If you’ve been feeling like you’re the only one trying in a relationship, then watch out for signs that you’re being taken for granted. There might even be signs you are begging for love.It is not wrong to crave love and attention; we all do. But when the balance tips toward desperation, things start to go wrong. Sometimes, the desire to be loved and valued becomes so overwhelming that we start betraying ourselves.
The problem is that we don’t do it on purpose, it happens unconsciously. If we are aware of our patterns, though, the balance can be restored. In this blog, we will go through some key patterns that reveal the signs you are begging for love, knowingly or unknowingly.
15 Worrying Signs You Are Begging For Love
Our patterns are highly influenced by our experiences while growing up. Our relationship with our primary caregivers, for instance, is a huge determinant of how we treat and expect to be treated by people. It is highly likely that you did not receive the attention and validation that you needed, and now you look to fill that void in all your relationships.
We will go through some common patterns to make you aware of them so you can make better decisions moving forward. Or if you’re dating someone who seems to have a similar thought process, this blog will help you address the issue better.
1. You are always available
Do you always find yourself running in circles around your partner? Like a genie saying, “Your wish is my command.” Be it their emotional needs, physical needs, and sometimes even financial needs, they call and you’re there. It’s almost a compulsion.
This is because you have an innate fear that people will leave you. By being available, you try to create value in their life for yourself. You try too hard. The result is that they start taking you for granted. So you try harder and the vicious cycle continues.
2. There is a constant feeling that you’re not good enough
“Why do I keep begging for love?” you might ask. You think that your partner is too good for you and you’ll have to put in extra effort for them to truly see you. This behavior can also be referred to as imposter syndrome. You keep putting them before yourself just so that they keep loving you. According to the study – Examining the Imposter Phenomenon in Relation to Self Esteem Leve – people with low self-esteem are more likely to experience imposter syndrome and insecurity.
If you’re always looking for ways to please them, it is one of the signs you are begging for love. Even after all the efforts, you don’t find the love reciprocated in the way you like, right? You almost feel as if you are forcing a relationship. Beware of this pattern because you might be fooling yourself by saying that you do it out of love.
3. You violate your own boundaries
If you tend to overlook your personal boundaries or don’t even acknowledge their existence, it may be one of the signs of one-sided love. You are called out for it when you step an inch over your partner’s boundaries but there is no regard for yours.
Imagine that you had a crazy day at work, and you are exhausted and out of your mind. Your partner calls you to go out shopping. What would you do? If your involuntary reflex is to say yes, it is a clear tell that you don’t respect your own boundaries.
Related Reading: 10 Must-Follow Healthy Relationship Boundaries
4. You have lost yourself in the relationship
Being in a healthy relationship is a great source of joy for everyone. But being completely defined by it is a whole other story. If most of your decisions are based around your partner without any regard for your own choices, you’ve likely lost yourself in the relationship.
You need to realize that a relationship doesn’t define you, it is the other way round. It is only a part of your life with many other priorities. If you are compromising on other priorities just to please your partner, you’re in deep.
5. You’re insecure all the time
You are constantly plagued by a fear of losing the people you love. This fear makes you feel insecure about your partner too. You always try to be around them or try to stay aware of their whereabouts. If this sounds like you, it is one of the major signs you are begging for love.
Fear and love, even though they are two of the primary emotions on our emotional spectrum, have an interesting codependent dynamic. The lack of love pushes you to find it desperately and then when you find it, you’re afraid of losing it. Always remember, those who are meant to stay will stay, and those who are meant to leave will leave, no matter how hard you try.
6. You try to keep them in the relationship with an overdose of affection
It is important that you show affection to your partner. But there has to be a balance, right? If you find your partner flinching at your affectionate gestures, you need to pay attention. You try to hug them, they push you away. You say you love them, but they don’t respond with the appropriate affection. Been there? It feels as if you are forcing a relationship on them.
They likely see your overdose of affection as signs you are begging for attention. It is important you see beyond your fear of losing them and understand how they like to be loved. Only then you’ll be able to get through to them.
7. You tend to shower them with compliments which you often don’t even mean
It is an unpopular opinion that if you are in love, you need to compliment your love interest all the time. It is almost like a cheat code to woo someone. But if your partner has started to take the words of praise lightly, it should be evident that you are overdoing it.
You think that showing them how much you appreciate them will stop them from leaving. But the problem is that when someone tells you that complimenting is imperative in a relationship, they fail to tell you that you also have to mean your words. If you find yourself saying good things which you don’t even mean, it is time you notice the signs you are begging for love.
8. They have the whip and you feel like they own you
A relationship is a game of power play. Ideally, power should be distributed equally, but do we live in an ideal world? If you feel that you are powerless and your partner takes all the calls, there are chances that you’ve let them take the reins. According to a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relations, the subjective feeling of power and the feeling of being able to act freely significantly impact the quality of the relationship.
When you let your fear of losing your partner take over, it is one of the major signs you are begging for love. The longing for love has blurred your senses and has led you to submit to your partner. Once you are aware of this pattern, you can regain your share of power in the relationship or find someone with whom you can share it.
Related Reading: Power Dynamics In Relationships – How To Keep It Healthy
9. You initiate all conversations and plans
From good morning texts to picking them up for every hangout, is it you who does it all? There will be no word from them until you initiate a conversation. Do you think it is fair to you? Or have you manipulated yourself into thinking they must be busy? Are your continuous efforts out of love or do you do it because you feel obligated to?
If you have been fidgeting with such questions, it can be one of the signs you are begging for attention from your partner. You need to understand that a relationship works on reciprocation. If you are doing all the work, it can be a sign of one-sided love.
10. You let them get away with mistreating you
You joke or prank at your partner’s expense, it becomes a trigger for a world war but if tables are turned, you swallow the humiliation. They can get away with embarrassing you in public too. Does this scenario sound familiar? If yes, why do you let it happen?
Please take note of these signs you are begging for love. You are trapped in the shadows of your relationship insecurity and you think you can’t afford to offend your partner. And they, knowingly or unknowingly, take advantage of your fear.
11. You avoid conflicts and keep apologizing
Conflicts are good tests of a relationship. When contradictions pop up and the tempers are high, how a couple navigates this emotional ride determines the strength of their relationships. If your patterns show that there is only flight and no fight, you need to be alarmed.
Your fear is overriding your logic and ability to stand your ground when you know you have every right to. You need to understand that avoiding conflicts and apologizing will not stop them from leaving. You only demean yourself when you beg for love and affection.
12. You are feeling like you are the only one trying in a relationship
Do you ever feel that your relationship is surviving solely on your efforts? What if you stop trying? Are you afraid that if you stop, there will be no relationship to save? Don’t you think it is unfair that you are more invested in the relationship than your partner?
This is one of the most substantial signs you are begging for love. You know that your partner will not take the initiative if you don’t. What you need to ask yourself is “Why do I let this happen to me and why do I beg for love?” Trust us, this is not how it is supposed to be.
13. You are always walking on eggshells around your partner
You are always thinking about not screwing up. Whatever you do, you seek their approval. You tiptoe around them just so that you don’t make a sound and they snap out of the relationship. There is always a sense of restlessness when they are around, almost like how an entourage behaves around a celebrity.
Sounds like you? If yes, think about how your partner responds to you. What gives them the power to unsettle you like that? It is you. Your intense desire for approval and validation pushes you to do whatever it takes to keep someone in your life, even if their actions do not reciprocate any affection.
14. You tend to remember every small detail of your relationship
Again, something that has been romanticized by rom-com. It is not necessarily a relationship flaw that you remember small milestones of your relationships. To some people, it is quite romantic but if your partner doesn’t seem to appreciate it and yet you keep on doing it, it is one of the signs you are begging for love.
You do this because you want to show them how much you value this relationship. It could be yet another attempt to please them and create a place in their heart. Basically, it is just your fear that you are not enough.
15. You’d rather be in a bad relationship than be alone
We all crave a sense of belonging. But at what cost? Do you find yourself stuck in bad relationships over and over? You choose emotionally unavailable partners, you do all the work to make the relationship work, and you find yourself completely exhausted after it all. And you say to yourself, “Why do I end up in bad relationships?”
It is one of the major signs you are begging for love. It may be your fear of being alone. You’d rather be with someone who is evidently not right for you. But ask yourself this, does it really help with the fear? It only makes it worse, right? So why not address the fear and trauma bonds and then look for the right partner?
- Craving love and attention is completely normal but we need to be aware if our display of affection is out of love or fear
- The compulsive urge to be in a relationship can be a result of neglected emotional needs while growing up
- Signs like perpetual availability, insecurity, and almost one-sided involvement in the relationship reveal if you’re begging for love
- Address the fear of abandonment and only then you’ll be able to be in a fulfilling relationship
We want you to know that it is normal to expect love. We all learn our attachment patterns from early childhood. The purpose of this blog is to make you aware of your patterns so that you can make better choices as you ride along your cycle of romantic encounters. Do you beg for love? Start by asking yourself this question and answer it honestly.