We often say hurtful words to our partner during a fight or a disagreement. At that point of time, during the heat of the moment it doesn’t occur to us how our partner might have felt when we said those hurtful words. After we cool down and we replay the fight in our mind, we begin to realize all the hurtful things we said to our partner. We say sorry for the things we said, but is sorry enough?
During the honeymoon period of our relationship, we choose our words very wisely. It is because we don’t want to offend our partner. As the relationship matures, we tend to get careless and say hurtful things which we don’t even mean. At that time, we ask for forgiveness but your partner never forgets it. It keeps playing on their mind and becomes a topic for future fights as well.
How Saying Hurtful Things In A Relationship Affects It
When you say hurtful words to your partner, these toxic phrases begin to damage your relationship and slowly, your foundation begins to weaken. You both may not realize it at the moment, but as this exchange of hurtful words keeps on going, it slowly drives you and your partner away from each other. Loss of interest in the relationship can be a common side-effect.
Coming to how this happens, hurtful words play a negative impact on your mind. They start to negate the positive feelings that you had for a person which in turn damages your relationship. Here are 8 ways in which saying hurtful things affects a relationship.
1. It scars the relationship
The moment you begin saying hurtful things to your partner, it is the beginning of an abusive relationship. You might not realize it but your relationship begins to scar. It is because your partner will always remember the hurtful things that you’ve said to him/her. They will always remember how they felt when you said those hurtful things to them.
A mental scar of the incident will always remain in your partner’s mind.
2. Your partner loses respect for you
When you use toxic phrases in a relationship, your partner begins to feel that you don’t understand and respect them enough. In turn, your partner begins to lose respect for you. This respect is replaced by fear and your partner begins to fear you instead of respecting you. You need to show how much you acknowledge and respect your partner instead of choosing to say hurtful things to him/her.
3. Your partner will become distant
When someone says hurtful things to you, it plays on your mind, especially when it comes from your partner. Your repeated habit of saying hurtful things will make your partner feel overwhelmed and he/she will want to distance himself/herself away from you for some time. It is because they will want an out from all the negativity that is taking place in the relationship and will need some space to clear their head.
If you are growing apart in your relationship, you will notice these signs.
4. Your partner will become hostile
If there have been many hurtful exchanges of words, your partner may begin to feel hostile. Your partner will begin to hate you and will resist your presence.
He/she will no more see you as their partner but as someone who doesn’t understand them. Your partner may be physically present in the relationship, but mentally and emotionally your partner will feel nothing but hatred for you. This is because of the frustration that has been piling up for some time because of saying hurtful things to your partner.
5. You will have even more fights
Even if you realize your mistake and ask for forgiveness, there are chances that this topic becomes a bigger issue in your future fights. Your partner may not be able to totally forgive you and will bring it up in other fights as well. As a result, you will begin to have even more heated arguments with your partner.
As they say, “Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can be only forgiven, not forgotten”.
6. Your partner may feel unloved
Saying hurtful things to your partner in a relationship lowers their self-esteem, making them feel vulnerable and unloved. They might begin to feel that you are behaving so because you don’t love them anymore. They could feel taken for granted and underappreciated. They start doubting themselves even though you try to make them understand that what you said didn’t mean anything.
7. Your love for each other begins to diminish
It takes one negative to overshadow all the positives. Similarly, saying mean things in a relationship can overshadow all the months or years of love between the two of you. This is because those hurtful words begin to play on your mind and you start to doubt your relationship. Your partner begins to doubt whether he/she made the right choice and their love for your starts to diminish.
8. They abandon you
There’s a limit to which a person can endure another person’s hurtful behaviour. It hurts even more when it’s someone you love and care about a lot. Your partner may not show that she/he is wanting an out of the relationship. They will just silently observe your behaviour. When they realize that they can’t take any more of this toxic behaviour, they will abandon you.
People often start damaging a relationship with words without even realizing it. At that moment, they feel that a sorry can reverse the damage they caused, but when their partner begins to forgive them every time, it becomes a habit. Without even realizing it, they begin to take their partner for granted and saying hurtful things becomes a habit. What they don’t realize is that with each such incident, it keeps scarring the relationship even further. By the time the person realizes it, it’s too late. Don’t let your anger damage your relationship. Think before saying hurtful things to your partner as words cannot be taken back, what is left is a mental scar.