Do you always feel frustrated because your husband is in a bad mood that just seems unfixable? Well, we all know that marriage is not a bed of roses and coming back home to an irritated spouse can make it even more difficult. Having a cranky husband can be a tough job, but you cannot always change your spouse’s mood.
So it is important to know how to deal with a cranky husband instead of jeopardising your marriage. It is vital that you understand the cause of this problem first and then address it with a composed mind.
What Makes Husbands Cranky?
There are a number of reasons why your husband might have become bad-tempered. The patriarchal society that we live in, forces its males to behave in a certain manner. A cranky husband can be a reflection of how he has been raised. He might be trying to live up to a masculine ideal set by someone and constantly failing to do so or he might be going through emotional trauma or his suppressed feelings might be coming out.
Or he could be going through a tough time at work or dealing with some mental turmoil that he hasn’t shared with you yet. There can be many reasons why your husband always seems to be in a bad mood and as his partner you do have to deal with the situation at hand.
13 Ways To Deal With A Cranky Husband
It is important today that we understand that patriarchy has been unkind to men as well. Although it is not your fault, unfortunately, you become the witness and the victim to his anger and it can have an adverse effect on you and the marriage.
1. Hear him out
It is important that you first and foremost, listen to what he says before falling into the trap of making a judgment. He might be annoyed because of a genuine reason. He can show his anger nowhere but in front of you and if you create a wall as well, he might have nowhere to go.
So it is important that you let your cranky husband complain as much as he can and hear him out patiently to find out what’s wrong so you can help him deal with it in a healthy way.
After all, if as husband and wife we won’t be there for each other, who will be?
It might not be your fault at all but as Shah Rukh Khan once said, “Maafi maangne se koi chhota nahi ho jata aur jo maaf kar de uska dil bahot bada hota hai.”
It is okay to apologize at times if that’s what it takes to make him feel better because chances are that as soon as you apologize he will realize what it was that was truly making him angry and will admit it as well.
Your grumpy and irritable husband might be bothered by a deeper issue that he might bare to you immediately after you show some kindness towards him. If it’s something big, he might even break down.
Related Reading: 10 Skilful Ways To Deal With An Angry Husband
Apologizing is a tool that never fails to work in any relationship. It will calm him down and he will be able to think clearly. He will also respect you for actually apologising to make him feel calm when it wasn’t even your fault. It is what you do to stop people from being angry.
3. Don’t feel offended
While it is okay to feel bad about what he said to you when he was angry, it is important to know that he did not mean it and try not to get offended by that. Remember, he is cranky – complaining and cribbing over something. Saying hurtful things in a relationship surely harms it, but it will be sometime before he can actually weigh out what he is saying.
You will have to deal with him in a calm manner and understand that he is going through something crucial that is leading to his snappy behaviour. It is easier said than done but try as much as you can, to not take his words personally.
However, if he ends up saying really hurtful things that are borderline verbally abusive, you have to draw the line and let him know when he’s calmer that he cannot treat you that way. He can’t take you for granted.
4. Understand the cause of his behaviour
It is imperative to understand what is causing him to behave this way. There has to be a reason behind his cranky behaviour. It could be his boss at work, his suppressed feelings coming out or a major life crisis that he is keeping to himself. You will have to sit him down and talk to him and help him get through it.
Effective communication has the power to solve even the biggest of the crisis.
Related Reading: 11 Ways To Improve Communication In Relationships
5. Give him space
Space is often underrated. In a relationship, giving your partner some personal space helps them sort out their issues, deal with their insecurities and think through their problems independently. It helps nurture a relationship and allows it to grow and flourish.
Your moody husband might be facing something huge in his life and there might be a reason as to why he did not share it with you. It might be evident in his behaviour that he is bothered by something but he doesn’t want to admit it to you yet and as a supportive spouse, must give him his space until he is ready to share.
It is not right to pounce on a grumpy husband or nag him if he is not ready.
6. Treat him with care and affection
We all need a little bit of love and understanding when we are going through something. It’s the same with men although, often they might not say it, but be sure that they crave love and care just as much as the rest.
As a wife, it might get hard for you to deal with a cranky husband or a husband who is always in a bad mood but it is important to deal with him affectionately. Sometimes, love can be the best sword to win battles. When he is upset, you can go to him, kiss him on the forehead and reassure him that no matter what it is, it will all be okay eventually.
This might just do the trick! Little things go a long way.
Related Reading: 23 Little things to make your marriage stronger everyday
And you do not really need to prod over knowing the reason why your husband is upset- you just need to tell him you are there for him.
7. Use your sense of humor appropriately
If that doesn’t work, then a sense of humor just might. Provided, you use it appropriately. Remember, it is a double-edged sword.
It can either make him burst into laughter and forget what was bothering him or offend him even further. When he is angry, a light joke about something may lighten the mood as long as it is not offensive in any manner.
Play it safe though.
8. Agree with him for the time being
You may not want to because you are just not that kind of a person, but when he is boiling in rage, it is best for you to agree with him at the moment instead of provoking him even further. Or you can choose to stay neutral and just hear him out without disagreeing.
That doesn’t mean he is right and you are wrong. It just means that you value the relationship and his mental health much more than you value winning an argument. Be the mature one and simply nod your head.
You can always go back to him when he has calmed down and make him understand your point of view.
9. Keep reminding him that he is important to you
A person who is tired of dealing with something all by himself is definitely going to find faults with everything that comes in his way. He is going to be snappy all the time. But it is important that you put yourself in his shoes and give him the love he craves for, from within.
Keep telling your cranky husband, that no matter what, he has always been and will always be the most important person in your life. Keep reminding him that and he will gradually stop directing his anger towards you.
Reassure, show love and be kind at all times.
10. Don’t make his grumpiness a cause for argument
The people we love get the best of us and the worst of us
Generally, when people get angry at their own family members, it is because they cannot get angry with anyone else. They become frustrated and start shouting at everyone and everything mindlessly. It is true that you might be frustrated as well and at the end of the day, coming home to a grumpy husband is not what anyone dreams of. But try not to retaliate.
Look at this in an objective manner without letting your grumpy husband’s mood rub off on you. Try to not make his behaviour a cause for your next argument otherwise, both of you will get stuck in the trap of being disappointed.
Sometimes, to have a healthy marriage, you have to remain calm even if that is not the first thing that comes to your mind.
11. Reflect upon his complaints
If you find yourself wondering, “My husband is always in a bad mood with me”, or “why is my husband moody and distant?”, or “why is my husband moody and angry and complaining all the time” read on
He might be complaining all day about everything and most of it might just seem like useless outbursts but don’t disregard them just like that.
Try to reflect on some of those complaints because they might be worth thinking about and could reveal a deeper meaning and help you understand what is actually bothering him.
Related Reading: Top 15 Signs Of A Selfish Husband
12. Tell him when he is right
If you think that some of the things said by him are right, acknowledge them. Nothing will boost his confidence more than that.
The fact that you support him will mean a lot to him in this difficult time in his life. However, you also must ensure that you do not agree with the things that you know are wrong for sure. That is bad for both you and him in the long run.
13. Do things that make him happy
Sometimes, when nothing else works, cooking him his favourite meal or simply watching a cricket match with him with some popcorn might make things better.
If you do these things for him, he will realize that you are with him and not against him and it will make it easy for him to deal with his problems and your relationship with him will flourish.
Dealing with a cranky husband is no piece of cake. It requires heaps of patience and you leave no stone unturned in order to bring him back on track. During this time, it is important for you to make sure that your mental health doesn’t get affected.
If you think that your husband has a snappy attitude that is not due to an underlying cause and you have tried everything in the book, you should not suffer for no reason. If it is getting unbearable or taking a toll on your life, you can go to a marriage counsellor and seek help.