‘He never texts me first but always replies when I do.’ Does that sound familiar? No, not to worry, because millions of women are facing this challenge where everything seems great and moving in the right direction, but men never seem to text first. However, they always reply. Women are fairly and rightly concerned because they feel ‘he never texts me first’. Why is it that men never text first? What makes them reply fast but never be the first one to type in a message and start a conversation? Well, men are fairly easy to understand, as compared to women, and we help you figure this mysterious behaviour that men often exhibit.
Why does he never text me first?
Dating games are filled with uncertainties and can confuse a lot of youngsters. Often, it becomes really annoying and frustrating for women like you who always take the onus of initiating text conversations with the guy. Of course, communication is crucial to your existence and you love to find out more about the man you are dating. But in return, you may never get the same kind of enthusiastic response. He may never even text you first, but replies immediately. What does that mean? Is he playing some dating games with you? Is he avoiding you or is genuinely busy? Ladies, now you don’t have to break your brains over why he responds to your texts but never initiates the conversations. To ease your dating woes, our Bonobology relationship experts have come up with 15 probable reasons why your man never initiates the conversations.
15 reasons your man never texts you first but always replies to you
If a man never takes the onus of texting your first and initiating a conversation, but does reply when you initiate, it could be because of the below mentioned reasons. Perhaps one of them will fit the bill:
1. Shyness and reticence prevent him
If your man never texts first but replies instantly, then there are clear-cut chances that he is an introvert personality. Sounds strange, right! But it is a reality of many men who fail to open up easily, even with their friends. Right in the back of their minds, a tussle continues whether to text you or not! Well, don’t blame them, as it is a part of their nature. Usually, shy men are over-thinkers who refrain from a conversation just after thinking about the outcomes of a call or a text to their dating partners. They fear that one wrong move from their end could end in a breakup. Thus, they avoid initiating any conversations.
But on the other hand, they love getting attention from you and grab every possible opportunity to interact with you over instant messaging. You can feel their enthusiasm, as they prefer to reply immediately after receiving a response from you. At times, the reply is instantaneous, as they have been probably waiting for you to text first.
Related reading: Dudes are shy at dates
2. He is guarding himself emotionally
It’s not just ladies who are guarded; men too shield themselves from probable emotional hurt. He could be unsure of your feelings about him and as a result, responds in a calculated measure when you reach out to him. You might find him cold natured, but this is his way of protecting himself from any possible hurt. He is afraid of how you may respond if he messages you first. He wonders if messaging you first is a sign of clinginess and feelings like these hold him back.
3. Unresolved past issues are not letting him open up easily
Sometimes he is hesitant to initiate conversations because of a previous relationship. Maybe he was cheated on by a partner or was in an abusive relationship. Due to the toxic past influence, he may be protective about his feelings in the present and this may lead him to avoid any initiated interactions.
4. Annoying and disturbing you unknowingly is out of the question
In his past interactions with a girl, he might come across as a clingy individual who gave away his heart too soon. This could have annoyed his ex in the past and led to the breakup. To avoid such heartbreak again, many men enter the new relationship with great caution and avoid repeating any past mess. Waiting for your communication move could be a preventive way to safeguard his relationship with you.
5. Insecurities push him into a shell
While receiving your texts, he knows you want to talk to him. But his insecurities might hinder the quality and flow of communication. He might not feel so great about himself and may avoid initiating any chats with you. But he surely texts you back once the conversations begin from the other end. So, if you get a feeler of his insecurity, try to identify its root cause and help him feel comfortable and safe in your company. Sometimes, such men are victims of childhood abuse, parental relationship problems or constant bullying at school or college, which shreds their confidence. So, if you feel this is the reason why he is refraining from communicating with you, then try to assure him that he need not feel uncomfortable and can trust you completely.
6. Really busy with life and responsibilities
Men are not multitaskers like you. Often, he could be very busy at work, and could not initiate instant chats with you. This happens so many times with us all, we are constantly doing one thing after another but if a call or text comes we do attend to it. The same goes for personal commitments. But still, here’s the saving grace. He still manages to respond to your chats and calls via quick message, which shows he is concerned about you. So, if the workload is a reason why he is not initiating the texts, then just ease off and ask him for some personal time to talk freely.
He could be unsure of your feelings about him and as a result, responds in a calculated measure when you reach out to him. You might find him cold natured, but this is his way of protecting himself from any possible hurt.
7. Not coming clean in a relationship
This is a danger sign in dating. He may be avoiding interactions with you due to two-timing you with another girl or keeping his distance so that you don’t get too attached to him. He may be already in a relationship If you feel you are in such a relationship, then talk to him openly and confront him about his actions. If there is another girl in his life, then don’t take much time to get out of the toxic relationship and breakup as soon as possible.
8. Relationship is a far-fetched zone for him
One probable reason for him being aloof to you is because he wants to stay away from a relationship. But on the other hand, he enjoys your attention and likes you as a fun person in his life. In short, he wants to date you casually and doesn’t want to give you wrong hints by texting you first. Hence, the ‘take-it-light’ approach may complicate the relationship dynamics further. Girls, if you find yourself in such a zone, then move out of this phase before it is too late.
You may clear out the relationship expectations as well.
Related reading: Sex and the Zodiac Signs
9. Your ‘first’ texts don’t leave a room for him to begin it first
From ‘good morning’ to ‘goodnight’, you are always keeping in touch with him. This has become a routine habit as well. But before thinking about he never texts me first should I text him, think whether you actually gave him the breathing space or not. Did you give him enough room to initiate a chat with you? If not, then here is your chance of redemption. Break the habit for a day or two and see if he starts texting you first or not. This way, you will be able to test the waters as to where your relationship is heading as well. Isn’t it great?
Well, our Bonobology relationship counsellors agree on this premise and suggest this to many couples to bring back the necessary communication balance in their relationship.
10. He is commitment-phobic
Basically, he’s happy with a fun, frolic way of dating you and doesn’t want to go any further in terms of commitment. So, to avoid giving you a wrong idea about the relationship, he may skip texting you. But he may reply to your texts immediately to keep you as a dating partner sans any responsibilities or commitment.
Basically, he’s happy with a fun, frolic way of dating you and doesn’t want to go any further in terms of commitment.
11. Afraid of disturbing the dating equation with you
A genuine guy who thinks a lot about you may avoid texting you first just not to irritate you. Maybe you told him before about a clingy guy in the past that always pestered you with his annoying messages and calls. So, to avoid being in your bad books, he may be deliberately avoiding texting you first.
12. Trying to gauge whether you are into him or not
Now, this is an actual dating game where he is trying to understand whether you like him or not. From within, he is actually enjoying the undue attention from you. In such cases, a man may refrain from initiating conversations until he is sure of the lady and her interest in him.
13. He doesn’t like you as much as you think
In this complicated relationship dynamic, the truth is that he is not as much into you as you are into him. But to avoid hurting you, he is trying to be cordial and nice to you. As a result, he may participate in conversations with you, but will never initiate them. So, here are the signs to watch out for if you wish to know he is not as much into dating as you:
- If he replies to your question in few words
- Takes a long time in framing a response
- Avoids or seeks ways to withdraw from a chat
14. He’s playing hard to get to get your attention
Some guys feel that by embracing a brooding and serious persona, they will be able to engage you in more effort in dating. In this extra effort, you may even overlook his actual intentions towards you. But in reality, he may be just a Casanova or a fuccboi and you could be his next potential target. So, if in the past, he has had many girlfriends, then this could be the ploy to make you the next victim. The viable solution is to withdraw from any texts or calls and wait for him to reach out to you. If he doesn’t, then he is not worth your time. The next level could be to confront him with his actual intentions and break up before it’s too late.
15. You are a strong personality
Men who are hesitant may feel that you are too strong for their personality. In reality, they are actually scared or intimidated by your strong personality. As a result, they may avoid texting you first. His own insecurities could also play in the back of his mind and hinder his communicative streak. So, before confronting him further, try to analyse your behaviour in tune with his personality and then talk about it. Only then you could find out the real reasons why he always replies you instantly but refrains from initiating any conversation.
Healthy communication is the key to a fulfilling dating experience. But if your man is not opening up to you normally, then check out these probable reasons. Each couple may have a different communication challenge and to overcome this, you may have to initiate face-to-face conversation with him to find out the real problem. If his intentions towards you are genuine, then this exercise will help you bridge the relationship gap and save the tricky relationship complications with him as well.