Be accepting, but also be aware
If love had a secret recipe, a major ingredient would be being non-judgemental about the beloved, accepting them as they are. While that sounds most romantic and oh so desirable, we must also not forget that one of the trickiest parts of being in love is to see the other person’s flaws.
Every human being has their own quirks and opinions, and people who are different often seem most intriguing to us, as the old adage also goes – opposites attract. But it’s a major cause of worry if you find yourself compromising your basic personality or feeling uncomfortable all the time with/for the beloved.
Relationship experts believe that there are always subtle indicators in most failed relationships that are overlooked in the initial stages which definitely indicate doom. Often these are covert clues that trouble is brewing in the future.
Here are 5 key relational red flags that men realised they overlooked.
Related reading: 23 signs of an unhealthy relationship
“Everything is wrong with the world because someone else is at fault”
Rishabh and Swati had a thunderous office romance. She was his senior, but just like in the office she pushed the blame always in her personal life too.
Rishabh says, “Whether it was something minor as being late for a date or something as major as an almost one-night stand with someone else, Swati was somehow never to be blamed in her own perception.”
If your girl being late is never because she left the house much later than she should have, the day when everything that is wrong with the world will eventually all become your fault won’t be far away.
“There is no deep meaningful communication happening, just conversation”
Sudip and Harleen were neighbours and even went to the same school. When they started dating during college he realised that she found it difficult to talk about issues that mattered or struggled to express how she felt.
Sudip says, “She would just go quiet. I would keep asking what the matter is. Is she unwell? Did something happen at home or college? But it felt like I was talking to a wall.”
In a relationship it is certainly important to be open and honest. Some women just distance themselves emotionally when stressed, leaving their partner feeling cheated or “kept at arm’s length” due to their moodiness, and sometimes the nuke of a love equation, “silent treatment”.
“People who mattered to me did not like her at all”
Samir met Kirti at a friend’s wedding. They clicked almost instantly. Soon their Delhi-Gurgaon romance flourished, but just after being introduced to her most of his friends and family said she was not right for him.
Samir says, “I still don’t know what was the specific “off” about her that seemed so obvious to those who know me so well. I did not listen to what they were saying about her and the price was heartbreak.”
Often, in the throes of a fresh romantic relationship, hearing criticism about your perfect new “beloved” is not what your brain is wired to entertain. But others who know your core values and personality may see things more clearly from an outsider’s perspective. Listen carefully.
“She was still emotionally stuck in her past relationships”
Divika was the most popular girl in the university at one time, so yes she had about three serious relationships before she and Rehan dated and got married.
Rehan says, “She had told me why none of her previous relationships had worked very confidently and I was okay with her being friends still with all her ex-boyfriends. That was so cool and evolved till it spelt doom for our marriage.”
If a woman is unable to evaluate why any or all of her past relationships haven’t worked out, or she consistently blames the previous men in her life for all of the issues, it can be a major indicator that the same doom might await your own romance.
“She always had dicey financial dealings”
Alexa and Martin both came from a banking background so it was also another common ground for them to talk finances; still they parted because Alexa committed financial infidelity. Martin was the financial advisor in a major firm, she was into property consultancy.
Martin says, “Without my knowledge she made major investments from our joint accounts into her “friend’s” ventures. Often the amount would also be fudged or she would just dilly-dally about returns.”
At the end of the day, every relationship is about trust and honesty, and that includes financial honesty, too. If a partner is keeping major financial stuff under cover, it is time to save your own interest, literally.
Every romantic relationship between two people is unique and hence the danger signs that scream absolute “no go” will also be unique. So while you are falling head over heels, do keep your eyes open and in interludes from the heart listen to the brain too, before it’s too late!