At the onset of your relationship, you may never even worry about having a broken relationship. Can you ever imagine that one day you will need to know how to fix a broken relationship in your boyfriend? Hell no!
But in reality, no relationship in life is free from difficulties and even the best couple, who seems so perfect, might be going through internal conflicts and arguments.
This is the actuality because, in the beginning, you both are wrapped up in feelings of love and enchantment. This, in turn, makes you forgive and overlook the tiny aspects that annoy you about your spouse. But, as time goes by, and the level of passion in your relationship starts decreasing, all those things you ignored earlier, catch up with you. And you’re left wondering, ‘How do I heal a broken relationship with my boyfriend?’
Unable to handle their differences many people go their separate ways but there are many too who can work on fixing the broken relationship and can bounce back together.
Take the example of royal couple Kate Middleton and Prince William. The couple started dating in college in 2003 and then they broke up in 2007. Apparently both couldn’t handle the fact that they were constantly under the media radar. Another aspect was while Kate was a private person, William liked to be out and about partying and clubbing mostly.
The couple reconciled their differences and came back together in 2010. Apparently the couple needed the space to gain perspective on what they really wanted. It was clear they wanted to fix their broken relationship. Today they are married with three children.
In a study conducted on 3512 participants from the US and Europe it was found out 14.94% of participants got back with their exes and stayed together, 14.38% got back together but could not carry on long. Another 70.68% never reunited with their exes.
So it is possible to fix a broken relationship even after breaking up but first you need to have clarity about what went wrong in your relationship in the first place. We spoke to emotive behavior therapist Jui Pimple to shed some light when your relationship is going through dark times.
How Do You Rekindle A Broken Relationship?
If you are thinking, “How do I restore my relationship with my boyfriend?” let us tell you it’s possible to get your ex back.
Your relationship with your boyfriend can get damaged when any of the following things happen:
- When your boyfriend is unable to live up to your expectations
- Either partner indulges in infidelity
- You both are unable to adjust with each other after the bubble of initial love and passion bursts
- You keep arguing over silly things and small conflicts erupt into major fights
- The relationship grows stagnant if one or both partners stop putting in efforts
- You ignore your issues and fail to communicate leading to bigger problems later on
- Financial discrepancies
- You realise that you both lack compatibility
This means that in totality you both fail to understand each other anymore and are unable to see eye-to-eye. However, one needs to know that a broken relationship does not necessarily mean that your relationship is over until you both are convinced regarding its end and are unwilling to make it work.
Related reading: How do you know when a relationship is truly over?
You can try to talk it out with your boyfriend and comprehend the path your relationship should take to heal. An ‘I’m sorry and I want to fix our relationship’ is high on the list of things to say to fix a broken relationship A little break from each other might also help. This immensely helps to fix a relationship that’s falling apart.
On the other hand, you can trust the process and believe that everything will be fine soon. Discover patterns and behaviours which disrupt your relationship and resolve the conflicts. For instance, what is it that is triggering the anger inside you? Once you know, you can work on a way to resolve that anger.
Be responsible and responsive to emotions and avoid spewing illogical facts all over while trying to heal your broken relationship.
It is advised not to dwell in the past as it can make things worse and all your efforts to mend the broken relationship might go down the drain. Always remember that no relationship is smooth sailing. Every relationship goes through its ups and downs and just because it is down in the dumps right now, does not mean it’s over.
If you really want your relationship to work out, you must be willing to put in an effort and make it work because no one else will do it for you. Overcoming relationship problems needs to come from your deep desire to actually fix things, even though it till take both time and effort.
As the last resort, you can visit a therapist to get a third-person perspective about your relationship and sort things out with your boyfriend with the therapist’s help. Sometimes, sending a simple text with an apology, or telling your boyfriend, how much you are missing him, can go a long way in fixing a relationship. Of all the things to say to fix a broken relationship, ‘I love you and miss you’ rarely fails to start a conversation.
8 Ways To Fix A Broken Relationship With Your Boyfriend
There is always hope for rekindling the love and passion in a broken relationship if both partners are ready to take the plunge. Without the willingness to decode the origins of the distress and pain in the relationship, fixing a broken relationship can become a daunting task.
Therefore, this article sets out the following 8 ways to fix a broken relationship with your boyfriend in the hope that all is not yet lost. If you’re wondering how to fix things with your boyfriend, read on.
1. Take a trip down memory lane
It is possible to undo damage in a relationship. Before you make any efforts to move forward, you both need to step back and see how things were dealt with in the initial stages of the relationship. Were there conflicts in the initial period? If yes, then how did you both handle them? What is it that you are doing wrong this time?
All this will allow you to learn from your past and avoid the same mistakes in the future. Most relationships are hunky dory in the initial phase. You resolve conflict more easily. You can take a lesson from that phase and see how things changed over time. Remember that repairing relationships for a happy future sometimes lies in past joyful memories.
For Monica and Miles, it was recreating their first date that helped. “We’d gone for a dinner to a local diner, because it was all we could afford at the time. Then we went for a walk on the beach, just talking,” Monica recalls. Five years in, their relationship barely surviving, Monica decided to let history help out. She took Miles to the same diner, and then they went for a walk.
“It wasn’t the same, we had a lot of issues to air out, but it reminded us of how we started and what had brought us together. I’d definitely recommend it if you’re wondering how to fix a broken relationship with your boyfriend,” Monica says.
Jui says, “While thinking about your relationship and what happened in the past, think of why you both held on for so long. What was it that helped you stay together? Try to focus on what helped you resolve your conflicts rather than thinking of why or which conflicts happened.”
2. Relive your beautiful past memories
You can fix a broken relationship by reconnecting with each other. So the most effective solution to mend your relationship with your boyfriend would be reliving past memories.
Plan an outing with your boyfriend maybe to a place you have already visited and have good memories of. This will remind you both of the wonderful times you have spent together in the past and why you fell in love with each other in the first place.
Olympic swimming champ Michael Phelps and Nicole Johnson broke up several times and were not together for almost 3 years before they got to engaged. Perhaps it was their wonderful memories together coupled with their inability to get over each other, made them reunite.
3. Open your heart to each other
For any broken relationship to heal, it is important that the couple have a heart-to-heart conversation with each other. Try to talk freely and honestly to your boyfriend and let him know how you feel when he does something which upsets you.
Instead of just demeaning each other, you must communicate with him so as to give him a chance to understand and improve himself. To fix a relationship that’s falling apart you need to improve your communication. Try out these couple’s communication exercises to help get your message across better.
“Open communication is the key to many problems,” Jui points out. “If you are unable to express it directly, try writing a message to fix the broken relationship, and send it to him or express it in letter and give it to him. Reading it can help him sit back and think about how you are feeling about this relationship and what he can do to fix it. Also, do not forget to mention how important is this relationship to you.”
The importance of a message to fix a broken relationship is tremendous. How you use your words and get your message across means everything at this fraught time. Some messages you could send are:
- ‘I value our relationship and I’d really like to talk to you about what went wrong’
- ‘What you said upset me and I reacted badly. I’d like to sit down and talk it out. You don’t need to reply to this message right away, but please think about it’
- ‘Repairing relationships takes time. I think we both need some time to calm down, but I wanted you to know I’m thinking about you, and about us’
- ‘You mean a lot to me. I know things have been tough for us of late, but I want to fix it’
It’s not enough to send a message to fix a broken relationship, of course,. You’ll need to follow up and and put in the work. But it’s a start, it’s you reaching out to him and saying you care about overcoming relationship problems.
4. Always try to gain the perspective of your partner
“As we know, a relationship is sustained by two individuals; it is important that each of you should be able to put your perspectives clearly and firmly. And this is possible when you create that space for both of you. Since you want to fix the relationship, it is important to listen and understand what your partner has to say,” Jui explains.
In the midst of mixed feelings, you might not be able to think straight and might blurt out whatever you want to in the heat of the moment. So what you need to do is keep calm and try to gain the perspective of your boyfriend as well regarding the situation at hand.
How to fix things with your boyfriend? Listen closely to what he has to say and show empathy because it might reveal many things which might have gone unnoticed earlier.
Related Reading: Fixing a Toxic Relationship – 21 Ways To Heal TOGETHER
5. Spend some time alone, if need be
Going back to your cocoon and spending some time alone can help clear your thoughts. Go on a solo trip, pursue some new hobbies, and spend time with your friends (who are not mutual friends of both you and your boyfriend) and so on. Even encourage your boyfriend to spend some alone time.
Some time away from each other might help both of you acknowledge the time you both spend with each other. It will make you gain perspective and make you look at your issues from a bird’s eye view without being surrounded by them.
You will feel happier and once you are happy, your relationship with your boyfriend will also heal eventually. When the marriage of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones was going through a rough patch, it was their time apart that helped them to come back together.
“Sometimes, what we need is some peaceful time with ourselves and introspecting can help us get clarity about the overall situation. We cannot make peace with someone when we ourselves are not at peace. So first find your peace and then with others,” Jui advises.
6. Try to rekindle the sexual flames
Not being intimate with one another can surely make your relationship mundane and less exciting. Therefore, you should try to re-instil the sexual flames back in your relationship by dressing up for your boyfriend or flirting with him.
Reopening the closed door of physical connection can help you both reconnect on the mental level as well. Sometimes, physical intimacy can do wonders for your relationship and lack of the same can completely jeopardize it.
Sex and physical affection form a big part of the glue that holds together a relationship. Mind you, do not rush into a bout of sexual activity if there are other underlying issues that need to be talked over. But if you’re wondering ‘how do I heal a broken relationship with my boyfriend’ and you think a great night of intimacy will help, go for it!
7. Make it clear that you want to fix things
It can become impossible to fix a broken relationship if you both keep thinking that the other partner does not want to mend things. So, first of all, you need to make your stance clear. Let him know that you want to make your relationship work and are ready to make compromises as and when required.
Seeing you make the effort will also encourage him to do the same and things might turn out to be good for the two of you in the end.
For Rebecca and Ben, it was all about showing up for the other person. “Our main issue was that Ben needed me to be there for him when I said I would. He hates being left hanging and it unsettles him when people don’t keep their word. Our relationship was in tatters, and I realized I wanted to fix it. I started making sure I heard him out, that I was home for dinner if I had promised I would. I tried to be on time as much as possible. It’s a good way to fix a broken relationship with your boyfriend, or at least a good start to letting him know you want to fix things,” Rebecca says.
8. Approach a relationship expert
Sometimes your relationship with your boyfriend might not improve despite efforts from both sides. Therefore, you can approach a relationship expert or therapist who can advise you and help your relationship come back on the right track.
Related Reading: 10 ways marriage counselling can solve your issues
As a person outside the relationship, the therapist’s neutral perspective will allow you to view your relationship in a new light. You can also try therapy at home. Seeking professional help is a great way to get an impartial view of what’s going wrong in your relationship and getting clear tips on how to repair it.
How often can you fix a broken relationship?
We believe that most relationships can be fixed unless your partner has done something that is unforgivable.
Multiple accounts of infidelity, abuse (domestic or verbal) and utter disrespect are a few examples of things that might not be fixable in a relationship. When these things happen, it is time to end the relationship.
However, other issues that arise in a relationship due to
- lack of communication
- taking each other for granted
- lack of expression
- spending time apart
- saying hurtful things
- long distancing
- multiple fights etc
can be fixed!
More often than not, these issues arise when the relationship has been going on for a while and you start losing the spark. In such cases, what almost always works is reminding each other why you fell in love in the first place. What was it that made you both so special to each other that you decided to date or get married?
If you revisit these aspects as a couple and openly communicate you both will surely realise that you still love each other and can make this work. A true effort maybe assisted by some professional expertise is sure to make your relationship work.
Hopefully, the above mentioned eight ways allow you to give your relationship a chance. They should help you to solve your relationship problems in a different way. So follow all or some of these to fix your broken relationship with your boyfriend using all the positivity and goodness you have in you.
Let the hate go down the drain and let love prevail!