I proposed to him for I knew I could make this relationship work

by Ratula Ray

I met him in the first year of college and it was definitely not love at first sight! Being a small-town girl and the definition of a perfect Indian daughter, I’d never been in a relationship before, let alone with a boy who had a past!

I was my Dad’s princess and was taught never to compromise with anything in life. So for myself, I had this image of the perfect Prince Charming in my head who would sweep me off my feet and I would be his first love…a love so perfectly sculpted and pure that would make all others around me want to have my life!

But boy, I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen next! As days passed, we became really good friends and confided in each other our fears, doubts and insecurities.

As our friendship grew, I learned about his messed-up past relationships and realised how much he needed a friend more than a girlfriend at that moment! I decided to be there for him…and give him all the time he needed.

I guess I grew up more in those few months of our friendship than I had in my entire life so far! I knew I was developing feelings for him but I wasn’t sure if he was ready. How can someone trust again after being let down so many times? I was even unsure about what I was going to do…how can a girl who had always dreamt of a fairy tale love story settle for a boy with flaws (which he never hid from me, by the way) and someone with such a messed-up history of relationships?

Related reading: After he proposed, we went from a couple to best friends forever

But I guess life is real…so real that it defies all your imaginations and fantasies at times! He had never held back anything from me about his past and I really appreciated that. He even acknowledged the mistakes he had made in the past and accepted that he had his flaws too. With the incidents that he narrated to me, I began to notice a pattern in his past relationships….how despite everything that went wrong, he always came back and apologised when he was wrong…how he was always committed to the person he was in love with…how he just craved a little love and nothing more…and his mature outlook on life! And trust me, that was all I needed to know! I knew I could make this work.

single and dating

He had already been through a lot and I didn’t want him to even worry about this at that moment…I knew he would get all worked up if he even had the slightest idea! I didn’t even know if he felt the same way about me but I thought it was worth a try. I decided to make the first move. I knew our friendship was at stake…but I didn’t want him to be an ‘ex-almost’. I was so sure of my feelings that I decided to take the risk.

So one fine evening, I mustered up enough courage and proposed to him on Facebook….and waited for him to type his reply, holding my breath! He took almost 2 minutes to frame his answer and believe me, those were the longest 2 minutes of my life! I read the text he had sent and my face lit up immediately. Turned out, he had felt the same way about me too for quite a long time but was too afraid and shy to come out and say so. I was on the top of the world!

I was happy that I had made the first move and made a choice that would define my life from that point on. I was brought up to be an independent girl and this act neither made him any less of a man nor defines me as a desperate girl seeking for attention!

I figured out, it doesn’t matter who makes the move, as long as we are both happy and content. I’m proud that he had the courage to trust someone all over again after all that he had been through, and accept me for who I am. It’s been almost 2 years now and I’ve never been happier! When you picture a proposal in your head, it’s always a boy kneeling in front of a girl. But it’s very much possible for a girl to make the first move too, and be treated and respected as an equal in a relationship. You just gotta find the right man!

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