My wife has a bad temper. Often our disagreements turn to angry fights where she raises her hand to me. Obviously, I don’t hit her back when she slaps me or kicks me, but this is really no way to behave. In anger she will also say terrible things like, ‘why did I marry you’, ‘you are not even good in bed’, and so on… Initially it was OK, she didn’t hit that much and nor were her words so hurtful. I felt with time she’d grow out of it, but over time she has got more violent and that worries me. On most days she is calm. When she is calm, even then I’m afraid to bring this up and discuss it with her, as that leads us back to fights. I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell anyone this problem as they will laugh at me… Also no one will believe just how violent my wife can get. Please help me.
Dr Manu Tiwari says:
Living with a person who constantly physically and verbally abuses you can take a toll on your health and well being.
The only way to get out of this cycle of abuse is to confront her when she is calm. It may lead to a fight, but it will help you understand where this anger and violence stems from. A number of negative factors, like a disturbed childhood, lack of emotional well being and other psychological problems may have contributed to your wife’s behaviour. That should not be an excuse for you to continue to bear the brunt of her anger.
Your friends and family are your support system and it’s important for you to have a confidante, but at the same time ensure that your privacy is maintained so that your wife isn’t isolated by the family. Isolation will contribute to her anger and may lead to negative consequences.
Please understand that there is a vast difference between bad temper and abuse and it will be difficult for us to assess the true extent of the problem without speaking to both of you. I urge you to go to a marriage counsellor to discuss your issues and if required visit a counsellor individually to cope with your own personal issues.