“Is my husband having an affair?” If you find yourself worrying over this ominous question, know that you’re not the only one who worries about a breach of trust spelling doom for your marriage. Nor does that make you a paranoid person with trust issues. Everyone at some point or the other would be tempted to cheat, and this temptation alone is reason enough for you to be on the lookout for signs your husband is having an affair.
Some resist it because they fear the consequence or their conscience makes them pay heed and then there are others who dive into an affair even when they love their partners and know that this would hurt them irreparably. However strong the bond and love may be, as the marriage ages, romance and excitement fade, and life gets boring and quotidian. Even though a man may stray, more often than not it would not mean much.
In such a situation, it is better to be alert of the warning signs and see if the husband is having an affair and come up with a strategy to deal with it. If only cheating men came home with lipstick stains, long hair stuck to their shirts or smelling of ladies’ perfume, it would be easy to nip any transgression in the bud. Since the signs of your husband having an affair aren’t really that visible, it helps to keep a watch on anything that is unusual.
Love is often what we need the most, and being in love is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. Being in love is a blessing when the same is reciprocated, as life becomes happier and fun with someone by your side who knows you in and out. However, one important element of love is trust and it can be devastating when the person you trust the most happens to be cheating on you. What if your husband is drifting away from you? Are there any warning signs of extramarital affairs that you should watch out for?
Well, cheating partners often give away signs that can be picked on. Here, we bring to you the 10 most common signs of a cheating husband.
10 Sure Shot Signs Your Husband Is Having An Affair
Often when things aren’t well between you and your spouse, you begin to wonder what has gone wrong. Was it something you did? Did he find someone else? You have been up to your neck with kids, work, and aging in-laws and haven’t been really focusing on your marriage or even taking the time to look good. Is your husband having an affair?
You try bringing it up, but your husband turns it around as if YOU are crazily suspicious and overly jealous. This, by the way, is also called gaslighting. However, the nagging feeling in your gut doesn’t seem to go away. “Is my husband having an affair?” the question keeps gnawing your mind. Trust your gut, with a cool head and a cold hard look at the facts, the truth will reveal itself.
How to know if your husband is having an affair, you ask? Here are 10 warning signs to watch out for:
1. Change in grooming habits
You know your husband – it takes you a lot to convince him he needs a new shirt or he should get moving to get rid of his bulging tummy. But one fine day he starts to get conscious about his looks and joins a gym or starts dieting. This could be among the first sign your husband is having an affair.
If he is making pronounced attempts to look good, all of a sudden, it could be to impress a woman. He dyes his hair, shaves regularly, takes extra care to smell good and maintains fresh breath. He also starts being more particular about the clothes he wears and spends a lot of time in front of the mirror. He may go shopping often, buy new colognes and work out without a miss.
Sharp dressing, trying to look young, getting conscious about his body, or anything over and above the normal routine that he used to follow could indicate he is trying to impress someone. It could be a young coworker, a woman who works out at the gym or someone you do not know – but if he is trying to impress someone, he will leave these hints. Wanting to look younger than his age suddenly and trying very hard to get there is one of the first signs of adultery, so ladies, watch out for this.
Related Reading: 10 Signs your husband is having an emotional affair
2. Taking calls in the washroom
How to find out your husband is having an affair? The answer to this question may be hidden in the gadgets and the way he uses them. Mobile phones have crept into our bedrooms only to spell doom. Chatting apps like WhatsApp and Facebook messenger offer people a lot of avenues to constantly be in touch with their other partner even when they are in the marital bed with their spouses.
Many men and women flirt on these platforms, and what starts as innocent flirting soon becomes an addictive habit. If your husband is two-timing you, you may notice he takes his calls away from where everyone is sitting. Of course, there could be occasional work-related calls that he needs to take away from the noise, but a regular pattern of moving away indicates something is fishy.
You may also notice that he sneaks off to the bathroom to take calls from ‘clients’. You may even notice that he is spending a lot longer on the toilet and never without the phone. Perhaps, he could be texting or sexting his affair partner.
You need to ask yourself, “Why is my husband always busy, especially post-work hours or even during weekends? Why does he get calls at irregular hours? Why does he always answer texts from work? Is my husband having an affair?” Your husband may protect his phone with a password, and carry it with him at all times. If he seems to be speaking softly over the phone or looks conscious when talking, you should dig a little more for info. These are signs of a cheating partner.
3. He suddenly becomes private
One of the surefire signs of an extramarital affair is an unprecedented need for privacy. Notice if there is a new lock code on the phone or a new password for accessing the computer. If you notice your husband deleting his call history often, which is against his regular behavior, it can be a sign of an extramarital affair.
Check if he never leaves his phone lying around or does not give it to kids even when for a few minutes to play a game. Pay attention to whether he throws a fit if you hear his phone ring and pick it up to answer. In other words, his phone is a no-touch piece, strictly.
The same goes for his computer. If he is on the computer, he may immediately lower the screen the moment he sees you. He may also seem less interested in taking you out with his friends and may not have any rational excuse for the same. Hushed conversations, late-night texts, chatting on the computer are all classic signs of an adulterous husband.
4. Hiding credit card statements
Dating someone can be pretty expensive. And if your partner is cheating on you, in all likelihood he would be splurging on making his affair partner happy, lavishing her with gifts like perfumes, expensive scarves, clothes, gadgets, and of course, he’d be footing hotel bills for those clandestine meetings.
All of these add up to amounts that he cannot account for, and that’s where you need to look if you’re searching for signs your husband is having an affair. A reader wrote to us about how she caught her husband’s cheating when she accidentally opened his credit card statement and saw a charge for the local hotel night stay when he had told her he was out of town that night.
“With that one look at the credit card statement, I went from I think my husband is having an affair to I know he is cheating on me. All that was left for me to do was figure out with whom and why. I simply confronted him, and he had no choice but to come clean. Since our marriage was already going through a rough patch, we were not in place to just forget and move on. We’re now in the trial separation phase, and even though he claims the affair is over, I have my doubts,” she said.
Also, you may find him being stingier at home, to make the budget for his affair partner he is cutting down on the family’s spending. He may avoid spending on family, even though earlier he would spend with all his heart. Your husband suddenly starts lecturing you on how much you spend on the home, saying he is not able to save enough.
Your husband may seem unwilling to show you his credit card statement. He may also start receiving his statements at work instead of home to keep them from your prying eyes. He may seem stressed over rising bills. If there is no reason for him to act like a miser and he is earning as much as he was without any added liability, you should be alarmed. This is among the tell-tale signs of a cheating husband.
Related Reading: The secret behind how affairs start and end
5. Changes in work schedules
How to know if your husband is having an affair? Well, the answer could be hidden in his routine. To make time to pursue his affair, he’d have to take away from the time he spends with you at home. That means sudden and erratic changes in his routine. Even if your husband was a person of routine, an affair will toss that out of the window. You will start noticing irregularities in his work schedule.
More late-night meetings, dinners with clients, and business trips appear on his work calendar. He may refuse to take lunch from home and tell you he prefers to have it in the office mess, where earlier he couldn’t stop raving about your home-cooked meals. He is often late from the office because of extra work or a new project? Does that work keep him late up at night because he has to send reports? More office parties suddenly seem to appear on the card and you are not invited to any.
If so, you’re not wrong in wondering, “Is my husband having an affair?” To address your doubts, ask him for some details of a certain late-night work meeting. He may either start giving long, unnecessary explanations or totally ignore your question and act offended that you are ‘interrogating’ him. Remember offense is the best form of defense.
A man who is cheating could be difficult to catch, as he tends to be away most of the time. This is a good reason to start asking yourself, “Is my husband cheating on me?”
6. Showers with affection and attention
To spot the signs your husband is having an affair, you don’t always need tangible proof. The way he behaves around you could also be a dead giveaway. A husband who is cheating on his wife could also feel guilty and you will notice this in his behavior, it will be different. He may feel he owes you and indulges you however he can. This has got nothing to do with love but with his guilt and as a manipulative technique to ensure that you ignore the signs of a cheating husband.
Unexpected surprises, frequent compliments, expensive gifts, and sudden help around the house are all characteristics of the guilt-ridden behavior of a cheating husband. He may also hug you or praise you often, especially in front of his friends and extended family gatherings. He may also take an interest in your hobbies, meeting your friends and taking you to places you like.
If your husband is more uncharacteristically affectionate, it may be a ploy to divert your attention from the doubts in your head. Sweet nothings can very well be indicative that your husband is hiding something. He is lying to you about his affair and keeping it hidden well.
7. Lack of intimacy
Any sudden and inexplicable changes in the intimacy in your marriage also count among the signs of an extramarital affair. Men who indulge in extramarital affairs tend to grow distant from their wives. They avoid deep conversations and always want to be on the surface. If you feel being pushed away often, especially emotionally, you must learn the reason behind it. You may feel the two of you are not as intimate physically or emotionally. He may seem tired or ‘not in the mood’ all the time and act distant and aloof.
Sex can be more exciting if it is secret and new, the thrill of a new body and how it responds can be a huge turn-on. If you had an active sexual life but suddenly feel that your husband seems less interested in sex, he may be getting it elsewhere. Classic signs of infidelity include less sex or more mechanical sex.
You may feel that he doesn’t initiate physical relations or acts somewhat guilty during your time together. This may be because he is cheating on you and getting better sex elsewhere. You may also notice new moves in the bedroom which he may have learned outside.
But here is one interesting point to note. Some husbands who are still in the emotional cheating phase or the flirting phase actually want more sex during this phase. They get turned on in their chats and conversations, get home, and satisfy that urge with their wives.
Related Reading: Reasons why men have extramarital affairs
8. You get to hear a new name, often
So who is this woman whose name pops up in almost every conversation? And the moment you ask him about her, he may casually just say, “Ah, just a friend”. Many men happen to casually bring out the name of their mistresses or girlfriends in conversations because they are thinking about them all the time.
“Oh! you made this cake! *Name* also made it the other day and it was softer and creamier!” You get the hint. He may praise her cooking, communication skills, dressing sense, or simply how she is managing a home and career on her own. Say anything and you have someone to look up as an idol, as per your husband.
“Is my husband having an affair with this woman?” you may find yourself wondering because he cannot stop raving about her, and there is a good chance that your suspicion is just on point. If you hear a name more than you should, put yourself into an investigated shoes and start sniffing around to catch your cheating partner.
9. A change in attitude
Every couple has arguments, but when a man is trying to balance two relationships, the stress may show in his behavior. He may seem stressed out and fight with you at the slightest provocation and he was a cool dude before. Or he may blame you for everything that is not going his way.
You ask too many questions and that stress made him submit a report with errors, he may claim. Or say that he is putting on weight because the meals you are preparing are high in fat. He also may have a problem with the way you dress or look or the way you take care of the house.
A cheating husband may even go to the extent of commenting on your personal choices and criticizing everything you do. Nothing seems to please a man who is in love with someone else, and if that is the case with you, there is a good chance that he is cheating. Don’t overlook these signs your husband is having an affair.
Related Reading: Why I was disappointed my husband was NOT having an affair.
10. Your GUT says so
You are his wife and more so, you are a woman. Women have a strong sense of intuition. Unless you believe you have been irrationally jealous or suspicious in the past, it is a good idea to trust your instincts. If you have been together for a long time, you will know something is not right just by the way he looks at you.
If your husband seems to be drifting away, you will be able to tell by picking up on small subtle signs and gestures. Just by a simple touch of his hand, you will be able to tell about his extramarital activities. You will be able to sense a feeling or nervousness behind his usual laughter and jokes and you will be able to read his passion for the ‘other woman’ in his eyes every time he talks about her.
Then again, if your husband has been caught lying, cheating or flirting in the past and you have a feeling he might do it again, you need to watch out for cheating husband signs like fabricated stories. That is it, trust your gut and take the above signs as clues of a cheating husband.
What Can You Do If Your Husband Is Having An Affair?
Whenever you wonder “is my husband having an affair”, a part of you hopes that all your suspicions are unfounded. This is the one time you don’t want to be proved right. Infidelity can be heartbreaking and devastating, to say the least. However, if you have been dealt this unfair blow, it’s imperative to act wisely and not let emotions get the better of you.
Before you get angry and jump to conclusions, take a few deep breaths and try implementing the tips below:
- Confront him: If you are sure that your husband is having an affair and you want to confront him, make sure you have some evidence so that he cannot deny it
- Confide in someone your trust: If you feel confused and are not sure how to go about this situation, confide in someone who is close to you but knows you and your husband both
- Spell out your options: You may be upfront and tell your husband to end the affair immediately, or else you will file for divorce
- Seek professional help: You may seek the help of a marriage counselor who can help you deal with this difficult situation. The experienced, licensed therapists on Bonobology’s panel can help you work through the difficult and confusing emotions that follow in the wake of an affair
Remember that adultery can end a relationship, but it doesn’t have to. Confession, honesty, and respect for each other can work wonders for restoring trust and happiness in a relationship.