So you have this girl in your life who is always looking for your attention, shows interest in you, might even go on dates with you and yet does not think of you as a boyfriend. When you ask her if she wants to make the relationship official she always has excuses to say no. She hangs out with you, even gets touchy-feely with you, behaves like she is your girlfriend and then suddenly when you least expect it she withdraws from you. And you wonder what is happening? You wonder why she is suddenly losing interest and you start chasing her even more. Be careful the girl is leading you on.
You keep thinking about how complicated the situation is and wish your love was more simple and brought you happiness and joy? So, let us try to understand why she is leading you on and the relationship is going nowhere despite your efforts. You probably are not misreading the signals she is giving you and she is simply toying with your heart.
Leading someone on in a relationship is something rather common and it is often done unintentionally. When a woman is unsure, is looking for attention, is always looking for other better options but keeping you as a standby, they could be leading you on.
You may feel like she is playing with your emotions and this is causing you heartbreak. But, there will also be times when she is so loving and perfect than you can’t believe your luck that you found her. Some of the best moments of your life would have been with her and you are slowly falling uncontrollably in love with her. She’ll behave like your girlfriend, and yet refuse to acknowledge herself as one.
Let’s start with explaining the leading you on meaning. What does it mean when someone is leading you on?
She may seem just like the right person for you but isn’t. Sometimes, she shows signs she is interested in you, and the next she is distant and will avoid you for days at end. And while it may be hard to digest, the fact is, she is probably leading you on. You keep asking yourself the question is she leading me on but don’t know how to answer it. You are confused.
You cannot be blamed for your confusion. Leading someone on in a relationship is unintentionally or intentionally without showing any culmination in sight does have it’s repercussions. And if you are at the receiving end of this behaviour then God help you.
14 Signs A Girl Is Leading You On To Nowhere
So you have your doubts about the woman in your life and want to know if she is leading you on. You are not sure if she is toying with your heart and it could be broken any time.
To know for sure whether she is messing with your mind and heart, and is simply using you to get attention or you are just a backup plan, watch out for these signs. Here’s how to tell if a girl is leading you on.
Related Reading: Are You A Standby Lover? 15 Signs You Are A Backup Boyfriend
1. The relationship is a secret
Even if she is dating you and on odd occasions makes out with you, to others, you are still close friends who may be on the verge of dating. The real equation between the two of you remains hidden and she prefers it that way.
When she introduces you to her friends she always refers to you as her ‘good friend’ and will laugh it off when people tease you together. She is not willing to acknowledge your relationship on any social platform and will not want to go on dates with you in very public places.
She might even tell you, “I don’t want to lead you on.” What’s the meaning of that? Well she is having fun and don’t expect commitment.
2. Her plans don’t include you
Leading someone on in a relationship means you will have many conversations about your future and she may even share her future vacation plans or career goals but you will see that she doesn’t include you in any of these.
When she plans her future, you are not even afterthoughts. She may sleep with you, but will not discuss any plans of a future with you, because she doesn’t think you will be a part of it. She probably does not see you being in her life long-term.
This is an absolute tale-tale sign she is leading you on.
3. She acts moody and distant
When you pursue her and give her attention, she becomes detached and distant and may even avoid you. She will keep playing hard to get. She may stop calling you, replying to your texts, and meeting you. Whenever you feel like the relationship is taking two steps forward, she will take four steps back.
Then if you back off she will suddenly miss you madly, will not give you any reason for her strange behaviour and will resume conversations on WhatsApp.
You will be left totally befuddled at her mood swings. Since she has understand you have feelings for her she has turned manipulative and you need to look at the situation objectively.
Related reading: 5 ways in which women play hard to get every time
4. Then suddenly she wants you
The moment you take a step backwards and think you should give her space and not cling to her, she starts to vie for your attention and is all lovey-dovey with you.
She will go to any length to win your attention and she craves to be with you and spend time together. This may lead you to think that she realized she needs you in her life but it is more likely that she needs the attention you give her.
But here probably you are making a mistake. She is leading you on in the relationship and the pattern of behaviour is going to be like this till you are with her.
5. You meet her only when she wants to
Because she does not consider herself as your girlfriend, you only get to hang out with her on her schedule. She will call you up as and when she is free, without being considerate of your family, work and social commitments.
You may hear from her often when she is alone and lonely and needs someone to hang out with. If you want to meet her when she is not feeling lonely, she will give you plenty of excuses like a hectic work schedule or a sick mom. If she sounds like a selfish girlfriend then chances are she is one.
But here’s the grey area. Is she your girlfriend at all? Has she committed to exclusivity? Ask yourself that.
6. The nameless relationship
Just like you, your friends are also wondering what is happening between the two of you. She goes out on dates with you, sleeps with you, practically takes you everywhere with her, but refuses to acknowledge you as her boyfriend.
Your friends often raise eyebrows at this nameless relationship, leaving you feeling like just an option for her. This is a sure sign she is leading you on. It’s high time you should have a serious talk.
7. She says she needs you
If ever you raise questions about your equation with her, she makes herself appear helpless and needy and claims she needs you. She makes you feel like you are the most important person in her life and she would not be able to survive without your help, support and advice.
Even when you give her ultimatums, she begs you to stay and refuses to accept she is in a relationship with you. Then she even tells you, “I am not leading you on.” Heck no! Then what is she doing? Ask her that please.
8. She hasn’t had many men in her life
Perhaps because she leads them on, she hasn’t dated many men. When you ask her about her past relationships she will tell you that there has never been a serious on. Even if you know she was going around with someone, she will dismiss the affair and tell you they were just rumours about a friendship she had.
She has had relationships, but because she led them on, they were not relationships with her. This will also tell you your position in her life. You are being led on too by her, face that.
Related Reading: 21 Toxic Girlfriend Signs Not Easy To Spot – It’s Her, Not You
9. She doesn’t appreciate you eyeing any other girl
She gets furious if you indicate you find another girl attractive or compliment someone. If you show signs of being interested in someone else, she will go out of her way to seduce you with flirty conversations and naughty texts. She gets jealous very easily and you end up believing that’s because she is into you.
She wants you all to herself and sees every other woman you find attractive as a threat. But this is just her instinct to keep away other women so that she gets 100% attention from you.
This doesn’t really mean she is madly in love with you.
10. She may hook up with someone else, though
Since she claims you are just a friend and you guys are not exclusive, she doesn’t think she is wrong for hooking up with another guy. But she will still give you her attention and act flirty with you, leaving you confused and wondering what your relationship with her means.
You will be so drawn to her that you feel happy when she smiles at you and spends time with you, even though she treats you like you are dispensable and easily replaceable. You just need to take a long hard look at the situation. You can’t even look and another girl and she goes ahead and hooks up. So there you go…
11. She is always in a push-pull mode
For days and weeks, she will have eyes only for you and will flirt with you. She will be close with you and hang out pretty often. She may even have sex with you. But then if you start behaving like a boyfriend and ask for a commitment then expect her to clam up immediately.
This is the classic sign of a push-pull relationship. There will be three stages in this kind of a relationship where you pursue, feel the bliss of togetherness and then withdrawal.
She would suddenly become busy with work and hobbies leaving you craving for togetherness and intimacy.
But she will keep denying that although she will answer your messages and if you ask her what’s wrong, she will say, “Nothing!” with finality.
12. She cuddles and gets cosy
She tells everyone you are just a friend, but when she is alone with you, she gets all cosy and warm with you and wants to cuddle and hold hands. In her private moments with you, she will not shy away from letting you stroke her hair or kiss her, and may even respond by getting seductive taking a step further. She wants you to be romantic too.
It all depends on what her mood is and what she wants from you. She is indeed leading you on if she wants no public displays of attraction. But one thing is for sure she will enjoy physical intimacy with you but will freak out when you talk about commitment.
13. She behaves like your girlfriend in front of your family
You know she is leading you on in a relationship when she visits your parents with you and behaves she is your girl but when in front of her parents, she categorically tells you, “They don’t know about us yes, so keep it like that.”
She would be all over your family members at a family wedding, where chances are she insisted on accompanying you. But never expect an invitation to a family event at her end.
She is never sure about the relationship when it comes to telling her parents but with your mom she could be cooking up a storm at her kitchen.
That’s rather odd, isn’t it?
14. She tells you not to get emotionally attached
This is an absolute tell-tale sign that she is leading you on. She wants everything from the relationship she has with you minus the emotional attachment.
It’s not a hook up she will tell you, she is into you she will assure you, but she doesn’t want an emotional mess in case it happens to lead nowhere.
So the “nowhere” is always on her mind instead of the “somewhere”. Boy! This girl is leading you on but you should run when you still can.
If this is what your relationship looks like, it is complicated. If you decide to confront her, she will use her manipulative tactics and you will get confused about your decision. Love clouds our judgement and that is what will happen to you as well.
Why Do Some Girls Lead Guys On?
For the fun factor, the drama, or for the time that she needs to make up her mind, there could be a few reasons that a girl leads a guy on.
It may seem like a complicated deal, and may even hurt at times, but a girl giving you mixed signals could be confused herself as well. We have summed up a few reasons why girls lead guys on:
- For the fun and the drama. She does feel good to have all your attention and time. Plus, she gets to toy with your heart
- She may be confused and needs some time to figure things out, but does not want to let you go during this time in case she decides to commit to you
- She may just think of you as a friend, and you are misreading her signals and think your friendship means more than it does
- She feels you are just an ‘average’ guy and does not want her friends to know about her relationship with you for fear of judgement and embarrassment
- She is interested in someone else, but likes you as well and is keeping you as her backup plan
- She doesn’t realise she is leading you on but is being nice and friendly because she does not want to reject you outright
Related Reading: She Said I Am Ugly And Left Me For Another Guy
However, if you are convinced she is playing with you and leading you on, you need to sum up these signs and walk out on her before it is too late.
What To Do When Someone Leads You On?
You need to think about what you want for yourself. Are you happy with the scraps she is throwing for you? If not, you need to wash her out of your system – and that will be a tough thing to do because you love her.
Girls who lead guys on are like drugs; you reason and try to get them off you, but they come back again, screwing with your mind and playing with your heart.
To escape the clutches of a girl leading you on, you will need to walk out of the relationship immediately. If she restrains and woos you back with puppy eyes and flirty conversations, try doing or saying something that hurts her fragile ego. There! Now she would probably let you go.
It can be tough to let someone you love go, but is there a point pursuing a relationship that has no future and will eventually hurt you more? Think about it.