When I met Cal, I wish I had read a book titled What is a womanizer’s weakness? I knew Cal’s reputation as a ‘hit-and-run’ case. He was never seen with the same woman twice. And yet Hollywood got me convinced that it was possible to date a womanizer and ‘change’ him. I don’t have to repeat the sorry tale of how he dumped me unceremoniously after 3 months.
You hear the word ‘womanizer’ and images of all the actors who’ve played James Bond, or men with posh cars and a square jawline come to mind. They’re notorious for their lack of commitment. Yet, they’re irresistible. But what is the psychology of a womanizer? This is one of the few questions we’ll tackle in this space with psychotherapist Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), who specializes in relationship counseling and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.
What Does Being A Womanizer Mean?
Before we dive into the questions – What is a womanizer’s weakness? Or what to do when you’re in relationship with a womanizer? – let’s explore the word itself. The word ‘womanizer’ originally meant ‘to make something effeminate’. There’s not much clarity on how the word got its current meaning. Dr. Bhonsle explains the term as follows:
- A womanizer is someone who has multiple casual relationships with women and doesn’t end one before starting the next
- He gives the false impression that he is exclusive to one, while he is exclusive to none
- There is a constant lack of transparency about the status of the relationship
- This behavior could be a form of experimentation with love before he figures out what love really is
- He thinks of women as trinkets that are interesting only for some time. He moves on when someone shinier comes along
- What is a womanizer’s weakness? What makes them feel guilty? It depends on the person. Some womanizers do feel guilty, while others find it easy to move on from that guilt by defending their actions
Think Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother. He’s not the only one to write a playbook. Ever heard of Neil Strauss and Daryush Valizadeh? The internet is full of self-proclaimed dating coaches. May of these pick-up artists offer workshops and write highly misogynistic books that teach how to seduce women just for fun.
Many womanizers often use similar deceitful methods to entice as many women as they can. But when they feel guilty, which is rare, they can get highly manipulative. Hollywood might be inspiring you to come up with the best payback for a womanizer. But mind games will only waste your time. It’s best to either confront him or move on.
What Causes A Man To Be A Womanizer?
Contrary to popular belief, womanizers are not just after the sex. The need for power is higher on their list. Womanizers want to be in control of their, and your, emotions all the time. So they’ll do everything in their power to impress you. Gifts, charm, a bit of jealousy, all the pazzazz. Here are a few reasons why they would do so:
1. Narcissistic tendencies
Is womanizer personality disorder a thing? We asked Dr. Bhonsle. He denies the existence of womanizer personality disorder and says, “It’s unfair to characterize any behavior as a symptom of a psychiatric disorder without a proper clinical diagnosis. But commonly, a womanizer has narcissistic traits. Narcissists think their needs are more important than others.” The answer to the question – What is a womanizer’s weakness? – lies in this trait.
He adds, “They often believe that they’re superior beings and so, they must have exclusive privileges. This allows them to think of other people as gadgets to play with.” Research has suggested that for narcissists, love is like playing a game. Once they know you want them, it’s like they’ve won the battle. Dating a narcissist can be hurtful because once the high is over, they move on to the next conquest.
2. Childhood issues
Dr. Bhonsle says, “There could be a role model at home who has engaged in this behavior previously. Or they are led to believe that this is the only way to seek love, and any other way is going to lead to pain. So this becomes a coping strategy. Trust issues could also lead one to engage in something casual, as they find that manageable while anything long-term appears as too much hassle.”
Physical or emotional trauma in childhood can manifest in the later years as difficulty in commitment. The chronic trauma may return as a disorganized attachment style in adulthood. He may have difficulty remaining intimate, but this behavior may not be consistent. This leads to the belief that a womanizer can be ‘changed’, which ironically leads to more heartbreaks.
3. Inflated idea of masculinity
I asked Dr. Bhonsle: What is a womanizer’s weakness? He starts by explaining how hypermasculinity affects a womanizer’s psyche. He says, “Consider how hypermasculinity is sold, like in a TV series like Californication. If a man thinks that a certain lifestyle is desirable after being influenced by hyper-masculinity in popular media, then he may adopt that lifestyle. But that may not sit well with the people around them as this kind of masculinity lacks sensitivity.”
He further says, “Hypermasculinity has been normalized as a way of projecting manhood. When enough people begin to believe it, it becomes part of the socio-cultural tapestry. It offers catharsis to men who see other men doing superhuman feats. They start to internalize that and indulge in such behavior to feel the same way.”
So, having more female partners adds to a man’s idea of masculinity. Research also suggests that men tend to report more heterosexual partners than women. Researchers call this ‘false accommodation’ a result of the desire to conform to gender norms.
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4. Need for sex
The need for sex is normal. But psychologists say men have a need for sex with ‘different women’. This is termed the Coolidge Effect and has been substantiated by research. Evolutionary theory suggests that this desire to impregnate multiple women could be rooted in the need for procreation. However, it is still unfair to deceive women just for one’s need for sex.
What Are A Womanizer’s Weaknesses?
Do womanizers ever feel bad? Sometimes, sometimes not. However, if you’re still looking for the best payback for a womanizer, then let’s divulge into the psychology of a womanizer. So, what is a womanizer’s weakness if he has a narcissistic personality? Anything that shakes his idea of self-grandeur will disturb him. Here are his weaknesses:
1. Lack of attention from a woman
If making a woman fall in love with them is a game for womanizers, then not getting attention from a woman is equal to losing in that game. If you’re aware of a man being a womanizer, then don’t give him any attention. Pretend he’s invisible. You’ll have him crawling inside his skin within minutes.
2. Attention to another man
Narcissists are jealous by nature. They find it difficult to appreciate other people, especially those they consider the competition. Showing visible attention toward another man is one of the things you can do to get his attention when he ignores you. The more you revere another man, the more his frustration.
3. Fear of exposure
Dr. Bhonsle says, “Fear of exposure and social ex-communication is one of their biggest fears. It is in direct contradiction to everything they want.” Womanizers function on the validation they receive from everyone. If they find themselves in a situation where their friends or family don’t talk to them anymore because of their behavior, they’re likely to be miserable.
8 Cons Of Being A Womanizer
Though every man fantasizes about being called a Casanova, is it okay to be a womanizer? No. Wanting to have casual and consensual sexual relationships is okay, but purposely lying to get sex so you would ‘feel’ like a man? Not so much. To date a womanizer is almost always a lost cause, but being a womanizer could harm that man in the following ways:
1. Temporary high
Researchers of the Coolidge Effect found that the need for sex in a man dipped when he was presented with only one partner. Additionally, a womanizer’s pleasure lies in winning mind games in the relationship, not in sex. Dr. Bhonsle says, “They never stay in a relationship long enough to see where it could have landed. Their life is a series of short-term indulgences.” Unlike love, which provides long-term satisfaction in a committed relationship, womanizing can only provide substance abuse-like effects with short-term satisfaction.
2. Emotionally suppressed
What is a womanizer’s weakness? Dr. Bhonsle says, “In some cases, womanizers suppress their desire to experience emotions because they don’t think they can do any better. They are stuck in a loop of their own creation. Sometimes, they don’t even suppress emotions consciously, it’s inadvertent. They’ve done it so long, they don’t know any other way. So, they’re constantly on tiptoes.” Suppressing one’s emotions can not only lead to physical health conditions as substantiated by research but also create chronic trauma that may inhibit recovery and create self-esteem issues.
Related Reading: Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend? 11 Signs It Is Probably Time
3. Self-esteem issues
You can understand what is a womanizer’s weakness from the psychology of a womanizer. Like a narcissist, their sense of self-worth comes from what others think about them. Hence, they try to control opinions about them. This essentially hands over the key to their satisfaction to others. Their incessant dependence on validation is one of the things you expect when you love a man with low self-esteem.
4. A lonely nightmare
If you remember the movie, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, you know what I’m talking about. Dr. Bhonsle says, “After some time, your options get very limited. It may feel like you have short-circuited your ability to experience something deep and authentic. Everything else is transient and such a blitz that you don’t have the time to open your heart. And when you’re ready for companionship, chances are that it would be tough for you to get that.”
Once all the parties are over, the friends have been kicked out, and their last conquest has left after seeing them flirting with someone else, are womanizers lonely? Yes. And it feels worse with the hangover. This is why if you date a womanizer, you’ll notice they’re constantly doing something. Most of it is just to distract themselves from loneliness.
5. Loss of trust
When the news gets to the streets of someone being a womanizer, it becomes difficult for them to get dates. Women find it difficult to trust them even for simple things. They are constantly put under scrutiny. It is true that women find womanizers attractive because of their charm, but they’re also unforgiving of their philandering ways. This gets more difficult if the womanizer gets into a relationship since their partner constantly suspects them of having an affair.
6. Loss of respect
Another result of the news getting out of someone being a womanizer is that they lose everyone’s respect immediately. And this is what is a womanizer’s weakness. Lying about being in love to get sex is deceitful, and nobody deserves that. They may suppress their guilt better than others by moving on to other distractions. However, in absence of distractions, suppressing this guilt can be difficult and pretty painful.
7. Mental health issues
Do womanizers ever feel sad? Maybe not after the initial high of conquest, but definitely in the long run. Research has suggested that having multiple sexual partners can lead to anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. The research considers ‘the nature of impersonal relationships’ to be one of the reasons behind this observation.
8. House of cards
The worst con of being a womanizer is that even though you feel as if you’re on a winning spree with every fling, it’s just a house of cards. You’re left without a substantial and authentic relationship, which is what is intimacy to a man or woman. What’s worse, you lose the ability to find or sustain a romantic relationship.
Dr. Bhonsle says, “Even if you were to find the right person, what are the odds that you won’t fall prey to the temptation of making the moves you perfected for so long? Even if you were dating someone amazing, how would you know that? You don’t want to give the relationship enough time to find out.”
- A womanizer is a man who gets into multiple casual sexual relationships but may lie about being exclusive
- Unlike the popular belief, womanizers are not after sex, but the power and attention they get in the relationships
- Womanizers are mostly narcissists and place their needs above others
- Lack of attention and fear of ex-communication are their worst fears
- Womanizers enjoy a temporary high and are unable to form a real connection that sustains for a longer period
In conclusion, if you’re thinking “What is a womanizer’s weakness?” to make them pay for their ‘crimes’, Dr. Bhonsle has a few suggestions. “In real life, punishing someone for heartbreak can lead to social and legal ramifications. People will change when they’re ready to change. You can’t control when it’s a good time for someone to change just because it’s convenient to you.
“If someone wants to date a womanizer, they should weigh the pros and cons. If they’re fine with a casual relationship, then it’s all good. But there is a possibility of heartbreak, so one should bear that in mind.”
For any womanizer who is finally questioning, “Is it okay to be a womanizer?”, and wants to change, Dr. Bhonsle says, “They should try therapy. Because it’s important to investigate what made them choose this lifestyle. Once they understand why they made that choice, it’s easier to help them. They have to decide that they’ve had enough.”
Are womanizers lonely? They can be. So if you’re going through the same questions and need guidance, Bonobology’s panel of skilled and experienced counselors and therapists are here for you. It’s never too late to get help.