Struggles and Scars

She was a victim of marital rape and yet blamed for the divorce

Since rape in marriage is not recognised as a crime legally or socially, nobody could offer her a solution when her husband abused her daily
marital rape

(As told to Kirthi Jayakumar)

Nobody offered me a solution to being abused by my husband

“You chose your husband. Stop complaining and deal with it.”

That was the only thing I was told when I talked to my mother and father about being raped every night by my husband.

“See, beta, there is nothing called as rape in marriage. You are both married so that means society has given you license to procreate. Your husband owns your body.”

That was the first thing my gynaecologist told me when I told her what was happening.

“Rape? How can we file a case like this madam? Husband hai na woh aapka? Aise thodi case file kar sakte hain?”
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That was what the police told me when I asked to file a case.

“Sorry, I’m really, really sorry. I know what’s going on is wrong, but rape by a husband is not recognised by law. I can, at the most, make a plea for grievous hurt, cruelty by the husband, and have him sentenced if they find evidence. Otherwise, we can file a domestic violence case and that will entitle you to a civil remedy. Or, easiest, divorce is the best option.”

That was what my lawyer told me when I went to her for legal advice.

Related reading: I confided in my parents about being abused and yet they did nothing

The final verdict said it was my fault

“This is clearly a case of marital incompatibility. Husband and wife are unable to live with each other. There is no record of violence on part of the husband. The wife represents a tendency towards psychological impotence or female sexual dysfunction. Divorce is granted on grounds of irretrievable breakdown of marriage.”

In a nutshell, that was what my divorce order said.

But no one knows that I was raped night after night. That my husband forced himself on me even when I said no. That my husband didn’t care that I was menstruating and did not want sex. That my husband would insert objects up me – everything from candles to pen caps, and once, even tried lodging a coin to see if he could get it out with his organ. That my husband would impose himself on me anywhere. If we were at a party, he would drag me to a bathroom and force me to have sex with him; if we were at a friend’s place, he would dramatically tell them that he couldn’t resist me and wanted to have me right then – so would they lend us a room for some time?

marital rape
Image source

That my husband’s antics were seen as being the equivalent of a hopeless romantic day in and day out and so everyone would tell me to shut up and stop complaining. That my husband would bring friends of his over so they could film us, and if I wasn’t willing, he would drag me bodily and strip me till I gave in. That my husband forced me to down mifeprestone and misoprostol the day I knew I was a few weeks pregnant because a baby is too much responsibility.

struggle and scars

Related reading: When I decided to walk towards freedom after facing abuse

Your name is written on my hands

In my culture, they say that the name of your husband should be etched in your henna so that you have a long and happy marriage. Today, I look at the vacant spot in my palm where his name was once etched in brown amidst cheerful laughter in the background and wonder. How could I have known that the man I had fallen in love with and been in love with, could be such a monster? Today, I look at that brown stain that refused to wash out.

Today, the world knows us as the man who loved too much and the woman who was a cold bitch. No one reads between the lines.
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Will my husband divorce me if I say no to intimacy?

My husband was almost twice my age and raped me every night

When she refused to prostitute herself and her in-laws burnt her

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5 Comments

  1. I can also see a comment here that is the living example of Rape culture of which is the result is this story. What would have this lady and many others felt or feel everyday is just what you never want to imagine. God bless.

  2. First of all don;t think that readers are fools and will get carried away by these fake sob stories. There is something called Section 498A, using which wife can get her husband arrested for cruelty but you feminists want marital rape so that men can be jailed for more than 7 years. Feminists are really pathetic.

    1. Why should the husband be charged of cruelty when he committed rape. Would u charge a murderer of theft just because it is easier for u to believe? It’s not about feminist being cry baby but from your own comment you can see why the laws are needed. You couldn’t even handle an article written by someone about marital rape without victim blaming. You don’t know the timeline of the events of when this happened and whether laws against marital rape were in place or not. You practically know nothing but this story from the victim’s point of view and you couldn’t handle it. You are why we need feminism and stricken laws. Feel sorry for all the women in and around your life.

      1. Mr. Virat is absolutely right, there are incidents when even if a husband tries to scold his wife or shout at him, or even touches her, they file marital rape case.

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