Relationships have never seemed harder to navigate. Every couple these days faces intense competition – temptations outside marriage, work-related stress, social media distractions, to name just a few. The result? Breakups when things could so calmly have been worked out. Instead of jumping the gun, trying to spot the signs you should not break up will do you both some good.
Sure, the way to end a long-term relationship – or even a short one – is as easy as sending a message, but the question is: should you? Is it necessary to end a long-term relationship just because you can?
How about you try to consider the other side of the story? Instead of constantly seeking justifications to split, why not try and look for signs you shouldn’t break up with your partner, even if you feel so? And if the only thing you can currently think of is the last screaming match you and your partner had, we’re here to help you out with some signs you should not break up.
13 Compelling Signs You Should Not Break Up
We can guess the questions on your mind, as you’re rolling your eyes: “Why should I save a dead relationship?” or, “How do I know if it’s time to break up?” or, “How do you know if your relationship is even worth saving?” or, “What should I ask my partner before breaking up?” or “What are bad reasons to break up?” And so on and so forth.
All valid questions, but with the help of signs you should not break up, you will get your answers. When you know how to look for the positives instead of focusing on the negatives in your relationship (which seem to crop up every day), you’ll be able to appreciate what you have.
When you decide to end a long-term relationship, you might have strong justifications. Even so, if you take that step back and analyze, you’ll find that there are enough reasons not to break up and instead make an effort to save your relationship.
Plus, the fact that you’re here reading this article indicates that there’s an annoying voice in your head that’s not necessarily okay with calling it quits. To help that voice grow, here are 13 compelling signs why you should not head towards the divorce courts at the first sign of trouble:
1. You still feel about them
Relationship coach Susan Winter asks a simple question: How do you feel? “The burden is on you. Do you have enough distance from the pain that you see them differently? If you do not, don’t go that route. If you do, give it a second chance,” she says.
Sure, you may have just had the nastiest fight with your partner, but that doesn’t necessarily spell doom for what you two have cultivated. The harsh words and the bitter remarks don’t signify a sad end to your journey together, perhaps it’s just a fork in the road.
On the other hand, let’s say you have been through a significant amount of heartache and pain caused by your partner. If your partner comes back, you still won’t be able to love them completely, at least not initially. Even so, working on trust, communication, and respect might just help you get back to where you once were.
When should you not break up? Perhaps when you’re asking yourself that very question, it’s an indication that things are salvageable. Watch your feelings then and decide if you want to give your partner a second chance. This will determine if you want to stay on or move on.
Related Reading: 20 Signs He Is Not Into You
2. Their actions prove It
It’s not just words, but actions that matter. If your instinct is to walk out on a cheating partner, see if he or she is willing to change after you confront him or her. Genuine regret and taking concrete actions for change are signs you should not break up too fast.
If your partner has broken your trust, the way they behave afterward should tell you all you need to know. One of the biggest signs he doesn’t want to break up with you is if you see him genuinely trying to communicate with you and hear you out about the issues you might be facing.
Of course, there will always be some caution on your part, but trust your feelings. Are you getting a better and deeper version of them after your interaction with them? If yes, drop the idea of a breakup, at least for the present. The future will unfold itself anyway.
3. A pause gives you a new reality
So you have had your 10th fight in 15 days and a voice in your head tells you to end it asap. Pause, and breathe. Small arguments, differing tastes, varied likes and dislikes, and constant sparring are bad reasons to break up and pack up.
Instead, bring your attention to this moment. Think about all that has gone right in the past and analyze it.
Susan’s relationship with Brad started off with the regular infatuation, the kind that makes two people ignore every fault the other may have. As time went by, however, they realized that their different worldviews had made it difficult to have a conversation without it turning into an argument.
“He has a different idea of what a ‘couple’ is supposed to be like. I, for one, can’t stand the ‘clingy boyfriend‘ scenario. I put my phone down for two hours, and he went ballistic with the suspicion that I was trying to ignore him. It came to the point where I was frantically looking for reasons why we shouldn’t break up, and he wasn’t making it any easier,” said Susan.
“Thoughts like, ‘should we break up or stay together?’ would constantly be on my mind. To my surprise, it was Brad who decided that we should take a break, to try and clear our heads. Once we did, we were better able to navigate our problems with clear minds,” she adds.
Sometimes, the biggest sign you should not break up is right in front of you, you just need to look at it from a calmer state of mind. If there have been more pros than cons in your relationship, then maybe the current arguments are signs that it’s just a phase in your relationship.
4. Your realise your partner’s expectations
Renowned relationship and life coach Jay Shetty says, “Love is not what you do for yourself, it is what you do to serve others.” Often, we end up giving people what we want, instead of what they want. For example, your man may want your time and attention, but you give him material gifts instead.
Basically, you often end up speaking different love languages. You may love each other but drift apart because you are not tuned in to each other’s needs. Put yourself in his or her shoes and look at the picture. You might get one reason why you shouldn’t break up with your partner.
5. When should you not break up? When you’re overthinking your worries
Having doubts about your relationship every now and then is normal. It can happen in recent friendships as well as long-term bonds. If you find yourself having constant doubts, it is scary, but it does not mean you should break up with him or her.
List out your concerns; see what is salvageable and what is not. Perhaps you are worried about your man’s credit card bills. But maybe it’s a habit that can be curbed at the right time. If need be, have a heart-to-heart talk and thrash it out.
If he’s willing to listen to you, implement the decisions you come to, and do all he can to improve communication, it’s definitely a sign he doesn’t want to break up with you.
Related Reading: The 5 Zodiac Signs Most Likely To Break Your Heart
6. Your partner adds value to you
Most people wonder, “What should I think before breaking up?” Here’s a one-line answer: think about the value your partner adds to your life. Despite the occasional fights, does he or she make your life better? Does your partner still bring out the best in you?
Most importantly, even during arguments, are your conversations civil and you don’t hurt each other deliberately? Chances are that if you invest a little, you both have a chance to salvage the relationship. Having similar core values is a great reason to not break up.
7. You have mixed feelings
Understand this: feelings and emotions are different. You may feel agitated over something for a while, but your emotions may not have been disturbed. Feelings are temporary, emotions are deeper. Learn to separate the two.
Say your partner has driven you up the wall and you want to split up. The next day, they make up after your fight by doing something that melts your heart and you are not angry anymore. If your reactions are more impulsive than well thought out, they are signs you will regret breaking up.
So, if you two are asking yourselves things like, “should we break up or stay together?” Try to look inward. Give yourself some time to cool off, and think about the feelings and emotions you are experiencing.
8. They advise you well
Never judge the status of your relationship by feelings that are fickle. Often, your partner, who you think you love no more, might be the go-to person when you are in trouble. Watch if they stand by you in difficult situations.
Do you turn to them for advice? And despite all disagreements, do they still have your best interests at heart? Take that as a huge sign that you should not break up. When you are angry, your thinking is clouded so just learn to think a bit rationally.
9. You don’t hurt each other in a fight
Couples fight all the time. But it’s important to have a fair fight. Even when you are at your angriest, watch the words you exchange. Are they civil? If the discourse does not stoop to hurting each other’s ego, it means that you are having a fair fight.
Sometimes all you need to do is to walk away from a nasty fight before it becomes nastier. Take the time to cool off, gather your wits and then continue the heated discussion with facts and not anger. It means you have evolved as a couple.
And if you’re capable of doing that, it in effect answers the question, “Are there any reasons why we shouldn’t break up?” Just the fact that you’re civil enough to pause a heated argument and come back with a calmer state of mind, at the very least, indicates that there are some good qualities here.
10. If the communication is not dead, it’s a sign you should not break up
Most relationships die because of a lack of communication. Having the ability to hold a sane conversation is one of the most important qualities of a good relationship. More important, is the ability to communicate even when you do not get along with each other well.
Even if you may have cooled off from each other and the spark is missing from your bond, just the fact that you can talk to each other, have conversations and not feel like avoiding one another are signs you should not break up.
Related Reading: 15 Simple Signs Your Ex-Boyfriend Wants You Back
11. Counseling can help
There are relationships that may have gone so off track that no third person can solve the problems. And then there are marriages or long-term relationships that just need an objective hearing and counseling to bring it back on track.
The point we are making is, when there are signs of trouble in paradise, do not seek the first route out. If the constant question bothering you is “should we break up or stay together?”, ask a counselor. This might help you reach a more rational decision.
If you’re struggling to get help, Bonobology boasts a multitude of experienced counselors in our panel, who would love to help you figure out the answers to these difficult questions.
12. You share children you love
Perhaps this is the most compelling reason why you should not rush towards a breakup. Children are a strong binding factor, and while they shouldn’t be a reason why you should stay in a bad or abusive marriage, they can definitely provide signs of why you shouldn’t fly out.
For most parents, the responsibility of bringing up children together is a huge one, and most parents would prefer to keep their differences aside for their kids’ sake. But if a child can bring much-needed grounding, why not take that as a sign to not break up?
13. You are still attracted to each other
He makes you mad. He has habits that irritate the hell out of you. You don’t see eye-to-eye on many issues. But he is the only one who makes your heart flutter each time he sets his eyes on you.
Physical attraction may be a superficial reason to stay together, but it’s a good enough sign that you are compatible with each other, at least on some counts. Why not build on that and try to rebuild your relationship?
Relationships can have their ups and downs, and you may often wonder, “how do you know if it’s time to break up?” Well, if you have been betrayed beyond repair, if your partner refuses to change a bad habit despite your pleading with them to, if they disrespect you, or if you are always fighting, these are all good reasons to walk out.
Let’s just say this: split for a real reason and not a flimsy one. Ideally, everyone would want a fairy-tale love story, but few are lucky enough to have one. But a dream marriage or relationship requires patience, trust, and a willingness to give it a good shot, even when things are not going that well. Try and look for signs not to break up, and guess what, you will certainly find the magic potion that may give you your dream love story.
Are you in love with your man? Think whether the reason you feel you need to break up, is something that can be salvaged. Most importantly, give yourself some time. Pause and reflect if it is a temporary phase and if you can tide over a crisis.
If you are disrespected in a relationship or abused verbally, emotionally, or physically, then there is no doubt that you should call it quits. Even subtle methods of abuse like constant lying, belittling, and making you feel inferior are grounds for a split.
If your partner realizes his mistake or the fact that he has hurt you, maybe you can rethink the relationship. A genuinely repentant man or woman will make an effort to win you back. Also, if you still have feelings for them, the attraction is still intact, your partner adds value to your life, and you reflect on your own limitations, there is a chance that your relationship might be worth fighting for.
Minor misunderstandings, not giving your partner a chance to explain, seeing everything that you believe without going into details of behavior, and boredom are some of the reasons why you should not jump at the idea of a breakup.
Ask them if they love you. If they have given you a reason to feel bad, be honest and ask them why they did it. Communicate the reasons why you are splitting up loud and clear. Consider if you and your partner have any future together or if there are chances that you will split up if you reconcile.