You are dating an amazing guy and you find yourself falling deeper in love with him every day, and fast. He is so good that you are having a hard time believing he is real. And sure enough, something’s amiss. He can never seem to have a serious conversation about you two, and evades all manner of commitment. What if these are the signs he’s a player? If this sounds familiar, then know you are not alone.
A very fortunate few find their ‘happily ever after’ the first time round. Most people, unfortunately, at one point in their life get their hearts broken by a philanderer. If you have started dating someone and are asking yourself “Is he a player or genuinely interested in me?”, then the following points will help you figure it out.
11 Warning Signs He’s A Player — Get Away From Him Fast
Let’s be honest for a minute here. There is no denying a player is good at his game. He would hardly garner that reputation if he wasn’t. He is confident, charming, mysterious, and fun. And his words hold a promise of tomorrow, but unfortunately, these are mere illusions.
A player’s intention is always to lure you into a state where you are willing to cater to his needs without a second thought. Once he has you there, the dreamboat can quickly change into a nightmare and you end up feeling manipulated. This is why when you see the signs he is playing you, it is best to get away from your manipulative boyfriend as fast as possible. Here are some early signs you should look out for.
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1. He love bombs you
Not every person is inherently romantic. While some people want a knight in shining armor, coming to their rescue, others want something a little more practical, like a guy who pays his bills and does household chores. No matter our idea of romance, we all have one thing in common. We all want to be swept off our feet. And a philanderer knows exactly how to do that.
He will start love bombing you at the onset of the relationship, without even getting to know you properly. He will shower you with lots of love and attention from the first date itself. He will leave no stone unturned to woo you. So much so that you will begin to think he is too good to be true – which turns out to be a correct assumption. This is one of the most obvious signs he’s a player on the first date and if you are noticing this pattern repeats itself in the subsequent dates, then it is best to let him go.
Related Reading: How To Differentiate Between Love Bombing And Genuine Care
2. Sex is great but that’s about it
Sex is an essential aspect of a relationship if you’re not asexual. It helps build intimacy between a couple and makes their bond a stronger one. The sex between you two may be great but a relationship can only survive so long on just sex.
One of the major signs he’s a player is that you will get very little apart from sex in this relationship. He will be emotionally aloof, and won’t be there when you need him. However, if you start a sex chat with him, then you will have all his attention, but he will be back to his aloof self as soon as the sex chat is done. This is one of the ways to confirm the signs he is a player through text.
3. He is not making plans for the future
No, we are not demanding that he starts envisioning the wedding on the first date, but as the dates keep progressing, it is natural that you get more involved in a person’s life. Initially, it’s just the dates, then planning vacations together, going for some family events, and so on. In the normal course of a relationship, you’d become a part of your partner’s plans for the future. It is a realistic expectation in a relationship.
When you are dating someone, at one point or the other, you will wonder what life would be like with that person. However, if your date keeps being vague, or avoids or shuts down any conversation about a future, then it is one of the signs he is playing you and is not serious about you.
4. He sweet-talks you and then gaslights you
Does dating him feel like a game of hot and cold? Is he very loving one moment and then he randomly becomes distant the next? Have you heard him complain on and on about how busy he has been lately, while he keeps having team dinners seven times a month? Do questions like “Is he a player or genuinely interested in me?” keep popping up in your head? If your answer is yes to all of these, then these are the obvious signs he’s a player.
“I miss you, but…”, “I am dying to meet you, but…” , “I care for you, you matter to me, but…” are things a player will say to you to lead you on. They will use sweet words to melt your heart. They will even use the sympathy card. But when it comes down to reality, their actions will rarely match their words. You will keep wondering what you mean to them. And if you confront them regarding this behavior, they will gaslight you.
Related Reading: The Social Media Cheating Connection – Real Risk Or Hype?
5. He’s active on social media but doesn’t mention you anywhere
If you are sceptical about your date’s intentions and are looking for signs he’s a player, then his social media activity will provide you with the perfect opportunity to decipher that. It is possible that your date is a private man and doesn’t post about his life online. But if he is really active on social media and uploads the smallest happenings in his life, but somehow there is no mention of you in it, then these are the signs he’s a player on Snapchat, Instagram, or whichever social media platform he’s on and that he is not into you.
He has pictures of himself with his friends, colleagues, and his pet rock, but not with you. Or you are cropped out of the pictures with him. And when asked about it, he says something like “I want to keep our relationship private because my friends are judgmental and I don’t want them to say anything bad about you” or “My colleagues are on that account, and I don’t like to mix business with pleasure”. These are the things a player will say to you to cover their tracks.
6. Your boundaries mean nothing to him
A 28-year-old reader from Texas, Jenna, shared her story with us. She and Maverick met online and had good chemistry. They went on their first date and things were going well until Maverick leaned in for a kiss. Jenna stopped him politely and said she was not ready for it. However, that didn’t stop Maverick, and he tried to kiss her again a couple of minutes later. Jenna recognized this as a dating red flag and the date ended soon after.
When Jenna later related the incident to her sister, she confirmed Jenna’s suspicion, saying, “That’s one of the major signs that the guy you met online is a player. He doesn’t care about your consent or about how you think and feel.” Maverick’s utter disregard for Jenna’s boundaries was proof of the unmistakable signs that he’s a player on the first date itself.
7. You haven’t met his friends or family
Friends and family are people who are the closest to you. They are the ones we talk to first when something new happens in our life, whether good or bad. So when you find someone special in your life, it is obvious your friends will know about it.
If you and your date have been going out for a few months, and you still haven’t met or chatted with any of his friends or family, then it is one of the signs he’s a player and that you are in a fake relationship. Still not sure? Just ask him whether he is willing to have a group hangout with his friends and you. If the thought is not agreeable to him, then you will know the signs he’s a player through text by the way he responds.
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8. He seems to be a huge fan of Snapchat
If your date keeps pushing you to use specific social media platforms like Snapchat, then these actions are signs he’s a player on Snapchat. This app has a feature where the messages disappear after a certain period of time. If your guy asks you to stick to this app, and the conversations somehow always turn lewd there (he might even want you to send him nudes), then it is one of the signs the guy you met online is a player.
9. You feel you are the last thing on his mind
Another reader, Mike, a 25-year-old painter, shared his story with us. He has been dating Brad for about 4 months now. And in these 4 months, he has seen a major shift in Brad’s behavior. In the beginning, Brad was everything a person desires – loving, attentive, passionate, and caring. But he now seemed to be drifting away from Mike. They used to meet almost every day and now he barely sees him on the weekends. Their daily calls have reduced to irregular texts. And there was just one phrase Brad keeps repeating: “I am busy.”
It is normal for romance to mellow down over a period of time in a relationship. It takes effort to make a relationship last and it can’t be a one-sided relationship. If you seem to be the one holding on, with very little or no effort from his side, if you are beginning to see a pattern where everything seems to be more important than being with you, then such acts are signs he’s a player.
Related Reading: 8 Ways To Cope With Unrequited Love
10. He brags about his list of conquests
One of the tell-tale signs the guy you met online is a player is that he keeps talking about the people he has dated in the past. It would mostly be in the form of a beautiful experience he had with them. But if the number of dates/partners/flings keeps increasing whenever he speaks about his past, that is your clue.
In all honesty, it is better to accept our partner’s past. It is not something we should focus too much on. There also might be a possibility he might have changed his ways. And we all know reformed playboys make the best boyfriends, at least according to pop culture. But it is always best to make an informed decision. And if he is in the habit of talking about his conquests, then that’s one of the signs he’s playing you.
11. No deep conversations happen
One of the textbook characteristics of a guy who is a player is that he will go out of his way to avoid being emotionally invested in you. He will rarely, if ever, talk about his feelings on a particular matter. He might talk about everything under the sun. He makes sure you have a good time. And he will certainly be romantic. But if you pay attention to his words, they will be superficial.
One of the most obvious signs he’s a player on the first date is that not only will he not talk about his feelings much, he will also try to actively distract you when you talk about yours. Indulging in deep conversations needs a certain level of vulnerability. And vulnerability tends to lead toward emotional attachment. And emotions are a playboy’s kryptonite.
- The relationship you have with him will be mostly superficial and based on just sexual chemistry
- He will hide your relationship from social media, friends, and family
- He will try his best not to form any kind of emotional attachment to you
Dating a playboy rarely ever bodes well for anyone. And in all honesty, you do try your best to stay away from them. However, it is very tricky to spot a player. More often than not, a person is too blindsided by their charm because as badly as we don’t want to admit it, these men are in fact charming. And by the time you realize the signs he’s a player, it’s already too late and you find yourself invested in him.
So here’s hoping you are able to spot these signs early on and manage to save yourself a heartbreak.
When a guy is trying to play you, he will try his best to charm you and even do sweet things for you, like showering gifts, wanting to know what you like, and in general show you a good time. Anything to have you invested in him enough to cater to his needs. But he will not be very forthcoming about himself.
The simplest way you can tell a player genuinely likes you is when he opens up to you. He will talk about his feelings, thoughts, and emotions, and confide in you. His conversations will not be superficial and being vulnerable in your presence will not scare him either. He will be emotionally invested in you and it will show in his words and actions.
The objective of a player is to groom you in such a way that you feel obliged to follow his directives and give in to his wishes. Be it sex, attention, or money. He will be showering you with appreciation and praises whenever you do his bidding, but not hang around for anything else.
On the other hand, there may not be any ‘he’s a player’ sign to look out for if a guy really likes you over text. If he is sweet to you, hangs out with you even after his needs have been taken care of, takes care of your needs as well, prioritizes you, and stays in touch through calls and texts, then these are the major signs he genuinely likes you.
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