13 Signs He Regrets Hurting You

Dating experience | | , Researcher & Content Writer
Updated On: May 4, 2024
when do guys start to miss you after a breakup

Being in love and having the other person feel the same way about you is a beautiful journey. However, relationships are not rosy all the time. While you’re suffering from the pain of a broken heart, it’s only natural to wonder if your SO is also going through the same. Are there any signs he regrets hurting you? After all, do guys regret letting a good girl go?

Your mind may be racing with endless questions and you will find yourself looking for answers. Perhaps, you need to know for your own peace of mind or so that you can rekindle the relationship. How to know he regrets hurting you? Let’s look at some clear signs a guy regrets having hurt you.

13 Signs He Regrets Hurting You

Do men regret losing a good woman? A Reddit user wrote, “All the time. It’s been over 10yrs and I still regret losing her. She cared for me, put me first, most of the things she did were for me and I dumped her… I’m paying for it every day… Haven’t met anyone like her and I’m living my Karma as I write this.”

This can be the harsh reality of a guy who pushes away a good woman with his indifference or lack of concern or by simply not being as invested in the relationship as her. That regret often manifests in the following signs:

1. He keeps chasing you

A Reddit user wrote, “I have an ex from years ago who dumped me. I was the first woman who cared for him deeply. Treated him good and accepted his flaws. We didn’t get back together although he regretted his decision and tried to win me back after a month and even months later he was still chasing me.

“Years passed by and he dated another woman. She didn’t treat him right like I did and along their relationship all he could think of was our time together. They broke up eventually and he tried to take me again lol.” The takeaway here is clear: if he keeps coming back to you even after dating other people, then you’re the kind of girl guys regret losing.

2. He checks in on you more than usual

signs a guy knows he messed up
constantly calls/messages to make sure you are okay

When he knows he messed up, he will try to make it up to you by showing empathy/compassion. If he’s worried about you and constantly calls/messages to make sure you are okay, these are signs a guy is heartbroken and deeply regrets his actions. He can’t seem to get out of the habit of staying in touch with you all day. That’s why he tries to connect constantly with some pretext or another. If frequent check-ins are not a sign of remorse, then what are?

Related Reading: 15 Subtle Signs Your Partner Is Going To Break Up With You Soon

3. He is willing to see things from your POV

Do guys regret taking you for granted? Yes, particularly when you are really important to them and they know they’ve messed up by not prioritizing you and the relationship as much as they should have. How do they make up for it? Consider these scenarios:

  • He tries really hard to understand where you’re coming from
  • He tries to put himself in your shoes, every now and then
  • He is willing to listen to you, even when what you say makes him uncomfortable

Analyze his behavior closely, and you’ll have your answer. His actions will show he’s trying to rebuild love after emotional damage.

4. He can’t stop showing up

One of the signs he regrets hurting you is that he will look for reasons and excuses to be around you. Here are some examples:

  • You might find him at your favorite spots like the restaurant you like to frequent or the supermarket you love to shop at
  • He may show up outside your workplace or your home
  • He may show up at a common friend’s party/attend events that are usually not his cup of tea

Beware, these could also be signs of dating a stalker. It may seem like a strange coincidence but he knows your schedule and knows where to find you. These are some of the strongest signs he’s feeling regret after breaking up, but is it cute or creepy? That is for you to decide.

5. He’s trying to make amends

How to know he regrets hurting you? You will see a real change in his actions and not just empty promises of being better. He may not make direct overtures with grand romantic gestures, but his actions will make it clear that he wants you back. For instance, if he hurt you by cheating on you, you may notice that he is going above and beyond to win back your trust and make amends. A repentant man will go out of his way to attend to your needs.

If in the pre-cheating days, he rarely spent quality time with you, in his new avatar, he might become more invested in the relationship. He realizes that he has broken your heart, so the first step toward the long road to reconciliation would be to ensure your comforts are taken care of, even if it requires him to go outside his comfort zone.

6. He is willing to seek professional help

The fact that he is willing to invest his time and energy in rebuilding his relationship with you is among the signs he regrets hurting you. Let an experienced professional help you along your journey. Maybe he’s not sure either about how to show remorse after cheating and requires guidance in that area. If you’re currently struggling to repair your relationship and wish to avail professional help, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel can help you get through this trying time.

If he’s willing to work on himself, it is his way of saying that you still mean something to him. He probably misses you. Now, it is for you to decide whether you miss your partner or miss being in love. If the answer is the former, it could be worth reconsidering a future with him. But remember, fixing a failed relationship/giving someone a second chance requires a lot of patience.

7. He goes the extra mile

The partner who has caused the hurt can’t just say “sorry” and hope for all the problems to disappear. Repairing a relationship and rebuilding trust takes time and effort, and there are bound to be moments when old wounds trigger your insecurities or make you skeptical of your partner’s intentions. For instance, if your SO cheated on you, every time he doesn’t answer your call or comes home late, you will feel anxious. Likewise, if the damage has been triggered by constant belittling or romantic manipulation, you will likely be more sensitive and wary of his words. 

A man who genuinely regrets the hurt he has caused will go the extra mile to fix the damage. Here are some behaviors that indicate he regrets his actions:

  • He becomes more mindful of his words and makes a conscious effort to avoid patterns that led to trouble in your romantic paradise
  • He is committed to honoring the promise of honest and transparency in the relationship
  • He’s making an extra effort to win your trust back, even if it means being accountable every minute of the day
  • He apologizes sincerely and uses his actions to show you how much he has changed/grown

8. He feels genuinely sorry

How do guys show they are sorry? According to the Gottman Repair Checklist, here are some phrases one uses when trying to show accountability for the damage that they caused:

signs a guy knows he messed up
He feels genuinely sorry
  • “I really blew that one”
  • “I can see my part in all this”
  • “How can I make things better?”
  • “I’m sorry. Please forgive me”
  • “I want to be gentler to you right now and I don’t know how”

A Reddit user wrote, “Often we may feel remorse for an action or careless words, and WANT to make amends, but can get clumsy around the actual apology itself.” So, when a man knows he messed up, his apology won’t feel fake to you. You will be able to see the genuineness, in his eyes and in his words.

Related Reading: Men vs Women – 5 Differences In How They Handle A Breakup

9. He is obsessed with the ‘what ifs’

A Reddit user wrote, “The relationship wasn’t working well, we had very different needs at the time. She’s still the best person I know. I don’t regret it so much as I think what would have happened? Would it have been just a rough patch in an otherwise great relationship? I seriously love her as a person and wish her the best. I occasionally get hit with a bit of jealousy and the ‘what ifs’.”

So, if he is still obsessed with hypothetical possibilities/what-if questions, you’re definitely the kind of girl guys regret losing. Even my ex regrets breaking up with me. How do I know? He keeps using the following statements:

  • “Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we were still together”
  • “Can we start from scratch, go to our favorite places and make those good memories again?”
  • “I’m consumed by regret after the breakup. I still have strong feelings for you”

10. If the relationship has ended, he wants to be in your life as a friend

Studies reveal that maintaining a connection after a breakup is a common way to lessen the pain of heartbreak. That’s because there is implied hope that staying in touch with an ex can eventually lead to a patch-up. So, if he is up for staying friends after the breakup, it’s synonymous with “I regret losing her”.

Leadership coach Kena Shree says, “You can still fall in love with your ex, while you are committed to someone else. This is because you are looking at your ex from a distance. Being friends with your ex shows versions of them that you didn’t know existed. So, you are at the risk of falling in love with them all over again.”

Related Reading: 13 Warning Signs Of Being Obsessed With Someone

11. Your loved ones can see the change

Just the way a crisis doesn’t appear suddenly, it doesn’t disappear all of a sudden either. So if you really want to know if your partner has mended his ways, seek the opinion of people you trust. They will be the best judge. In your yearning to make things work between you two, you might misconstrue the smallest actions to be signs he regrets losing you. Wishful thinking, as it’s called. Your clouded judgment may not be the best thing for you, which is when your friends and family can help you out.

On Ex

12. He is more loving toward you

Do guys regret taking you for granted? Yes, and they usually express that regret by being more loving toward you. His behavior might remind you of the time you first started dating, as he tries to bring back the excitement of those days by:

  • Saying “I love you” like he really means it
  • Holding your hand/hugging you in public
  • Kissing your forehead/cheek

If after a big setback – be it a breakup, infidelity, or lies and manipulation that drove you apart – your partner begins treating you as if you’re in new relationship and tries to woo you anew, you can be sure his remorse is genuine.

13. He spends quality time with you

My friend (who parted ways with his partner) told me, “I pushed her away and now I regret it. She was the best thing that happened to me. I regret letting her go. Will I ever find love again?” Realizing that she was the love of his life, he started making efforts to win her back. And once she agreed to give the relationship a second chance, he made sure he never slacked on letting her know how important she was to him. He resorted to:

  • Cuddling session, eye contact
  • Revealing secrets to her and being vulnerable
  • Scheduling weekly date nights
  • Picking up a new hobby together

So, when you regret hurting someone, you look for ways to make it up to time, and what better way of doing that than spending quality time with the person who means the world to you. If your man, too, is making an effort to carve out time for you, then it’s one of the sure-shot signs he regrets hurting you.

Key Pointers

  • Do guys feel guilty for hurting you? Yes, and they show it by assuming complete responsibility for the debacle
  • Another good sign of regret in a man is that he will go above and beyond to show you that he sees the error of his ways and has changed for the better
  • There’s a big difference between feeling sorry and just apologizing for the sake of it
  • When a man truly regrets hurting you, you will see it in his actions, words, and gestures
  • This change will be visible not just to you but also to family and friends who have been privy to your relationship dynamics

Finally, if you’re wondering, “Will he ever apologize for hurting me?” or “Is he avoiding me because he feels guilty?”, the most important thing is to stop waiting for closure. Maybe, the universe is trying to take you out of a painful situation. Maybe, something/someone better is coming your way! Also, the first place to look for love is your own heart…

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