Counselling

I am depressed as I am single and unmarried

Being unmarried has left me feeling depressed, helpless and negative
sad lady standing near window

Question:

Hello madam,

I have no idea where to start as I have never taken this kind of help in life regarding anything till now. In fact, I am always the one who motivates others and guides them to be positive in life! But this time I am the one who needs someone to share my sorrows with and there is no one.

I am really feeling so down while trying to make myself positive. But feeling helpless sometimes. My problem is that I have crossed 30 and I am unmarried. Most of friends have either got married or have even become parents… and I am still searching for my partner.

In my family, there is no one to take any steps towards making an arranged match for me. As for falling in love, I have never been lucky there… and well, neither did my father give me that freedom in life to roam around to find a partner for myself.

I am a well-educated girl, luckily I am beautiful as well… still I am single. No one is there for me to share and care with, who loves me. Sometimes it really makes me feel helpless like it could be better if I was never born or either God has made me live alone… which I can’t accept. It all makes me feel like I better kill myself…

But I know that I am not here to commit suicide. I am not that weak a person. I’m a very loving and caring person. I have always been a strong person since childhood and never thought that I would ever feel this negative or helpless in life.

Please guide me. How can I come out of this negativity? How can I accept the realities and how can I find any solution when I am not able to see anything right now. I am writing this message to you ma’am at 2 am, with the hope that you will definitely give me some guidance. This problem has left me unable to sleep and staying awake like this has become my routine. Please help me out.

Relationship counselling

Related reading: I’m 25 years old, unmarried and depressed

Neha Anand says:

Dear Single-n-sleepless,

I empathise with you. First of all, let me appreciate your step to seek help and vent your feelings. It’s absolutely fine to seek professional help rather than dwelling on the problem. This is your first successful step towards resolution of your problem.

As per your letter, I assume you are more distressed because of the comparison that you have made with either your friends or relatives who are married and have kids and not because you are unmarried. Your comparison makes you feel more anxious and low. Here I would like to ask, what is the universal age to get married? Well, we cant generalise. There are many people who choose to get married late or not to get married.

Another reason that you feel low is that you are pressurising yourself by focusing on something which is not in your control. Be in the present and stop worrying about the future. I would suggest that you work on your self-esteem which makes you feel good about yourself. Give yourself some time and become more solution focused. You can be open enough to look for the matches on matrimonial sites or try some relationship apps, meet new people and explore opportunities..Love always comes your way when it’s most unpredictable. Embrace your self without putting conditions on yourself. Try indulging in something new and interesting to break the monotony.

You can go for counselling sessions at regular intervals in order to work on your self-esteem. I am sure you can pull yourself up from this drowning phase and lead a happy, healthy life. Ending life cannot be the ultimate resort; rather it’s an escapism. You can affirm yourself by using constructive self-talk. Be rational. Be in the present.

I wish you all the best.

God bless!
Neha

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2 Comments

  1. It happens to some persons, and there is no clear, well defined solutions, to the loneliness, part. Be cool, and do remember, good things do happen in life, it may take its own time. Life itself is full of surprises, and enjoying every bit of the unusual happenings, is the best way of living. Take care, and God Bless You. You are not alone in this world, the Lord above is the best invisible friend to everyone.

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