When you married your significant other, you took seven rounds around the holy fire as a promise to stay together for seven births. Little did you know then that living with your spouse is going to get difficult in just a couple of months or a couple of years. You feel red flags all around you but you don’t seem to comprehend those.
15 Signs That You Need To Get A Divorce For Sure
If you have not tried to divorce-proof your marriage, chances are that these signs will show themselves sooner. The signs are always there but people keep trying thinking that everything would work out in the end. Nobody wants a broken marriage so they don’t want to believe that they are steering a sinking ship and they need to jump out of the marriage at the first opportunity.
That’s why despite years of physical and mental abuse, marital rape and infidelity people stay on in a marriage. Sometimes in a marriage that seems perfect from the outside, the signs are there and if your marriage shows these signs then don’t be surprised to find yourself parting ways soon.
1. You cannot trust each other
The foundation to any relationship is based on mutual trust and understanding. However, this never seems to happen in your case. A happy marriage is more than just physical satisfaction. It means coming home to a person you can be vulnerable in front of. The moment you face problem at work or in your social circle, you go to them for venting or for advice. If you find yourself turning to some other person for sharing all of your problems, this is the first red flag that your marriage is headed for a divorce.
Trust issues can develop because of several reasons. It could be cheating, misunderstanding, lying, etc. When you find yourself absolutely unable to create a space for trust and understanding with your spouse, it is a sign that the divorce is due.
2. The communication gap is massive
Clichéd as it may sound, communication is the ultimate key. The lack of communication is the ultimate sign of divorce as well. A lot of times, you observe a pattern in your spouse which leads to baseless assumptions. This practice of mind-reading is a major culprit in communication gap, which then creates a domino effect of arguments, blame game and more misunderstandings.
Alternatively, no matter how hard you try to communicate about your feelings with your partner, you cannot find the kind of response you need. If you or your spouse are never open to a difficult conversation and the communication gap seems to know no bounds, take it as an indication that the divorce is inevitable.
Related reading: 10 important components of trust in a relationship
3. You avoid spending time with them
It is great to spend some time apart from your spouse. Being in a marriage does not mean being around each other 24/7. Reading a book, going window shopping, spending time alone in a café, watching some series, etc. are all healthy habits to grow as an individual person. But using those habits to avoid being around your partner is a sure sign that you need a divorce.
A happy couple follows their respective routine and indulge in their personal recreational activities, all the while looking forward to sleep next to their loved one talking about their day. But do you now wait to get into bed only after your significant other is asleep? Or worse, do you give excuses not to come home for days at an end? If the answer to these questions are, “yes”, consider heading towards a divorce.
4. Your spouse is never your priority
A girls’ day out, a boys’ night out, an office party, etc. are all independent important activities for a person. When these activities stop being just an independent event and more of an excuse to be away from your spouse, an unhealthy marriage begins especially when you haven’t spent any time at all with your partner in a long while.
Your spouse stops being your priority when you use your friends or office work as a distraction or an excuse to not go home. Avoiding alone time at any cost and not prioritising your significant other even when they need you is an intimation for a divorce.
5. You are defensive in all your statements
A healthy relationship means sitting down from time to time, discussing each other’s behaviour in a respectable manner. A feedback that is put across by saying, “I love you, but I wish you’d help me do this.”
But lately, you’re noticing yourself being defensive about anything that your partner says. You’re unable to handle even sensible criticism, almost as if you do not wish to give them the right to say anything to you. You diminish their opinions and are ready for a retort with a sword of sharp words, closing any possible door for open communication. This means that you are signalling for a divorce.
Related reading: 15 Signs your Marriage Is On The Rocks and Almost Over
6. Your heart races at their thought
A racing heart does not mean butterflies in the stomach, feeling a happy nervousness at the thought of being with them like one does in the initial stages of a relationship. Here, your heart races in stress and fear of facing another moment with your partner, something you would immediately avoid if you could.
Give attention to what your body is trying to signal at. Do not take the physical responses of your spouse’s presence lightly. You will find yourself popping blood pressure pills if you do not address these reactions. A negative physical reaction is the biggest red flag that you need to make the first call to a divorce lawyer.
7. The criticism is incessant
Anything, and literally anything that your partner does sets you off. The actions could be as insignificant as dropping a bowl by mistake, or sneezing in the middle of a movie. Throwing tantrums with generalised statements like “You always do this” or “You never do that” are all negative criticisms that can never have positive outcomes. If you’re unable to overcome constant irritability with whatever your partner does and any move of theirs is a push to criticise, consider it as a sign that you want a divorce.
On the other hand, if it is your partner that cannot put a stop to negative, demeaning criticisms no matter how hard you try, that is also an indication that you need to split up with your spouse. Unconditional love is a long lost fantasy now.
8. Your conversations are contemptuous
A contemptuous conversation indicates a lack of value in a relationship. You will notice a gradual shift in approach whenever you have a conversation with your husband/wife. There will be countless sighs, eye rolling, sneering comments, name calling, and hostility. Even your body language will alter. You will either point fingers at your partner or talk with arms and legs crossed.
Every other statement exchanged by you and your partner is overloaded with taunts and general mockery. None of you are willing to hear each other out either. Treat this as a sign that you need a divorce and start taking actions before it gets worse.
9. You do not address the elephant in the room
You will argue about everything and all of your arguments are rude, condescending and contemptuous. Yet, neither of you are willing to address the actual problem. You would have a massive argument about something that your spouse did three months ago, but you cannot get yourself to actually talk about what is bothering you, even if that means you have to spend countless nights being mad at each other.
You have stopped caring about what your partner has to stay, and you would rather sweep all the issues under the carpet. This is a physical demonstration that a divorce is necessary.
10. The only game you play is the blame game
Openness and acceptance? What’s that? All you and your partner do is blame each other for ruining your respective lives. Both of you seem to think that you’ve given so much in your relationship, but the other person just doesn’t seem to appreciate it and they would much rather put in efforts to ruin the bond. Playing blame-games seems to be the only thing you feel comfortable with.
If every action of your spouse aggravates a blame game and none of you are able to approach the matter in a level headed manner, the entire relationship is a red light signing that a divorce is much needed.
11. Forgiveness has stopped being an option
Every couple argues. But most couples apologise to each other and move on. Somehow, you do not want to forgive your partner. Your marriage has transcended all possibilities of forgiveness. All that there’s left is more arguments and more issues. Do yourself a favour and make a call to a divorce lawyer. A relationship with no space for forgiveness and moving on is as good as a dead relationship.
Related reading: Uncontested Divorce: Step-By-Step Procedure and Benefits
12. You stonewall each other
After one point, you will grow tired of fighting with your partner and you will shut them out. This is called stonewalling. You avoid arguments by withdrawing yourself from the relationship. This means that you stop paying any heed to what your partner is saying, almost as if you’re giving them a silent treatment. You make only monosyllabic conversation with them only when it is absolutely mandatory and in worst case, you ignore their existence even when they are sitting right next to you.
This means that you are overwhelmed by the mere presence of your spouse and you feel disconnected all the time. You are tired, and this is a sign that you need a divorce.
13. You’ve stopped initiating in bed
It is normal to not have physical desire for a short time in a marriage. The reasons could be tiredness, sickness, responsibility of the kids, etc.
However, if you don’t feel the chemistry with your partner without any reason for a long time, it is an indication that your marriage is dying. You are drifting apart and you know it’s been the story for quite long now.
The situation definitely calls for a divorce if you have physical desires and you want to be intimate with someone, but you do not want that someone to be your partner. Save yourself with dignity before it leads to cheating and get a divorce.
14. Verbal and physical abuse has become frequent
In India, 70% of women are victims of domestic abuse which can be physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual in nature. 38% of Indian men have admitted to have physically abused their partners. There is no love valuable enough to allow abuse. If you or your partner cannot stand without abusing each other verbally or physically at any given point, immediately get a divorce.
15. You’ve begun strategizing a split
Do you imagine different situations in your head where you and your spouse get into a fight and you declare a divorce? Or have you already started giving excuses to stay away from home, all the while planning a split? If your instincts are constantly directing towards a break up and divorce is all that runs through your mind, there can be no bigger sign that you need a divorce as fast as you can.
It can be difficult identifying the toxic traits when you want to desperately hold on to a marriage. If you are able to relate to at least 4-5 of these signs, your marriage is practically shouting for a divorce. Understand it and act accordingly.