We Were Engaged To Be Married But My Fiancée Cheated On Me

We never imagine that something terrible can happen to us until it actually does. Was I a fool to think everlasting love exists? Was honesty too much to ask for? Should she not have just told me and moved on with dignity? Instead my fiancée cheated on me.

Related Reading: 22 Sure Signs Of A Cheating Girlfriend

Engaged to be married, I caught my fiancée cheating and decided to call the wedding off. I was left devastated and never imagined a thing like this is possible.

The way I came to know that she was with another man was also the most horrible experience. I was supposed to be at a conference, which was out of town, but I came back a day earlier to give her a surprise and landed up at her apartment.

To my shock I saw a man sitting on her couch. She was in a flimsy, lace negligee. She couldn’t have passed him off as a friend either. The worst was I knew him. He had left our company for greener pastures a year back.

(As told to Mariya Salim)

Can A Relationship Go Back To Normal After Cheating?

It’s not easy when you share the workplace with your ex and I feel like all eyes are on me and all minds trying to sort out the Gordian knot that my personal life has suddenly become.

It’s been two months and I haven’t seen her in the office. Thank God for that. It bothers me to think what story she may have spun to explain what happened between us, especially when I get cold stares from her friends.

But can a relationship go back to normal after cheating? I have heard many people recover from cheating and build a relationship together again. But with me it felt like impossible. I couldn’t deal with this betrayal in the relationship. 

I ignored signs of cheating

I feel stupid. Not because I gave the relationship my all, but because I ignored signs of cheating that I can clearly see now. One begins to indulge in self-doubt, the myth of forever-ness shatters.

My mind is a constant battlefield, trying to comprehend what went wrong. Why did she insist on an engagement within four months of our relationship when she had little regard for my feelings for her? Or was she with him then already? I really don’t know.

What does one do when one doesn’t know what they are up against? How does one fight shadows? These are questions I’ve been battling with since I called it off.

I don’t know the details and I can’t say whether or not it’s a good thing, considering some of the others involved are also colleagues. To keep guessing and not know the truth is not comforting, but for how long does one fight shadows? For how long do I deal with the fact that my fiancée cheated on me?

Related reading: Why chasing after marriage is not a good idea

Can I marry someone who cheated on me?

It’s not really possible. If a person can’t be loyal before marriage how would she be loyal after marriage. I haven’t heard from her since. Don’t I deserve an apology or at least an explanation for the sake of the two and a half years of togetherness?

I guess there’s little that will be answered by someone who doesn’t seem to honour honesty. When my fiancée cheated on me I was shattered looking for answers.

Yes, we were different, but this difference was there from the start. Her intellectual prowess is what attracted me to her, and as affection turned to love, over time I started to see a future with her, specially with her insistence on starting a family with me.

Maybe sometimes we don’t give ‘signs’ and ‘hints’ importance, but then again, how does one conclusively identify these as signs and not mood swings or difference of opinion, which is natural? Maybe sometimes we see what we want to.

I wasn’t sure of this relationship in the beginning, but as time passed, specially towards the end, I wanted to do everything in my power to make it work. I feel it was the opposite for her. I just wish the cause wasn’t infidelity.

I couldn’t believe my fiancée could be unfaithful during engagement

I want to tread very carefully now. I want to be cautious and careful, to avoid getting hurt or being with someone I can be hurt by again.

Is that possible, I ask myself. Can we ever know who may hurt us? Do we stop the right people from entering our lives because the wrong ones have managed to scar us ? Who would expect that someone can be unfaithful during engagement?

There may be no definitive answers to these questions. I’ve tried to handle this entire situation with dignity and I hope to come out of it with my head held high. I haven’t indulged in any name calling, and have, very respectfully, asked for my grandmother’s ring back.

Related reading: 12 Signs You Have A Selfish Girlfriend

Why my fiancée cheated on me?

This is a question that eats me up day and night. It hasn’t been easy. I’m engulfed by self-doubt. But work keeps me going. I’m writing, meeting new people, concentrating on my career now. It hurts a lot, I feel she started hating me, despising me towards the end, but I’m getting better.

Initially when I found out about her, I thought maybe monogamy is not the norm and maybe I shouldn’t be an exception. I guess it’s my natural instinct to be monogamous. I don’t think I want to change myself because of someone else’s actions. I have never judged people based on their sexual behaviour, but I do judge them based on their honesty.

I cannot imagine she was making love to me and at the same time she was being with another man and having intimate relationships with him. How could she do it?

She could have told me she was polyamorous or she wanted an open relationship then at least I would have appreciated her honesty. But I am unable to process the fact my fiancée cheated on me.

Initially, my judgement and actions were clouded by inquisitiveness and the temptation to give in to a light ear, not knowing anything at all. Not anymore.

It takes effort but I’m working towards coming out of the breach of trust. There are days I’m very low on self-confidence, but they pass. There is divine intervention, and I believe my family, friends and God have looked after me.

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