Being married is not easy – and it can become even more difficult when you’re not on the same page as your partner. Being on the same page does not just mean emotionally or mentally, but also physically. It can get very frustrating for a married couple to be with each other without physical intimacy. What would you do if your husband doesn’t want you sexually?
Losing interest in sex can be harmful to a relationship – and when your husband begins to dim his signs of physical interest in you, it can be quite perturbing. Has your husband not initiated sex with you for a while? Has a little withdrawal turned into days, weeks and even months? Are you thinking that he’s not attracted to you anymore? It’s driving you nuts, isn’t it?
Sometimes, even talking to your partner about stuff like this can become difficult, especially when there is already a growing distance between the two of you. So, what can you do in a situation like this? The first order of business is to understand where his lack of interest in sex is stemming from, and then plan a course of action to resolve the issue. We’re here to help you understand how.
5 Reasons A Husband Doesn’t Want Sex
One should always be cautioned before jumping to conclusions, and therefore, it is important to understand the various reasons your husband might be reluctant to get intimate. Sex should always be consensual but we understand the disappointment of not being wanted by your own spouse.
The first thing to do is to relax. Read through these possible reasons that might lead to your husband stepping back:
1. Medical condition
It is an absolute possibility that your husband is going through something medically but doesn’t want to involve you in it, just yet. It’s not that your husband doesn’t want you sexually, he may just be afraid of his situation. If this is the case, one should respect the other’s need for privacy and wait for the information to be disclosed.
There are a number of medical conditions that would make the husband abstain from sex. Some of the most common ones could be erectile dysfunction or painful intercourse. Others could include certain diseases which could be transmitted sexually
2. Hormonal imbalances
Men are very likely to experience a dip in their testosterone levels – the hormone that governs their libido, among other things. This is known as hypogonadism and might lead to a lack of sexual appetite. This is because they’re losing out on their strength, energy and stamina.
3. Psychological issues
A trauma or a recent event might induce repulsiveness toward sex for some. This might be a horrifying news article, a friend who is having a hard time with sex, a personal past horror, etc. Certain incidents or life events can also trigger old traumatic memories that had been long, leading to a lack of interest in sex. If such is the case, consulting a therapist is the best way ahead.
A lot of men tend to pull away from sex if they’re facing an issue at work or they’re under a lot of pressure. It is natural to not focus one’s energy on sexual pleasure if one is facing backlash at work. This is a temporary issue and should resolve itself once the office atmosphere improves. Supporting your partner in such circumstances would be great.
5. Loss of interest
This horrifying nightmare might be true for some. Possibly more so if he has been avoiding you sexually for a while now. If all the external factors seem to be okay and he still withdraws, maybe it’s time to dig deeper. Has he been avoiding you in general lately? Does he stay out a lot? In this scenario, it is entirely possible that he is no longer happy with his marriage or there may be another woman in the picture. If that’s the case, things are about to get messy.
Related Reading: Why Has My Husband Lost Interest In Me Sexually?
What Should You Do When Your Husband Is Not Interested In Sex?
Sexual intimacy goes through its stages highs and lows in a long-term relationship. When two people have been together for a while, you tend to feel settled and comfortable around each other. However, it’s not normal for your husband to not want you at all.
Sometimes, due to certain factors and reasons, maybe the intimacy has taken a backseat – but you have the right to know why. Be aware that this has nothing to do with you and you mustn’t beat yourself up. Then, try to broach the topic tactfully to put an end to this dry spell in your marriage. Here’s how:
1. Understand that priorities are changing
A lack of sexual intimacy can arise when people’s priorities change. Sometimes, long-term relationships lead to having kids, getting a house, managing finances and family members, and just figuring out your career. These can be strong reasons as to why your husband doesn’t engage with you sexually.
But the key here is to communicate clearly with your husband and tell him that even though priorities are different, you are on the same page. Instead of assuming that your husband doesn’t want to have sex with you, showing a little support can alter the way he looks at you, physically and emotionally.
Related Reading: Sexual Compatibility – Meaning, Importance And Signs
2. Allow him some time to heal
When your husband doesn’t want to have sex, it could be that your husband is afraid of talking about something that is perturbing his body and thus doesn’t want to engage in something physical with you, for fear of not being able to perform.
An underlying medical condition like erectile dysfunction can sometimes make men avoid sex, or even talk about sex, altogether. However, if there is something bothering a man physically, then you need to give him the comfort of talking about it, so you can come up with a solution together.
Remember: Sex can also have other forms – it doesn’t have to be penetrative in nature. You can enjoy intimacy in many ways. Once the condition or issue has been addressed, your husband may find it easier to be physical with you.
3. Sexless marriages are common
“My husband has lost interest in me sexually. My husband doesn’t want sex anymore.” These are some of the leading inhibitions of women, especially those in long-term commitments. People can get so used to each other, being with each other for so long that the relationship turns purely platonic.
This means that you are completely comfortable being in each other’s space, and that’s that. Sexless marriages without cheating are common. You’re best friends with each other, however, the erotic aura of the relationship has taken a back seat. Maybe it’s time to address this, but that doesn’t mean your husband has stopped thinking about you sexually.
Get your husband in the mood – do something that he likes, perhaps role-play or a little mood lighting? When things are feeling stagnant, it’s up to you to take control and change it a bit so that the both of you feel interested. Maybe take up a class and do something new together. Discovering new things can bring about newness in the relationship.
Related Reading: Sex Games A Couple Should Play
4. Help him relieve the stress
If your husband doesn’t want to have sex, maybe he is suffering from massive bouts of stress – even if he doesn’t show it and you have no idea he’s going through something. The only thing to do here is to sit and talk about things. Give him the comfort and support that you are there for him. Make him believe that you will not judge him or be condescending about how he’s feeling.
This will enable him to talk to you. Once you guys are able to address what the problem is and where the stress points are, you will be able to battle it out as a team. Practice effective communication and then there will be time to get into the mood and get in bed.
5. Take the lead
Sometimes, it can so happen that your husband may not be comfortable talking about or initiating sex or sex talk. It’s not that he’s not into it, it’s probably just that he’s uncomfortable. It doesn’t mean that your husband doesn’t want to have sex.
In the beginning, things are usually rosy and happy, so don’t compare your relationship to what it was when you first got together and feel bad. It’s not that the man has to always be responsible for initiating the erotic talk or get the mood in bed. Some guys don’t like to take charge in the bedroom, in that case, you can show him the way.
6. Try new things in bed
Try to shuffle things a little and make things exciting. Monotony in bed can get men to withdraw. Doing the same things over and over might bore your husband, making him lose interest in being intimate at all. Even if you have been married 15-20 years, it’s never too late to spice things up a bit.
If you feel like your husband doesn’t want to have sex, try talking to him about having a little role play. It is a good method of understanding what turns on your partner and makes them want to participate. This would be more engaging for your husband and might break the monotony of sex. Remember: A relationship needs extra effort every day.
7. Talk to him
A lot of women assume the worst without communicating with their husbands first. If you think your husband doesn’t want you sexually, we suggest, try talking to him first. One of the most simple and overlooked solutions to most relationship problems is to simply talk to your partner. Maybe he is worried about the same thing.
Having to always initiate sex might be making him feel unwanted too. It’s always best to clear your misunderstandings by voicing them out loud. If both of you are worried about the same thing, there is actually no problem at all. If not, you could try to understand his side of the story and work toward building a better relationship, sexually and emotionally.
8. Accepting what he wants
Maybe your partner is shy to communicate to you what he is into. Sometimes people tend to want different sorts of foreplay before sex. Maybe he is afraid of judgment and hence avoids sex altogether. There must be a mutual understanding of what turns you on and even if it is a weird little fetish, as long as you’re comfortable doing it, you must give it a try.
Sexuality is a tricky thing and it is important for both parties to be enjoying physical intimacy. If one of them is not able to voice what they want, it might lead to dissatisfaction in the bedroom. Hence, accept what he wants and give it a go.
There are things men like in bed and you can surely initiate a steamy session and see how they react. Look at the reasons that are causing his lack of interest in the relationship or in sex and address those issues. Instead of thinking about why your husband doesn’t want you sexually, think of what you can do to ease out the issues he is facing.
A decrease in a person’s sex drive over a course of time is a very normal thing, so don’t beat yourself about it. It could be because of various causes, maybe it’s hormonal or maybe it’s because he’s stressed, or he’s unable to give your relationship much thought. Whatever the cause may be, get him to talk about it and address it.
Whether you believe it or not, some people are just not that sexual. It’s not just men, there are many women who are just less sexual as well. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with them, but maybe you need to spend a little time understanding what they like, what they want or how they can be more interested in bed.
The answer to this question doesn’t lie in getting sexy lingerie or dressing up to impress. What is sexy and attractive to some might actually be off-putting for someone else. The only person who could tell you the answer to this is your husband. Honest and clear communication between the two of you would enable you to better understand what he wants from you, sexually.
Absolutely. It would be wrong to assume that everyone wants sex in a relationship. Maybe some people only look forward to it in the beginning and as years pass by, they tend to concentrate on other things within the relationship. If you want your man to be more interested in you sexually, you must talk to him about it directly.