Heartbreak wrecks your life. It drags you into a vault full of negative emotions, it is the repercussion of loving someone deeply, which is unfair, but everything that happens in our life is for a reason. And then one starts to look for the best way to get over someone after a breakup, without causing much hurt and regret to oneself. Heartbreak is an opportunity for self-development and making yourself a better and stronger person.
Best way to get over someone you love deeply
You recently ended a long relationship, or you were experiencing good love for a short period of time. Whichever may be the case, if you are still in love with the person you broke up with, you need to start acknowledging the significance of getting over someone you love deeply and is no longer a part of your life. The more committed you were in a relationship, the greater will be the pain of losing the person.
You need a strategy to accept the fact you have lost someone whom you assumed to be the love of your life, then accept the fact you cannot go back to the same relationship, and finally you have to start letting go of the pain, their memories.
Here are 9 steps that can help you get over your ex.
1. Grieve but also accept they are your past
It will not be easy, because we are not cold-blooded. Breaking up with someone you love hurts. It will feel like a hundred knife stabs each day on your heart. But peace will only come in with acceptance. Accept that you have lost them, take your time for grieving, but throw away all your plans of begging or pleading with them to reconcile.
Grieving is the first stage of a breakup and acceptance will take years sometimes. Yes, healing after a breakup is a process broken in stages. But the sooner you accept the fact that the past cannot be dragged in to the present, the closer you’ll come to the first step of letting go. Never let your grief reach the edge of depression.
2. Ditch social media completely
Social media says a lot about someone. Many use it to showcase their happening life, many use it to merely project that their life is happening. Post-breakup, it is important to cut off your ex from social media. If you keep on stalking your ex and come across his or her pictures that indicate he or she is doing well and happy you will have many questions. You might be prompted to seek answers for them as well. So not seeing them daily or avoiding knowing what is happening in their life could help you move on in a better way.
The idea of being friends with you ex sounds really amusing, but right after the breakup this idea is never good. It will only bring more chaos into your life. You may think seeing your ex does not affect you, but whenever you see or hear about their life, your emotions will pour in, memories will rush in. So save yourself from all of this and cut yourself off from them on social media channels. The best way to get over someone you loved is not to know anything about them, trust me.
3. Don’t keep their things around you, you will be stuck in the past
When we are in a relationship, we exchange many things. We keep each other’s stuff: like a coffee mug, a gifted tee, some jackets, etc. After the breakup, if you are still surrounded by those, you will keep going around in circles. You will never come out of the relationship completely, and you will not recover from your breakup fast.
They gifted you a coffee mug long back and since then you are having your morning coffee in that cup. Stop drinking coffee in that mug, because every morning you’ll be reminded of them. It is easy to counter saying everything around you, every place will have some memory of you both together and whenever you see those things or visit the places you will be reminded, but starting to deliberately avoid these things and places is important. So choose to not think about them when you visit the cafe where you both went for the first date, choose to shift your focus when you wear the dress he/she loved.
4. Don’t try to contact them or look for their whereabouts
This is the thumb rule you need to follow until your mind has made peace with the fact that you both broke up and you cannot be in touch, because digging up the past will not be of much use.
You might have mutual friends who could give you information about who your ex is hanging out with these day. Or someone may just casually mention seeing your ex with someone else somewhere. Just say no to all this gossip. Your ex can be peaceful and happy; so don’t get angry on him or her to be living and being happy. Learn that even you should be. Don’t be in touch and don’t try to dig for their whereabouts.
5. Hang out more with your friends
When you are in a relationship, happy or parasitic, it doesn’t matter, most of the time is spent with your partner. You don’t intentionally do it, but your friends are side-lined a little or slip down your priority list.
Use this opportunity to reconnect with your friends who you feel were ignored because of your relationship. Apart from this, spend more time with your closest pals. At this time you would need your close friends to be your support system to constantly take your mind off the sad parts of life, so hang out with your friends.
6. Focus on I, work on reconnecting with yourself
People in relationships focus on ‘We’; unconsciously making all plans assuming you are together. It is even more pronounced when the relationship is steady for sometime and you both have been planning the future. The places we want to explore together, things we need to try, our bucket list. The ‘We’.
Amidst the ‘we’, you become selfless and stop thinking about yourself. No matter how bad the breakup is or how much pain it is causing, start working on the relationship with yourself, make your bucket list, write down things you want to try, places you want to explore.
7. Find reasons to be grateful about the breakup
This sounds like a bizarre idea, but this is the universal law of gratitude, it works like magic. When you start looking for positives in a very negative situation, you turn your situation into a positive one. Start listing out why you are grateful that the relationship ended. List things that were bad and unhealthy for your mind and soul in that relationship. List things you are able to do because you are not chained in a relationship any more.
The list could be silly or crazy; for example, you are grateful that you can now go out and approach the guy/girl crushing on you for so long and so on. You will feel light and slightly at peace in your heart once you start finding more positives in this situation. And there are so many good reasons to breakup!
8. Release your anger and try forgiving
Don’t hold back anger, release it. Cry, scream shout – whatever helps you give a vent to your emotions – barring any harm to anyone. Accept it was not your fault alone and you both had equally damaged the relationship, which was beyond repair.
Try to forgive them, and most importantly, forgive yourself for trusting, loving the wrong person or making a fool of yourself by loving someone. Until you forgive, you cannot completely move on or get over them. Forgiving will give you closure and help you move on in life.
9. Be open to new relationships
Don’t let heartbreak or a bad relationship shake your faith in the idea of having a relationship or idea of falling in love with someone again. Understand that not every relationship is meant to stay in your life for eternity. Do not label your relationship as bad, because you both had invested so much time and you have some good memories. You just have more lessons than memories, which is why you ended up breaking up the relationship you built.
There are no bad relationships. There are only misunderstood people and ones who refuse to admit their shortcomings, and there are stubborn people who make a relationship look bad, but relationships are never bad. Once you are ready, get knowing new people and dating them after a breakup.
Coming out of a long relationship will feel like walking on fire with memories that will only make your heart ache. But all that ends leaves hope for a new beginning, so give another opportunity to yourself by moving on from someone who is in the past. Close the chapter and then move ahead. Maybe you’ll fall for someone, this time harder, and maybe this time they’ll be worth your efforts and love.
Let go of the past, so you can embrace the present and future with a fresh mind.