Humans love labeling things. Clicked a photo of your dog with its tongue sticking out? It’s a blep. A cat sitting with its paws tucked in is “loafing.” Feel a twitch in your heart every time you think of a haunted house? There’s probably a Welsh word for it. Let a human loose in a house with a label-maker and you may suddenly discover your sneaker’s called “Bob.”
But not everything in life can be labeled, especially if it is something as amazing, twisted, and fickle as a feeling. But we still gotta try, right? Through the years, we tried labeling what we feel, who we feel it for, and why.
Then the queers arrived. And blew all these boxes into confetti. So, when the labels of man, woman, male, female stopped proving enough, we came up with new labels. Gay, bi, lesbian, monogamous, polyamorous, and so and so forth. We should have learned our lesson by now but humans are as stubborn as they are stupid.
The year was 2010. Christmas Day. In an online thread called Kaz’s Scribblings, a new term was born. Queerplatonic — not quite a relationship, but a relationship nevertheless. Not romantic, but kinda romantic. Friendship? Yes, but not really. You would think we wouldn’t try labeling something as vague as a queerplatonic relationship, but we humans are a determined folk.
What Is A Queerplatonic Relationship?
It’s a partnership that exists between friendship and romance yet goes beyond both. Your queerplatonic partner is your soul sister, your best friend, your hand holder, tear-wiper, and secret-keeper. They are your best friends and your partner-in-crime.
There are multiple ways to refer to such a relationship. You can call it a queerplatonic or quasiplatonic relation, a QPR, or a Q-platonic relationship. You can call them your marshmallow or your zucchini — because you can call them anything you like and society and its labels don’t have to define you guys. They may be your squish or a queerplatonic crush. Or just your honey cinnamon roll or some other odd name you come up with.
Queerplatonic relationship examples show how boundless they can truly be. You may cuddle; you may kiss; you may even have sex and get married. You may only be with them because they complete you or be in a polyamorous relationship together. You plan your lives around one another, move cities to be around each other, and bring children up together. It may be fully platonic, somewhat romantic, and kinda sexual.
You can have it all or none at all. The terms and conditions are completely, irrevocably always in your control. There are no rules other than ones that you set.
They may say that queerplatonic is not real but, in truth, they are more intimate than friendships and go beyond heteronormative definitions of relationships. They are all about blurred lines and going beyond boundaries. Sound familiar? Think you are your best buddy may be less friends and more queerplatonic partners?
Is there any way to truly know if you are in one? There is and it’s called communication. But in case you want to make sure you are veering towards that territory before you have the big talk, I have made a list of 15 signs you may be in a queerplatonic relationship.
15 Signs You Are In A Queerplatonic Relationship
Everything’s fair in love, but especially in a queerplatonic relationship as long as you both consent to it. What does it mean to be in a Queerplatonic relationship? The basic idea is to have a deep, dorky connection that goes beyond traditional definitions but can often be a million times more fulfilling than a friendship or a relationship.
1. You’re always, always excited to see each other
Maybe you are in a long distance queerplatonic relationship and barely get to see each other. But, even when you meet every day, even if you just got off the phone with each other, you’re somehow still excited to see them. Rolling off your butt to go do things may seem tiring usually, but not when it comes to them. Then can ask you to go a hike on a Sunday when you just want to sleep in, and you may complain the entire way, but you are still gonna go. Because seeing their dorky, cheerful face just makes your day.
Related Reading: Do I Love Her? 30 Signs That Surely Say So!
2. You’re super protective of them
You can be protective of your friends and partner. But you may find yourself being especially protective of your marshmallow. You can’t bear it if they’re hurt. When they’re crying, you’re right beside them, holding a steam mug of cocoa. When their ex messes with them, they have to physically restrain you from chopping their ex’s poor head off. You’ve literally no chill when it comes to them. And that usually translates to you wanting to go all John Wick on people who dare hurt them.
3. You finish each other’s sentences
You find them humming the song you were just thinking of. You start conversations right in the middle because even your train of thoughts matches each other’s. At this point, you don’t even need to say anything and can just converse with eyes. Ugh, you guys are just adorable, aren’t you?
4. You find yourself dressing to please them
Gone are the days when you couldn’t be bothered to get out of your sweats. Also gone are the days when no one’s opinion affected how you dress. No, you will now wear their favorite colors and dresses just to make your squish gasp in delight.
5. They’re always the first person you think of
They’re your friend, your soulmate. You call them when you get a new job. You also call them when you need to hide a body. They’re literally your partner-in-crime if the need arises. With them, you can be crass, comfortable, and clumsy. You can badmouth your boss when they try to exploit you. You can complain about your mother. You can go all giddy over a new crush. Whatever is on your brain, they’re the first person you want to share that with. You know there’s no judgment there. Just pure, unadulterated support.
6. You get butterflies when they’re around
You react to them like you would to a crush. You get giddy and full of butterflies when they’re around. The tension between you two is unreal. And yes, even when you don’t harbor any sexual desires towards each other and never will.
Related Reading: 11 Signs Your Crush On Friend Is More Than It
7. You share private jokes
They know everything. Your family, the state of your finances, what grandad left you in their will. And you joke about everything. So, get-togethers with friends are basically all about snickering at shared jokes that no one else gets and calling each other weird names. It’s honestly so sweet that you guys probably end up giving everyone in a 10-mile radius a raging diabetes problem.
8. Everyone thinks you’re together
You can’t be all over each other, always giggling together, and being all touchy-feely without causing a few raised eyebrows. And that’s because society is still trying to hold on to their heteronormative glasses for dear life. This is especially true if your marshmallow belongs to a different or your preferred gender. To your friends and the world, your closeness can mean only one thing – that you’re together. And you are, but just not in the way they may like or understand. But that’s okay. Don’t mind their “jokes” and pointed comments. You do you, boo.
9. You can never shut up around them
You may usually be shy and quiet. But such problems go away when they are around. You guys never run out of things to talk about and comment on. Healthy communication is important to any relationship, but with them, you are especially loud, unabashed, and extremely opinionated. And they love every bit of it.
10. They’re your number 1
Even if you end up dating other people and have a host of other friends, they are always your number one priority. If it is ever your queerplatonic relationship vs your friendship or romantic relationship, you will probably not bat an eye before choosing them over everyone.
You abandon parties and concerts to be with them when they are sad. And you think the world is ending when they have a cold. And vice versa. If this is how dorky and weirdly co-dependent you guys are, there is a high chance that you are in a queerplatonic relationship.
11. You mimic each other
Mimicking each other is often a surefire way to know that the attraction is mutual. You do not mean to do it. But you still find yourself picking up their mannerisms. You sit how they sit. You tilt your head like they do when confused. You start wearing the same colors. Basically, you start becoming the same people at some point in the relationship.
12. You may or may not have drunk made out
You guys may be in a fully platonic relatioship attracted to each other that way. But being that intimate with each other may have you wanting a physical connection now and then. Or you may just have been drunk and in the mood for some loving. After all, a queerplatonic relationship may have platonic in its name, but that doesn’t mean it can’t involve some good old shagging.
13. Your partner doesn’t like your zucchini
If you are dating someone other than your queerplatonic best friend, you may find that your romantic partner sometimes gets jealous of your zucchini. No, that’s not an innuendo. Romantic partners do sometimes find it hard to wrap their pretty heads around the idea of a queerplatonic relationship. Especially when they realize that they are less of a priority to you than your boo.
If that ever happens, sit them down and explain everything to them. If your partner is as wonderfully empathetic as they should be, they’ll understand. If they don’t, well, time to find a new boo.
Related Reading: I am second priority to my girlfriend and I don’t like it!
14. You wonder if it’s too much
Sometimes, your awkwardness and anxiety catch up to you and you find yourself wondering if you tell them too much or are too intimate with them. That’s just society and its ingrained heteronormativity at work. Since none of us grew up expecting to find love and partnership in anyone other than our spouses, understanding such relationships may take some unlearning. But, know that, no matter what society tells you, there is no one way to love.
If both you and your marshmallow find fulfillment in the relationship and aren’t bothered by the intensity of feelings and communication, it isn’t too much. What matters is that you guys are comfortable. As long as there’s comfort and understanding at play, your feelings, your relationship — they’re valid. Period.
15. You never have to explain yourself
They just get you, sometimes better than you do. You may sometimes find yourself wondering if you are a good person or if something you did or said was right. But they’ll never doubt you. They’re your people — no questions asked. And they’ll get where you are coming from no matter what happens. Yes, they may sometimes judge your life choices. But they will still be at your corner, cheering for you as if their life depends on it.
So, take heart, people. No matter what life throws at you and how much society may question you, your marshmallow has got your back. And, honestly, aren’t we all secretly dying to have a connection like that?