If you love someone, let them go
When one is young, one believes the world is made just for them. If they are lucky indeed, they will enjoy the benefits of being everyone’s centre of attention right from their parents to everyone else around them. But soon you discover that things change, you are dispensable and life is transient. This happens pretty soon; the first instance is when a sibling is born. This experience continues to occur as your school friend picks another BFF, and your special friend gives another person more attention.
The first stirrings of jealousy, envy and a certain sense of diffidence “am I not good enough?” you ask yourself. Then small successes happen, you become school captain, or the best sprinter or your skills are recognised in the field of music or art. You feel better and life goes on.
As an adult you have been blessed by a beautiful partner and life seems perfect. You build dreams centered around this person and life is a song and dance. Suddenly that bliss is shattered like a china vase that dropped from the shelf overhead. You did not expect that. This person has found someone else and wants to leave you! How can that be? It’s all wrong. Why? Why? Why? Your mind spins in disbelief. You don’t want to let them go! You can’t. You feel devastated that this has happened. And yet you must let them go. Here’s why.
1. If he were meant to be, he would have stayed
This is a thought that took a long time for me to accept. Life is a journey filled with many experiences. It is great that you enjoyed this chapter. It has come to its natural end. I must let him go, because if he were meant to be in my life he would have stayed willingly. It is as if he has reached his destination and must get off the train. You must now prepare to meet someone else that will surely come along.
2. Holding on to a person who has chosen to break away is futile
I had once rescued a baby bat, and since I was completely unaware and ill equipped regarding how to take care of it, it died. I couldn’t bury it or throw it; I had become so attached to it, but when the smell of the decay and rot hit me I did. That is how it is with a broken relationship – let it go before the situation becomes unbearable for you and the best way to do that is with serenity and quiet dignity. Let them fly away.
3. Make way for new opportunity
Another saying is “When one door closes, a thousand windows are thrown open”. A lot of happiness in life is due to the fact that you hold it lightly. When you grasp at life intensely and with anxiety it results in anguish, hate and a general sense of angst. When a break-up happens it is never easy to be footloose and fancy free. However, remember that it’s not the end of the world. If you are still alive, it means that there is still a lot more to explore, and it is the same with love interests, keep your mind open and free of anguish and right enough, at the end of the tunnel will be a brand new love waiting for you.
4. Personal growth happens with each break-up
I know this by personal experience, with each person that broke-up with me I found that there was a spiritual growth that was unique to me. From each lover I learnt more about myself and more about what suits me best. I was open to let each experience shape my personality, make me a confident and open person. Each break-up taught me that I was not as fragile as I suspected, that I had an ocean of love that did not get depleted with any amount of disappointment. I was blooming like a rose with each petal of my personal history, adding perfume, color, shape and texture to the fabric that was so me. I began to appreciate myself thanks to the break-up!
5. Let go with grace and love
If you loved this person so much – why would you not let him go wherever he needs to go? Then if you were meant to be together again, he will return…else he was never meant to be. So when you hear that your partner wants to break way from you – be graceful and say goodbye with a smile, knowing that you really cannot tie up anyone to your life; that each person has a map and you were meant to be travelers. Be grateful that you enjoyed your time together.
Breaking up is never easy and telling someone in that state of anger, agony and despair, to chin up and keep a stiff upper lip, seems cruel. Let’s face it though, any indulgence in self-pity, sorrow or ugliness is only going to backfire. An elegant way to handle a break-up is with finesse and elegance. Just let go!