Rebound relationships are all about deep confusion, sadness, and regret – and signs of a rebound relationship are pretty much a mix of these. This confusing state of mind is a potential recipe for disaster, both for you and your partner. It gets even more tricky if the other partner is looking for a serious relationship and not just a casual, shortlived fun fling. Mixed signals, uncanny closeness, sharing and flaunting on social media combined with a constant state of being needy and clingy are some unmistakable signs of a rebound relationship that you should be aware of.
What Is A Rebound Relationship?
What do you think of a rebound relationship?
Is rebound relationship an easy-to-use balm that can heal breakup wounds instantly, or does it ultimately ends in causing more longterm harm than short term relief? Is it a sure-shot answer to breakup woes or will it pull you into a cycle of failed relationships and even more heartbreaks? Will the satisfaction of being ‘wanted’ by another bring happiness to your heart or you will realize that the new person you committed to so fast and with so much vigour was just one huge colossal blunder? Filled with complexities, this ‘rebound saga’ can potentially cause you heartbreaks and put you in a toxic, unhealthy and painful relationships. And you can’t even imagine what havoc you will bring on the other person.
You may be thinking you are moving on, but in reality you are still chained to your past, here are some stories of people who shared their woes after having been in a rebound relationship! Rebound relationships may seem like the easiest route to recovery, but pause for a moment and ask yourself, is it really so? You can even ask for help from your friends or read up on the internet on the consequences of rebound stories. However, before we find out about the signs of whether you are in a rebound relationship or not, let us first analyse the concept, its potential risks and feasibility from a neutral perspective.
A rebound relationship is an impulsive response to a tormented breakup.
There are two ways to respond to a break-up after having been in a serious relationship. Many go into their shells, cry heaps, and go through the painful stages of a break-up. Abhishek wrote about how he took the gym and exercised his anger and frustration away while Kiran spoke of dipping into dollops of ice-cream tubs whenever the sadness struck. But then there are the other kinds who choose to heal from a break-up by getting invested in another relationship, almost immediately. They take the route to socialise more, meet potential mates and within no time, get into a new relationship. More often than not this moving from friendship to dating is on the fastest track possible. They say things they do not feel or imagine they are feeling them. And they encourage their new partners to take the fast lane too. This is nothing but a rebound relationship that can instantly give a boost to the ego and reassurance that there is a world of people who are open to dating them again. In other words, the meaning of rebound relationships can be seen as a structured move-on tactic to distract and heal after a breakup from a serious relationship.
Rebounders are needy, at times even emotionally unavailable and they are almost always anxious. Mostly short-lived, most people in rebound relationships will show signs of being emotionally insecure and unstable. Such relationships are geared to fail because instead of being about the other person it is about the self trying to heal from the trauma by focusing the mind and energy on someone new.
While it may seem right as of now, rebound relationships start with the very intention of not being permanent.
Ask yourself, is this a smart way to overcome a breakup? A breakup works as a ‘pause’ button in a couple’s life. It gives the partners a chance to contemplate and find out why the past relationship didn’t work. Ideally, this ‘singledom’ may feel painful, but experiencing 7 stages of a breakup surely works as a detox process to heal from within. Rebounds act as a distraction from this natural emotional healing of the broken heart. The past issues may remain unresolved, leading to a cycle of self-hurt, trauma, and emotional ordeal.
Negative aspects of being in a rebound relationship
No one really gets into a rebound relationship thinking this one will last. People who get into rebounds are actually very well aware of what it is going to be. From one-night stands to one month or 6 month stands, these relationships harm both the rebounding person and the new person in the relationship. Unless you have been over a breakup after a romantic alliance, and are sure of starting a new relationship, negative dynamics are hugely at play. Some negative aspects of being in a rebound relationship are-
- You walk into the relationship feeling weak, vulnerable and unsure.
- Being vulnerable puts you at a higher risk for being manipulated and exploited.
- There is an impending risk of narcissism and sexual exploitation.
- You may also be increasingly wary of trusting the new partner, and fight the constant fear of rejection
- Instead of solving deeper issues, you seek short-term temporary solutions
If you are in an unhealthy, rebound relationship, you may identify with some of the signs given below–
8 Signs Of A Rebound Relationship
How soon is too soon to get into a relationship post-split? Are you one of the rebounders in a relationship? Or you are not clear about your current equation with your partner? To achieve clarity on this, here are 8 of the most important rebound relationship signs to watch out for. It may require a certain degree of maturity and a sense of fair judgement to identify these signs, and you should be careful in concluding.
1. The relationship begins soon after a breakup
There is no ‘breathing space’ or ‘pause’ if a relationship begins soon after a breakup. Many rebounders feel that the internal hurt will be over if they find the company of a new partner. Anahita just did not want to be alone, listening to romantic songs, watching cute romcoms or even seeing social media posts of her friends cootchi-cooing made her miserable. The only way she felt she could deal with the misery was by moving on to the next one. This new relationship served as a guiding light to heal the breakup woes. Here, we would like to introduce you to the truth of the moment – you may be living in an illusion of ‘moving on’, but in reality, you are stuck in the issues of the old relationship. How can you expect to make new beginnings with an unclean slate? So, this could be the beginning of a rebound relationship where you may be using your current partner to get over your ex or to make them jealous. Check for the signs if your past relationship is affecting your current one here.
While most people take some time off to introspect and brood over a breakup, if you are jumping in a new relationship just for the heck of it, then it’s not love- but a rebound which will again end bitterly causing pain and hurt.
2. Rebound for love
Many rebounders reconnect with their exes to reconcile the differences and make a fresh start. They may cry, repent about the mistakes they never made, surrender in front of the ex, just to avoid the nasty feeling of being alone. They are needy and clingy as well. They believe in the ‘love will overcome all odds’ philosophy, including their couple differences as well, which is not true at all. Remember, an mature relationship is based on mutual understanding from both the partners.
If only a rebounder is making all the compromises for the sake of love, then it is certainly a sign of rebound relationship, not reconciliation. This pattern of on-off-on relationship is toxic rebound that must be avoided at all costs. If you want to woo your ex back, then work on your personality first. Your better, improved 2.0 version may help win back your ex easily.
3. Date to make ex jealous
All is fair in love and war. Rebounders may take this seriously and start showering attention on a current partner to make the ‘ex jealous‘. Some people also like to ‘show off’ their new partner in a bid to feed their own ego. Seeing you move on so fast with a better individual may trigger insecurity and regret in the former partner, and he/she may come back in your life on your own terms. Infact, rebounders often express anger and resentment towards their exes’ and never really get over them – these negative emotions keep them tied to their exes’.
This is in no way fair for your new partner, who is starting a new journey with you. You cannot just use him or her as a ‘trophy’ to show off your ex that you have found someone better.
4. Get involved with someone ‘casually’
Rebound for a guy may come with a series of short-lived dating encounters. In many cases, you could be seen as a Casanova with multiple flings and one-night stands. But in reality, your faith in relationships is shattered; you feel all romances end in disasters. This is one of the consequences of a bitter breakup where guys seek casual company to distract their minds from the memories of their former partner. Even if you date, it will be with the ‘no-strings-attached’ tag. Rebounders use their new partners as a distraction of sorts, mitigating the feelings of hurt, regret, shame and pain.
You find it hard to detach yourself from your past, and cannot bring yourself truly to the present relationship you will find yourself in a complicated situation with no future. And the past relationship has profound impact on your current one. So, if you are commitment-phobic after a serious relationship split, then you are definitely on a rebound route.
Related reading: I Am Desperate For Sex But I Don’t Want To Do It Without Love
5. Physical attraction overpowers couple’s emotional intimacy
You are in a relationship just for the convenience of having sex with the current partner. The convenience factor is paramount. You feel no emotional connection while getting intimate; it is purely a physical need. If you are in a relationship that is just about filling the sense of longing with sex and have no time or energy to get to know the other person or share your vulnerabilities with them, itis surely a rebound. We get many such queries which break our heart even as we try and help them.
And while it is alright to have just a casual sexual relationship if both partners want it, it can be heartbreaking for someone who wants a proper relationship with you, not just a physical one.
6. End up talking about ‘ex’ more often
Consciously or unconsciously, a rebounder may talk a lot about an ‘ex’ equation, either in the form of a rant or hurt. Either way, such awkward conversations about the former relationship indicate that he/she is still not over the ‘ex’ and are not ready to move on at all. Mohit wrote to us about how frustrating it was to hear Radhika speak about her ex constantly and every time he showed a little displeasure, she stopped only to start again the next day. Eventually, he broke off the relationship as he realised that she was very attached to her ex but it took him months of healing from this relationship himself. If you feel your date hasn’t moved on, talk to him/her and give them time to clear out thoughts on the ex. This may hurt initially, but will definitely save you from a relationship mess later.
7. Avoid talking about ex at all
Not opening about the former lover may reveal resentments or lack of closure. You may feel guilty for the relationship failure and may avoid the topic, even after spending months with your current partner. If you have been harbouring hidden breakup pain in life even after dating a new partner, then this is a sign of being in a rebound. This can lead to breakup depression and other complicated issues. Shanaya spoke of how her current boyfriend squirmed even at the name of his ex and when she was sure that this needed addressing sat him down and spoke to him about it. He confessed about his feelings for the ex, they broke-up and he finally got back with his ex. Shanaya was smart to read the signs and saved herself from a lot of heartache.
8. Feel bitter, even in a relationship
The happiness of being in a relationship post-breakup with the current partner may fizzle out soon, because you are still not over your past. Even if everything looks fine on the outside, from within you feel a lack of satisfaction in life. You may have trust issues and a marked fear of rejection, making you vulnerable to exploitation These unsettled feelings and unresolved heart issues may make you miserable, sad and bitter and convey to the world that you are a rebounder.
How long do rebound relationships last?
It is indeed a tricky question to find out whether a rebound post-breakup will actually work or not. Research has it that while some rebound relationships may work, most do not. Statistics have it that more than 90% rebound relationships do not last beyond 3 months. Our Bonobology experts believe that usually rebounds begin with a toxic and a negative influence, and usually don’t have a future. Basically, both the rebounder and current partner/s are not on the same page in terms of couple dynamics. To make a relationship successful, both the partners should work towards a common goal. But a rebound twists the situation where both of them are not equally invested in this equation.
But in rare cases, if you open up to your current partner about the ex-partner transparently, this legit relationship may see a future. If their interest in you is genuine, they will even help you recover from the negativities and shed the past relationship’s baggage successfully. Below are some of the simple ways in which a rebound affair can actually last longer.
- Drop your expectations for a lasting relationship: A safe bet is to take it slow and don’t rush into it with full speed. Focus on the positives of your ‘new’ partner and take time to know him/her. Instead of focusing on ‘I, me, myself’, try to understand their good points. Change your perspective and discover things that are attractive in them. Give it a shot to find out their good points and enjoy the new relationship
- Wait for the right time: Don’t expect a hook-up rebound to be successful within 2-3 months. Give it time. Talk to your ‘current’ partner and tell them you need time. Trust us, approaching the new courtship with patience and commitment can increase the life span of a relationship. But again, both of you have to be on the same page to see the prospect of a long-term commitment
- Cut off from your ex completely: If you want to get over your ‘ex’ completely during a rebound hook-up, avoid any form of communication with him/her. Do not stalk them or engage in practices like double-texting. Unfollow them from your social media profiles or delete their number from your cell phone. Stay away from them, if you like your rebound partner and wish to work on this relationship
To avoid the complications and confused equations of a rebound, our Bonobology experts suggest you spend considerable time to overcome a breakup, for a healthy start to a new relationship.
If you need proffessional help please click here to access our private and confidential online counselling.