Have you had a tiff with your man and don’t know if he still loves you after a fight? A fiery argument has taken place and now you can’t seem to reach out to him or understand what’s running through his head. He’s stopped responding to your calls, and while you understand him needing space, you feel frustrated at his refusal to communicate with you.
Even though it may seem distressing to you currently, no contact after arguments is all too common. What’s even more common is wondering if he’s going to leave you because he’s neglecting you so much. So, hang in there, and let us walk you through how you can review your feelings.
When you can’t help but wonder why your guy is ignoring you after a fight, you may end up asking yourself, “How do I talk to him about the fight now that he is ignoring me?” or wondering, “My boyfriend is ignoring me what do I do?” Well, we are here to help you get to the bottom of it. Let’s find out a bit more about what it means when a guy ignores you after an argument.
‘My Boyfriend Is Ignoring Me After A Fight’: 9 Possible Reasons
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Once you realize that a sufficient amount of time has passed ever since you two argued and your guy is still ignoring you, you must analyze the situation closely. If you’re wondering, “Why is my boyfriend ignoring me after I called him out?” or “What went wrong?”, know that these are completely normal thoughts for anyone to have after a fight.
When a guy gets mad and ignores you, you may even wonder if he is ignoring you for someone else, but that shouldn’t generally be the case. Understanding the reason behind his behavior and his idea of the no-contact rule after an argument will also give you a better idea of how to approach the situation and mend your relationship with him. To help you develop that understanding, let’s answer the burning questions that are probably buzzing in your mind. Here are some reasons why a guy ignores you after an argument:
1. He is completely preoccupied with other commitments
Maybe it’s not you, it’s him. Understanding the timing of the fight and the silent treatment is crucial. It is possible that your big fight coincided with an important work deadline or family commitment and your man simply does not have the time to spend hours texting you or talking to you to resolve your fight. Some probable reasons can be:
- He is busy: If he has stopped talking after a fight, he may have extremely pressing commitments to attend to
- He wants to resolve other things first: All jokes aside, it may be possible that he’s just trying to get a grip on crucial work commitments so that he can get back to texting/calling you with a clear mind even though it may appear like mixed signals
- He wants to give you the effort you deserve: It takes a lot of effort to resolve a fight, and it is possible that he just does not want to do it shabbily
2. He needs some time to reflect and observe the current situation
After an argument, it is obvious that you both will be angry with each other and things might take an ugly turn if you are not careful. In this context, to avoid the nastiness associated with fights among couples, your husband or boyfriend might think that it is necessary to ignore you to cool down and understand the current circumstances better. Consider it the no-contact rule male psychology when a guy gets mad and ignores you.
Tom from Ohio wrote to us and spoke about the time his girlfriend lied to him about a family emergency and went bar-hopping with her friends to avoid spending time with him. In this case, the guy retreated completely and stopped communicating with her. It is not because he wanted to dump her, but because he was too angry to navigate a conversation healthily.
Related Reading: 8 Ways to Reconnect After a Big Fight
3. You did something to upset him
When the concern “My boyfriend is ignoring me, what do I do?” is weighing on your mind, ask yourself what is it that you have done before that could’ve led to this. He probably does still love you, but he’s just perhaps not too happy with you at the moment. You need to take a step back and reflect on the things you said and did during the argument.
Perhaps, some common relationship problems are festering between you two, or you have unknowingly said something hurtful or behaved in a manner that has triggered his existing insecurities. Different people are sensitive about different things, and we must be careful of others’ feelings during fights. When a man’s insecurities are brought to the surface, it often hurts him more than anything else, because men are traditionally never really taught to deal with their feelings.
4. Maybe he is clueless about the situation
Perhaps he did not understand the problem in the first place. This is the biggest reason that men give when one probes into why they indulge in no contact after argument with a girlfriend. Women tend to be more attentive and sensitive to matters, and it is possible that your man has not realized the seriousness of the fight. Or he might not know what to do or how to tackle such a situation and is therefore choosing to avoid it altogether in the hopes that it will resolve itself. In such situations, you can try:
- Considering his personality type: Does he have a dismissive avoidant attachment style? This may be a red flag
- Taking over the reins: Since the issue won’t resolve itself, you’ll need to knock some sense into your man, and that’s where good communication strategies come into play
- Being assertive: We know this is difficult while he’s ignoring you and refusing to talk to you straight. So, give him the space he has carved out for himself, but make sure you let him know that’s not the way to deal with any issues
Who knows, when you’re out there saying “We had a fight and he’s ignoring me”, he might not even realize you’ve had a serious fight. Yeah, this sounds bizarre, but it happens more often than you think.
Related Reading: 15 Ways To Solve Relationship Problems Without Breaking Up
5. The lurking fear of making it worse
When a guy neglects you after an argument or even decides to make it a 3-day relationship break by just not reaching out to you, he may be afraid of making things worse than they already are. So, chances are:
- He is afraid: He may not be the most confident in his conflict-resolution abilities, and in hopes of avoiding being blocked on every platform that ever existed, he’s trying to give you time to cool off before he texts you
- He is unable to communicate: So, it’s clear that he loves and wants you, but he just does not communicate effectively
- He needs time to reflect: His reasoning behind this could also be that the issue will only be resolved when you have both had enough time to think and can collectively sit down and discuss it once you feel comfortable
- He fears losing you: He might also have a fear of losing you by saying hurtful things unintentionally, and this could be why he hasn’t been reaching out. Trust us when we tell you, time and space do solve everything after a while. This is his way of avoiding conflict
6. The issues/misunderstandings seem trivial to him
So, you perhaps keep asking yourself “Why is my boyfriend ignoring me?” Well, perhaps, he just does not see this argument in the same light as you do. For you, it might mean the end of the world, and for him, it does not matter that much. He might just be ignoring you to try and show you that the issue doesn’t deserve fighting, but we all know that’s not going to work out. He probably thinks it is better to keep such trivial matters at bay by ignoring you for the time being.
Usually, this happens because men tend to understate the importance of the little things in a relationship. What seemed like a complete act of disrespect might’ve just seemed like a regular day in the office for him. Fights vary from couple to couple, but when he goes silent after an argument, it’s important to understand why he might be doing so and then eventually communicate better with your partner.
7. He expects you to apologize
Maybe it is time to sit down and be real with yourself about what happened. Did you say something in the heat of the moment that you did not mean? Have you hurt his self-esteem?
Some men can indeed be stubborn that way, and it is not necessarily a bad thing. Clearly, during your heated argument, something really bad has happened or has been said to him. He might be pushing you away because he wants you to apologize and realize your mistake. Sometimes, in long-term relationships, some men do come around because they are used to their partner being the way they are. But if you two are in a new relationship, this is him holding his ground, trying to tell you that he cannot be ill-treated and wants you to make it up to him.
Related Reading: 9 Signs He Regrets Hurting You
8. Testing boundaries
Sometimes, men are indeed so hurt that they will only be placated if you give your best efforts to make them feel loved again. So, they may be testing boundaries to just see how far you will go to make it up to them. Here are some possibilities:
- He may be waiting for you to make a move: When a guy gets mad and ignores you, he might just be waiting for you to prove your love to him. The more you don’t reach out to them, the worse it gets
- He’s testing how long it takes you to come back: He may be essentially assessing how long you can be without him and how long it takes for you to come back and realize your mistake
- He’s using this time to think wisely: When he is tugging at your emotional boundaries this way, don’t get too rattled but be patient instead. Ponder upon the heated argument you two had and what may have hurt him. Sometimes, it is worth being the bigger person in the relationship so you can both be out of your misery
9. He is pondering a break from you
This possible answer to your burning question, “Why is my boyfriend ignoring me?”, is going to be a tough one to bear. You might have to accept that you have arrived at the breaking point in your relationship. So, you’ve had a tough time lately and your guy has gone into his shell because he has mixed feelings about you now.
On the one hand, he loves and cares for you, but on the other, he just can’t shake off the fact that you have too many problems or misunderstandings. When a guy gets mad and ignores you, perhaps he thinks that moving forward from you is the best way to deal with the situation. So, he is taking his time off to finally decide how and when to end things with you.
11 Things You Can Do When Your Guy Ignores You After A Fight
Now that you are probably no longer wondering “I’m not sure why my boyfriend is ignoring me”, it’s time to figure out what you can do next. I know it is scary when he goes silent after an argument, but you need to approach the situation tactfully and ensure that you not only mitigate the fight but also maintain the emotional intimacy in your relationship.
Every fight has the potential of actually bringing a couple closer together. Your goal should be to resolve the conflict peacefully, while also maintaining the trust and love in your relationship. Below are some tips you can use in situations like these:
Related Reading: 8 Ways To Reconnect After A Big Fight And Feel Close Again
1. Have an honest conversation with him
If you’re still wondering what to do when your long-distance boyfriend ignores you, try being the bigger person. Be strategic about giving him time to think things over. When you feel like you are both in the right headspace and are willing to discuss the situation like mature adults, initiate an honest conversation.
If you ignore your partner and the fight as well, it will certainly cause problems in your relationship later. You can start by letting him know what you wish you did differently in the fight. You can then let him know how his actions have hurt you, instead of being accusatory or blame-shifting.
For example, instead of saying he doesn’t make time to video call you, you can let him know that you feel like you are not important to him when he forgets to call you. No matter how small the misunderstanding might be, it is always important to convey your feelings as clearly as you can.
2. Accept your fault and apologize, if necessary
If he has shut down after an argument, there’s a good chance it’s because he is expecting a heartfelt apology from your side. Analyze the situation and try to figure out what you might have done wrong. There is no shame in accepting your mistake and apologizing for the same. Instead of overthinking, “My boyfriend is ignoring me”, ponder how you can initiate reconciliation.
This will make your partner value your maturity and honesty and will prevent the back-and-forth of the toxic blame game. Initiate a civil conversation and show him that you’re not just texting/calling him again to blame him. It’ll make him more open to having a constructive conversation with you. Let him know that you are indeed feeling guilty about the whole fight.
Related Reading: 12 Sincere Ways To Apologize To Someone You Hurt
3. Try to rekindle the love with dates and outings
You don’t always need a relationship coach to help you through a rough patch. Sometimes, sharing a bottle of wine at home together can do the trick! Sometimes it is important to create new happy memories to forget the old bad ones. If a guy ignores you after a fight, take this time to initiate plans with him and spend time together. Look for ways to plan dates and outings together with your guy to forget about the past fights and enjoy each other’s company to the fullest.
Rekindling the spark and spicing things up will take both your minds off the fight and the hurt caused by it. Spending quality time with one another is the only thing that will keep the relationship going through these testing times. Start a new activity together to uncover a new side to one another. Take him for bowling or for paintball.
4. Do the things he likes
It is time for you to make it up to him. Do things for him that will make him happy and will help you both forget about the fight. You can try the following:
- Cooking his favorite meal
- Buying his favorite piece of clothing
- Dressing up, especially for him
This will make him realize that you are making an effort to mend your relationship. This is the answer to “What do you do when your boyfriend ignores you?”
Related Reading: 7 Ways Fighting In A Relationship Sustains It
5. Show him the importance he has in your life
If a guy ignores you after a fight, you can choose to not let your ego be hurt and reach out to him daily instead. Expressing your love and showing affection without any inhibitions and showing him that he is a top priority will go a long way in mending your relationship after a fight. Eventually, he will realize he has been ignoring you, the one most important person in his life, and he will confront you directly to resolve the matter.
6. Try the 3-day rule
What do you do when your boyfriend ignores you? It might be time to walk away from each other a little bit. We cannot highlight the importance of giving each other space in a relationship, especially after a huge argument or fight has broken out. This is why, the 3-day rule works wonders after a fight. It’s also popularly known as a 3-day relationship break. Now, this break does not mean that you have a free pass to ignore your relationship and do what you please. The purpose here is the opposite and has to do with putting the right effort into the relationship.
You’re probably still unsure and wondering, “What is the 3-day rule after argument?” Well, here it goes. This rule refers to backing off from the relationship and the fight and investing that time in yourself. Whether you use it to paint, to work, or to confide in your friends and family, the common agenda here is finding the time and putting efforts into processing the fight and the relationship.
7. Send him a care package
Are you wondering what to do when your long-distance boyfriend ignores you? Show him that even though you two are not speaking, you continue to care for him and love him immensely. It’s been a week after a fight and he still hasn’t reached out. Well, in that case, FedEx a care package to his house with tons of self-care goodies! Your long-distance relationship gifts can include coffee beans, a new coaster, some fun magazines, and other things he likes. He may be cross right now but he will get your message loud and clear.
8. Set up a call with a relationship coach
What do you do when your boyfriend ignores you? Well, have you tried therapy? There’s nothing wrong with taking some external help for your relationship. Perhaps you two are at a stage where you need a little bit of guidance and have just not been able to mend things. In a long-distance relationship, especially, it can be helpful to bring in an expert to walk you through this possible breaking point of your relationship. Lucky for you, Bonobology’s counseling services are only a click away!
9. Don’t push him
To do away with those messy feelings of “My boyfriend is ignoring me, how do I fix things?”, consider that maybe it will be best if you just back off for some time and try to nurture space in your relationship. If lately, he has been really curt and completely unwilling to talk to you or fix things, it is not healthy for you to devote every hour of your day wondering about him. Don’t ghost him back though and do keep the line of communication open. But do not barrage him with texts or memes when he is shutting the door in your face. It might just be best to wait it out for a little longer.
Related Reading: My Boyfriend Is Grieving And Pushing Me Away: Tips To Cope And Comfort Your Man
10. Focus on your own life
Remember all your close friends that have been dying to go out for a drink with you? Maybe it is time to reconnect with other people and fill up your social space, so you are not left overthinking about the last big fight with your partner that left you shattered. Maybe opening up to somebody new and spending time with friends will also give you a different perspective on what all these things could mean.
Also, engage in other activities that may boost your self-esteem. Try a new dance class or enroll in baking lessons. He will come around when he can, but you cannot keep waiting for him.
11. Finally, give him a period to get back to you
So you’ve spent the last couple of weeks doing it all. You’ve reached out a million times, given him his space, and even ignored him for a few days to test if he comes back. But what do you do when your boyfriend ignores you even after all that time and effort? It’s time to tell him to stop with this ruse.
You two are still in a relationship and he does hold some degree of accountability to you. This is why, you need to tell him that you can give him another week or so, and then he needs to talk to you and figure things out. If he doesn’t, then you might have to consider this a final breakup. Whatever your fault may be, you can’t tolerate being neglected like this for so long. So, let him know that you will love him and will wait for him, but not forever.
Key Pointers
- Your boyfriend might not be communicating after a fight because he is deeply upset and hurt and wants you to apologize
- Instead of thinking “Why is my boyfriend ignoring me?”, communicate with him and ask him what is going on. Do also give him some time to think first
- Try to meet him if possible and make him feel comfortable with your body language and words instead of blaming him
- If he still does not talk to you, tell him that you will only wait till a certain point and that he needs to try to resolve this argument either with the help of a counselor or not
Do not lose heart when you notice your boyfriend/husband ignoring you after a fight. Instead, be proactive and try to resolve it effectively. And also make sure you give yourself enough time to think about what has happened, instead of just being preoccupied with his feelings. The no-contact after arguments isn’t always as menacing as your anxious mind makes it out to be. He might just be taking his time to fight the stress he has, and things might get better soon. Keep fighting, if you truly believe in your relationship!
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My bf and I had an argument yesterday and now he is not reading my messages. I will just give him some space but still I’m worried he won’t come back to me again. Thank you for this article.
Hey Marichu, We understand how you feel. Giving him some space is a good idea. If you need any help please mail us at counselling@bonobology.com
Really appreciated this.. it made me realise that not everything is about my feelings. Men & women are built differently & its articles like this that allow us to remember we have different responses & different needs. Thank you x
Hello Cassie, We are really glad that this article helped you!
Hello Cassie, We are really glad that you found this article helpful!
Wow no words, ignoring someone is flat out emotional abuse. Instead let’s just cater to the abuser. Smdh