Is rebound relationship an easy-to-use balm that can heal breakup wounds instantly, or does it bring torment to your soul? Is it a sure-shot answer to breakup woes or will it pull you into a cycle of failed relationships? Confused about it? Filled with complexities, this ‘rebound saga’ can potentially cause you consequent heartbreaks and put you in a toxic, unhealthy and painful relationship. You may be thinking you are moving on, but in reality you are still chained to your past and like how! Rebound relationships may seem like the most feasible options after a breakup, but is it really so? However, before we find out about the signs of whether you are in a rebound relationship, let us first analyse the concept, its potential risks and feasibility from a neutral perspective. And
What is a rebound relationship?
A rebound relationship is an impulsive response to a tormented breakup. Usually, many of us who are seriously involved in a relationship go into our shells, shed tears or go through the painful stages of a breakup. But at the same time, another tribe of individuals chooses the opposite way of instant healing. They may use it as an opportunity to socialise frequently, meet new potential mates and within no time, have a new relationship partner in quick succession. This is nothing but a rebound relationship that can instantly boost the sufferer’s ego by reinforcing the belief that lots of individuals are open to dating them again. In other words, the meaning of rebound relationship can be interpreted as a move-on tactic to distract and heal after a breakup in new company.
Rebounders are needy, at times even emotionally unavailable and they are almost always anxious. Mostly short-lived, rebound relationships are a result of a person’s emotional instability and insecurity. Their potential viability to succeed is primarily doubtful because they are usually a person’a way to deal with breakup trauma by associating the mind and energy on someone new.
While it may seem right as of now, rebound relationships start with the very intention of not being permanent.
But is this a viable way to overcome a breakup? Well, certainly not! A breakup works as a ‘pause’ button in a couple’s life. It gives the partners a chance to contemplate and find out why the past relationship didn’t work. Ideally, this ‘singledom’ may feel painful, but experiencing 7 stages of a breakup surely works as a detox process to heal from within. Rebounds act as a distraction from this natural emotional healing of the broken heart. The past issues may remain unresolved, leading to a cycle of self-hurt, trauma and emotional ordeal.
Negative aspects of being in a rebound relationship
While it may seem right as of now, rebound relationships start with the very intention of not being permanent. From one-night stands to one month or 6 month stands, these relationships harm both the rebounding person and the new person in the relationship. Unless you have been over a breakup after a romantic alliance, and are sure of starting a new relationship, negative dynamics are hugely at play. Some negative aspects of being in a rebound relationship are-
- You walk into the relationship feeling weak, vulnerable and unsure
- Being vulnerable puts you at a higher risk for being manipulated and exploited
- There is an impending risk of narcissism and sexual exploitation
- You may also be increasingly wary of trusting the new partner, and fight the constant fear of rejection
- Instead of solving deeper issues, you seek short-term temporary solutions
If you are in an unhealthy, rebound relationship, you may identify with some of the signs given below–
8 signs of a rebound relationship
How soon is too soon to get into a relationship post-split? Are you one of the rebounders in a relationship? Or you are not clear about your current equation with your partner? To achieve clarity on this, here are 8 of the most important rebound relationship signs to watch out for. It may require a certain degree of maturity and a sense of fair judgement to identify these signs, and you should be careful in concluding.
1. The relationship begins soon after a breakup
There is no ‘breathing space’ or ‘pause’ if a relationship begins soon after a breakup. Many rebounders feel that the internal hurt will be over if they find the company of a new partner. As soon as a romantic relationship expires, they move onto the next one. This new relationship serves as a guiding light to heal your breakup woes. Here, we would like to introduce you to the truth of the moment – you may be living in an illusion of ‘moving on’, but in reality, you are stuck in the issues of the old relationship. How can you expect to make new beginnings with an unclean slate? So, this could be the beginning of a rebound relationship where you may be using your current partner to get over your ex or to make them jealous.
While most people take some time off to introspect and brood over a breakup, if you are jumping in a new relationship just for the heck of it, then it’s not love- but a rebound which will again end bitterly causing pain and hurt.
Related reading: How soon can you start dating again after a break up?
2. Rebound for love
Many rebounders reconnect with their exes to reconcile the differences and make a fresh start. They may cry, repent about the mistakes they never made, surrender in front of the ex, just to avoid the nasty feeling of being alone. They are needy and clingy as well. They believe in the ‘love will overcome all odds’ philosophy, including their couple differences as well, which is not true at all. Remember, an amorous couple relationship is based on mutual understanding from both the partners.
If only a rebounder is making all the compromises for the sake of love, then it is certainly a sign of rebound relationship, not reconciliation. This pattern of on-off-on relationship is toxic rebound that must be avoided at all costs. If you want to woo your ex back, then work on your personality first. Your better, improved 2.0 version may help win back your ex easily.
3. Date to make ex jealous
All is fair in love and war. Rebounders may take this seriously and start showering attention on a current partner to make the ‘ex jealous’. Some people also like to ‘show off’ their new partner in a bid to feed their own ego. Seeing you move on so fast with a better individual may trigger insecurity and regret in the former partner, and he/she may come back in your life on your own terms. Infact, rebounders often express anger and resentment towards their exes’ and never really get over them – these negative emotions keep them tied to their exes’.
This is in no way fair for your new partner, who is starting a new journey with you. You cannot just use him or her as a ‘trophy’ to show off your ex that you have found someone better.
4. Get involved with someone ‘casually’
Rebound for a guy may come with a series of short-lived dating encounters. In many cases, you could be seen as a Casanova with multiple flings and one-night stands. But in reality, your faith in relationships is shattered; you feel all romances end in disasters. This is one of the consequences of a bitter breakup where guys seek casual company to distract their minds from the memories of their former partner. Even if you date, it will be with the ‘no-strings-attached’ tag. Rebounders use their new partners as a distraction of sorts, mitigating the feelings of hurt, regret, shame and pain.
You find it hard to detach yourself from your past, and cannot bring yourself truly to the present relationship you will find yourself in a complicated situation with no future. So, if you are commitment-phobic after a serious relationship split, then you are definitely on a rebound route.
5. Physical attraction overpowers couple’s emotional intimacy
You are in a relationship just for the convenience of having sex with the current partner. You feel no emotional connect while getting intimate; it is purely a physical need. If you are in a relationship which is synonymous with sex with no space for romance or compatibility, then this is surely a rebound
6. End up talking about ‘ex’ more often
Consciously or unconsciously, a rebounder may talk a lot about an ‘ex’ equation, either in the form of a rant or hurt. Either way, such awkward conversations about the former relationship indicate that he/she is still not over the ‘ex factor’ and are not ready to move on at all. You cannot expect someone to be 100% in a relationship when the old feelings are still unresolved. If you feel your date hasn’t moved on at all, talk to him/her and give them time to clear out thoughts on the ex. This may hurt initially, but will definitely save you from a relationship mess.
7. Avoid talking about ex at all
Not opening about the former lover may reveal resentments or lack of closure. You may feel guilty for the relationship failure and may avoid the topic, even after spending months with your current partner. If you have been harbouring hidden breakup pain in life even after dating a new partner, then this is a sign of being in a rebound. This can lead to breakup depression and other complicated issues.
8. Feel bitter, even in a relationship
The happiness of being in a relationship post-breakup with the current partner may fizzle out soon, because you are still not over your past. Even if everything looks fine on the outside, from within you feel a lack of satisfaction in life. You may have trust issues and a marked fear of rejection, making you vulnerable to exploitation These unsettled feelings and unresolved heart issues may make you miserable, sad and bitter and convey to the world that you are a rebounder.
How long do rebound relationships last?
It is indeed a tricky question to find out whether a rebound post-breakup will actually work or not. Research has it that while some rebound relationships may work, most do not. Statistics have it that more than 90% rebound relationships do not last beyond 3 months. Our Bonobology experts believe that usually rebounds begin with a toxic and a negative influence, and usually don’t have a future. Basically, both the rebounder and current partner/s are not on the same page in terms of couple dynamics. To make a relationship successful, both the partners should work towards a common goal. But a rebound twists the situation where both of them are not equally invested in this equation.
But in rare cases, if you open up to your current partner about the ex-partner transparently, this legit relationship may see a future. If their interest in you is genuine, they will even help you recover from the negativities and shed the past relationship’s baggage successfully. Below are some of the simple ways in which a rebound affair can actually last longer.
- Drop your expectations for a lasting relationship: A safe bet is to take it slow and don’t rush into it with full speed. Focus on the positives of your ‘new’ partner and take time to know him/her. Instead of focusing on ‘I, me, myself’, try to understand their good points. Change your perspective and discover things that are attractive in them. Give it a shot to find out their good points and enjoy the new relationship
- Wait for the right time: Don’t expect a hook-up rebound to be successful within 2-3 months. Give it time. Talk to your ‘current’ partner and tell them you need time. Trust us, approaching the new courtship with patience and commitment can increase the life span of a relationship. But again, both of you have to be on the same page to see the prospect of a long-term commitment
- Cut off from your ex completely: If you want to get over your ‘ex’ completely during a rebound hook-up, avoid any form of communication with him/her. And if you are looking for signs that shout out loud that you are still not over your ex, here you go. Unfollow them from your social media profiles or delete their number from your cell phone. Stay away from them, if you like your rebound partner and wish to work on this relationship
To avoid the complications and confused equations of a rebound, our Bonobology experts suggest you spend considerable time to overcome a breakup, for a healthy start to a new relationship.