‘He never texts me first but always replies fast when I do.’ Does that sound familiar? No, not to worry, because millions of women are facing this challenge where everything seems great and moving in the right direction, but men never seem to text first.
However, they always reply. Women are fairly and rightly concerned because they feel ‘he never texts me first’ and they often chat and crib with their girl gangs as to ‘why my boyfriend never texts me first?’
Why is it that men never initiate a conversation on the text? What makes them reply fast but never be the first one to type in a message and start a conversation? Well, men are fairly easy to understand, as compared to women, and we help you figure this mysterious behaviour that men often exhibit.
Related Reading: How To Ignore Your Boyfriend When He Ignores You?
Why Does My Boyfriend Never Texts Me First?
When you are dating someone, you expect him to take the equal lead in initiating a conversation. Maybe you are concerned why he doesn’t initiate contact but always responds – almost immediately. Then what does it take to text first and start a conversation?
Dating games are filled with uncertainties and can confuse a lot of youngsters. Often, it becomes annoying and frustrating for women like you who always take the onus of initiating text conversations with the guy.
Of course, communication is crucial to your existence and you love to find out more about the man you are dating. But in return, you may never get the same kind of enthusiastic response.
He may never even text you first, but replies immediately. What does that mean? Is he playing some dating games with you? Is he avoiding you or is genuinely busy? Ladies, now you don’t have to break your head over why he responds to your texts but never initiates the conversations.
To ease your dating woes, our Bonobology relationship experts have come up with 15 probable reasons why your man never initiates the conversations. Most will make you go yes…!
15 Reasons Your Man Never Texts You First But Always Replies To You
If a man never takes the onus of texting you first and initiating a conversation but does reply when you initiate, it could be because of the below-mentioned reasons. Of course, then there are rules of texting while dating. Having said that, do remember that no two people are alike.
You must not measure his love and care for you on the basis of text messages he sends. Perhaps it is because of one of the below reasons that he never texts first.
1. Shyness and reticence prevent him
If your man never texts first but replies instantly, then there are clear-cut chances that he has an introvert personality. Sounds strange, right! But it is a reality of many men who fail to open up easily, even with their friends. Right in the back of their minds, a tussle continues whether to text you or not!
Well, don’t blame them, as it is a part of their nature. Usually, shy men are over-thinkers who refrain from a conversation just after thinking about the outcomes of a call or a text to their dating partners. They fear that one wrong move from their end could end in a breakup.
Thus, they avoid initiating any conversations. Yet they may be flirting with you in their own way, and perhaps you are missing it. You can check for the signs here.
But on the other hand, they love getting attention from you and grab every possible opportunity to interact with you over instant messaging. You can feel their enthusiasm, as they prefer to reply immediately after receiving a message from you.
At times, the reply is instantaneous, as they have been probably waiting for you to text first. It’s just they cannot muster enough grit to text you first, but do not wait for a second to reply.
If you know that your partner is shy, reading up about and trying couples’ communication exercises can be a great way to get him to open up. You may not see a drastic change in his texting patterns overnight. But with sustained efforts from both sides, you can draw him out, slowly but surely.
Related reading:20 Brilliant Tips for Dating A Shy Guy
2. He is guarding himself emotionally
It’s not just ladies who are guarded; men too shield themselves from probable emotional hurt. He could be unsure of your feelings about him and as a result, responds in a calculated measure when you reach out to him. You might find him cold-natured, but this is his way of protecting himself from any possible hurt.
He may have suffered a breakup and is taking it slow. He may have had a heartbreak before and this time he just wants to be sure before he opens up completely to you. He is afraid of how you may respond if he messages you first.
He probably wonders if messaging you first is a sign of clinginess and feelings like these hold him back.
3. Unresolved past issues are not letting him open up easily
Sometimes he is hesitant to initiate conversations because of a previous relationship. Maybe he was cheated on by a partner or was in an abusive relationship.
Due to the toxic past relationship influence, he may be protective of his feelings in the present and this may lead him to avoid any initiated interactions.
4. Annoying and disturbing you unknowingly is out of the question
In his past interactions with a girl, he might have come across as a clingy individual who gave away his heart too soon. He might have been accused of falling in love too fast.
This could have annoyed his ex in the past and led to the breakup. He may have often been told not to text or call unless the other partner is free. This may have lead to arguments in his previous relationships and so he may have decided not to be the first one to text.
Related Reading: How Does A Guy Behave After A Breakup? 11 Things You Didn’t Know
To avoid such heartbreak again, many men enter the new relationship with great caution and avoid repeating any past mistakes.
5. Insecurities push him into a shell that’s why he never texts first
While receiving your texts, he knows you want to talk to him. But his insecurities might hinder the quality and flow of communication. He might not feel so great about himself and may avoid initiating any chats with you. But he surely texts you back once the conversations begin from the other end.
So, if you get an idea of his insecurity, try to identify its root cause and help him feel comfortable and safe in your company.
Sometimes, such men are victims of childhood abuse, parental relationship problems or constant bullying at school or college, which shreds their confidence.
So, if you feel this is the reason why he is refraining from communicating with you, then try to assure him that he need not feel uncomfortable and can trust you completely.
Related Reading: 10 Cute Texts To Send To Your Man When You Are Missing Him
6. Busy with life and responsibilities
Men are not good at multitasking like us women. Often, he could be very busy at work, and could not initiate instant chats with you. This happens so many times with us all, we are constantly doing one thing after another but if a call or text comes we do attend to it.
If you are dating someone who is always busy, like perhaps a doctor, then there will always be a delay. The same goes for personal commitments. But still, here’s the saving grace. He still manages to respond to your chats and calls via quick message, which shows he is concerned about you.
So, if the workload is a reason why he is not initiating the texts, then just ease off and ask him for some personal time to talk freely.
He could be unsure of your feelings about him and as a result, responds in a calculated measure when you reach out to him. You might find him cold natured, but this is his way of protecting himself from any possible hurt.
7. Not coming clean in a relationship
This is a danger sign in dating. You may have been a victim of fishing dating. He may be avoiding interactions with you because he is two-timing you with another girl or keeping his distance so that you don’t get too attached to him.
Talk to him openly and confront him about his actions. If there is another girl in his life, then don’t take much time to get out of the toxic relationship and breakup as soon as possible.
Related Reading: My Boyfriend Is Flirting Online with Other Girls
8. The relationship is a far-fetched zone for him
One probable reason for him being aloof to you is because he wants to stay away from love and a relationship. But on the other hand, he enjoys your attention and likes you as a fun person in his life. In short, he wants to date you casually and doesn’t want to give you wrong hints by texting you first.
Hence, the ‘take-it-light’ approach may complicate the relationship dynamics further. Girls, if you find yourself in such a zone, then move out of this phase before it is too late.
9. Your ‘first’ texts don’t leave a room for him to begin it first
From ‘good morning’ to ‘goodnight’, you are always keeping in touch with him. Breakfast, lunch, dinner – as soon as you have you send in a text. You do not even hesitate in double texting. This has become a routine habit as well.
But before thinking about, he never texts me first, thinks whether you gave him the breathing space or not. Did you give him enough room to initiate a chat with you? If not, then here is your chance of redemption.
Break the habit for a day or two and see if he starts texting you first or not. This way, you will be able to test the waters as to where your relationship is heading as well.
Well, our Bonobology relationship counselors agree on this premise and suggest this to many couples to bring back the necessary communication balance in their relationship.
10. He is commitment-phobic that’s why he never texts first
He’s happy with a fun, frolic way of dating you and doesn’t want to go any further in terms of commitment. So, to avoid giving you the wrong idea about the relationship, he may skip texting you first.
But he may reply to your texts immediately to keep you as a dating partner sans any responsibilities or commitment. If the person you are interested in is a commitment-phobe you may lookout for these signs and act accordingly.
11. Afraid of disturbing the dating equation with you
A genuine guy who thinks a lot about you may avoid texting you first just not to irritate you. Maybe you told him before about a clingy guy in the past who always pestered you with his annoying messages and calls.
So, to avoid being in your bad books, he may be deliberately avoiding texting you first.
12. Trying to gauge whether you are into him or not
Now, this is an actual dating game where he is trying to understand whether you like him or not. From within, he is enjoying the attention from you.
In such cases, a man may refrain from initiating conversations until he is sure of the lady and your interest in him. So if you are interested in him, give him some signs. He would start initiating conversations of texts then.
Related Reading: Breaking Up Over Text – How Cool Is It?
13. He doesn’t like you as much as you think
In this complicated relationship dynamic, the truth is that he is not as much into you as you are into him. But to avoid hurting you, he is trying to be cordial and nice to you.
As a result, he may participate in conversations with you, but will never initiate them. You could even check for signs to know for sure if he is not into you. So, here are the signs to watch out for if you wish to know he is not as much into dating as you:
- If he replies to your question in a few words
- Takes a long time in framing a response
- Seeks ways to withdraw from a chat
14. He’s playing hard to get your attention
Some guys feel that by embracing a brooding and serious persona, they will be able to engage you more. In this extra effort, you may even overlook his actual intentions towards you. But in reality, he may be just a Casanova or a fuccboi and you could be his next potential target.
You might just be a trophy girlfriend for him. So, if in the past, he has had many girlfriends, then this could be the ploy to make you the next victim.
The viable solution is to withdraw from any texts or calls and wait for him to reach out to you. If he doesn’t, then he is not worth your time. The next level could be to confront him with his actual intentions and break up before it’s too late.
15. You are a strong personality
Hesitant men may feel that you are too strong for their personality. In reality, they are scared or intimidated by your strong personality. As a result, they may avoid texting you first. His insecurities could also play in the back of his mind and hinder him from starting a conversation on the text.
So, before confronting him further, try to analyse if your behaviour is in tune with his personality and then talk about it. Only then you could find out the real reasons why he always replies to you instantly but refrains from initiating any conversation.
Healthy communication is the key to a fulfilling dating experience. But if your man is not opening up to you normally, then check out these probable reasons. Each couple may have a different communication challenge and to overcome this, you may have to initiate a face-to-face conversation with him to find out the real problem. If his intentions towards you are genuine, then this exercise will help you bridge the relationship gap and straighten the tricky relationship complications with him as well.
Besides this, understanding dating patterns and attachment styles can be the perfect antidote to this perennial sore point in your relationship. There are a host of books written by qualified experts that can provide you pointed insights on the matter. If you love your partner and are truly invested in the relationship, putting in the effort will surely prove to be worth your while. It can help improve your communication style as a couple and put an end to this whole who-texts-first dance.
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