that he is right as long as he really is.
13. Do things that make him happy
Sometimes, when nothing else works, cooking him his favorite meal or watching a cricket match with him or doing anything that he is fond of might do the trick for you. If you do these things for him, he will slowly realize that you are with him and not against him and it will make it easy for him to deal with his problems and your relationship with him will flourish.
Dealing with a cranky husband is no piece of cake. It requires lots and lots of patience and you leave no stone unturned in order to bring him back on track. During this time, it is important for you to make sure that your mental health doesn’t get affected. If you think that your husband has a snappy attitude that is not due to an underlying cause and if you think that you have tried everything and now it is getting unbearable or taking a toll on your life, you should go to a marriage counselor and talk about this to make things better.