We often say hurtful things in a relationship during a fight or a disagreement. At that point of time, in the heat of the moment, it doesn’t occur to us that we may be damaging a relationship by saying hurtful things.
We don’t take into account how our partner might have felt when we said those ominous words. Realisation always hits later and by the time we cool down and begin to understand how we might have caused our partner pain, it is too late. Sometimes, a simple sorry just doesn’t cut it. The damage is done.
When a relationship matures, we don’t mince our words. While this is good as we tend to be more open with our partners, the same fact can also take an ugly turn as we tend to take things for granted.
Your spouse saying hurtful things or your boyfriend uttering those horrible words when angry, does have long-term consequences.
We become too lax with saying hurtful things we don’t even mean. Too many of these instances can make your relationship an emotionally abusive one. Your partner may forgive you but trust us, they don’t forget that generously.
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How Saying Hurtful Things In A Relationship Affects It
When you say hurtful words to your partner, these toxic phrases begin to weaken the foundation of your relationship. It’s basically like damaging a relationship with words.
Saying hurtful things in a relationship is what slowly drives you and your partner away from each other. Loss of interest in the relationship can be a common side-effect.
Poisonous words strike a blow on your self-esteem and have a negative impact on your mind. They start to negate the positive feelings that you had for a person which in turn damages your relationship.
Here are 8 ways in which saying hurtful things affect a relationship.
1. It scars the relationship and shows that you don’t care
Saying hurtful things to your partner can be the beginning of an abusive relationship. You might not realize it but your relationship begins to scar.
Your partner might feel shocked to hear these words. Even more so by the fact that you are willing to spew poison and willing to intentionally hurt your partner. These words will echo in their ears for a long time.
A mental scar of the incident will always remain in your partner’s mind. Saying hurtful things to someone you love is unacceptable.
2. Your partner loses respect for you
When you use toxic phrases in a relationship, your partner begins to feel that you don’t understand and respect them enough. In turn, your partner begins to lose respect for you.
If you say, “My boyfriend puts me down jokingly,” do you get his sense of humour as time goes by? No, you don’t. You start losing all respect for him, don’t you?
This respect is replaced by anger and hurt. Your partner might even begin to fear you instead of respecting you. If you don’t respect your partner you don’t deserve their respect either. Remember a verbally abusive relationship can even turn into a physically abusive one.
3. Your partner will become distant
When your spouse says hurtful things to you, it plays on your mind, especially when it comes from your partner. Your repeated habit of saying mean things in a relationship will make your partner feel overwhelmed. They will want to distance themselves from you for some time.
Toxic words spew negativity and if that’s all you have to give, you can’t blame your partner for wanting space. A toxic relationship is the last thing you need.
If you are growing apart in your relationship, you will notice these signs.
4. Your partner will become hostile
If there have been many hurtful exchanges of words, your partner may begin to feel hostile. Resentment creeps in and they begin to avoid you.
He/she will no more see you as their partner but as someone who doesn’t understand them. Your partner may be physically present in the relationship but might have mentally and emotionally checked out.
This is because of the frustration that has been piling up for quite a while now. Their eyes that once looked at you with love will now look at you with confusion and hurt.
If your boyfriend says hurtful things when angry, you will feel upset the moment he loses his temper because you know what’s coming.
5.The frequency of your fights will increase
Even if you realize your mistake and ask for forgiveness, there are chances that this topic becomes a bigger issue in your future fights.
Your partner may not be able to totally forgive you and will bring it up in other fights as well. As a result, you will have even more heated arguments with your partner.
As they say, “Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can be only forgiven, not forgotten.”
6. Your partner may feel unloved
Saying hurtful things to your partner in a relationship lowers their self-esteem, making them feel vulnerable and unloved.
They might begin to feel that you’re behaving this way because you don’t love them anymore. They could feel underappreciated and feel like you are taking them for granted. They start doubting themselves even though you try to tell them you didn’t mean what you said.
7. You both start looking for love elsewhere
It takes one negative to overshadow all the positives. Similarly, saying means things in a relationship can overshadow all the months or years of love between the two of you. This is because those toxic words begin to play on your mind and you start to doubt your relationship.
The love starts to fade away and you involuntarily start seeking love elsewhere. This does not mean cheating on your partner. It simply means that you start appreciating those old and new suitors who seem to always treat you better than your own spouse. This could mean the beginning of an emotional affair.
8. They abandon you
There’s a limit to everyone’s endurance. Constant verbal abuse can lead to completely damaging a relationship with words. It hurts, even more, coming from someone you love.
Your partner may not show that she/he is wanting an out of the relationship but might just silently observe your behaviour. When they realize that they can’t take any more of your toxic behaviour, they will abandon you.
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People often start damaging a relationship with words without even realizing it. They eventually feel sorry and apologize to their partner who then forgives them. This can become a vicious cycle as they begin to take their partner for granted and saying hurtful things becomes a habit.
What they don’t realize is that each such incident scars the relationship even further. By the time the person realizes it, it’s too late. Don’t let your anger damage your relationship. Think before saying hurtful things to your partner as words cannot be taken back, what is left is a mental scar.
No it is not normal to say hurtful things in a relationship. Once or twice during an argument something hurtful can slip out involuntarily. You or your partner might regret it instantly and ask for forgiveness. But saying hurtful things during all kinds of arguments is not normal at all.
He says hurtful things because he feels a sense of power when you get upset. Because in all probabilities he’s had toxic parents who threw hurtful words at each other. Your boyfriend says hurtful things when angry because he is unable to control his anger or his words.
If your husband is sarcastic and says hurtful things then it becomes a very difficult situation for you that can push you into depression. The best thing you could do is zone out when he is angry and not listen to a single word he says. If he apologises later it’s fine. But if his behavior keeps troubling you then opt for relationship counselling.
Some people do have the habit of saying hurtful things when angry but then they would tell you they didn’t mean a word of it. They would apologise and do everything to ensure you don’t feel hurt anymore. In that case it is easy to forgive someone who said hurtful words. But if this becomes a pattern you cannot forgive every time.