15 Early Signs He Is A Player And Isn’t Serious About You

Relationship Advice | | , Content Writer
Updated On: June 12, 2024
how to know if a guy is playing you

Picture this: you are dating an amazing guy and you find yourself falling deeper in love with him every day, and even a little too quickly. He is so good to you that you are having a hard time believing he is real, and are convinced you’ve hit the jackpot. But because it’s all falling into place so easily, a part of you is wondering whether he is being authentic to you. Questions like “Is he into me at all?” are popping up in your head, and so you’ve come here, searching for the signs he is a player and does not actually love you.

So, are you wondering how to know if a guy is playing you? We’re here to help you answer just that. You see, only a fortunate few find their ‘happily ever after’ the first time around. Most people, at some point in their lives, get their hearts broken by philanderers (there are just so many in the world). But what if he’s not a total player? Well, then, he’s probably just confused, doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings, and is hurting you in the process. If you have started dating someone and are asking yourself “Is this going to be a long-term relationship or am I dating a red flag?”, then this article will probably help you figure things out…

15 Warning Signs He’s A Player — Get Away From Him Fast

So, he is having a gala time with you, but you’re certain he’s seeing other women on the side. There is no denying a player is good at their game. They would hardly garner that reputation if they weren’t. Apart from being confident, charming, and mysterious, they make you feel good too. Their words hold a promise of tomorrow, but unfortunately, these are mere illusions.

Once they have you there, the dreamboat can quickly change into a nightmare. You end up feeling manipulated and betrayed as soon as you find out about all the other ‘partners’ in his life. And you’re left wondering how to tell if a guy is serious about you. Well, look out for these signs:

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1. He lovebombs you

Most girls fall for this trick too quickly. One of the signs he is a player is that he will start love-bombing you at the onset of the relationship, without even getting to know you properly. So, he may:

  • Shower you with lots of love and attention and smooth-talk you into his trap
  • Leave no stone unturned to woo you and make you feel special
  • Convince you that this is true love and that you two are meant to be together forever

So much so, that you will begin to think he is too good to be real – which turns out to be a correct assumption. What seems like signs he genuinely likes you may all turn out to be false.

Related Reading: Dating A Player – Follow These 11 Rules To Not Get Hurt

2. The sex is great, but that’s about it

Sex is an essential aspect of any relationship. It helps build intimacy between a couple and makes their bond a stronger one. Nonetheless, though the sex between you two may be great, a relationship can only survive so long on just sex. So, keep these things in mind:

  • One of the early signs a guy is a player is when the only time he is interested in you is when there is a chance of making physical contact with you. In such cases, he won’t make much effort to get to know you otherwise
  • He may also be married to someone else and may just be using you to fulfill his need for sexual intimacy
  • One of the red flags a guy is playing you is that he is emotionally aloof and won’t be there when you need him
  • If you start a sex chat with him, you may have all his attention. But he will be back to his aloof self as soon as the sex chat is done with

One Reddit user talks about how a guy expected sex out of them, as the rest of their date held no value to him. They wrote, “Ughhh this happened to me once. I had a great dinner date with a guy. He invited me over, had a few drinks, played pool and we were chatting nonstop. I slept over, we cuddled to sleep on the couch. The next day he sent me an aggressive text asking why I didn’t sleep with him. I know men don’t do sleepovers as a way of bonding with friends but I was so upset that he didn’t see the value in the time we spent together because his final assessment of the night was that I wasted his time. He felt entitled to sex.”

3. Most players do not make any solid plans with their dates

early signs a guy is a player
He is also going out with other women

No, we are not demanding that he starts envisioning your wedding the moment you meet him, or starts asking you what kind of ring you might like. But as the dates keep progressing, it is a realistic expectation in a relationship that you get more involved in their life. If not, they might just be playing games.

When you are dating someone, at one point or the other, you will wonder what life would be like with that person in the long run. That’s when you enter a serious relationship. However, if your date keeps being vague, or avoids and shuts down any conversation about a future, you may be right when you say, “He is playing with me.” Maybe he is also going out with other women too. Consider this one of the warning signs he is a player.

4. He sweet-talks you and then gaslights you

Are you often left wondering how to tell if a guy is serious about you? Well, ask yourself some important questions. Does dating him feel like a game of hot and cold? Is he very loving one moment and randomly becomes distant the next? Have you heard him complain about how busy he has been lately, while he keeps having team dinners seven times a month? Do questions like “Is he a player or genuinely interested in me?” keep popping up in your head? If your answer is ‘yes’ to all of these, well, let us break it to you: these are obvious signs he is a player. Here are some instances:

  • Smooth-talk: “I miss you, but…”, “I am dying to meet you, but…” , and “I care for you, you matter to me, but…” are things a player will say to you to lead you on and make you feel like he is pursuing you. But for all you know, he is probably saying this to multiple other dates
  • Gaining sympathy: One of the signs of a player is that he acts like his life is falling apart. If he has not made the effort to text or call you all day and then you confront him, he will make it sound like he was having the worst day at work. This way, you’ll end up forgetting your feelings and support him, as you’ll feel guilty
  • Awkward timings: He always texts late, asking if you’re up, and makes conversation to reel you in. But he vanishes when you need him or feel like talking to him throughout the day. At night, he will do everything to make you feel that he is obsessed with you, but during the day, he could not care less as to what you are doing or where you are

Well, this is how to know if a guy is playing you. They will use sweet words to melt your heart and distract you from how you are actually feeling.

Related Reading: The Social Media Cheating Connection – Real Risk Or Hype?

5. He’s active online but doesn’t mention you anywhere

This is one of the oldest player signs and will always leave you wondering, “Is he into me?” If you are skeptical about your date’s intentions and are looking for signs he is a player, then his social media activity will provide you with the perfect opportunity to decipher whether he’s into you.

It is possible that your date is a private man and doesn’t post much about his life online, and that is okay. But if he is really active online and uploads the smallest happenings in his life and there is no mention of you in it, you might have a reason to worry. He may even post photos with his other female friends, but never any pictures of you. Is he just trying to be ‘hard to get’ or playing it cool? Not really. He is probably disregarding you. Here are some obvious signs:

  • Pictures of everyone but you: He has pictures of himself with his friend group, colleagues, and even his pet rock. But there is no sign of you
  • He deliberately leaves you out: Or worse, you are cropped out of the pictures with him. That is just plain rude. And you are certainly dating a player. When you ask him about it, he says something like “I want to keep our relationship private because my friends are judgmental and I don’t want them to say anything bad about you” or “My colleagues are on that account, and I don’t like to mix business with pleasure.” These are the things a player will say to you to cover their tracks
  • Hiding you on his social media: When he completely refuses to share your existence on his online profiles, it might even be because he is leading some kind of a double life, and that is one of the key signs of a player. For all you know, he may be married to somebody else, or perhaps, he does not want to be in a committed relationship with you
Is he playing me? Quiz

6. Your boundaries mean nothing to him

A 28-year-old reader from Texas, Jenna, shared her story with us. Well, she was with a guy who was playing games. Apparently, she met 29-year-old Maverick online and they shared a good rapport. They went out for a date and things were going well until Maverick leaned in for a kiss. Jenna stopped him politely and said she was not ready for it. However, that didn’t stop Maverick, and he tried to kiss her again a couple of minutes later. Jenna recognized this as a dating red flag, and the date ended soon after. There is no doubt that this is a bad sign and that you should not go out with this guy.

When Jenna later related the incident to her sister, she confirmed Jenna’s suspicion, saying, “This is one of the unmistakable signs that he’s a player. He doesn’t care about your consent or about how you think and feel. If you continue to date him, it can give you serious trust issues. It might even affect your self-esteem.”

7. You haven’t met his friends or family

Relationship red flags in a man can also be about how you hardly meet his loved ones. Instead of wondering, “Does he love me or not?”, ask yourself how many times you’ve actually interacted with other people who are close to him. Here are some signs:

  • You have been dating for six months or more and he doesn’t introduce you to the most important people in his life. In that case, there is a good chance he is just playing games
  • Think long and hard about your interactions with his friends and family and reflect on how many people in his life he has actually introduced you to
  • Text and ask him whether he is willing to have a group hangout with his friends and you. If the thought is not agreeable to him, you will surely know the answer to “Is he into me?”

Related Reading: How To Impress Your In-laws In The First Meeting

8. He seems to be a huge fan of Snapchat

Wondering how to know if a guy is playing you? Or do you ask yourself, “Is he using me?” Well, this is one way of identifying player signs online or the answer to ‘Is he playing me?‘ One of the things a player will often say to you or ask you is “Why do we always text over iMessage? Let’s use Snapchat instead”, or something along those lines.

Well, this app has a feature where the messages disappear after a certain period of time. If your guy asks you to stick to this app, and the conversations somehow always turn lewd there (he might even want you to send him nudes), it is one of the signs the guy you met online is a player.

Aimee, a guitarist from San Francisco, told us about her awful story of dating a guy. “I knew he was playing with me because our only mode of communication was Snapchat, and he would never even call me otherwise. It’s like, he wanted no trace of me anywhere else,” she said.

signs of a player
If he constantly uses Snapchat, he might be playing you

9. You are the last thing on his mind

Another reader, Mike, a 25-year-old painter, shared his dating story with us. He has been dating Brad for about a month now. And in this one month, he has seen a major shift in his behavior. In the beginning, Brad was loving, attentive, passionate, and caring toward Mike. But he now seemed to be drifting away, into another world.

They used to meet almost every day, and now, in this one-sided relationship, Mike barely sees him on the weekends, and they go long periods without one another. You see, it is normal for romance to mellow down over a period of time in your dating life. It takes mutual effort to make a relationship last. But if it happens suddenly, without any explanation, the way it happened with Mike, it’s a cause for concern and one of the player signs you can’t avoid.

Related Reading: 8 Ways To Cope With Unrequited Love

10. He brags about his list of conquests

One of the tell-tale signs the guy you met online is a player is that he keeps talking about the people he has dated in the past. What’s worse, he talks about how obsessed they were with him and tries to show off about it. If the number of dates/partners/flings keeps increasing whenever he speaks about his past, that is your clue. It is his way of making you feel insecure. And this is what repeatedly makes you ask, “Is he into me?”

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Is cheating a deal-breaker in a relationship?

11. No deep conversations take place

You can answer in the affirmative when you ask “Is he playing with me?” when you notice he always avoids being emotionally invested in you. Most people miss this sign, even though this is one of the early signs a guy is a player, something you can even catch on a first date if you pay attention. If you and your date have been going out for a few months, try to note the way he talks to you. And keep the following points in mind:

  • Men who are players rarely, if ever, talk about their feelings on a particular matter. They also often avoid serious conversations
  • Such a man might talk about everything under the sun, from what kind of coffee he drinks to the time he went sailing with his friends, but will never share personal details with you. And at first, this will feel like a good sign. But it is actually a clue that he will break your heart in the future
  • Not only will he not talk about his feelings much, but he will also try to actively distract you when you talk about yours

One of the tell-tale signs he’s playing around with you is that not only will he not talk about his feelings much, but he will also try to actively distract you when you talk about yours. You don’t need a relationship coach to tell you this, you just need to pay attention to how your conversation flows.

12. He guards his devices too much

Did you ever grab his phone to play a song from his Spotify list and see him act like he saw a ghost? Did he snatch his phone away from you? No, he’s not planning your surprise birthday party. This is one of the player signs that indicate that he is talking to other women. We’re not saying that serious relationships should have no privacy. Not everyone needs to share passwords to prove their love. But one of the warning signs he is a player is when he actively makes sure you stay away from his online activity.

Bianca, a software engineer from Minnesota, told us about how she knew her new love was not being genuine with her. She said, “Every time he had his laptop or his phone around, he would tilt it in a way that I could never see his screens. That’s when I knew he was playing with me. He probably even had a Tinder profile he was using around me.”

13. They never make plans when you want

So, you two hung out thrice this week and there’s no way you’re wondering, “Does he love me or not?” However, ask yourself: did you just hang out all of this week because he wanted to? Or did he come over with a bottle of wine because you were having a rough day at work and needed something to lift your mood? If it is never the latter, know that hanging out frequently is not one of the signs he genuinely likes you. This is a confusing one, so read closely:

  • Meeting you all the time doesn’t mean he loves you
  • If he only meets you when he wants to, he is being selfish. This means, when it comes to his needs, he has all the time in the world for you
  • But if he makes time to spend quality time with you when you ask for it, it means he cares about you and your needs

So, the next time, try making plans with him during your free time and see how often he indulges. Does he accompany you to the restaurant you want to try or just drags you to this bar that he likes going to? If he is so overly selfish with you, it is time for you to stop loving someone who does not love you.

on cheating

14. Their flirting game is flawless

When someone is a smooth-talker and charms you away by holding hands or caressing you, you might think it’s one of the signs he genuinely likes you. But we are here to tell you that you could be wrong and for you to learn how to decode how to tell if a guy is serious about you. What feels like attraction is just him being loaded with experience. When a guy really likes you, he will be his best self around you, but that will also include awkward bits of himself being shy or nervous.

Take it from this Reddit user who talks about one of the red flags a guy is playing you: “One thing I’d be wary of is them being way too smooth or good at the dating game; anyone who actively wants a long-term monogamous relationship and hasn’t found one yet is probably very recently single or not that great at flirting. I think a bit of awkwardness or nervousness is a good sign that someone is earnest in their intentions – someone who isn’t at least a little afraid of screwing things up is someone who knows they have ten more dates lined up.”

Related Reading: Every Girl Should Do These 5 Things On Their First Date

15. He never cares to actually resolve fights

His way of resolving fights is simply getting you flowers or a dinner treat and sweeping things under the rug. Instead of talking it out with you to get a clearer picture of your viewpoint or sharing his own, he would rather just forget all about it and move on. He will make you feel so special that you will never get a chance to wonder, “Is he using me?”, but that is his whole trick. So, watch out for these signs:

  • When you get upset at him, his way of making you happy is by getting you a gift to make you forget the incident
  • He will never truly apologize or take accountability for his actions
  • He will not even acknowledge the problem
  • You’ve never had a serious conversation with him about any conflict and know nothing about his conflict-resolution strategies

Key Pointers

  • The relationship you have with a player will be mostly superficial and based on just sexual chemistry
  • He will hide your relationship and not let you meet his friends and family
  • He will try his best not to form any kind of emotional attachment with you and might even play ‘hard to get’ the whole time
  • You might want to know more about his personal life, but he will only talk about fun and superficial topics with you 

Constantly asking “Does he love me or not?” or “Is he a player or genuinely interested?” in a relationship rarely ever bodes well for anyone. Maybe he is not actively playing mind games with you, but he might still be using you. And in all honesty, you should try your best to stay away from him. However, it is indeed very tricky to spot a player. And if they are good with their words, it gets even harder to face reality.

More often than not, a person is too blindsided by the inherent charm of such players. And by the time you realize that there are indeed a decent amount of signs he is a player, it’s too late and you find yourself invested in him. Here’s hoping you are able to spot these signs early on and manage to save yourself some grief.

FAQs

1. How do you tell if a player genuinely likes you?

The simplest way you can tell a player genuinely likes you is when he opens up to you. He will talk about his feelings, thoughts, and emotions, and confide in you. His conversations will not be superficial, and being vulnerable in your presence will not scare him either. He will be emotionally invested in you, and it will reflect in his words and actions.

2. How do you know if a guy is playing you or really likes you over text?

If he is sweet to you, hangs out with you even after his needs have been taken care of, takes care of your needs as well, checks up on you over text, texts back fast, prioritizes you, and stays in touch often, these are some of the major signs he genuinely likes you.

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