Relationships 101

14 signs a girl is leading you on and toying with your heart

She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me when she needs me. She loves me not when she has other people.
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So you have this girl who vies for your attention, shows interest in you, even dates you and yet does not think of you as a boyfriend. She hangs around with you, even goes touchy-feely with you, behaves like she is your girlfriend and suddenly withdraws from you. And you wonder what is happening? Shouldn’t love be simple enough to bring about happiness and joy? So what’s it with this game of leading on and getting nowhere?

You may feel she is playing with your heart and making fun of your emotions, but then there are times when she will come close to you and wrap her arms around you, giving you the best moments of your life. She’ll behave like your girlfriend, and yet refuse to acknowledge herself as one. She may seem just like the right person for you but isn’t. And while it may be hard to digest, the fact is, she is probably leading you on.

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Why do some girls lead guys on?

For the fun factor, the drama, or for the time that she needs to make up her mind, there could be a few reasons that a girl leads a guy on. It may seem like a complicated deal, and may even hurt at times, but a girl giving you mixed signals could be confused as well. We have summed up a few reasons why girls lead guys on:

  • For the fun and the drama. She does feel good to have all your attention and eyes. Plus, she gets to toy with your heart
  • She may be confused and needs some time to figure things out, but does not want to let you go during this time
  • She may just think of you as a friend, and you are misreading her signals as if she is leading you on
  • She feels you are just an ‘average’ guy and does not want her friends to know about her relationship with you for fear of judgement
  • She is interested in someone else, but likes you as well and is keeping you as her backup plan
  • She doesn’t realise she is leading you on, but is being nice and friendly because she does not want to reject you outright

However, if you are convinced she is playing with you and leading you on, you need to sum up these signs and walk out on her before it is too late.

14 Signs a girl is leading you on to nowhere

So you are certain that she is toying with your heart and is not being just friendly. To be sure that she is messing with your mind and heart, and is simply using you to get attention or as a backup plan, watch out for these signs.

1. The relationship is a secret

Even if she is dating you and on odd occasions makes out with you, to others, you are still close friends who may be on the verge of dating. The real equation between the two of you remains hidden and she prefers it that way.

2. Her future plans don’t include you

She may mention what she wants to do in her future – a vacation plan or a career move, but none of her plans mentions you. She may sleep with you, but will not discuss any future plans with you, because she doesn’t think you will be a part of them. She may not think of you going so far in the relationship with her.

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3. She acts moody and distant

When you pursue her and give her attention, she becomes detached and distant and may even avoid you. She may stop calling you, replying to your texts and meeting you.

Related reading: 5 ways in which women play hard to get every time

4. Then suddenly she wants you

The moment you take a step backwards and think you should give her space and not cling to her, she starts to vie for your attention and is all lovey-dovey with you. She will go to any length to win your attention and she craves to be with you and spend time together.

5. You meet her only when she wants to

Because she does not consider herself as your girlfriend, you only get to hang out with her on her schedule. She will call you up as and when she likes, without being considerate. You may hear from her often when she is alone and lonely and needs someone to hang out with. If you want to meet her sometime, she will give you plenty of excuses like hectic work schedule or a sick mom.

6. The nameless relationship

Just like you, your friends are also wondering what is happening between the two of you. She goes out on dates with you, sleeps with you, practically takes you everywhere with her, but refuses to acknowledge you as her boyfriend. Your friends often raise eyebrows at this nameless relationship, leaving you feeling like just an option for her.

7. She says she needs you

If ever you raise questions on your equation with her, she makes herself appear helpless and needy and claims she needs you. She makes you feel she would not be able to survive without your help, support and advice and begs you to stay, but would not accept she is in a relationship with you.

8. She hasn’t had many men in her life

Perhaps because she leads them on, she hasn’t really dated many men. Even if you know she was going around with someone, she will dismiss the affair as just being friends. She has had relationships, but because she led them on, they were not relationships for her. This will also tell you your position in her life.

9. She doesn’t appreciate you eyeing any other girl

She gets furious if you like some other girl or show interest in someone else other than her. She wants you completely and will woo you with flirty conversations and seductive words the moment she feels you are eyeing someone else.

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Related reading” 5 zodiac signs that are known to be master manipulators

10. She may hook up with someone else, though

Since she claims you are just a friend for her, she doesn’t think twice before hooking up with another guy. But she will still give you her attention and act flirty with you, leaving you confused and wondering what it means. You will be so drawn to her that you feel happy when she smiles at you and spends time with you, even though she treats you like a piece of crap.

11. She is moody

For days and weeks, she will have eyes only for you and will flirt with you. She will be close with you and hang out pretty often. She may even have sex with you. Then there will be days when she is withdrawn. She will ignore you and not respond to your calls and messages. She may not meet you for days before again getting back to the same behaviour. If you notice this pattern frequently, she is definitely leading you on.

12. She cuddles and gets cosy

For one, she tells everyone you are just a friend, but when she is alone with you, she gets all cosy and warm with you and gives you the hots by cuddling up. In her private moments with you, she would not shy away from letting you stroke her hair or kiss her, and may even respond by going all seductive on you. It all depends on what her mood is and what she wants from you.

13. You are her go-to man when she is lonely

You won’t hear from her when she is having fun and is with her friends. But when she is lonely or needs something, your phone will buzz and she will woo you with desperate words and flirtatious conversations. You are not a part of her happy life, only the life when she is lonely, needs something or has been through a bad phase.

14. She never acknowledges you as her boyfriend

In front of her friends, she never says how close you are and acknowledges you just as a friend. She tells you that she does not want anyone to know what your relationship is about. She may even sleep with you, but will never let her friends know it. She probably feels she is too good for you and she deserves someone better, so she has fun with you and when she feels like, dumps you.

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If this is what your relationship looks like, it is definitely complicated. If you decide to confront her, she will use her manipulative tactics and you will get confused about the real picture. Love clouds our judgement and that is what will happen to you as well.

What to do if you love a girl who is leading you on?

You need to think about what you want for yourself. Are you happy with the scraps she is throwing for you? If not, you need to wash her out of your system – and that will be a tough thing to do, because you love her. Girls who lead on are like addictions; you reason and try to get them off you, but they come back again, screwing your mind and playing with your heart.

To escape the clutches of a girl leading you on, you will need to walk out of the relationship immediately. If she restrains and woos you back with puppy eyes and flirty conversations, try doing or saying something that hurts her fragile ego. There! Now she would probably let you go.

It can be tough to let someone you love go, but is there a point pursuing a relationship that has no future and will eventually hurt you more?

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