We can see your situation as clearly as day. So, you have been dating for more than a year. You know he is the one for you, your soulmate. You have been waiting for him to pop the question for quite some time now, but it’s really frustrating that he doesn’t. You stay awake at night thinking, “How long does it take a man to know he wants to marry you?”
If women have some parameters to choose the one they want to marry, the same goes for men as well. Sometimes though, even after women feel ready to take the plunge, men hold back longer. Why is that? And if you are dating a commitment-phobe, then your wait might be forever. Even otherwise, there are a lot of things that go on in a man’s mind before he buys that ring for you.
This reminds me of my friend Alicia because her significant other, too, took his own sweet time to bring on the proposal. Alicia and Brian were living together for almost two years and she was tired of dropping him every possible hint that she was ready for the next big step. But there were no visible reactions from Brian.
One day Alicia simply broke down as she couldn’t bear it anymore. She presented the age-old question ‘Where is this relationship going?’ on a silver platter and served it to Brian. The response she received from him absolutely swept her off her feet. Brian was saving up because his heart was set on a gorgeous Tiffany ring. At the same time, he was preparing for a better job with a big fat cheque so that he could provide a comfortable life for both of them and the children they dreamt of having.
So as you can see, there is no one way to answer ‘Why do guys delay marriage?’ The excuses they offer could be as romantic as Brian’s, or as complicated as how his parents’ divorce completely shattered his outlook on marriage. There is no reason to think he has fallen out of love with you. It’s just that the decision to marry might be a bigger deal for some people.
How do you know if a man is serious about you? You know that as soon he introduces you to his friends and family and wants the world to know you are together. But being serious about you or being in love with you doesn’t mean that he is ready to settle down. Here, you may ask, “How long should I wait for him to propose for marriage?” Well, we can find that out together right away.
How Long Does It Take A Man To Know He Wants To Marry You
On average American men take up to 7 months to finally figure out if they are dating ‘the one’. Technically, it takes between three to five bad experiences to decide whether the relationship is worth being taken to a permanent level and you are one hundred percent sure that you want to marry someone.
Are you wondering how long does it take for a man to fall in love? Well! Love can happen at first sight but not marriage. Unless you are as naïve as Anna from Frozen and believe that you can marry after knowing a person for an evening, choosing the right partner for marriage takes much longer. But how do you tell if a man wants to marry you? Obviously, he would drop hints about a future together and veer the conversation toward marriage and even kids.
How long does it take for a man to know he wants to marry you? Let’s begin by saying that he has a checklist in his mind and he needs to tick all the boxes before he decides he can get married. Care to take a look at this checklist a man holds onto until he is ready to seal the deal? Read on to find out more!
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1. He sees you as his future wife and wants to be financially settled
This is a vital question that he asks himself before he asks for your hand in marriage. If he is still paying off his student loan, he might not want to carry the debt into his married life. He might want to be debt-free before he ties the knot. And we have to admit that it’s quite a sensible decision because it could be difficult to take on the stress and responsibilities of marriage without first having sorted the nitty-gritty of the past.
He could have had an ideal income in mind or some career goals that he hasn’t achieved yet and that’s why he might feel like he is falling in love too fast. So if he has not popped the question yet, the financial instability might be holding him back. Don’t get us wrong. He wants a serious relationship with you and he does love you. As a husband, he just wants to do it the right way.
When do guys know they want to marry you? It’s when they are in a happy space financially and they know they can take the responsibility of starting a family which makes them more confident about deciding on marrying someone.
2. He is too ambitious
How long does it take for a man to know he wants to marry you? It could take a very long time in case he is the ambitious sort. While there are pros to dating zealous and overachieving men, one thing that you might come to notice is that they are not rushing to get married.
He would want to achieve his dreams before he settles down so it could take him some time before he spends his time looking for the most romantic marriage proposal ideas. And all for good reason! For starters, he might want to ensure that you start your life in a sprawling villa with a swimming pool. In that case, he would save up for a mortgage, buy a house and then decide on getting down on one knee in front of you with a spectacular giant diamond.
But if he is real estate hunting with you then that’s a clear sign he sees you as ‘the one’ and might want to make you his wife soon! For all you know, when he realizes he wants to marry you, he would like to have achieved every major goal in his life so there is no space left for regretting that married life held him back from launching his own start-up business.
3. He wants to be with you forever but is carrying emotional baggage
Every person carries some kind of emotional baggage but some people carry it more than others. There’s a possibility that he is not yet over his ex and he needs time to get his closure before he thinks of marriage. A lot of times when old wounds are left unattended, they can grow quite nasty.
Perhaps you could be the one to hold his hands and walk him out of this misery to show him a happier day. Believe you me, he would be grateful all his life for your support and trust. So, instead of worrying too much about ‘How long should I wait for him to propose for marriage?’, be there for him. When the time is right, it will happen organically.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking he is using you as a rebound relationship to get over the past — there could be tough issues he is grappling with, but with your love and understanding, he will get the courage to face and overcome them. He sees you as his future wife but just wants to be emotionally ready for it. Stand by him through the process and you will come out stronger as a couple in no time!
4. He wants a serious relationship with you first, to know you better
You might be thinking when do guys know they want to marry you? To answer your question as simply as possible, it’s when they want to know you better…beyond the fine-dining dates when they take an interest in your deeper emotions, your struggles and more.
They want to know how well-matched you are when they ask you more about your life and eagerly look forward to meeting your friends and family. They might ask you out on holidays and road trips and want to discover how compatible the two of you are together. The fact remains, he is in love with you and he wants to enjoy your company.
This does not mean there aren’t signs he sees himself marrying you. So why do guys delay marriage? It’s just that he is living in the moment and wants to focus on the same before making plans for your future together. He wants to build the foundation of your marriage on a rock-solid base of transparency and trust where you know the very core of each other.
If you are thinking about how long does it take a man to know he wants to marry you, then just go with the flow and enjoy. Enjoy your time together and in no time he will know how much he would miss you if you are not there in his life.
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5. Marriage is a big deal for him
You already know that you want to marry someone when you wish to spend all your spare time with this person and they are always lurking in your thoughts even if your try and resist. Once you have fallen head over heels for someone, there is no turning back.
But still, even once he realizes he wants to marry you, he may want to take some more time to finalize this decision because marriage happens to be one of the most important life-changing events in our lives. So bear with him and give him that space. It’s better to be with someone who wants to prepare for this kind of thing rather than rushing into it with the wrong partner.
6. He is scared of missing the single life
This happens to a lot of guys in serious relationships. He shows signs he sees you as his future wife and treats you like a life partner already. He talks about starting a family, about how to share expenses when you start living together and he wants to plan your honeymoon destination.
However, there is one thing he is still scared about…he doesn’t want to lose the fun of his single life. Hitting the bar after work or playing golf on the weekends with the guys is what makes him immensely happy and he doesn’t want to let go of that part of his life.
He wants to be sure that you aren’t the clingy girl who would ruin his simple joys when you get married. Marriage does come with a lot of lifestyle changes and he wants to make sure he is on board with those. He wants to be with you forever and tie the knot, but he doesn’t want to lose the thrill of his single life either. You have to wait till he understands how he can do the balancing act and make peace with what’s to come.
7. He wants to be with you forever but his parents’ divorce has made him unsure
You see the signs that he wants you to be his wife but he just doesn’t feel he is ready for marriage yet. This could be because he comes from a broken family. Yes, a lot of times he might need the time not because of you but because of his own traumatic experiences. If his parents went through a messy divorce when he was a kid, it could have left a scar on his psyche.
He might have developed a general aversion to the institution of marriage and suffers from the inner fear that his marriage might go down in flames too. In that case, he might take time to decide on marriage. He might have commitment issues too. Please be patient until he works it all out. But if it’s taking too long and you do not want to wait forever, it’s better to put all your cards on the table and have that conversation to resolve the matter in some way.
8. He believes in cohabitation first
How do you tell if a guy wants to marry you someday? If he insists on wanting to live with you first! He could ask you to move in with him before he takes the decision of getting married. He might want to know if you are compatible living under one roof before moving toward a future together. Fair enough. A lot of couples want to try this out before they actually seal the deal. So this is clear that he is serious about the marriage which is why he wants to take this chance.
But there is one downside to this. Cohabitation might just work fine for him and he might not want to go into marriage altogether. Also, chances are you might find out that you are incompatible then you could actually end up parting ways instead of getting married. That is a possibility that cannot be ignored.
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9. He is benching dating
You can wait for some time for a person to make a decision but ensure that he is not benching dating you. Are there others in waiting and he wants to choose the best from the lot? Beware of this tendency. He could be showing you that he is serious about the relationship but in reality, he is actually dating a number of people.
He probably doesn’t see the signs you are the one for him and wants to explore other fish in the sea. Keep your eyes and ears open for signs of fishing dating and step out of the relationship if it’s hurting your self-respect at any moment. If a man is in a committed relationship with you then it is inevitable he will talk about a future together. The best thing to do is have a talk about marriage if you are looking at that prospect in your relationship instead of trying to read into the signs that he wants to marry you.
If he keeps bringing up marriage, that is definitely a good sign. It means that he sees you both together in a perfect family frame in the future. But that could take a while. The financial, emotional, and social factors we talked about will decide how long a man will take to marry you. But you need to decide how long you will wait for him to pop the question. That timeline is yours and it’s a valid one.
It will be an immature, rushed decision if someone thinks they are ready for marriage right away. You should give your relationship a considerable amount of time to get to know each other as a person and learn about each other’s backgrounds, quirks and beliefs well before entertaining any thoughts of marriage.
Well, some people just click. With time he would know how compatible you are and if you match his ideas of a perfect wife. Suppose, he is looking for an independent, responsible woman who could be sensitive to certain emotional aspects he is dealing with. If you fit in those boxes, it will be easier for him to recognize soon that you are ‘the one’ for him.