Did you just break things off with the guy you dated for four years and are now puzzled and asking yourself, “Should I be friends with my ex?” Well, we have all been there. Your ex knows you really well, which is why you might lean toward continuing to have him in your life. However, being friends with an ex is difficult because then it stirs up all the residual feelings and could lead to multiple rounds of breakup sex that you were planning to avoid.
But ditch the negativity and let’s try to have a more mature outlook. Sure, it won’t be easy to go out with them to cafes when you can’t hold their hand anymore or they won’t kiss you on the cheek when you do something silly. But there are a lot of upsides to being friends with an ex. Let’s take a look at some of them.
Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex?
Or a more pertinent way of putting this question should be, CAN you be friends with your ex? Being close to an ex after a tumultuous breakup can make you feel even more disheartened and heartbroken. If you’re thinking of ways to deal with heartbreak, hanging out with your ex like they’re your best friend is not the way.
Once you’ve overcome the phase of excessive sobbing and overthinking, you deserve a fresh start. And your ex might deserve a place there too. Considering that they were such a significant part of your lives, it’s understandable why you don’t want to lose them to the point of being strangers again.
If the breakup was not too messy or complicated, you have good reasons for staying friends with an ex. Let’s discuss them below:
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1. They can give you solid advice
Should you be friends with your ex? Yes, if you think that they know you really well. We spend so much time in relationships getting to know another person that it would be a shame to let that go. They can give you good relationship advice because they know you in and out but can also give you a solid, neutral perspective on future partners, which you might need in some situations.
2. You already love their company
Yup, this is an obvious reason if you’re considering ‘Should I be friends with my ex?’ The reason you dated them is that you loved hanging out with them and could be yourself around them. Even though you are broken up now, that does not need to change. You can still continue to kick back and chill together, hit the mall or just do other things that FRIENDS do!
3. It helps you become mature
I think it goes without saying that it requires a tremendous amount of maturity to even consider staying friends with an ex. Most people just cut ties and bolt in the other direction like their ex doesn’t exist. Others spend a lot of time drunk calling their ex on random days because they still have not processed the breakup. So if you’re asking, ‘Should I stay friends with my ex?’, we say yes because that is a mature way of dealing with what has happened.
You should probably take some time off to reconnect with yourself, process what has happened and perhaps even start dating after a breakup. You do you. But trust us, you will feel really proud of yourself when you know you can respect your ex, care for them and still have a happy life of your own.
4. There is a lesser sense of loss
Should I be friends with my ex? Yes, you must consider it or else you might spiral out of control when you miss them all the time. When you have them around, know that they are only a call away and will always support you, you feel more secure and strong. If you cut ties with your ex completely, you might feel a greater sense of loss or regret that could overcome you in unhealthy ways.
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5. You like their family and friends
Just because you two couldn’t work it out does not mean you should sever all the other connections you made during the course of your past relationship. Maybe you got really close to their mom while you were dating or have a lot of common friends. A breakup can cause rifts in other relationships too but if you say yes to staying friends with an ex, those relationships don’t have to suffer.
You agree, right? These are some pretty good reasons to stay friends with an ex. But take your time if you need to resolve any emotional difficulties you might be going through. When you are feeling better and more confident, reach out to make things right with your ex and start a lovely new friendship.
It can be hard at first because you keep seeing them in the light of your lover and you might want to just get back together with them. Besides, if the breakup caused a lot of hurt, then it takes a long time to practice forgiveness in the relationship.
It depends on how much peace you’ve made with the situation. Once a week is a pretty decent number but if you feel like that is too much and want to take your time, feel free to hit them up occasionally.