Relationships have never had it so tough! Every couple these days faces intense competition – temptations outside marriage, work-related stress, social media distractions, to name just a few! The result: increasing breakups and divorces. But in reality, there are enough compelling signs you should NOT break up with your bae.
Sure, the way to end a long-term relationship (or even a short one!) is as easy as sending a Whatsapp message, but the question is: Should you? It is necessary to end a long-term relationship just because you can?
How about, for a change, you consider the other side of the story? Instead of constantly seeking justifications to split, why not try and look for signs you shouldn’t break up with your partner… even if you feel so.
Related Reading: 21 Signs You Should Break Up For Good
Hang on! We can guess the questions on your mind even as you send that eye-roll : ‘Why should I save a dead relationship? How do I know if it’s time to break up? How do you know if your relationship is even worth saving?’ What should I ask my partner before breaking up’ ‘What are bad reasons to break up’… so on and so forth. All are valid questions, but if the below signs are applicable to your relationship , you will get your answers.
13 Compelling Signs You Should Not Break Up
When you decide to end a long-term relationship, you might have strong justifications, but if you take that step back and analyse, there are enough and more reasons not to break up and instead, make efforts to save your relationship.
Here are 13 compelling signs why you should not head towards the divorce courts at the first instance.
1. You still feel about them
Relationship coach Susan Winter from susanwinter.net asks a simple question: How do you feel? “The burden is on you. Do you have enough distance from the pain that you see them differently? If you do not, don’t go that route. If you do, give it a second chance,” she says.
Let’s say you have been through heartache and pain. If your partner comes back, you still won’t be able to love them completely. Watch your feelings then and decide if you want to give them a second chance. This will determine if you want to stay on or move on.
2. Their actions prove It
It’s not just words, but actions that matter. If your instinct is to walk out on a cheating partner, see if he or she is willing to change after you confront him or her. Genuine regret and taking concrete actions for change are signs you should not break up too fast.
Of course, there will be always a caution on your part, but trust your feelings. Are you getting a better and deeper version of them after your interaction with them? If yes, drop the idea of a breakup, at least for the present. The future will unfold itself anyway.
Related Reading: 20 Signs He Is Not Into You
3. A pause gives you a new reality
So you have had your 10th fight in 15 days and a voice in your head tells you to end it asap. Pause. And breathe. Small arguments, differing tastes, varied likes and dislikes and constant sparring are bad reasons to break up and pack up.
Instead, bring your attention to this moment. Think about all that has gone right in the past and analyse it.
If there have been more pros than cons in your relationship, then maybe the current arguments are signs that it’s just a phase in your relationship.
4. Your realise your partner’s expectations
Renowned relationship and life coach Jay Shetty says, “Love is not what you do for yourself, it is what you do to serve others.” Often, we end up giving people what we want, instead of what they want. For eg, your man may want your time and attenttion, you give him material gifts instead.
Basically, you often end up speaking different love languages. You may love each other but drift apart because you are not tuned into each other’s needs. Put yourself in his or her shoes and look at the picture. You might get one reason why you shouldn’t break up with your partner.
5. You may be overthinking your worries
Having doubts about your relationship every now and then is normal. It can happen in recent friendships as well as long-term bonds. If you find yourself having constant doubts, it is scary but it does not mean you should break up with him or her.
List down your concerns; see what is salvageable and what is not. Perhaps you are worried about your man’s credit card bills. But maybe it’s a habit that can be curbed at the right time. If need be, have a heart to heart talk and thrash it out.
Related Reading: The 5 Zodiac Signs Most Likely To Break Your Heart
6. Your partner adds value to you
Most people wonder, ‘What should I think before breaking up’? Here’s a one line answer: Think about the value your partner adds to your life. Despite the occasional fights, does he or she make your life better?
Does your partner still bring out the best in you?
Most importantly, even during arguments, are your conversations civil and you don’t hurt each other deliberately? Chances are, if you invest a little, you both have a chance to salvage the relationship. Having similar core values are great reasons to not break up.
7. You have mixed feelings
Understand this: feelings and emotions are different. You may feel agitated over something for a while but your emotions may not have been disturbed. Feelings are temporary, emotions are more deep so learn to separate the two.
Say your partner has driven you up the wall and you want to split up. The next day he or she does something that melts your heart and you are not angry anymore.
If your reactions are more impulsive than well thought out, they are signs you will regret breaking up.
8. They advise you well
Never judge the status of your relationship by feelings that are fickle. Often, your partner who you think you love no more, might be the go-to person when you are in trouble. Watch if they stand by you in difficult situations.
Do you turn to them for advice? And despite all disagreements, do they still have your best interests at heart? Take that as a huge sign that you should not break up. When you are angry, your thinking is clouded so just learn to think a bit rationally.
Related Reading: 15 Simple Signs Your Ex-Boyfriend Wants You Back
9. You don’t hurt each other in a fight
Couples fight all the time. But it’s important to have a fair fight. Even when you are at your angriest, watch the words you exchange. Are they civil? If the discourse does not stoop to hurting each other’s ego, it means that you are having a fair fight.
Sometimes all you need to do is to walk away from a nasty fight before it becomes nastier. Take the time to cool off, gather your wits and then continue the heated discussion with facts and not anger. It means you have evolved as a couple.
10. The communication is not dead
Most relationships die because of lack of communication. Having the ability to hold a sane conversation is one of the most important qualities of a good relationship. More important is the ability to communicate even when you do not get along with each other well.
Even if you may have cooled off from each other and the spark is missing from your bond, just the fact that you can talk to each other, have conversations and not feel like avoiding one another are signs you should not break up.
11. Counselling can help
There are relationships that may have gone so off track that no third person can solve the problems. And then there are marriages or long-term relationships that just a need an objective hearing and counselling to bring it back on track.
The point we are making is, when there are signs of trouble in paradise, do not seek the first route out. If the constant question bothering you is ‘should we break up or stay together’, ask a counselor. This might help you reach a more rational decision.
Related Reading: 15 Signs He Finds You Irresistible
12. You share children you love
Perhaps this is the most compelling reason why you should not rush towards a breakup. Children are a strong binding factor and while they shouldn’t be a reason why you should stay on in a bad or abusive marriage, they definitely can provide signs why you shouldn’t fly out.
The responsibility of bringing up children together is a huge one and most parents would prefer to keep their differences aside for their kids’ sake. But if a child can bring the much-need grounding, why not take that as a sign to not break up?
13. You are still attracted to each other
He makes you mad. He has habits that irritate the hell out of you. You don’t see eye-to-eye on many issues. But he is the only one who makes your heart flutter each time he sets his eyes on you.
Physical attraction may be superficial reason to stay together but it’s a good enough sign that you are compatible with each other, at least on some counts. Why not build on that and try and rebuild your relationship?
Relationships can have their ups and downs and you may wonder often how do you know if it’s the time to break up. Well, if you have been betrayed, if your partner refuses to change a bad habit despite you pleading him to, if they disrespect you, if you are always fighting, these are all good reasons to walk out.
Let’s just say this – split for a real reason and not a flimsy one. Ideally, everyone would want a fairy tale love story but few are lucky to have it. But a dream marriage or relationship requires patience, trust and a willingness to give it a good shot, even when the things are not going that well. Try and look for signs not to break up and guess what, you will certainly find the magic potion that may give you your dream love story.
Are you in love with your man? Think whether the reason you feel you need to break up, is something that can be salvaged. Most importantly give yourself some time. Pause and reflect if it is a temporary phase and if you can tide over a crisis.
If you are disrespected in a relationship or abused verbally, emotionally and physically, then there is no doubt that you should call it quits. Even subtle methods of abuse like constant lying, belittling and making you feel inferior are grounds for a split.
If your partner realizes his mistake or the fact that he has hurt you, maybe you can relook at the relationship. A genuinely repentant man or woman will make efforts to win you back. Also, if you still have feelings for them, the attraction is still intact, your partner adds value to your life and you reflect on your own limitations, there is a chance that your relationship might be worth fighting for.
Minor misunderstandings, not giving your partner a chance to explain, seeing everything that you believe without going into details of a behaviour, and boredom are some of the reasons why you should not jump at the idea of a breakup.
Ask them if they love you. If they have given you a reason to feel bad, be honest and ask them why they did it. Communicate the reasons why you are splitting up loud and clear. Consider if you and your partner have any future together or if there are chances again that you will split up if you reconcile.