I have no idea where to start as I have never taken this kind of help in life regarding anything until now. I am always the one who motivates others and guides them to be positive in life! But this time I am the one who needs someone to share my sorrows with and there is no one.
I am feeling so down while trying to make myself positive. But I am feeling helpless sometimes. My problem is that I have crossed 30 and I am unmarried. Most friends have either got married or have even become parents… and I am still searching for my partner.
In my family, there is no one to take any steps towards making an arranged match for me. As for falling in love, I have never been lucky there… and well, neither did my father give me that freedom in life to roam around to find a partner for myself.
I am a well-educated girl; luckily, I am beautiful as well… still, I am single. No one is there for me to share and care with, who loves me. Sometimes it makes me feel helpless like it could be better if I were never born or either God has made me live alone… which I can’t accept. It all makes me feel like I better kill myself…
But I know that I am not here to commit suicide. I am not that weak a person. I’m a very loving and caring person. I have always been a healthy person since childhood and never thought that I would ever feel this negative or helpless in life.
Please guide me. How can I come out of this negativity? How can I accept the realities and how can I find any solution when I am not able to see anything right now. I am writing this message to you, ma’am, at 2 am, with the hope that you will give me some guidance. This problem has left me unable to sleep and to stay awake like this has become my routine. Please help me out.
Related reading: I’m 25 years old, unmarried and depressed
Neha Anand says:
I empathise with you. First of all, let me appreciate your step to seek help and vent your feelings. It’s fine to seek professional advice rather than dwelling on the problem. This is your first successful step towards resolution of your issue.
As per your letter, I assume you are more distressed because of the comparison that you have made with either your friends or relatives who are married and have kids and not because you are unmarried. Your comparison makes you feel more anxious and low. Here I would like to ask, what is the universal age to get married? Well, we can’t generalise. Many people choose to get married late or not to get married.
Another reason that you feel low is that you are pressurising yourself by focusing on something which is not in your control. Be in the present and stop worrying about the future. I would suggest that you work on your self-esteem, which makes you feel good about yourself. Give yourself some time and become more solution-focused. You can be open enough to look for the matches on matrimonial sites or try some relationship apps, meet new people and explore opportunities…Love always comes your way when it’s most unpredictable. Embrace your self without putting conditions on yourself. Try indulging in something new and exciting to break the monotony.
You can go for counselling sessions at regular intervals to work on your self-esteem. I am sure you can pull yourself up from this drowning phase and lead a happy, healthy life. Ending life cannot be the ultimate resort; instead, it’s escapism. You can affirm yourself by using constructive self-talk. Be rational. Be in the present.
I wish you all the best.