(As told to Anita Babu Narayanan)
Most of us grow up believing in fairytale romances and happily ever afters. You meet the person of your dreams, you marry them and you spend the rest of your life upholding the promise of ’till death do us part’. That’s how we expect our lives to play out. But life is a long, messy, complicated affair, and marriage the most puzzling piece of the jigsaw. Boredom, lack of compatibility, being stuck in a loveless, sexless marriage, reconnecting with an old flame – these are just some of the answers to the ‘how do extramarital affairs start’ mystery.
And just like, a person who took pride in their sense of loyalty finds themselves stuck in a grey area of lust, desire, passion and crossing of lines…
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How Long do Extramarital Affairs Usually Last?
Meera happened to be one of these people who found herself pondering over these questions: How long do extramarital affairs usually last? Who starts one, who ends it and what brings this illegal, immoral alliance to its end? And who are the people who indulge in an extramarital affair?
And then, it happened to her. And though it seemed trite, she had to admit it happened just like that! However, when she looked back, it would seem things were leading to it, her entire life. Guess these are the facts about extramarital affairs.
An ordinary life
A middle-class urban existence, orthodox parents, and in-laws, a ‘stuck up’ husband was just not reason enough for a woman to stray out of her safe and stable marriage. And stability was one of the main reasons she had ‘opted’ for an arranged marriage.
There was no real sorrow. But within six months of marriage, the restlessness had begun. She found herself living with a nagging curiosity about whether life had something more interesting to offer other than a secure marriage, a husband who comes home every evening and decent in-laws.
Related Reading: What Are The Consequences Of Affairs Between Married Couples?
And then he entered her life
Meera was about to find the answer to ‘how do extramarital affairs start’.
During this listless phase, Vishal entered her life. He was unlike the other philandering charmers she had met before. She had always enjoyed the harmless flirting and receiving the attention of other men at her modest workplace but Vishal was different. He was not a player. Even though he was married, there was certain integrity in his flirting and she could not play the game as guiltlessly with him as she had done with others before.
That’s how the affair started
That particular day, they were walking to the railway station when he suddenly took a detour… “Care to see the beach?” She had often told him of how despite living in Mumbai, she had never seen the sun set on the Arabian sea. She heard herself say ‘why not’ without really thinking.
Soon they were at the beach, the sun was already setting and before she knew it, his right hand was on her left breast. The touch was thrilling and even though she knew she had to stop it, she couldn’t bring herself to say so. Instead, she found herself enjoying the kisses which rendered any other communication impossible. At that moment nothing else mattered, that’s when she knew how do extramarital affairs start. But what she didn’t know then was that extramarital affairs come with some unspoken rules.
After that, it seemed a shame to cry foul. She let herself into the throes of passion and being desired in ways she had never known before. The gifts, endless phone calls, the holding of hands, stolen moments in parks and lifts, it wall extremely exhilarating, making her break into a smile whenever alone. She had not known this fervour in the so-called famed honeymoon phase of marriage too. The laced guilt added to the heady concoction.
How extramarital affairs end
Love affairs like this come with a shelf life. The sun had to set on her heady romance and it did. Slowly but surely. Fewer phone calls, the reluctance to be seen together, a sense of being ignored… the distance didn’t creep in all at once. It took five months. Finally, she asked him, “What’s up? Why are you avoiding me?”
“I am sorry. My wife seems to know about us. She keeps asking me vague questions about you all the time. Every day I lie to her. I can’t take it any more. I thought I could, but I can’t. This is not my cup of tea. I love you, but we are through.”
So now, she knew how do most affairs end too!