Relationships 101

23 signs of an unhealthy relationship

The toxic signs of an unhealthy relationship surface long before you actually hit the dead end.
Irritated lady

Relationships are the twisted roads we all have to travel in our life. It is hard to judge if the relationship is healthy or unhealthy until it has reached the limit. Signs of an unhealthy relationship will surface long before you have reached the dead end, provided you are keeping your eyes and ears open.

What is the definition of an unhealthy relationship?

A healthy relationship is to love someone. Be with someone only when it is fulfilling to you and you grow with it. You are not supposed to love them because you dread you might be lonely. If you are in a relationship that is not fulfilling and you are not daring enough to pull the plug, then that is pretty much unhealthy. People often leave when they can no longer stand to stay or people leave when they feel they must, if they are wise enough to understand the signs that indicate an unhealthy relationship.

23 signs of an unhealthy relationship

Here are the 23 signs that you should read carefully to spare yourself before it is too late and suffocating:

1. You do not find the comfort

After a tiring, bad day at work when you reach home or meet your partner. All your tiredness and bad mood should be gone. You should feel good and excited about meeting them. But if you feel meeting them after a bad day will only worsen the day, then you must understand that your relationship is not giving you happiness or comfort. There might be many reasons for the absence of comfort. You need to dig into your past to find out. It is also important to understand if you can talk this through or it is already too late.

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2. There is a void even when you are together

When you both are together, you don’t feel complete. Your heart still says that there is an emptiness which he/she cannot fill. Whenever you are together, do you wish that the time should fly? Or you feel better when you are away from him. You both don’t cuddle any more. There is a communication gap between both of you. When you see couples having fun moments, when you see a happy relationship, you are always reminded how your relationships lack these qualities. You always get upset on seeing happy relationships.

3. Not sharing with each other

If you are in love with someone, you would want to share everything that is happening in your life. Be it little things or your big achievements. Is your partner not the first person you call for sharing news you get? If your answers are yes, you have to take a moment and think why you are not sharing things with him. Did you ever feel he is not worth sharing with? Again, if the answer is yes then this a major sign. You should not be with someone who is not worthy enough to listen to the good and bad things happening in your life.

4. There is a lot of insecurity

Your partner has an issue with everything you do. They do not give you space or me-time. They will get annoyed if you are hanging out with your friends, even if they are not of the opposite gender. They will complain about you not being available in the relationship. They will constantly say, “Your friends are more important for you.” Insecurities are present if your partner is putting too many restrictions, they are complaining about your habits and all your actions need explanation and justification.

5. One of you is over controlling

A relationship should be based on mutual understanding. A relationship cannot survive if one of you wants to be the ringmaster and want the other to just follow your commands and stop doing anything you dislike. A relationship means accepting the differences and flaws and yet choosing to love them. Dominance cannot make a relationship work. It only damages it and makes the other person caged. Love is meant to be liberating. If you feel the relationship is seizing your freedom, you may be with the wrong person. This could be an unhealthy relationship.

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6. You always keep complaining about your relationship

Whenever you are not with your partner and you are hanging out with your friends you are constantly complaining about being in a relationship or you are complaining about your partner. You have become so habituated to complaining about your partner that if anybody asks your friends or family about your partner, they might tell more negative things about them. In the recent past, you have not listed anything positive regarding your partner to your friends and family. You have received the advice to break up more than thrice from your multiple friends.

7. You are demotivating and demeaning each other

You both are not supportive in any form. Every time you want to start a new activity, go on some adventure, you only receive demotivation from your partner. Whenever you share your goals or ideas, the opinion is not valued but laughed off. Your suggestions mean nothing to them. They are only demeaning you over and over because they are too self-obsessed to notice anything above themselves or this is all very casual for them. They do not show enough confidence in you, which could be a major reason why you don’t feel like sharing anything with them.

8. You still crave to feel loved

You may be in a relationship but you don’t feel loved at all. Whenever a chance is given, whenever you find someone caring for you, respecting you, you start seeing the potential of a better relationship. You may have sometimes crossed the lines too, atleast by having emotional affairs, just because of the emotional void you feel in your relationship. You have started believing that your one relationship is not enough for you. You might have talked to your partner, but they don’t realise or understand, so according to you finding another shoulder for emotional comfort is not wrong.

9. Too many arguments

You cannot remember when was the last time you two had a peaceful date or enjoyed an evening walk holding each other’s hand. All you can remember are the arguments that were started, mistakes you both made and the insults you threw at each other. Arguments have become a routine for you and none of you feel that you can sit and talk about it, sort it out. Because you have reached a limit that whenever you sit to talk, you end up arguing.

10. Mutual respect is lost

There is no respect left between you both. Fighting respectfully is out of the question, you don’t regret throwing insults at each other. The worst part is you believe that your partner deserves to be treated this way. You are so disinterested in your relationship that you don’t want them to hang out with your friends. You have stopped making plans, because you feel ashamed of going out with them. You fear that your partner might again make a scene out of a petty issue.

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11. You are unaware of each other’s life

You have stopped caring about each other. Their presence and absence make no difference in your life. You are unaware of the happenings in each other’s life, because you have stopped talking. You are just tolerating the relationship only because you feel initiating a breakup would bring emotional chaos which you do not wish to deal with right now. So this torture is better than the trauma of a breakup. You are missing out on important events of each other’s lives and you are more happy than upset about that fact.

12. You conveniently make decisions without them

Your partner’s opinion is of no importance. Both of you are making decisions very easily without talking to each other. The damage is too much when no arguments are started over this and you both are accepting the fact and you are okay with it. This could be a small decision or bigger ones, but you are not taking suggestions and advice from your partner.

13. Choices are not respected

In a relationship, everything is about respecting and understanding choices. You and your partner are two different individuals; you can have choices that differ from each other. But if you think that you don’t have any responsibility towards accepting or understanding the choices and you can sit back tease, laugh about choices of your partner, you are wrong. This only spoils the relationship and does damage you cannot see in the short term.

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14. You both are repeatedly lying

Lying is a routine for you both. You are lying to them. You constantly catch your partner lying to you. But you know you have reached the brink when you both know that it is a lie, yet you pretend it’s true. Lies have become your best excuses for avoiding each other or going out with each other. You both don’t care to acknowledge the harm it has caused to your relationship.

15. Blame game never ends

You keep blaming each other for the stage your relationship has reached. The fact is, you both can be at fault, but you are never ready to accept that there is anything you could have done any differently. There is no guilt, no realisation and no shame in bringing chaos into your relationship. You will swiftly put the blame on your partner and sit back, saying you tried everything you could but your partner is not changing, so there is nothing you can do about it.

16. You both have stopped caring about each other

There is no affection left in your relationship. Everything you do is just because you want to fulfil the duty of being someone’s partner. The relationship has become like your job where you just work because you have work. You may not enjoy it or find happiness in it, but you are doing it because it is important to have a job. In a similar fashion, there is no affection, but you are keeping the relationship just for the sake of having a relationship.

17. If one of you is cheating or has cheated

Infidelity is not to be tolerated and if this has happened and you are still choosing to be in the relationship, then understand you are choosing to let someone undermine you. If you are cheating, you are a coward who cannot be daring enough to put an end to what doesn’t make you happy and your values are not strong. If you have been cheated repeatedly but still choose your partner, then you do not have great mental strength.

18. Refusing to talk on important topics

Communication is the key for any relationship to work. If you are not communicating, then you are certainly not going on the right path. You had a big fight, but you refuse to talk about it. One of you wants to talk about the relationship, but another feels there is nothing left to talk about, so you both keep refusing and decide to let things be. This indicates you are not in a healthy relationship.

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19. Avoidance has been working more than confrontation

Confrontation solves the problem, but you can only confront when you believe you have a problem. If you or your partner are in denial regarding the relationship issues you both are facing, you both will keep avoiding the confrontation. As much as the avoidance seems comfortable, it is also a slow poison for your relationship. Soon there will be a pile of topics that may require confrontation and you both may still choose to avoid.

20. You are only making bedroom memories or not making them at all

This is also a very important sign. If your partner only turns to you for sex and emotional support is never demanded, then you should take this as a warning sign you are not heading towards a healthy relationship. The contrasting case is also true if you and your partner are not having sex at all. The passion is lost and you both have started to lose interest in each other. This is also very bad and indicates an unhealthy relationship. The key to a healthy relationship is to find the balance in everything.

21. Being in a relationship had more negative influence

Being with a person always brings changes in you and every change is either a positive or a negative change. The most interesting part to analyse is, what changes has being with your partner has brought in your personality or aura. Have you adopted more bad habits? Have you stopped hanging out with your friends? Do you feel tired and demotivated? Do you feel you are not good enough to deserve good? If the answer to even one question is yes, then you must know that your relationship had more negative influence on you.

22. Violence, abuse or frequent threatening is routine

Your partner is very short-tempered. When he loses his calm or when he is drunk, he often crosses the limit. He may threaten you. You should never be in a relationship that is abusive. You don’t need any other reason to leave; this is enough. If they cannot respect you and if they can dare to abuse you, you are not supposed to love them. You must leave them immediately.

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23. You can list more negatives than positive qualities

You are given 10 minutes to think about your partner and then you are asked to list about positive and negative qualities in them; if you can list down more negative qualities than positive, you do not need any more reason to consider staying back. You should understand the time has come to break up for your own good.

While reading this article if you were agreeing even to 40% of the points, then you should understand your relationship is unhealthy. Sometimes you have to choose to be your own saviour. And stop waiting for the right time. You have to rise to the rescue of your own happiness and confront your partner. Either sort it out by talking or understand the damage is beyond repair. So end the relationship for your own good.

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