Have you had a tiff with your man? Now you can’t seem to reach out to him. This may leave you wondering why your guy ignores you after a fight by not answering your calls or replying to your messages. Do you feel frustrated because you can’t understand how ignoring someone after a fight could solve the problems?
Ignoring someone definitely won’t bring an end to the nasty looks you’re giving each other, but all common sense usually goes out the window the minute the screaming match starts. Even though it may seem distressing to you currently, no contact after arguments is all too common.
“How do I talk to him about the fight now that he is ignoring me?” “Is it over between us just because we had a nasty fight?” These thoughts may have often crossed your mind when you can’t help but wonder why your guy is ignoring you after a fight. Chances are, there’s usually nothing to worry about. Let’s find out a bit more about what it means when a guy ignores you after an argument.
Why Does A Guy Ignore You After A Fight?
Being ignored by the person you love can make someone doubt the future of even the healthiest of relationships. The silent treatment hurts a lot more especially when it’s after a nasty argument. Minutes seem like hours, days seem like weeks. A few days of no contact may leave you thinking, “My boyfriend hasn’t talked to me for a week after an argument. Why doesn’t he care about my feelings?”
Some people don’t talk much in general, and their coping mechanism after a fight usually involves stonewalling. Which, understandably, can become exceedingly tough to deal with. However, it is natural that after a fight, he and you both will need time to calm down, since the emotional turmoil brewing in your heart and mind causes extreme anger toward each other.
It’s probably his need for space that’s making him ignore you after a fight. He may be taking longer to reply to your texts, or simply may not be answering your calls or messages at all. At first, it may seem like he’s busy, but if it’s been a day or so and your beau hasn’t returned your calls, you’re probably going to be biting your fingernails.
Do not let assumptions like, “Is he going to break up with me?” Or “Is he not bothered about me at all?” hamper your peace of mind. Have you ever thought that your boyfriend might be ignoring you after a fight to ensure that he does not hurt you? Perhaps he’s waiting for the right time to approach you to make things right again. It may not seem like it right now, but no contact after the argument might be good for you.
A lot of hateful words are often said in fits of anger and he wants to avoid saying something he will not be able to take back. He is probably dealing with his own emotions and trying to make sense of the issue at hand before he approaches you and tries to sort things out.
If your guy is ignoring you after a fight, then he could well be processing his own feelings and sometimes silent treatment has its benefits. No, he’s not going to leave you right away, and no, he’s not gallivanting out with his buddies running behind other women. Relationship fights will have you both pretty worried about the health of it, but once you’ve cooled down, things tend to get a lot better, if you’re able to practice effective communication, of course.
6 Reasons A Guy Ignores You After A Fight
Once you realize that a sufficient amount of time has passed and your guy is still ignoring you, you must analyze the situation and understand the reasoning behind it. If you’re thinking things like “Why is he ignoring me after the argument?” “What went wrong?” and “How can I normalize the situation?”, know that these are completely normal thoughts for anyone to have after a fight.
At times, you may wonder if he is ignoring you for someone else, but that shouldn’t generally be the case. Understanding the reason behind his behavior will also give you a better idea of how to approach the situation and mend your relationship. To help you develop that understanding, here are some why a guy ignores you after a fight:
1. He is completely preoccupied with other commitments
Understanding the timing of the fight and silent treatment is crucial. It is possible that your fight coincided with an important work deadline or family commitment and your man simply does not have the time to spend hours texting you or talking to you to resolve your fight.
When he goes silent after an argument, chances are he has extremely pressing commitments to attend to, if that’s what he likes to call gaming with his boys. All jokes aside, it may be possible that he’s just trying to get a handle on all crucial work commitments so that he can get back to texting/calling you with a clear mind.
Your anxious mind may immediately make you assume he’s ignoring you because you messed up but that may not necessarily be the case. You just have to be patient and give him some time without jumping to conclusions, since all that’s going to do is upset you.
2. He needs some time to reflect and observe the current situation
After a major fight, it is obvious that you both will be angry with each other and things might take an ugly turn if you both are not careful. In this context, to avoid the nastiness associated with fights among couples, your husband or boyfriend might think that it is necessary to ignore you to cool down and understand the current circumstances better. At that point, the no contact after an argument works.
We received a story where a man shared details of a massive fight he had had with his long-term girlfriend. They were arguing because she had lied about her whereabouts. He was having a low day and wanted to spend some time with her to better his mood but she said there was a family emergency and would not be able to meet him.
To his surprise, he saw pictures of her partying with her friends when she claimed her father was in the hospital. As a result, he blocked her everywhere. The efforts she took to contact him were all fruitless since he was too angry to even hear her out.
He knew that if he spoke to her, he would have used harsh language and called her a liar. After a little more time passed, he claimed he was feeling calmer and felt like he was emotionally ready to listen to her reasoning. Eventually, they were able to talk it out and work on things.
The tactic of no contact after an argument might honestly be the approach because he pretty much threw his phone away and went out on a walk. Even though he knows he’s feeling an intense burst of anger he probably shouldn’t, there’s not much else he can do except throw his phone away and try to calm himself down
Related Reading: 8 Ways to Reconnect After a Big Fight
3. You did something to upset him
No two people can be compatible in every aspect of life. There are bound to be differences amongst a couple and due to this, it is possible to dislike your partner’s habits and actions. Wondering, “My boyfriend is ignoring me, what should I do?” You need to take a step back and reflect on things you said and did during the argument.
Perhaps some of the most common relationship problems are festering between you two, or you unknowingly said something hurtful or behaved in a manner that triggered his existing insecurities. Different people are sensitive about different things and we must be careful of other’s feelings during fights. When a man’s insecurities are brought to the surface, it often hurts him more than anything else because men are never really taught to deal with their feelings.
Instead, they suppress it until they learn to ignore it. By just mentioning something he’s insecure about, you might’ve triggered him. All of this might have now led you to a stage where you’re Googling “my boyfriend hasn’t talked to me in a week after a fight”. Rest assured, he’ll come around. You might have some explaining to do, though.
4. Maybe he is clueless about the situation
Women tend to be more attentive and sensitive to matters and it is possible that your man has not realized the seriousness of the fight. Or he might not know what to do or how to tackle such a situation and therefore is choosing to avoid it altogether in the hopes that it will resolve itself.
Since it won’t resolve itself, you’ll need to knock some sense into your man. We know, we know, that’s impossible to do while he’s ignoring you. So give him the space he has carved out for himself, but make sure you let him know that’s not the way to deal with any issues. Who knows, when you’re out there saying “we had a fight and he’s ignoring me”, he might not even know you had a serious fight.
This is often the case when guys do not have prior experience about what to do after a fight. They do not know if they should make the first move or wait for their partner to approach them and talk about the matter. You need to be patient and understanding and set some healthy relationship boundaries in place.
Related Reading: 9 Signs He Regrets Hurting You
5. The lurking fear of making it worse
When a guy ignores you after an argument, it’s possible he’s afraid of making things worse than they already are. He may not be the most confident in his conflict-resolution abilities, and in hopes of avoiding all being blocked on every platform that ever existed, he’s trying to give you time to cool off before he texts you.
His reasoning behind this could be that the issue will only be resolved when you have both had time to reflect on the situation and can collectively sit down and discuss it. He might also have a fear of losing you by saying hurtful things unintentionally and this could be fueling his silent treatment towards you.
Hence, no contact after argument doesn’t always mean it’s the end of the world. He’s kind of got a point here, doesn’t he? Only when you two have calmed down will you be better able to deal with this entire situation.
6. The issues/misunderstandings seem trivial to him
Sometimes, you might be fighting over silly matters, and being fully aware of this, your guy may have decided to ignore you. That’s why he is not maintaining contact after an argument. He might just be doing this to try and show you that the issue doesn’t deserve fighting upon, but we all know that’s not going to work out. He probably thinks it is better to keep such trivial matters at bay by ignoring you for the time being.
Usually, this happens because men tend to understate the importance of the little things in a relationship. What to you seemed like a complete act of disrespect, might’ve just seemed like a regular day in the office for him. Relationship fights vary from couple to couple, but when he goes silent after an argument, it’s important to understand why he might be doing so.
Related reading: 8 fights every couple will have at some point in their relationship
We hope the reasons we listed out help calm you down when you’re saying things like “my boyfriend hasn’t talked to me in a week after a fight!” when it’s really just been a few days. Even so, now that you know his reasons for no contact after arguments, it’s now time to figure out what you need to do going forward.
5 Things You Can Do When Your Guy Ignores You After A Fight
Now that you know the ‘why’, it’s time to figure out the ‘what next’. You need to approach the situation tactfully and ensure that you not only mitigate the fight but also maintain the intimacy in your relationship. Your goal should be to resolve the conflict peacefully while maintaining the trust and love in your relationship. Below are some tips you can use in situations like these:
1. Have an honest conversation with him
Be strategic about giving him time to think things over. When you feel like you are both in the right headspace and are willing to discuss the situation like mature adults, initiate an honest conversation.
If you ignore your partner and the fight altogether, it will cause problems in your relationship later. You can start by letting him know what you wish you did differently in the fight. You can then let him know how his actions have hurt you instead of being accusatory.
For example, instead of calling him a liar, you can let him know that you feel like you are not important to him when he lies to you. No matter how small the misunderstanding might be, it is always important to convey your feelings.
2. Try to accept your fault and apologize, if necessary
Analyze the situation and try to figure out what you might have done wrong. There is no shame in accepting your mistake and apologizing for the same. Instead of thinking about your beau ignoring you after a fight, think of how you can initiate reconciliation.
This will make your partner value your maturity and honesty and will prevent the back and forth of the toxic blame game. By initiating a civil conversation and showing him that you’re not just texting/calling him again to blame him, it’ll make him more open to having a constructive conversation with you. Of course, this does not mean that you apologize for things you didn’t do.
3. Try to rekindle the love with dates and outings
Sometimes it is important to create new happy memories to forget old bad ones. If a guy ignores you after a fight, take this time to initiate plans with him and spend time together. So after an ugly fight, look for ways to plan dates and outings together with your guy to forget about the past fights and enjoy each other’s company to the fullest. When a guy ignores you after a fight this is the best thing to do.
Rekindling the spark and spicing things up will take both your minds off the fight and hurt caused by it. Spending quality time with one another is the only thing that will keep the relationship going through these testing times.
Related Reading: How to make up after a fight
4. Do the things he likes, for example cooking his favorite food
Do things for him which will make him happy and will help you both forget about the fight. Cooking food for him, buying his favorite piece of clothing, dressing up especially for him, or helping him out in any way will make him realize that you are making an effort to mend your relationship.
If a guy ignores you after a fight a compliment would melt him. Vocalizing all that you appreciate about him will also show him how much you care about him and value all that he does for you. So, explore the vegetable market and pick up the stuff he likes. Make a salad to die for and he would only smile, more and more.
5. Show him the importance he has in your life
If a guy ignores you after a fight, you can choose to not let your ego be hurt and reach out to him daily. Expressing your love without any inhibitions and showing him that he is a top priority will go a long way in mending your relationship after a fight. Eventually, he will realize he has been ignoring you – the one most important person in his life, and he will confront you directly to resolve the matter.
Lastly, do not lose heart when you notice your boyfriend/husband ignoring you after a fight. Instead, be proactive and try to resolve it. Chances are, the no contact after arguments isn’t as menacing as your anxious mind is making it out to be. He might just be gaming to fight the stress he has, and things will get better soon. Keep fighting, if you truly believe in your relationship!
You let him know how important he is to you in your life. Have an honest conversation with him after things have cooled down, apologize if you are at fault. If not, let go and cook his favorite meal.
The no contact rule works after a breakup but after an argument, if you don’t keep in touch for some time he could miss you more and realize where he went wrong.
If you sulk, shed tears, and give up eating then he would feel guilty. But manipulative behavior to get what you want is never recommended, instead, have an honest conversation.
When your boyfriend purposely ignores you, you find out why. Maybe he has too much on his mind to go into a conversation or yet another confrontation with you. Find out the reason then deal with it accordingly.