If only cheating men came home with lipstick stains and smelling of ladies’ perfume – but since the signs of your husband having an affair aren’t really that visible, it helps to keep a watch on anything that is unusual. Read on.
Love is often what we need the most, and being in love is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. Being in love is a blessing when the same is reciprocated, as life becomes a tad easier to handle with someone by your side. Love also comes packed with trust, so what if the person you trust the most happens to be cheating on you? What if your husband is drifting away from you and being with someone else? Are there any warning signs of extramarital affairs that you should look out for? Well, cheating partners often give some signs that can be spotted, and here, we bring to you the 10 most common signs of a cheating husband.
10 Sure Shot Signs Your Husband Is Having An Affair
Often when things aren’t well between you and your spouse, you begin to wonder whether he is having an affair. You tried bringing it up, but your husband turned it around as if YOU were the one being jealous and acting crazy. However, the nagging feeling in your gut doesn’t seem to go away. This is an absolute sign your husband is having an affair.
1. Change in grooming habits
You know your husband – it takes you a lot to convince him he needs a new shirt or he should get moving to get rid of his bulging tummy. But one fine day he starts to get conscious about his looks and also plans to join a gym or start dieting. This is a sign your husband is having an affair.
If he is making pronounced attempts to look good, all of a sudden, it could be to impress a woman. He dyes his hair, shaves regularly, takes extra care to smell good and maintain fresh breath.
He also starts being more particular about the clothes he wears and spends a lot of time in front of the mirror. He may go shopping often, and may also seem dedicated to having a healthy and fit body as a result of spending some good time working out.
Sharp dressing, trying to look young, getting conscious about his body, or anything over and above the normal routine that he used to follow could indicate he is trying to impress someone. It could be a young coworker, a woman who works out at the gym or someone you do not know – but if he is trying to impress someone, he will give these hints. Trying to look younger than his age suddenly is one of the first signs of adultery, so ladies, watch out for this.
Related reading: 10 Signs your husband is having an emotional affair
2. Taking calls in the washroom
Mobile phones have crept into our bedrooms and for all the bad reasons. Chatting apps like WhatsApp and Facebook messenger give people a lot of scopes to be continuously talking to each other without having to say anything. Many men and women flirt on these platforms, and what starts as innocent flirting soon becomes a habit that is addictive. If your husband is two-timing you, you may notice he takes his calls away from where everyone is sitting. Well, there may be some work-related phone calls which he needs to take away from the noise, but a regular pattern could indicate something is fishy.
You may also notice that he sneaks off to the bathroom to take calls from ‘clients’. You may even notice him sitting in the toilet quite often and never without the phone. It could be texting too.
You could be asking yourself the question why is my husband always busy? Because calls start coming in at irregular times and your husband spends more time fiddling with his phone and answering texts from ‘work’. Your husband may protect his phone with a password, and carry it with him at all times. If he seems to be speaking softly over the phone or looks conscious when talking, you may well suspect him of having an affair. These are signs of a cheating partner.
3. He suddenly becomes private
A new lock code on the phone, or a new password for accessing the computer. If you notice your husband deleting his call history very often, which goes against his regular behaviour, it can be a sign of an extramarital affair. Moreover, he is always careful not to leave his phone lying around and does not give it to kids or anyone else. If you do not have a phone with yourself and wish to use his for something, he may not appreciate it. Fiddling with his phone is strictly not allowed.
If he is on the computer, he may immediately lower the screen the moment he sees you. He may also seem less interested to take you out with his friends or exhibit strange body language in public places. Hushed conversations, late-night texts, chatting on the computer are all classic signs of an adulterous husband.
4. Hiding credit card statements
Dating someone can be pretty expensive, isn’t it? And if your partner is cheating on you, he must be spending quite a good amount of money outside of family and home. The flowers, the dinners, the gifts and the hotel bills. To be able to spend on his mistress more, he will consider cutting down expenses on the other front – the family.
He may avoid spending on family, even though earlier he would spend with all his heart. Your husband suddenly starts lecturing you on how much you spend on the home, saying he is not able to save enough or citing other reasons.
Your husband may seem unwilling to show you his credit card statement. He may also start receiving his statements at work instead of home, to keep them from your prying eyes. He may also seem stressed over rising bills and may cut down somewhere on the family. If there is no reason for him to act like a miser and he is earning as much as he was without any added liability, you should be alarmed. This is another sign of a cheating husband.
5. Changes in work schedules
If your husband was quite regular with his work schedule, if he is having an affair, you may start noticing irregularities in his work schedule. More late-night meetings, dinners with clients, and business trips suddenly seem to appear on his work calendar. He may refuse to take lunch from home and tell you he prefers to have it in the office pantry – even though he insisted to carry the tiffin earlier since he did not like the food in the office.
If he earlier used to get back home on time and now suddenly starts staying out late, more than often, you need to question yourself if he is having an affair. More office parties suddenly seem to appear on the card and you are not invited to any. He may either start giving long, unnecessary explanations or totally ignore questions that you ask about his whereabouts. A man who is cheating could be difficult to catch, as he tends to be away most of the time. This is a good reason to start asking yourself “Is my husband cheating on me?”
6. Showers with affection and attention
A husband who is cheating on his wife could also feel guilty and you may feel he is behaving differently. He may feel he owes you a bit and starts to take care of yourself when he has time. This has got nothing to do with love but with his guilt and as a manipulative technique to ensure that you ignore the signs of a cheating husband.
Unexpected surprises, frequent compliments, expensive gifts, and sudden help around the house are all characteristics of guilt-ridden behaviour of a cheating husband. He may also hug you or praise you often, especially in front of his friends and extended family gatherings. He may also take an interest in your hobbies, meeting your friends and taking you to places you like. If you notice your husband suddenly getting all affectionate for you, he is basically trying to divert your attention from all the questions and doubts running in your mind. Sweet nothings can very well be indicative that your husband is hiding something. He is lying to you about his affair and keeping it hidden well.
7. Lack of intimacy
Men who indulge in extramarital affairs tend to grow distant from their wives. They avoid profound conversations and behave superficially. If you feel being pushed away often, you may well prepare yourself for something unpleasant in your marriage. Intimacy may also become a superficial, rare affair. He may seem tired or ‘not in the mood’ all the time and act distant and aloof.
Sex can be more exciting if it is secret and new, and something that is not available easily. If you had an active sexual life but suddenly feel that your husband seems less interested in sex, he may be getting it elsewhere. Classic signs of infidelity include less sex or more mechanical sex. You may feel that he doesn’t initiate physical relations or acts somewhat guilty or even impotent during your time together. This may be because he is cheating on you and he is getting better sex elsewhere.
Related reading: Reasons why men have extramarital affairs
8. You get to hear a new name, often
So who is this woman whose name pops up in almost every conversation? And the moment you ask him about her, he may casually just say, “Ah, just a friend”. Many men happen to casually bring out the name of their mistresses or girlfriends in conversations because they are thinking too much about them. “Oh! you made this cake! *Name* made it and it was softer and creamier!” You get the hint. He may praise her cooking, communication skills, dressing sense or simply how she is managing a home and career on her own. Say anything and you have someone to look up as an idol – as per your husband.
If you hear a name more than you should, there is no need to hold yourself back from a little investigation.
9. Change in attitude
Every couple has arguments, but when a man is trying to balance two relationships, the stress may show in his behaviour. He may seem stressed out and fight with you at the drop of a hat. Or he may blame you for anything and everything that is not going his way. He may have a problem with the way you dress or look or the way you take care of the house. A cheating husband may even go to the extent of commenting on your personal choices and criticise everything you do. Nothing seems to please a man who is in love with someone else, and if that is the case with you, there is a good sign that he is cheating.
10. Your GUT says so
You are a wife and more so, you are a woman. Women have a strong sense of intuition, and unless you are overly jealous or suspicious, it is a good idea to go by your instincts. If you have been together for a long time, you would know something is not right just by the way he looks at you. If your husband seems to be drifting away, you would know it without any logical permutations and combinations. You’d know he has been touching someone else just by grabbing his hand. You can sense the nervousness behind those silly jokes and you can read the passion for this * other woman* in his eyes every time he talks about her.
Then again, if your husband has been caught lying, cheating or flirting in the past and you have a feeling he might do it again, you need to watch out for cheating husband signs of possible fabrications, inaccuracies, and slippery details. That is it, trust your gut and take the above signs as clues of a cheating husband.
What can you do if your husband is having an affair?
Infidelity can be heartbreaking and devastating, to say the least. However, before you get angry and jump to conclusions, take a few deep breaths and work around the below tips:
- If you are sure that your husband is having an affair and you want to confront him, make sure you have some evidence so that he cannot deny it
- If you feel confused and are not sure how to go about this situation, confide in someone who is close to you but knows you and your husband both
- You may be upfront and tell your husband to end the affair immediately, or else you will file for divorce
- You may seek the help of a marriage counsellor who can help you deal with this difficult situation
Related reading: 12 signs of a lying spouse
Remember that adultery can definitely lead to the end of a relationship, but it doesn’t have to be that way always. Confession, honesty, and respect for each other can work wonders for restoring a relationship.