When the green monster of jealousy comes out to play
We have put relationships on a mantle which is so high to reach, that once in a while, we forget that the two people involved are in fact human beings. We are complex weirdos who don’t always control our emotions. This makes things awkward sometimes, especially when insecurities crop up.
Jealousy can be destructive
Let’s not be holier than thou about this. We all get jealous in love. At times it can even be cute. The little act of possessiveness can make people feel loved. But when it turns into obsession, is when it starts getting into the trouble zone. Being overtly jealous is toxic for a relationship. By being insecure, we often end up destructing the relationship, which is the opposite of what we want.
All about that doubt
When a partner starts to doubt their relationship all the time you know there’s trouble in paradise. A fleeting thought of jealousy is only human, but when you start thinking about whether your partner is faithful or not it means your jealousy has reached an unhealthy level and it’s time to examine it.
This may sound harsh, to call someone clingy, but that’s how it feels. When one partner wants to spend all their time together. When they want to be around their partner at every waking moment, it can be cute for some time. After a while, it becomes suffocating.
The surveillance relationship
We have all gone through this as kids. Our parents always wanted to know where we were and what we were doing. As we grow older and become parents we understand why it was so important for them. But here’s the difference when a partner starts doing this. They aren’t your parents. They don’t need to know all the details at all times. The trust that two people will be faithful to each other is already broken if one of you is constantly checking up on the other. Cell phones have become the new surveillance devices now and it is easier than ever to keep tabs on each other. However if you have to keep tabs on each other, it might be time to look within.
They don’t want you to have an independent life
This isn’t always conscious, but if your partner doesn’t like it when you go out with your friends, or play a sport without them, or just develop a hobby or an interest that doesn’t involve them, it’s a sign of unhealthy jealousy. They are too dependant on the idea of the two of you as a team and can’t let you do anything outside that. This is a very tribal way of looking at human connections and can make you feel ashamed, for just wanting to do things on your own.
The case of the extreme stalker
This is when shit really hits the fan. If your partner starts following you, not completely in hiding but discreetly, then the trust in your relationship has definitely taken a hit. If they start suddenly showing up at your work place unannounced, repeatedly. If they start insisting on driving you or accompanying you to different places irrespective of an invitation, they are jealous and insecure to the point where they want to handcuff themselves to you. This is unhealthy and toxic to such a level that there might not be a return. It is also extremely hostile for a partner to stalk you in such a way, and could be construed as abuse.
They start acting like a control freak
It has been well established that control freaks suck as partners. Sometimes they are victims of circumstance and you can work on their problems together. When the need to control springs out of jealousy however that doesn’t have an easy solution. Your partner tries to control your behaviour, whom you talk to, when you go to and come back from work, and it all just turns your relationship into a cage. You get no more breathing space in a relationship and it often means the relationship is in dire need of help.
The bitter pill
Jealousy of all kinds is a bitter pill to swallow. The whole emotion rests on the idea that you both don’t trust each other completely. While blindly trusting your partner isn’t advisable, if you can’t trust them to go to work without sleeping with other people, how can you trust them to spend the rest of their lives with you? Insecurity born out of self-doubt and jealousy often ends up hampering the relationship instead of helping two people come closer.